Title: Companions for the Walk (Alone)
Author: klmeri
Fandom: Star Trek AOS
Characters: Kirk, Spock, McCoy
Disclaimer: Ownership-free.
Summary: One-shot focusing on Spock and what draws him to Kirk and McCoy. (very pre-Kirk/Spock/McCoy)
Note: vrekasht refers to the state of outcast.
Spock is well-acquainted with the term "outcast." At a tender age, he overhears Vulcan's council members warn Sarek to entrench Spock into Vulcan society—to prevent vrekasht. Spock understands this solemn word, knows instinctively that he must not allow himself to be subjugated to it. Not long after, during his rigorous schooling, he develops a true understanding of his situation. He is vrekasht by birth. It is a brand that will never fade; it is a sense instilled in him very young, and that will subtly emanate from Spock during his later years.
When Starfleet dominates his life, he encounters—for the first time—a person who sees more than Vulcan-Human and a son of neither. Her name is Uhura, and she is a linguistically talented cadet. Finally, after careful consideration of her proposal (for romance), he tells himself that acquiescence is acceptable: Uhura is an insistent Human and all experience has value. Moreover, Spock can appreciate Uhura. If he were to admit to an emotion, it may be gratitude, perhaps fondness. She accepts Commander Spock as Other and worthwhile. (Spock thinks of his mother who, he decides, would approve of Uhura.) He makes careful study of their relationship as it progresses.
For two years and twelve days, they are—as the Humans relate matters—dating. On the thirteenth day, after a long, carefully dry-eyed explanation from Uhura, the two end the relationship. She says that they work better as friends and will remain so, always. Spock does not argue—seeing no fault in her logic—and lets Uhura gather those few personal items that she idly left about his quarters. When the Vulcan, later in the stillness of the Observation Deck, slowly compiles and categorizes the last events of the relationship, he realizes that there is some information that he cannot reconcile. Uhura accepts him as unique—claims it is his defining quality that drew her; yet, not a mere three point sixty-two hours previous, she terminates their relationship on the basis of difference. Spock is too different to handle her emotions. She calls him tightly leashed, tells Spock that she hopes some day another will help him as she could not.
Yes, Spock is vrekasht. (Even in a relationship with another being.)
The Enterprise crew treats him with pitying glances and careful avoidance—except a few.
The Captain and the Doctor.
The Doctor, surprisingly, approaches him first. McCoy says, "Is this seat taken?" and does not wait for an answer as he immediately sits beside Spock in the mess hall, elbows on table. Steepling his fingers, the Human looks at Spock intently. Then he begins, without preamble. "Heard you and Nyota called it quits."
Spock does not bother to say affirmative. Leonard McCoy is known as the antipathy of Vulcan-ness—by his own declaration. That the CMO even desires to address Spock over this (personal) issue gives the First Officer suspicious pause.
"I just want to tell you that you shouldn't blame yourself, Spock. I've been there. Relationships—they're trial-and-error. You learn and you move on."
Spock observes the doctor as he asks, "Your marriage, Doctor McCoy. You classify it as an experiment?"
McCoy's eyes darken, as if the simple curious question hurts him. But he does not reply with anger as Spock would expect. "It wasn't an experiment at the time, no. And I wouldn't say it was a mistake either. But Joce and I learned that we couldn't stay married and satisfy each other." The man lets out a breath. "No one ever said relationships were easy."
After careful consideration, Spock says, "Your words are appreciated, Doctor McCoy. I must return to my shift at this time."
McCoy only nods, and Spock feels those sharp eyes on his back until the mess hall doors slide closed. Later, Spock will meditate on Doctor McCoy's words and then subsequently the Human's circumstance. He concludes, somewhat with surprise, that McCoy's concern is not entirely out of duty; it is from understanding. Leonard McCoy, too, is vrekasht.
Spock is in the middle of transversing from one science department to the next. The turbolift door opens, and Captain Kirk enters. After ascending two decks, Kirk commands the lift to a halt. He does not immediately turn to face Spock, merely addresses the Vulcan over his shoulder. "I'm not good at this sort of thing, Spock."
"I am unclear as to what you refer, Captain."
"The break-up with Uhura."
To sigh is un-Vulcan-like but very tempting. "Doctor McCoy has already stated his opinion on this matter. Additional commentary qualifies as redundant. Sir."
Kirk turns around and leans against the lift wall, amusement clear in the lines of his body. "So Bones got to you first. Well," he visually inspects the Vulcan from boots to eyebrows, "I can see that he left you emotionally intact, so I will assume that Doctor McCoy's… speech was heartening—and appropriate."
"Indeed. I find the Human desire to advise, when unnecessary, an intrigue. Doctor McCoy is a primary case study of such illogical behavior."
Kirk smiles but will not be distracted into discussing Doctor McCoy's distinctive personality quirks. "It's not your fault, you know." Spock's mumbled fascinating is ignored. "I am certainly the last person to be talking about healthy relationships, but I respect Uhura's intelligence and her intuition."
"Her reasons are logical."
"Then don't feel badly about it, Spock. If it's meant to be, you'd know." Kirk's eyes are dark (strangely like McCoy's). "You would just know."
There is silence between them. Then Kirk re-orders the lift into action. As he exits, he makes one last remark to his First Officer. "If it were meant to be, Spock, you wouldn't have let her go. You fight to hold on to that kind of love."
Jim Kirk's words linger in his mind for many weeks.
This is the third time the COs of the Enterprise are required to don their formal attire. Captain Kirk wears his colors and decoration with an ease that, apparently, increases Doctor McCoy's grouchiness. Spock supposes that if the doctor would only straighten his slouch, then the uniform may settle on his figure suitably. Instead, Leonard—the name comes suddenly to Spock (startling him)—pulls at his collar in irritation and complains quietly throughout the majority of the ceremony. Spock is unfortunate enough, due to rank, to be standing next to him.
They are attending the first official wedding aboard this starship. Captain Kirk, taking his new duty with commendable seriousness, says the final words to seal the bond between two glowing ensigns. He returns with a grin to stand beside his First Officer and CMO.
"You look like you were enjoying yourself up there, Jim."
"Bones, I just joined two lovebirds in holy matrimony. How could I not?"
Spock is unable to interpret the look that McCoy gives Kirk. There is a tinge of bitterness in Leonard's voice when he speaks again. "Good for you, Jim. 'Cause I don't think we'll be having many more weddings in the future."
"Are you calling us romantic misfits, Bones?"
McCoy snorts. "I'm sayin', kid, not one of us three sorry bastards is about to be doing that any time soon."
They turn as one to watch the happy new couple wrapped up in each other's arms. There is a crowd of well-wishers and friends in the background, including (Spock notes) Uhura. Chief Engineer Scott says something in her ear that sends her into sweet laughter.
"We are unique," Spock states.
Jim has a rueful smirk playing around the corners of his mouth. He says "That's one way to put it" at the same time that Leonard remarks, "What? Did you think you were the only one?"
"I am a hybrid of two species."
"And I originally thought that Jimmy was the product of uncontrollable circumstances, but now I'm going with immaturity. What's your point, Spock?" McCoy leans in for the answer, but snarls as Jim whacks him on the shoulder with a "Speak for yourself, Bones!"
Spock says nothing, only locks gazes with the doctor and raises an eyebrow. It's Jim who answers.
"Who cares if we don't fit in a perfectly square box? What's most important, gentlemen—" He pauses to slap a hand on one slumped, grumpy shoulder and to squeeze another rigid one. "—is that we aren't alone."
Bones' "Oh joy" is full of all the typical sarcasm of Leonard McCoy, but Spock cannot help the small strange burn that settles deep in his core. He understands a truth in those final (promising) words. Spock is vrekasht but he stands as one of three.
-Fini