I Can't Lose You
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He saw the swirl of her dress as she once again twirled around the ballroom dancing with one of her many admirers. He couldn't blame them for wanting to be in her orbit for even just a few minutes, after all wasn't that what he had been content to do for so many years while aboard Voyager.
They had blown their way into the Alpha Quadrant a couple of months ago and Starfleet, wanting to celebrate after having dealt with so much sadness, had jumped at the chance to celebrate. This ceremony had been planned for when the debriefings were finally over. The gala was quickly thrown together and the whole crew had been required to attend. His gaze rested on B'lanna who at the moment looked like she was going to chew her way out of the ballroom and yell at the crowd that had surrounded her asking her questions that had already been answered many times over. He sympathized and was about to walked over to help her when his attention was diverted as he once again saw Kathryn dance into his line of vision.
He noted that many of the Voyager crew were looking at him as if her had killed their puppies. Chakotay wasn't naive and he knew that rumors traveled quite quickly in a ship the size of Voyager. He knew that they were all aware of his ill conceived relationship with Seven. What they didn't know, and probably didn't care at this point, was that the relationship had never been more then two lonely people passing the time together. They had never even kissed. He was all to aware that the moment he crossed that line with Seven he and Kathryn would never have a chance to explore what had always been between them. Though Kathryn could drive him crazy in the deepest reserves of his heart he could never fully extinguish the hope that one day they would be together. So the day the ship had finally made it to the Alpha Quadrant he had talk to Seven and confessed to her that he was in love with the Captain. To his chagrin she had not been surprised and had confessed to him that she was afraid of the emotions that being home would bring. She told him she had chosen to go to Vulcan as it was her belief that she would better fit in with their emotionless exteriors and it would help her adjust to her new life in the Alpha Quadrant. He had to admit that the Seven that he had gotten to know in the last couple of months was someone who was compassionate, caring and kind and he was glad to have gotten to know her. Tuvok and his family had graciously agreed to take both her and Icheb in and help them adjust to their new lives.
He looked around the ballroom, at the faces of the people who had become his family over the last seven years. His mind wondered back to when they had been tossed into the Delta Quadrant. He had been so angry and alone with only a handful of people that he cared about. And now he had a family of over 150. With him and Kathryn taking on the role of parents of the crew. He took a drink of his champagne as he remembered all of the good people they had lost. He knew that even as Kathryn danced around and celebrated, and looked for all of the world as if she had no care in the world, inside she was probably beating herself up over all the crew members that they had lost and had not been able to bring home. Thinking of the families that had no one to run to and hug and cry with as the crew made their way down the Voyager ramp.
The two of them had gone out of their way to talk to those families and let them know how and why their family members had died. Kathryn had cried after each meeting latching onto him tightly letting him sooth some of the pain in her heart. She had, as far as he knew, not been able to reunite with her family as she had been busy helping her crew adjust. He had remained by her side, like so many years, making sure she was taking care of herself. Her tears tearing at his heart as she let out years of grief. He had held onto her tucking her in tightly to him as his heart broke all over again for her.