TITLE: Because You Do and Because I Don't
AUTHOR: JackValentine
BETA: residentreject619
PAIRING: Christian (William)/Edge (Adam); Chris Jericho/Edge (Adam)

RATING: PG-13
GENRE: Angst
SIZE: Mini
WARNINGS: POV Edge
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Nothing to say.

DISCLAIMER: Do not own the guys (I wish I did ^^)

Chris… Where are you now… Who is in your bed? Who is in your heart?.. Well, it doesn't matter, because it's not me anymore. Chris… I haven't seen you for ages. Six month? Seven? I have already lost count of the days without you. I can barely remember what you smell of. It's killing me.

Adam?

William's voice returned me to the reality. I opened my eyes and saw that Christian was still lying awake beside me. He sat on the bed and was looking at me curiously. I stuck a fake smile to my lips.

Huh?

He cupped my face with his hands and took a look into my eyes. I felt like he could read my mind so I looked away.

You know, Adam, sometimes I doubt… Are you with me? Sometimes you seem like you're somewhere far away.

What do you mean, Will? – I asked with fake misunderstanding.

In reality, I perfectly understood what he was talking about.

But he just continued talking without answering my question.

I used to ask myself… - he tenderly stroked my lips with his fingertips. I hate that he's so tender. I hate myself for accepting this tenderness; - Do I mean anything to you? – I opened my mouth to answer, but he kissed my lips, not letting me say a thing. Softly. Gently. – And after some time of being together, I guess I have an answer, - he continued, - it's "yes".

I smiled sadly. Of course it's "yes". He built me up anew, when I was broken. He has always been there to comfort me, when I felt bad. He is everything I have now. But why do I feel like a whore while being fucked by him? Why do all of his gentle touches and kisses bring me pain?

But now I ask myself… Do you love me? – he was looking inseparable into my eyes and seemed to be waiting for an answer.

I remained silent while my heart was being torn apart. I felt guilty. I felt so damn guilty for not being able to answer.

Am I the one you love?

Memories flashed in my head. The one I love… The one I love… He's so far away. Where are you now, Chris?..

William kissed my lips again, interrupting the heavy silence. I felt disgusted with myself. Maybe, Chris was right? Maybe I'm no more than a slut? What else can you call me, if I'm being kissed and fucked by one guy, and love another?

And I came to a conclusion, - Will continued, - that it doesn't matter, - his voice lowered to the whisper, - As long as I love you.

I felt a spiny lump in my throat. I embraced him and pressed close, burying my face in William's neck.

I burst in tears, like a stupid teenage school girl. I felt pathetic and miserable.

Not because he loves me.

Because I don't love him.