A/N: Hey everyone, so this is my second story. I found this randomly in my computer, I had written it about a year ago and I wanted to post it. Tell me if its good or terrible Happy Reading
Sitting there waiting for something that was never going to happen. That's the worst feeling wanting something that you know will never be a reality. That basically sums up my life, and everything that has even happened. I'm guessing I should tell you who I am and why my life sucks. I'm Castiel Novak and I'm in love with my best friend's younger brother. My best friend Dean Winchester and I are both 17 and in grade 12, his younger brother is Sam and is 15. It's not that big of an age difference, but Dean is really protective of his younger brother and would shoot me if he knew I liked Sam. Currently I'm in the Winchester household, watching a movie with Dean. Something Dean says pulls me out of my thoughts.
"Hey Sammy, What's up?" Dean asks. Sam looks extremely nervous.
"Ca-Can I s-speak with you and C-Cas?" Sam mumbles. Now Dean looks concerned he shuts off the t-v and Sam sits across from us.
"Sammy what-"Dean starts.
"I'm gay," Sam blurts, "don't hate me." I had been quiet up till then, but at what Sam said my eyes bulged out of my head.
"W-WHAT?" Dean stutters.
"I-I said I'm gay," Sam winces. Dean looks completely shocked; he gets up, puts on his coat and leaves the house.
"DEAN, please, please come back," Sam yells. When Dean doesn't respond and just keeps walking Sam breaks down and sobs. I had been completely shocked until that moment.
"Sam?" I ask softly.
"H-He hates me! Please Cas, don't hate me to!" Sam cries, tears running down his face. My heart breaks at hearing those words. I knew I would say anything to get him to stop crying.
"Sam, listen to me. I will never hate you, not even for being gay. You got to listen, Dean does not hate you. He was just surprised and didn't know how to deal with everything," I whisper softly. Sam looks up at me, his eyes blood shot and his voice wavers.
"I-I are you sure? Well it doesn't matter, if he doesn't hate me now, he will when he finds out who I like." I start pacing now, this whole ordeal breaking my heart. Not only is he gay but he's already got a crush.
"Come on Sam, it can't be that bad. If he accepts you being gay I'm pretty sure it won't matter who you like," I say through heartache.
"Not when he finds out it's his best friend," Sam mutters. At that moment I freeze and look down at him. The look in Sam's eyes is so scared and honest that I fall to my knees and burry my head in my hands.
"Sam, w-why are you doing this to me." I choke out.
"What, I d-don't know what I'm doing wrong. You just said you would never hate me!" Sam panicked.
"Hate is about the last thing I feel for you," I mumble, looking into his eyes.
"W-what? I don't understand."
"God you're going to make me spell it out. Fuck, Sam I'm in love with you, have been for the past two years." When that comes out, I reel back in shock. He only said he liked me, I just told him I loved him.
"Y-You're in love with me?" Sam questions. There was a blush creeping up on his face. I chuckle, no backing down now I guess.
"Yea Sam, I'm in love with you, but your brother, and my best friend, would cut my balls off if he knew," I told him. I could die happy at the look on Sam's face at that moment. Sam smiled at me and suddenly I had an armful of crying teenager. I didn't know what to say, Dean was my best friend but I was in love with Sam.
"Sam… you know we can't be together right? I love you, but Dean is my best friend. I can't do this to him, you're his younger brother. I couldn't, I won't he would kill me for this. We could never come back from me doing this to him," I tell Sam. I try putting strength into my voice. Sam's eyes widen and tears start forming again.
"You can't do this to me. Castiel please, I don't know what I'm supposed to do here, I like you a lot and you say you like me but then you go and take it away from me. We can work something out, maybe Dean won't mind that much," Sam's begging now.
"My best friend doesn't even know that I'm gay. I haven't had the courage to tell him. I can't lose him to something as simple as my sexual orientation. I won't lose 14 years of friendship because I like dick and he can't handle it," I tell him. I can't stand the look in his eyes but he has to understand.
"So what, you're going to let me suffer? You've know me almost as long as him. Why do I have to be the one that loses out, Deans the one that is being homophobic."
"14 years Sam. We've been best friends for 14 years. He knows basically everything about me; he has helped me through some rough times in my life and vice versa. I can't lose this to some relationship that you may grow out of."
"FINE, whatever go back to the friend that can't accept who you really are," with that Sam backs away from me and runs to his room. I feel terrible, I don't want to do this to him but what am I supposed to do? Dean is like my brother, he has been there more than my actual family. Maybe he won't be to upset, and really maybe he should know. Gahhh, I don't know what to think anymore. On one hand I want to tell him, he should know he knows everything else about me. But then there's the other side, what if he hates me for it and I lose best friends because I can't keep it in my pants.
I stay sitting on their couch for almost 2 hours when Dean finally comes back in.
"Where were you?" I ask softly.
"I had to go for a drive," he mutters.
"A drive, that's all? I had to sit here and comfort your sobbing brother, because you went for a drive. FUCK, Dean do you understand? He thinks you hate him, he sat here in my arms bawling his eyes out because his older brother couldn't sit here and listen to him while he told you the scariest thing in the world," I was getting mad now, my own feelings merging with what had happened with Sam.
"Sobbing? H-he thinks I hate him?" Dean looks at the ground, "Fuck I screwed up didn't I? I didn't mean to its just, I don't want him to have to suffer through high school being different from everyone else. It's already hard enough but when you're that different people notice and he may get bullied. I can't deal with it."
I sat shocked; I didn't know what to think anymore. Maybe Dean wasn't as bad as I had judged him to be. I made up my mind in this split second, it would be better for me to tell him now and him hate me, than drag this out and have it happen later.
"Ready for another shocker?" I ask hesitantly.
"What?" Dean questions sitting beside me on the couch.
"How bad would it be if I was gay?" I mumbled.
"You're kidding right?" Dean laughed.
"Not really…" I trailed off; suddenly I think this wasn't such a good idea. I turn my head towards Dean, I'm scared at what his reaction is but I need to know. Dean just gets up and starts pacing the floor. I follow him, I put my hand on his shouldn't and immediately regret my decision. His fist connects hard with my jaw and a second later I'm on the ground tears building in my eyes.
"Shit, Cas I'm sorry. You scared me; I didn't mean to hit you. Can we talk though?" Dean looks close to tears so I accept his apology. He sits on the couch and I join him a second later.
"So…" to be honest I'm a little scared now, I'm not sure how Dean is going to react anymore. I've already been punched so how bad could the rest be? Dean just kept sitting there in silence; I didn't know what he was thinking.
"You wanted to talk?" I mumbled nervously.
"I know I did, just give me a moment. I'm still going over everything in my mind now, and it's kind of hard to process," Dean replied. I didn't know what to say to that. What's so hard to process, I'm gay, his brothers gay end of story. We continued to sit there in silence, until Dean finally started talking.
"Okay, so you're gay. How long have you known and why didn't you tell me earlier?" Dean finally asked.
"Well Dean, I've always been gay," I replied with a sardonic tone, "I didn't tell you earlier because I was afraid of how you were going to react and if this is anything to go by, I'm kind of glad I didn't."
"Come on Cas, give me some credit here. First I find out my brother is gay, I'll admit I kind of freak out. I come back home and then my best friend tells me that he is also gay. Just give me a while to process this."
"There shouldn't be anything to process. We're best friends, I happen to be gay, end of story." I replied getting a little mad. Dean just looks at his lap, I can tell he is trying here and I really can't blame him.
"Look be mad at me for not telling you or don't accept me, but please go upstairs and tell your brother that you love him and that nothing will change that. You don't understand how broken he looked and sounded after you ran from the house," I pleaded with him.
"Cas, it's not that I don't accept you, you are and always will be my best friend. I'm sorry if anything I did made it seem like you wouldn't be accepted, but could you come upstairs with me? I don't think Sammy is going to want to speak with me just yet, you could be a big help."
I subtly nodded and got off the couch, as soon as I was standing, Dean gave me a big hug. I was a little shocked and kind of confused but I just went with it. When we pulled away Dean just replied with "Always best friends." I gave a little smile, knowing that he truly accepted me. We slowly made our way upstairs and towards Sam's room. When we got to his door, it was slightly ajar. We peered in and he was faced down on his bed, Sam's shoulders were subtly shaking, it looked like he was still crying.
"Sammy?" Dean whispered.
"Go away Dean," came the mumbled reply from the bed.
"Sammy, please listen to me. I don't hate you, and I don't care that you are gay. It came as a bit of a shock, and I didn't want to say anything stupid so I left the house before I could I promise." Dean ventured more into the room; I stayed by the door frame this looked more like a brother moment to me. Sam lifted his head from the pillow, his eyes were bloodshot and there were tear tracks on his face.
"R-Really, you mean it?" Sam croaked out.
"I do Sam, you're my little brother and no matter who you are or what you do that won't change."
"When you ran, I-I thought you hated me. I thought you weren't going to accept me because of who I was." Sam mumbled again, looking down. Dean grabbed his chin and made him look up.
"Hey now, none of that, I know what that must have looked like but I truly mean it Sam you're my brother and that won't change, Okay?" Sam just nodded at that confession and gave Dean a hug.
"Now come on tell me, any cute boys that caught your interest?" Dean asked, smirking at Sam. Sam blushed and gazed at me. I went still; I really hoped that Dean wouldn't pick up on that. Sam was looking in my eyes and I was silently pleading with him not to say anything. Sam dropped eye contact but I caught that look, the looked that said I'm sorry please forgive me.
"Only one, but he doesn't want me back," Sam replied, tears forming in his eyes.
"Come on Sam, who is it? Do I need to talk some sense into this boy; can he not recognize the Winchester charm?" Dean asked. I could not believe my ears, Dean wanted this guy to like Sam. I wonder what he would say if he knew that boy was me.
"You won't like it, you would hate me for liking this guy," Sam said solemnly.
"Come on Sam, it can't be that bad. As long as you truly like him, it can't be that bad." Dean encouraged.
"Dean it's your best friend," Sam blurted, looking down. Dean went really quiet, he didn't say anything and he looked really tense.
"E-Excuse me, did you just say my best friend? You mean the best friend standing over there who by the way recently told me he was gay? That best friend?" Dean asked, his voice slowly rising.
"Dean please," Sam pleaded tears springing to his eyes, "It doesn't matter, it's not like it would even happen."
"You're damn right it would happen! He's almost 18 years old Sam, that would be fucking illegal." Dean yelled. I could see this escalating fast; I needed to defuse the situation.
"Dean, please calm down. It doesn't really matter does it? Don't you remember you're first crush, it didn't matter who they were, no matter what happened you just wanted to be with them?" I said calmly, all the while glancing at Sam, hoping he would understand the message I was trying to give.
"Why are you so calm about this one? Why don't you care that my younger brother has a crush on you?" Dean questioned. I don't know what happened, I guess I had looked guilty or I wasn't as good as hiding my emotions as I thought I was. The next thing I knew, Dean was in my face telling me to get out.
"What? Why?" I stammered.
"You fucking like him too don't you? God, I don't know how I didn't see it; it was so obvious now that I think of it. You're in love with my younger brother! That's sick Cas; he's three years younger than you!" Dean yelled in my face. I just stood there stupidly, with my mouth hanging open. How had everything changed so drastically, not 20 minutes we were in his living room with him telling me it's okay to be gay. Now I'm being kicked out because I can't help who I fall in love with.
"Dean please, be rational now. Okay, yeah I like your brother but I never acted on anything did I? I was perfectly fine to ignore my feelings up until Sam comes downstairs telling you he is gay. You freak out and run, then I have sobbing teenager in my arms crying about his brother will hate him because he likes me. Someone finally likes me for me, and I'm lucky enough to have it be someone as awesome as your brother. I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I'm gay, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner, I'm sorry that you can't accept it, but I will not be sorry for returning your brothers affections." I huffed out. I was scared, confused, and mad and upset all at once and I didn't know what to do with half these emotions.
"Get out," Dean said calmly.
"What?"
"I SAID GET OUT." Dean screamed. I slowly backed up.
"You will not speak to my brother, you will not look at my brother and you sure as hell aren't dating my brother. Cas, I accept you for being gay and we can be friends but this won't be happening. That's final and I said so."
"No, Dean please," I heard Sam cry from behind.
"Shut up Sammy," Dean snapped. I just stood there shocked out of my mind.
"I'm sorry Dean, I can't agree to your terms. Sam is a big boy and he can decide who he wants to hang out with and who he wants to date. I'm sorry that it's me, I wish it could be anyone else but it's not and you have to get used to that. Please don't do this, just think rationally for one moment. I get it you may need more time to process but think about this more." I said with finality in my voice. While I was talking we had slowly made our way downstairs and to the front door. Sam was standing at the bottom of the stairs with tears cascading down his cheeks. 'Don't go' he mouthed. I just shook my head. Dean opened the door and gestured with his hand, "Please get out Cas."
"I hate you," Sam yelled. Dean looked surprised and subtly hurt.
"Sammy plea-"Dean tried to say, but he didn't get to finish because Sam cut him off.
"NO, I hate you so much now. Don't talk to me ever again, I can't believe you." Sam sobbed, running up the stairs and slamming his bedroom door.
"If it means anything, I truly am sorry that it was Sam that I fell in love with. You have to understand that he didn't know until you brought it upstairs, which means all his feelings for me were from his own heart," I heaved a sigh, "I'll see you at school tomorrow, I hope you fix things between you two." With that I walked out of the door. I didn't look back as I started my walk back to my house. This had been a long and exhausting day; it really is funny how one thing can blow up until it's too hard to deal with. I just hoped that tomorrow would be better than today had been.
A/N: Okay so I really hope you enjoyed this. Tell me if you want me to leave it here, or continue more into the story. Thanks for reading this