The Divorce-inator
Part 1
"Hey Jeremy!" Phineas called to him as he and Candace walked into the backyard. Jeremy had walked Candace home from a date at the movies. Phineas and Ferb were under the shade of the tree. "How was the movie?"
"It was good." He answered.
"How was your cousin's wedding?" Jeremy smirked.
"I knew you were going to ask that."
"Well of course! Weddings are special. Ferb said something wise when our Aunt Tiana married our Uncle Bob." Phineas looked at his stepbrother. "What did you say, bro?"
"They say the step you're about to take is the beginning of your greatest adventure yet." Ferb recited what he said about his aunt and uncle's wedding. Phineas looked at Jeremy again. "We even sang at our aunt and uncle's wedding."
"Of course you did. Cousin Bryon's wedding went really well."
"That's good."
"I was the wedding planner." Candace told him sweetly.
"Oh yes! Wasn't Suzy the flower girl at your cousin's wedding?"
"Yes, and she was a natural at it. They said it was 'the perfect part for her'."
"That's cool."
"Yes, yes it is. Well, I got to get home. I promised my folks I'd make Suzy dinner since they're at a play."
"Well, see ya Jeremy!"
"See ya!" He looked at Candace. "See you." He gave her a kiss and then left the backyard.
"See you!" Candace called, dreamily.
"Oh, there you are Perry." Phineas said as soon as he saw his pet Perry greeted with a chatter. Phineas stood up. "Well, I think dinner should be ready soon. I can already smell it."
"Phineas!" Linda called, opening the sliding door. "Ferb, Candace, dinner!"
"See, what did I tell you?" The boys, Perry and Candace went in.
"How was Jeremy's cousin's wedding?" Their mom asked Candace as soon as they finished washing and sat down.
"Shoot!" Linda said as she grabbed Perry's platypus food.
"What it is, mom?" Phineas asked her, looking up from his cereal with Ferb.
"Oh, I was going to go to the grocery store because we need OJ and Perry needs more of his food, but I just remembered that I have my cooking class."
"I can go." Lawrence offered. Linda looked at him.
"Really? You don't mind?"
"No, not at all. You went to the grocery store too much this summer, I think when you come back from your cooking class, you should just come home and relax. I'll handle the groceries."
"Gee thanks. You sure are a helpful husband, Lawrence." He gave her a peck on the cheek.
"Yes, yes I am."
Perry dropped down into his seat and he turned on the monitor. His fedora floated down and plopped on his head.
"Morning, Agent P." Monogram told the platypus. "Our sources says today is the anniversary of when Charlene and Doofenshmirtz got a divorce. We think Doof might be depressed, considering he didn't find someone else. We also think he might make something because of this because, you know, he's Doof. So, go there, cheer him up, and put a stop to him." Perry nodded, turned off the monitor and dashed off to strap on his jetpack.
When Perry came in from the veranda, he heard faint crying from his nemesis's room. He went to Doof's door and knocked.
"Go away!" He heard a sad Doofenshmirtz from the other side. Perry knocked again. "I said, go away!" Perry knocked yet again. "Okay; I'll be right there." He heard footsteps and then Dr. Doofenshmirtz opened the door. "Oh, it's you Perry the Platypus. Look, can we do this later? Now not's the time." Perry stayed put. "Please, Perry the Platypus?" Perry nodded. He knew it was his job to stay, but not when his nemesis was sad like this. He would read a magazine or something until Doof feels better. He was about to go when something caught his eye. Something in the corner all covered up in a tarp. "Perry the Platypus, did you hear what I said? I want to be alone. I'm just not feeling it, maybe later." But the platypus didn't listen. Instead he walked in and looked at it. His nemesis walked and stood beside him.
Perry glared at his nemesis and pointed at the machine. Doofenshmirtz decided to play dumb.
"Oh, that thing? I don't know what that is. Must be an old inator that you forgot to destroy." Perry didn't believe him and shook his head. Doof sighed in defeat.
"Okay, you caught me. This is my Divorce-inator. Whoever gets zapped with it will become a jerk to their spouse and fight constantly with them. When they fight too much, they'll want a divorce immediately. This will also work on folks who aren't married but engaged to be married and on folks who are dating because who knows? Eventually they could decide on getting married. It also works on crushes. They won't get a divorce obviously because they didn't get married. They'll just fight a lot." Perry was about to jump-kick it when Doof slapped his hand away.
"No, Perry the Platypus! Please, don't destroy my inator! I need this! I need people to divorce so that they'll feel the pain that I had to go through of being single." Perry shook his head and jump-kicked it. It fell to the floor and broke instantly. Doof fell to the floor, crying. Perry placed a reassuring hand on the doctor's shoulder. A teary- eyed Doof looked at him as he ran out. He cried in his hands. "CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"
When he got in the house, Lawrence was watching TV and eating. A bowl of potato chips was on the end table. He hopped onto the top of the couch. Linda then came home.
"Oh, there you are Perry." She said when he saw him, "Hey honey."
"Hey darling." He said. "How was your class?"
"It was great." Linda answered. "I got an A plus."
"Oh, that's wonderful!" He turned back to the TV.
"So, did you remember the orange juice and Perry's food?" Lawrence's eyes widened.
"Oh shoot, I forgot!"
"Forgot?"
"Yeah, I had an exhausting day at work today. I have been watching the Nature Geographic channel since I came home. I'll do it after dinner."
"No, I'll do it."
"No, no, I can do it. It'll be no trouble."
"Sure you won't forget?"
"Don't worry. I won't forget." Phineas then came in.
"Hey mom, can I have some orange juice?" He asked.
"Sorry Phineas, but your father forgot to get some."
"Oh, then can I have some apple juice?"
"Sure." And with that, she gave her son an apple juice.
"Thanks."
"Can you call your sister and brother? I have something I made from cooking class that I want you all to try."
"Sure thing mom!" And with that, he went to get Ferb and Candace. Perry strolled in.
"Oh, there you are Perry." Linda said. She looked at Lawrence as she grabbed the last can of the platypus food from the cabinet. "You better go to the store Lawrence, this is the last of Perry's food."
"And I will." Lawrence promised. "Don't fret."
"So, how did you guys like my walking tacos?" Linda asked when everyone was done eating.
"It was awesome, mom!" Phineas told her. "Or as they say in Mexico, 'impresionate!"
"Oh, you're learning Spanish?"
"Yeah, I saw a book on Spanish words at the library and said 'why not?' Learning a new language could be fun."
"Oh, won't Isabella be impressed!"
"Si, si she will." She looked at Candace. "Candace?"
"Terrific mom!" Ferb gave his stepmom a thumbs up. Linda looked at Lawrence. "Lawrence?" Lawrence looked at his wife.
"Yes honey?"
"How did you like my walking tacos?" Lawrence shrugged.
"It was all right I guess." Linda looked confused.
"All right?"
"Yeah. You did good, honey." Linda turned around and developed tears in her eyes. She sniffed.
"Mom, are you crying?" Phineas wanted to know.
"Mommy's fine, baby." Linda lied. Lawrence stood up and went over to console his wife.
"What's wrong dear?" He asked.
"I'm sorry." Linda apologized to him. "It's just I work hard at that cooking class; the kids all liked it and you say it's just 'all right'?"
"Oh, I'm sorry honey. I liked it, really I did; you're a superb cook. I don't know what I was saying." Linda looked at him.
"No. Your honesty counts. In order for me to be a good cook, I need some criticism, good and bad." She looked at Candace. "Candace, it's your turn to wash and dry the dishes."
"But…I was going to call Stacy." She protested.
"You can call Stacy after you do the dishes." Candace groaned.
"Fine!" She got up, collected the plates and went to the sink.
"I'll do one to save time." Lawrence volunteered. Candace smiled at that.
"Gee, thanks Dad."
"No problem; I know your girl talk with your friend is important to you." Candace gave her dad a plate. Lawrence dropped it in the sink and turned the water on.
"HOT!" Lawrence said as the water turned on really hot. He juggled the plate, trying not to let it drop. Unfortunatly, it dropped with a loud SMASH, shattering it into a million pieces.
"Honey!" Linda told him. "You got to be more careful. Plates like that aren't cheap you know."
"Yes, I know honey. I'm sorry." She handed him a broom and dustpan.
"Why don't you let Candace finish and clean up this mess before going to the store."
"Sure thing, honey." He started cleaning as the boys went off.
"Honey," Linda told her husband later that night. He was watching TV again. "Did you remember to go to the store?" Lawrence did a face palm.
"Shoot!" He looked at his wife. "Sorry, I forgot."
"Again?" Lawrence turned off the TV and stood up.
"I'll do it right now." Linda looked at her watch.
"No, the store closes in ten minutes; you'll never make it." She looked at him again. "You better do it in the morning; the minute that it opens; otherwise Perry will have to go without his breakfast."
"Well, we can't let the poor guy starve now can we? I'll go; I'll promise." Linda kissed him.
"Love you, Lawrence."
"Love you too, dear."
"Kids" Linda called the next morning in the kitchen. "Breakfast!" The kids, Lawrence and Perry all came down the stairs. Lawrence realized something.
"Oops; I forgot again!" Linda looked at him.
"Again? Lawrence, I've been nice when you forgot twice, but three times? This is ridiculous!"
"I know and I'm sorry."
"So, does Perry have food, mom?" Phineas wanted to know.
"They do say breakfast is the most important meal of the day." Ferb piped up. Linda sighed.
"I know dear. I'll go to the store and buy Perry his food and some OJ."
"No." Lawrence said. "I said I'll do it; I'll take care of it." Linda looked at him.
"Really Lawrence?" She wanted to know. "I'm sorry, but you already had three chances. One was yesterday before dinner, two was after dinner and three was right now. Three strikes and you're out Lawrence!"
"I'm not sure if your sports analogy is working honey." Linda huffed.
"Unbelievable! I don't know why you're acting this way all of a sudden, but you are!"
"I said I was sorry." Linda huffed again and bent down to look at Perry. Perry's stomach growled. He was mighty hungry; he can't defeat his nemesis like this!
"Don't worry, Perry. You won't go without brain food; I promise." And with that, she headed for the door.
"But…but…" Lawrence stuttered.
"Well, I'll be." Candace said. "I haven't said this in a while but dad is… busted." And with that, she sat down to eat her cereal, so did her brothers.
It wasn't long until Phineas piped up. He looked at his sister.
"Are mom and dad okay, sis?" He asked. "They're not getting a…well, you know." He whispered his next words. "A divorce?"
"Don't worry, Phineas!" Candace reassured her little brother. "They're not going to split. They love each other. People fight all the time." She continued eating.
"Yeah! Mom and dad won't do that on us." He, too, coninued eating, along with his brother.
Over the next two weeks, things didn't get better between Lawrence and Linda. The two would fight constantly, like Lawrence forgetting the to take the kids to the aquarium and forgetting Phineas at a ball game, forgetting Candace at the mall (which Candace really liked), forgetting to cook dinner, and so much more.
Linda did her share of causing difficulties in the marriage, like being so mad that she broke one of Lawrence's antiques and telling her friends that he was useless and lazy. She even fell asleep during one of his lectures.
Linda and Lawrence even went to a marriage counselor, but it didn't help.
Then, one day, when Lawrence came home late because he was out with his buddies, she burst.
"THAT'S THE LAST STRAW, LAWRENCE!" She yelled. "This marriage isn't working out anymore; I-I want a divorce."