Can you tell my English class has been studying Shakespeare?
Disclaimer : I don't own Maximum Ride, Romeo and Juliet, Twilight, the Hunger Games, Hershey's chocolate, or the song 'Thriller.' I do, however, own this cookie.
...
Cast : Max as Juliet
Fang as Romeo
Iggy as Benvolio
Dylan as Paris
Nudge as the nurse
Jeb as Capulet
Dr. Martinez as Lady Capulet
Angel as Narator
Gazzy as the Friar ((Hahaha!))
...
Angel : Once upon a time there were two different families of bird kids. One was the Capulets and once was the Montagues.
Whitecoat : Hello children, there is a science fair tonight and you are all going!
Fang: Okay fine. [is all depressed]
Whitecoat : You can see pretty girls!
Iggy : We care why?
Whitecoat: Um, good question.
...
Angel : Meanwhile, a pretty girl named Max..er, Juliet was preparing for the science fair.
Max : Mother, I don't want to go!
Dr. Martinez : You must meet another named Dylan, I mean, Paris. You may marry him if you like.
Max : I will go to meet him, and decide if I like him.
...
Angel : They all went to the party...um, science fair. Next time, I get to write the script!
Dylan : Sir, may I marry Max...Juliet?
Jeb : Yeah!
Fang : There is a pretty girl over there, I will go and talk to her.
Iggy : Whatever, go ahead.
Fang : She is so beautiful! I have never seen such beauty in all my life!
Iggy : Wasn't he cutting his wrists, like, ten minutes ago?
Fang: [walks over to Max] : Hello. Can I give you a kiss?
Max : Uh, I guess.
Fang : Here you go.
Max : This is a piece of chocolate.
Fang : I know. It's a Hershey's kiss.
Max : Um, okay.
Fang : I must leave! [he leaves]
Max : Nurse, what is his name?
Nudge : His name is Romeo, a Montague, the only son of your enemy!
Max Oh, no! My only love comes from my only enemy! Whatever shall I do?
Nudge : To cheer you up, here is a cookie!
Max : Yay! Nurse, you always cheer me up.
Nudge : I try...
...
Max : [standing on a balcony] Oh Fang, Fang, wherefore art thou Fang!
Fang : I'm right here.
Max : "Oh yeah, I remember now! I invited you to come to my house!
Angel : What the two lovers didn't realize was that 'Wherefore art thou' meant "Why are you."
Max : Hey, thanks for reminding us, random girl doing the voice over!
Angel : Whatever...[walks away]
Max : Let me try again. Wherefore art thou, Fang?
Fang : I named myself.
Max : No, I meant why is your last name Montague?
Fang : It is? I never knew who my parents were!
Max : Well now you know.
Fang : Hey, lets get married!
Max : Sure!
...
Angel: We cut to later, when Romeo, er, Fang is banished and Juliet, er, Max is very sad.
Max : Friar, what shall I do?
Gazzy : Take these drugs! They'll make you fall asleep until I can get Romeo back!
Max : Um, okay.
[Dylan walks in]
Dylan : Hey Gazzy, can you leave? I'm going to woo her with my manly skillz!
Gazzy : Fine...
[Gazzy leaves]
Dylan : Hey Max, we're getting married soon! So...yeah!
Max : Well, that's very nice Dylan but-
Jeb : I told him to marry you!
Max : Great...
...
Angel : Juliet, I mean Max, you know what! I'm just calling her Juliet from now on!
Max: Mother...
Dr. Martinez : I know what you're going to say.
Max : Fine. Say it. Say it out loud.
Dr. Martinez : You're a vampire.
Max : No...
Dr. Martinez : You volunteered for the Hunger Games?
Max : No, not that either...
Dr. Martinez : Please tell me you didn't fall in love with the baker's son. The whole 'Star Crossed Lovers" thing is SOOO last year.
Max : Whatever.
[She leaves the room and takes the drugs, then falls to the floor unconscious]
...
Nudge : Lady Capulet, Dr. Martinez, whatever your name is, come quick! Your daughter is dead!
Dr. Martinez : I KNEW SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE VOLLUNTEERED FOR THE HUNGER GAMES!
Nudge : Sir Capulet, come quickly! It's your daughter!
Jeb : I have a daughter? Oh, you mean my experiment. Okay.
Nudge : She's dead!
Everyone : NOOOOOOOOOO!
...
Angel :This script sucks...okay, so Romeo came back and saw Juliet dead.
Fang : What? My Max, dead! Noooooo!
[Fang cuts himself]
Max : [wakes up] : Fang! You're here! [shakes him] Fang? Fang, wake up!
Nudge : He's dead.
Max : NOOOOOOOOOOO!
[random music starts playing in the background]
Iggy : Okay, who stole my Michael Jackson CD again?
Fang : [slowly stands up] Thriller! Thriller night!
Nudge : Yay, I love Michael Jackson! Hey, Fang's a zombie!
Fang : Um, no, I just like singing this song.
Nudge : Oh...
Iggy : I thought he was dead.
Nudge : No, he just cut himself. He's emo, you know.
Angel : And so ends the tragedy of Max and Fang, well, Romeo and Juliet. [throws her script to the ground in exasperation] I give up! They don't pay me enough to do this!