Some say Christmas only comes once a year. But to me, I think that everyday should be Christmas. That's right. It's me, Garfield the cat. I may be old. I may be fat. But let me tell you, I just hate Christmas. I mean, it's not about the presents or the caroling. It's just that Christmas only comes once a year. It all started 2 weeks before Christmas. There I am bored in my bed, waiting for Christmas to come and leave.
Jon was hanging the stockings that morning and Odie was running around as usual. "Garfield! Don't you want to help?" Jon announced from the living room. I sighed in my bed and said, "No way. It's happened before and it's going to keep happening year after year."
"Come on now. 'Tis the season to be jolly." Jon said with a smile on his face. Odie rushed into the room and tore off the covers.
"All right! All right! I'll get up!" I moaned in my bed, as I was about to give Odie a knuckle sandwich upside his head.
I walked to my food bowl and gazed at the food and said, "Here we are again food. Any last words before I eat you?" What was I thinking? Food doesn't talk. Except only in nightmares. After that meal, Jon walked in with a Christmas tree and said, "Here it is boys! The Arbuckle Christmas tree of the year!"
"Whoopee." I groaned and I slapped Odie.
"What's wrong with you?" Jon said in a mean tone. "Where's your spirit?"
"Gone." I replied.
"Where's the begging?" Jon asked.
"It's on vacation." I replied.
"Where's the smile?" Jon asked.
"Died last year." I moaned.
"Why aren't you on the fence singing?" Jon asked.
"The crowd filed a restraining order." I sighed.
Before Jon could say anything else I whapped him in the face and said, "What's with the questions?"
Jon's eyes narrowed and I was put in the backyard until I heard a rustling noise from the bushes. I peeked through the bushes and Nermal, the adorable kitten. "Oh no." I thought. "Not him again."
"Yes. It's me! 'Tis the season to be jolly. Right Garfield?" Nermal said as his eyes glittered.
"Ho-hum." I said as I crossed my arms.
Nermal grabbed my hand and said, "Come on Garfield. I know a perfect place we can go to make you happy."
"A lasagna factory?" I asked.
"No silly. You'll find out." Nermal said and he led me out of my backyard.
A while later, we were in the park where kids we building their snowman and the carolers singing. But then, my heart stopped when I saw the love of my life. "Garfield!" she called out.
"Arlene? Is that you?" I asked as my legs rushed to her.
"I knew that'd put a smile on your face." Nermal said as he patted Garfield's back.
"Shut up! I mean it!" Garfield warned Nermal.
"It's the holiday season you know." Arlene said as she smiled.
"Oh how foolish of me." Garfield said as he patted Nermal, "Happy holidays to you."
Nermal sighed and said, "Yeah, thanks."
"What's on today's agenda?" Garfield asked.
"I was thinking of going out for lunch." Arlene said.
Garfield smiled and said, "You had me at hello."
"I never said that." Arlene said.
"GARFIELD!" Jon called from the other end of the park.
"Yikes!" Garfield said and rushed back to the house and once he got home, he jumped on the couch, turned on the television and sighed deeply.
Jon walked through the door and said, "There you are. Where have you been?"
"Chasing dogs." Garfield said.
Odie growled at Garfield and Jon put a Christmas hat on Garfield. "What the heck?" Garfield shrieked and ripped up the hat.
"Garfield. What am I going to do with you?" Jon complained.
"Easy. Feed me." Garfield said as he smiled.
"I think someone needs some fresh air. So we're going to the ice rink for lunch." Jon said as he pulled Garfield out of the chair..
At the ice rink, Garfield finished his lunch and saw Nermal jump on the table.
"Not you again!" Garfield complained.
"Hey Garfield! Great to see you again!" Nermal said with excitement.
"I know. Let's play a game." Garfield said as he put Nermal in the Port-a-Potty. "What game?" Nermal asked.
"It's called, 'Push Nermal down the hill.' Have fun!" Garfield said and knocked over the Port-a-Potty as it slid down the long hill. When it stopped moving, Nermal was in a frozen ice cube covered with who knows what has been there. Peter and Chris walked by and Chris asked, "What's that?"
Peter smiled and said, "That's called Animal Cruelty. That's why Dick Cheney is getting rid of creatures like this."
"Oh." Chris said and they both walked away from the frozen Nermal.
That night was one exciting night for me. Jon was driving us to town and I covered his eyes as he swerved and hit the Christmas tree. "Garfield! What was that for?" Jon screamed.
"For bringing me here. I hate it!" I yelled in anger.
Jon got out of the car and noticed what I did to Nermal. He shook his head and sighed. Hours and hours later, Jon thawed Nermal out and said, "Don't worry. It's just an accident."
Nermal coughed and said, "About time. I could've died!"
I sighed and said, "Same time tomorrow?"
"No. Now take me home." Nermal grouched.
The next day was a little better than I expected. Nermal was coaching a basketball game and that's where I stepped in. Wearing my uniform, I was pumped for the game. "Am I in?" I asked.
"You don't play basketball." Nermal said as he looked up at me.
"I do today." I said.
"There's an opening as a referee." Nermal pointed out.
"I'll take it." I shouted with excitement.
Later that same day, I was in my referee outfit and it was the weak people versus the NBA players. So far the score was 24-12, NBA players winning. The weak people were getting a little help by the help of good old me. What am I saying? I'm not good. I hate Christmas remember? Jeez who writes this anyway?
At the halfway point, it was a tie and I had to take a break. "Where are you going?" Nermal asked. "Leaving. This is just boring." I said as I took off the jacket. "I'd like you to play for a while."
"I can't." Nermal said. "Humans only. Sorry."
The weak people left for the locker room and the NBA players were practicing for the next half of the game.