Edit 20.06.2016: I've been made aware of some problems in the layout, and I have now fixed that, to make this short one an easier read. Enjoy, and please review if you like it!
(Original) A/N: Please don't give me hate on this one. It's very personal to me, and I can't stand any more hate. If you want to review, thank you, but please don't be nasty to me. Feel free to pm me, too, but I don't want any crap there either.
I'm so sorry, John.
I should've told you.
I'm so sorry, but I just couldn't.
You're what's pulled me through. All those times, you've saved me.
And you didn't know it.
'Cause John, I'm not okay. I'm not fine. I'm not even that machine you think I am. That everybody think I am. I have feelings. And those feelings are out of control. I can't help it, but it feels like I'm dying on the inside. And sometimes it's felt like it would've been easier to die on the outside, too.
Life's not supposed to be easy, I know that, but what on earth have I done to deserve all the shit it's giving me?
John, you are addicted to a certain lifestyle. I am, too. Only my addictions are not as good as yours. John, I'm pining. I'm hurt, my feelings are hurt, and my brain won't work properly.
You might have thought me distant a while. That's because I am. The addictions have taken me, and I've been hurting myself, over and over. Cutting, burning, drugging, and nearly pulling my gun out to put a bullet in my brain.
You may be angry, or sad, or disappointed. I understand if you are. But my dear John, this is my note. That's what they do, don't they? Leave a note.
'Cause you've saved my life hundreds of times, I can't even count how many times you've found me just in time to stop me from killing myself. But now it's enough. I just can't handle this pain any more.
I'm really, really sorry John. But please move on.
I'm sorry.
Goodbye.