Chapter 1 - Out of Love's Womb

"You can't go home if you don't remember where that is."

"But you do," she glared at me, and I my heart shriveled. No, Sarah, I never meant for it to work this way…Please, Sarah, don't hate me.

"Look, Sarah, we can work on this together. I'll help you," everything in me pleaded with her.

"How do I know Sarah's even my name?" Her fiery eyes flashed at me from behind long jittering tresses.

"You could always trust me…"

"But you're the Goblin King! You steal children! You turn them into monsters! What on earth are you doing with me here?"

Oh, Sarah. Stop. Please, for my sake stop.

"It's…it's not what you think." I stammered, stepping toward her futilely.

"Stay away from me!" She shouted and the searing mar of rejection lashed at my bones. Oh, but think of all the nights you fell asleep like a child in my arms cradling me as though I were your angel, is it that easy to reject me? I wanted to do as I had done for so many months now. I wanted to collect her in my arms and rub my nose in her hair and coo at her until her heart gave up its fear and found rest against mine. But those days were gone now.

"I didn't steal you away. You were hurt, you know this."

"Do I?" She huffed lancing acrid beams of venom from her eyes.

"There was no one to look after you," I sighed with defeat.

"Do I look as though I need someone to look after me?" She hissed.

"You did then." I'm sorry Sarah. I couldn't help myself. I didn't wait for someone to find you. I didn't wait for an ambulance. You were…You would have never been the same. I knew my magic could do more for you than any of those doctors aboveground. I took you, yes. But it was to save you.

"Well, I don't, now. So leave me alone," she turned to leave.

"Sarah, I can still help you. I can help you remember where you came from."

"I don't trust you," she snapped back as she slipped out of my study door.

Everything in me sank. Months of images of her smiling at me, nuzzling her head against me, yes, even kissing me, holding me as though I was her rock in a great sea of confusion swirled through my head and under my skin. Her scent was in my nostrils. Her skin against my face. Memories of what seemed like love, as the mortals know it, clashed and raged against the caustic tirade I had just witnessed. My core felt split like a tree twisted in a merciless storm. Why do you do this Sarah? Why do I let you do this to me?

I sat down with my hands over my face. At least she couldn't see me. Of course, I'd been a fool to imagine she could love me without first knowing who she herself was. I had been a hopeful, lovesick, doting fool. And now a miserable fool.

J

So she's gone. I don't know if I should have tried to stop her. An hour ago, I went to talk to her in her quarters and found all the tell-tale signs of departure—disarray, missing items, abandoned bulk she probably decided she couldn't carry with her at the last minute, and of course no Sarah. A part of me wants to fly and find her, appear to her and plead with her to come home again. Another part of me wants at least to fly and find her. She doesn't know the underground. It isn't safe. She could get into trouble, hurt herself. And yet she beat your labyrinth… I wonder if she will find the world outside my labyrinth equally navigable. I wonder if she's strong enough this time.

You saw her fighting spirit, don't kid yourself…But she is still healing, and she is still so lost…And now she's gone to find herself, who are you to interfere? …the only one in this world who remembers the place she came from.

My internal debate is finally drawn to an abrupt end by one all-encompassing realization.

She left you. It's obvious. She doesn't need you. She doesn't even want you. I try to stop the thoughts from spiraling into a paralyzing tumult. I need to keep my head clear. She's confused. She doesn't know who she is. How can she trust anyone if she doesn't trust herself? I counter with what seem like more perspicacious observations.

Fae or human, what does it matter—rejection is still rejection. I could sit here and console myself with wisdom until the goblins start trying to hatch chicken eggs in my boots, but it won't change the way I feel. Damn it all to hell.

Had you just waited, Sarah, I would have come to you. You would have calmed down. I could have comforted you. I would have told you about your world—the world you can never return to now. I'm sorry. You don't understand what it cost to save you. It is not easy to understand. But I would have been here for you to hold. Perhaps in time you would have forgiven me. Had you wanted, in time we could have started a life together.

The memory of her arms curled around my neck, her face nestled under my chin, and lips brushing against my skin as she drifted off into a world of dreams wrenches me from any pretention of level-headedness. The goblins should count themselves lucky in my absence.

No matter. I don't care what she thinks. I will never regret saving her. Better alive and free in this world, than a disfigured vegetable in hers—comatose, unrecognizable, broken and tied to a machine until her dying breath. If I could have stopped that semi I would have, Sarah. I swear to you. But in your world I only had power over you.

I'm still not sure how I was able to save her, how I had any power at all over her. But that's all irrelevant now. She needed me, and I did not leave her lying pinned and bleeding in that horrible wreck. And somehow I was able to fix her, even if it meant her becoming part fae forever. A tremor runs down my spine as I recall the angle of her neck, the piece of glass protruding from her skull, and the missing side of her face.

And what if it was her time to die? Are you sure you didn't take that moment from her? Contrary to popular belief, my conscience plagues me with the audacity of an old friend. She was still breathing, damn it! What do you do when you love someone? Whatever you can. And that is what I did. I won't apologize for it.

A part of me admits my own selfishness. I wanted her alive because I loved her. And now she's alive. Everything has a price, but at least she's alive.