...don't ask, I MAY have been slightly high when I wrote this. First off, don't make any assumptions. Two, I apologize for any OOCness. Please, if anyone is OOC, don't hesitate to tell me. Three, if I owned Invader Zim, it wouldn't have aired on Nick. It would've aired on some nice little channel where we can see all the stuff Nick censored.
It had been a dull day onboard the Massive. No Invaders had sent their reports yet, and neither had Zim. The Resisty had left them alone. The Tallests were just sitting around, eating nachos.
"Y'know, why don't you ever eat your with salsa, it tastes really good with the cheese." Purple said, dipping the cheesy nacho into the salsa container. Red rolled his eyes. Purple always asked that whenever the nachos came out.
"I told you, Purple, it never goes down. I just don't like salsa," he replied. How many times had he said that? Twelve this week?
"But-"
"My Tallests, we are receiving a transmission from Earth!" The Tallests looked down at the Irken, annoyed that he dared to interrupt their conversation, and even more annoyed that it was because of Zim. After a while, Red sighed.
"Fine, bring him up." The screen with the Irken logo changed to the inside of Zim's house. He said mechanically, "Hello Zim, what is it?"
"HIYA TALLESTS!" Both the Tallests jumped. It was not the annoying Irken called Zim, it was the stupid S.I.R. unit, Gir!
"Why is he calling?" Purple whispered behind a hand. Red shrugged. The last time he called, they later found out Zim had been kidnapped and brought back to Foodcourtia - but he doubted that they were so lucky again.
"Does Zim want something?" He asked flatly. Gir shook his head.
"Noo...Masta just wanted me to leave him alone. He's in the kitchen with the Big-headed Dib! They're talking..." He grinned in a creepy sort of way. Red and Purple exchanged looks. Dib...wait, the big-headed kid who called them alien scum. Had to be.
"What're they talking about?" Purple asked. Red immediately elbowed him. "What? I wanna know." He popped a nacho into his mouth.
"The relationship." Red's eyes shot wide open and Purple almost choked on his nacho. Gir took no notice, though. "They've been talking about it a lot. It's funny. Sometimes, I hear kissy noises! MASTA'S IN LOVE WITH A HUMAN!" Gir imitated the sounds perfectly. The Tallests' eyes twitched. That was too much information. Then, as if on cue, they heard some more kissy noises - ones Gir wasn't making. It was quickly followed by a loud cry of pain.
"IT BURNS!"
Gir shook his head sadly. "I don't know why Masta does that. His tongue looks like one of those worms on the sidewalk after it gets real sunny! You ever see them? They act just like this!" That said, Gir dropped to the floor, writhing. Then, someone entered the scene, a very familiar kid. It had been some time since they saw him last, but he certainly proved hard to forget: the rude human, Dib. He was rubbing the side of his face, glaring at something off-screen.
"You little-" He stopped, looking at the Tallests. "You guys again! Hey, can you do me a mega-huge favor? PLEASE!" Red smirked.
"We might do it if you get down on your knees and beg us." Purple gave an odd look to Red before catching on.
"Yeah, and admit we're not alien scum!" Purple giggled. Dib glared.
"You gotta be kidding me! I have some pride!" he exclaimed.
"Fine then, we won't help," Red said, pretending to inspect his fingers. Purple was doing his best not to laugh.
"...I loathe you two..." Much to their surprise, he went down on his knees. "Ok, ok, you're not alien scum, just PLEASE tell Zim to end the relationship! I can't TAKE anymore! He's driving me nuts!"
"YOU LIE!" Zim jumped onscreen, dramatically pointing a finger at the Dib. He paused, definitely confused. The Tallests started laughing. Zim quickly recomposed himself, directing his attention to his leaders.
"My Tallests! Do not listen to the Dib! He is a horrible-"
"Hey, look! It needs to end now!" The human got to his feet, a bit sheepishly, but still glaring at Zim. "Look, you keep visiting my house. Heck, you came over seventeen times last week - SEVENTEEN TIMES!"
"Actually, 23," Gir corrected, standing up. Dib just stared at Zim, an eye twitching. Zim shrugged.
"What can I say? ZIM IS GREATLY ENAMORED!" He grinned. The human just kicked him in the shin.
"Look, I don't care, just QUIT IT! You're worse than me!" Zim stuck out his tongue, revealing that it was badly burned. "See? There's one reason - you can't put paste in your mouth! Well, you could, but that'd be even worse. Just end it already!"
"NEVER! I AM ZIM, AND I AM THE BEST LOVER ON THE PLANET!" Dib just scoffed. Purple sighed. Ok, this was starting to bore him.
"Look, will you be quiet?" Both boys looked at him, still glaring. "We can't do anything about your relationship, Zim and Dib." The atmosphere suddenly changed. All the anger vanished, and both of them paled considerably. For a moment, nothing happened. Then, Zim's eye twitched.
"YOU THINK WE'RE IN LOVE?!" Dib shrieked. "Oh, that is just WRONG! That is-" He started turning a bit green. "TOILET!" He dashed off-screen. Zim turned, eyes even wider.
"NO! THAT'S AN ENTRANCE FOR MY BASE! NO!" He growled. "I HATE THE DIB-BEAST!" Red and Purple suddenly felt very confused. Then who-
"Whiner." A new person came onscreen. It was a female human with purple hair, some piece of electronic equipment in her hands. Zim cleared his throat.
"My Tallests, this is my Earth-love, Gaz." The girl, Gaz, looked up. Red arched an eyebrow. She didn't seem like Zim's type.
"Hi." She turned to Zim. "Look, I'll be over tomorrow night, ok? Dib will have some big meeting with that weird group of his." Zim grinned broadly.
"VICTORY!"
"Not if I can help it!" The Tallests watched as the Dib-human staggered back onscreen, still looking a bit ill. "You are NOT dating my little sister, space-boy." Both Zim and Gaz glared.
"Dib, if you interfere with me and Zim one more time, the kids at school won't even recognize you," Gaz said.
"Hey, what's a few extra bruises if it means defending my sister?"
"No, I meant that I'll dye your coat lime green, replace your boots with those old high-heels, and cut off that stupid lock of hair." Dib's eyes widened, a hand reaching up to the scythe-shaped lock.
"You wouldn't..."
"She's good," Red whispered to Purple.
"Maybe SHE could be an Invader," Purple whispered back.
"Would. Now let's go." Gaz walked off-screen, followed by a reluctant Dib. For a second, peace reigned. Then, Dib darted back onscreen, glaring at Zim.
"You touch her-"
"I'll make the coat HOT PINK!" Dib shot a pleading look to the Tallests before running off-screen again. A door could be heard opening, then slamming shut. Zim blinked for a moment and then turned to the Tallests, still in shock.
"My Tallests! I...I can explain!" Red then recovered.
"Zim, you know what? Don't call us, we'll call you." He signaled to one of the Irkens, who immediately cut the transmission.
Sooo...yeah. I'm so getting flamed, aren't I? Oh well. Review?