Title: I Finally Said Something
Summary:
Why didn´t you say anything?!" I noticed a little too late I wasn´t talking inside my head anymore. "You were the one unable to keep your mouth of your emotions closed! You were the one that always knew what to say and how to say it! You should have told me! You should have!
One-shot.
Rating: T
Gender: Romance/Hurt&Comfort
Chapters: 1/1
I knew I was in love with him since I was eight. I knew it because of the way my skin would stay warm after any of your hugs. I knew because the way my hands would shake in anticipation whenever you entered to the pool and swam to get closer to the group, closer to me. I knew because of the way my heart would skip a beat every time you smiled at me. That was it, your smile, it killed me and it was because I knew your smile was for me.
Now that I think about it, I rarely smiled at you during those three years we spend practicing together at the club. That was your thing. But I do recall crying. I recall crying my eyes out the day you told us you were moving to Australia. Of course I didn´t let you see my tears and so I swallowed them the day I waved you goodbye as your car run down the street towards the airport. The last time I recall crying was a year later after that goodbye.
I stopped swimming and so I stopped crying even though the emptiness was still inside my chest, unable to escape. I made you cry, I hurt you and at the same time I hurt myself too. I hated it.
Now you were looking at the floor, with your mouth in a tight line thinking what you did wrong this time. I just stood there, staring at you with sad eyes aware I had done it again.
"I don´t know what to do anymore."
You promised me you weren´t going to cry if you lost but it seemed you were unable to control your feelings. I was the one good at it. I was the cold and numb one.
"You promised." I sighed making you look up. You eyes were teary but you weren´t crying. You were swallowing all those emotions just the way you did.
"You don´t understand." you screamed at me. It wasn´t your usual annoyed-angry tone of voice you used with me during the last weeks. It was a broken voice the one that was escaping from your lips.
The pool next to us reflected all the emotions that were floating between us.
Hate.
Pain.
Betrayal.
Love.
How couldn´t you understand the way I felt? Why couldn´t I say how I felt out loud?
"I am never going to be good enough for you!"
I held my breath. You kept talking. I was the quiet one, not you.
"You don´t understand how is to try and try to be good enough for someone but never getting to it!"
I opened my mouth in an attempt to catch a glimpse of air. I felt like drowning. On the ground I was vulnerable; I knew you felt the same way.
"I wanted to be good enough so you could finally see me as something more!" you burst out. "All I ever wanted was you!"
I took you by the jacket and pushed you to the pool. You caught my arm making me fall too. I felt the coldness of the water but it didn´t burn or let me breathless. It was just what I needed. I opened my eyes and I saw your eyes staring at me wide open. Your hand was still holding my arm and my hands hadn´t let go your jacket. Around us there was no noise, no distraction. There was nothing except the water and us. It was just us and nothing more.
W had to go up for air. Well, he was the one that pulled me out so I wouldn´t drown. As my face hit the surface and I took a deep breath I slapped you across your cheek. You gasped surprised as so the rest of my team that was staring at us.
"Since when?" I asked trying to keep my cool under control.
"I don´t know. I think since the day I met you I found you interesting…" you trailed off but I cut you off.
"Since when…" I made special emphasis in each word. "You love me?"
You stood quiet. You were not the quiet one. You were the outgoing one. The one that if you were angry, you showed the world you were angry. You were the kind of boy that would scream at their friends that you loved them like if they were your brothers.
"When!?" I demanded making you jump slightly.
"Since I turned 10."
I had to control the urge to hit you again.
"Why didn´t you say anything?!" I noticed a little too late I wasn´t talking inside my head anymore. "You were the one unable to keep your mouth of your emotions closed! You were the one that always knew what to say and how to say it! You should have told me! You should have!" I knew I was on the edge of tears so I had to stop myself before bursting out in tears.
You stared at me shocked.
"Then why didn´t you say anything?" I said a little bit softer.
You looked down towards your reflection over the water. "I was waiting…"
"For what?" I knew that you wouldn't be able to lie anymore. That was one thing you were bad at and I loved it; you were unable to lie.
"To be good enough for you." you were talking the truth and I let go a breathe I hadn´t even realized I was holding. "I wanted to show you I was worth your time, your attention. I wanted to be worth you."
Then I realized. I hadn´t hurt your ego or your self-steam when I won a year after you moved to Australia. I had broken your heart, I had made you feel less and unable to reach me. If you only knew how wrong you were.
"I wanted to finally win you and show you…"
I interrupted you again.
"You didn´t have to."
You stared at me blankly. I continued.
"You have always been good enough for me." I raised my shoulders and then passed my fingers through my hair nervously. "You have always been better than me."
You tried to smile and so I did.
"I love you." I whispered. "I have loved you since I was nine."
I knew there was no need to add anything else. I felt the water move around me and then I wasn´t alone anymore. I had a warm body surrounding my torso. I had a pair of lips caressing my forehead and a hand tracing circles on my back.
"And why didn´t you say anything?" you asked me so softly I wondered if someone had heard you except me.
"I don´t know. Maybe I wasn´t brave enough." I looked up and found your eyes smiling at me the way they used to smile in the past. "Maybe, I felt I wasn´t good enough."
You smiled at me and the next thing I knew were your lips caressing mine. I smiled between the kiss and I felt your smile on my lips. Finally neither of us where hurt at the end. Finally I gave you my smile. My only smile that you already owned.
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