Note: Hurray! Another random story from the horrible cupboard of me. This one is going to be a lot of fun I can tell. It was spurred on by my brothers stupidity aided by that of an old school friend. They just decided today to act like complete morons and act as though their life was a tv. It was probably inspired for them by the new Umbilical Brothers DVD, but I had to admit it was really funny. So this is what I decided to write after my massive stitch faded away from laughing so hard.

Pairings: It should be noted that I am a Shweir shipper so there will be a lot of that, but at the same time this is a number of snippets from all over so there will also be plenty of Sheyla and McWeir.

AN: Before I forget, when FLASH appears on a seperate line, this is a change of scene, a change of chanel if you will and a new section begins. You'll get the hang of it pretty quickly though.

Disclaimer: This story contains segments from numerous movies, television shows and stage performances. I do not own anything that you recognise, especially not StarGate Atlantis.

Channel Surfing!

Chapter One

It was all too easy. There was the remote ... it was right in front of them. If they reached out right now they could take it, it would be theres, Atlantis would be theres - they would be in complete control. But there was bound to be alarms, sensors of some kind, something so important would never be just lying around with no protection.

Bracing themselves they took a deep breath and reached out for the remote. If there was an alarm, they would grab it and run. It would be a shame to be stuck in Atlantis, but it would only be for a while and if anyone so much as got on their trail they could simply press a button and have them all rendered helpless. It was the perfect plan, so stupid that something so powerful even existed, but they didn't care, not if they were in control.

They moved in closer ... nothing happened, no alarms sounded, no lasers popped out of the walls and chopped them limb from limb, they were still OKay. Reaching a little further their hand closed around the cool surface of Atlantis' most powerful object. You didn't need to be an ancient to work this baby, all you needed was one working finger to push on the buttons.

Lifting it up out of its casing, away from its pedestal and still no alarms, this was all too easy, they were going to get away with it. They let out a small snicker and raised the remote above their head triumphantly.

Suddenly, an alarm sounded. Not the normal Atlantis alarm, a louder one, a more urgent one. Sound, it must have been the sound that did it. They cursed themselves and pocketed the remote as they darted for the door. They could do a double take, leave, slip back and pretend they had mearly been sitting in their quatres and had been disturbed by the sound of the alarms. But there was bound to be cameras and what was the point. With this one object, everyone was at their mercy.

They could hear the heavy boots of many soldiers as they bolted down the hall, they were nearly at the room. It wouldn't be wise to be discovered now, not untill they could figure out exactally how the remote worked, exactally what it could do. So they ran.

The door was thrown open, their feet hit the floor with tremendous speed as they ran faster then they had ever run before. They stumbled slightly as they turned the first corner, not wanting to stop until they reached the safety of their quatres. They were there, they could see the doors. They had made it, they were safe.

Stepping inside their quatres they slammed the door shut behind them and slid down its smooth surface, panting and clutching at their heart as they slowly began to calm down. Outside alarms still sounded, voices were urgent, soldiers could be heard running up and down the halls. Noone would be questioned just yet, Dr. Weir liked to keep things calm and easy ... oh she was so in for it now, they all were.

They looked down at the remote in their hand. It was so odd to think that something so simple could hold so much power, so much devestation could be caused just by the push of one single button - it was too perfect, it was the ultimate evil.

Their fingers outlined every shape of every button, it's functions were clear. There were over sixty of them, 'play', 'pause', 'forward', 'back', 'stop', 'tracking', 'tunning', 'channel up', 'channel down', were merely some of the more original ones it posessed. This was going to be great, this was going to be the end of all of them, this was going to be the best type of revenge. They were in control now and noone was going to be able to stop them - Not one single soul, becuase they were in control of ALL OF THEM!

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Elizabeth panted slightly as her screaming match with Rodney ended. It had not been pretty, the man was clearly traumatised, they all were. She had to admit though, it was probably the worse situation they had ever found themselves in.

'I can't believe it,' Rodney said, clearly defeated as he sunk down into a chair. 'I just can't believe it.'

'Well you better believe it Rodney, because it is happening and we're all in this together. We will find it.' Elizabeth took a seat too, trying to remain calm. It would not do them any good to panic, that wasn't going to help anyone.

'It had to be someone in Atlantis,' John said, screwing up his face in a painful expression. 'There's noone else that could have gotten in.'

'Of course Major ... but who?' Teyla looked at John thoughtfully and he mearly shrugged.

'I don't understand why you kept something so important so open,' he said angrily, turning on Rodney.

'Noone was surposed to know about it Major, it was a secret. And for your information, that was the best seucrity Atlantis had to offer,' Rodney snapped back in his defense.

'Yeah right, they got through it all without even breaking a sweat.'

'Well whoever it was must have shut down most of the alarms and sensors before they went in, because I made sure it was well protected.'

'Why didn't you just destroy it, something so powerful was bound to come back and bite us all on the bum,' John stood up and took a threatening step towards Rodney. Rodney stood up and faced John.

'I did think of that Major, but if I had of who knows what it would have done to all of us.' John glared, Rodney did too. Elizabeth cleared her throat.

'Would you two please sit down and shut up!' she insisted loudly. The two men turned and stared at her. Then, after seeing the look on her face, decided it was in their best interest to do what she said. They seperated and sat back down. 'Thank you. Now Rodney you said they must have shut off some of the security right?'

'Yes. There's no other explanation, we made sure that it was well protected, that nothing cou-'

'Alright, I get the point. But that would mean that someone who knew about our computer systems would have had to have stolen it, correct?' Rodney nodded at Elizabeth.

'That's right.'

'Well then I want a full investigation, scientists, everyone in the control room. Find out where they were, what they were doing. And try and see if we got anything on the camera's please!' John, Teyla and Rodney stood up and left the room.

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Rodney and John were watching the footage. It was amazing that they were actually able to get clear footage of the remote room. There it was, sitting on its pedestal in all its glory. Such a small insignificant thing yet so powerful. Rodney starred at it as though in a trance, the room was silent. They had been watching the tape for almost three hours now and so far nothing had happened. They didn't dare go forward in case they missed the tinniest of hints.

Finaly something happened. John sat up in his chair, rubbing his tired eyes. If it wasn't the theif he was going to go insane.

The door to the room opened. Someone stepped inside, someone they all recognised. Rodney stood up and swore loudly, John felt his anger rise, a few of the others gasped or swore, a glass even broke as someone stood up quickly in surprise. Of course it was them, John felt so stupid he hadn't suspect them before.

'You,' Rodney said and everyone turned around. There he was, standing in the doorway. Not the doorway on the tape, the doorway to the the room in which they all stood.

'Yes me!' And before John could draw his weapon and fire, before Rodney could finish saying his name the person in the doorway simply raised their hand and everyone in the room got a glimpse of that sacred, black, rectangular object before a button was pushed and they all freezed.

Everyone was still. John was frozen, his hand on his gun, Rodney's face showed a strange expression, many others were halted just before making a dive for the person with their most prized pocession.

'I didn't think you'd all find me out this quickly,' the theif said, inspecting the remote. 'This wont do at all.'

And with that he raised his finger and pressed down on the rewind button. Everyone in the room flickered slightly and then started moving in reverse. Johns hand moved away from his gun, he spoke, pointed, gasped, turned back towards the screen, sat back down, woke up, fell asleep, picked his nose ... everyone else was moving too. The tape was just beginning, that was far enough.

'Now to get you all away from this. What we need is a little distraction,' and with that the shadow in the doorway once again raised their finger and brought it plumeting down onto the 'channel up' button. With that, the whole room changed.

-------------------------FLASH--------------------------------

end

Note: There you have it, just a short opening chapter. I do intend to continue with this but I do like to know people are reading my work. So please, review if you like so I can see what you all think of the story so far. Beware for it gets insane from here on end ... don't they all though (smilies innocently). Enjoy and if there's anything you want me to include simply tell me, like a movie or a tv show perhaps, because lets face it, anything could happen now. Muhahahahahahahah cough ahahahahahahaha!