AN: Ok Guys so here is a new story I have been thinking about for a while. For those of you reading my other story Mutual Nightmares, I have not abandoned it. I am just a little stuck at the moment, and so I decided to try and write something else to get over my writers block…. Sorry! I will update it soon.

Anyway… This story will be a series of one-shots about different episodes of NCIS. Each one will be about when I think Tony should have kissed Ziva or vise versa. This story was inspired by a fan fiction for the Castle fandom called "Kiss Me Castle" so if you watch that show too, you should definitely check it out.

-Soph

AN2: When things are in italics it symbolize quotes from the show: bold is Ziva talking, normal is Tony.

Season 6 Episode 8

Oof. That one hurt.

No it didn't. Didn't we get our fill of secret agendas and lying and manipulation during the previous administration?

Look, I too had hoped things would be different by now…

I'd like to go up and give Vance a piece of my mind.

The way you're losing it I don't think you have enough to spare!

I'd take that tooth pick of his and shove it up Sec Nav's cigar…

Ha. You have had enough of this job then?

I like the job! I don't like the politics! Wasn't kidding about that part earlier.

If you had ever had some military training then maybe you would have learned to FOLLOW ORDERS!

WHAT LIKE YOU!? WE WERE GIVEN A DIRECT ORDER NOT TO ENGAGE! I RECALL THAT YOU WERE THE FIRST TO ONE TO THROW A PUNCH!

IT WAS A REFLEX!

Hm. Really? Then what happened after? Last thing I remember before the lights went out was YOU kimbo-slicing through a room full of guards. Was that a reflex?

YES it was! Gun shot went off. I saw you…. (takes a shaky deep breath)

I'm tired of pretending.

So am I.

It's dinner theater for an audience of one. When's the curtain go down?

Ziva watched as Tony stormed off the elevator, but she was too upset to follow him. She let out a shaky breath. How could she have let that slip? In the heat of the moment she had come far too close to revealing far too much. When did I become so attached to him? She thought hopelessly to herself. Between finding herself staring at his lips to instantly fighting off guards to protect him this last mission had made one thing clear to her; she was desperately in love with Tony. Sighing she leaned back against the side of the elevator, watching the doors slowly close. As the numbers ticked by, getting closer and closer to autopsy she reached out and flipped the emergency switch.

The diming of the lights was calming and she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. How had everything gotten so messed up? Why was the administration lying to them again? Ziva cringed slightly at the last time the director had used Tony in a mission. Jeanne. She could tell that he really fell for her. He stopped his one night stands and spent every second he could with her. She supposed that was when it all started, when she began to realize that she had romantic feelings for her partner.

She tried to deny it, not wanting to admit she liked her partner, especially when he seemed so happy for a change. She settled for being quietly jealous, and outwardly helpful. When she started to realize that she just wanted Tony to be happy it dawned on her that she could no longer deny her feelings for him. So when she was sent back to Israel she had a fling with one of her fellow Mossad Agents. It was simple. No strings attached sex, but over time she did grow to like Michael. Ziva left Israel thinking that maybe she had finally found someone she could be happy with, but then she saw him.

The second she saw Tony again she realized she couldn't just forget him that easily, and she was angry. It was clear he still wanted nothing to do with her and she couldn't stop herself from loving him. She sighed again. It had been a long couple of days and she just wanted to go home. Flipping the emergency switch she squinted against the lights as they came back on; the brightness was a stark contrast to the darkness swimming behind her eyes. As the doors opened she strode out into the now empty bullpen. Looking around she saw no signs of McGee or Gibbs, so she walked over to her desk, shut down her computer, grabbed her bag, and headed for her car.

Meanwhile Tony was driving aimlessly around the city. When he left NCIS he was furious. There were few things Tony really hated, and being lied to and be used were definitely at the top of the list. He had stormed out of NCIS and gotten in his car fully intending to drive home and watch a movie like he always did, but half way there something made him pause. He would be going home to an empty apartment. This infuriated him even more because it reminded him of all he had lost with Jeanne, so he took a right instead of a left and had been driving around DC ever since.

He knew that the real reason he was mad was because of Jeanne and how badly things had ended with her the last time a director had used him, but he also knew that he was partially to blame. He broke the number one rule about going undercover; don't get attached. He sighed thinking Gibbs probably had a million rules that would relate to that and he broke those too, but right now he was just too tired to think of them.

After his initial anger dwindled and he could finally think straight he realized he had made a complete circle around DC. As he stopped at a red light near NCIS his mind wandered back to his screaming match in the elevator with Ziva. Running through the conversation in his mind he could remember everything that happened. He remembered Ziva punching the guard. He chuckled, she definitely was the one to throw the first punch. But he stopped laughing abruptly when he remembered what happened next. The guard had hit him in the face with the butt of his gun and knocked him to the floor and even through his fuzzy vision he remembered seeing Ziva fighting valiantly trying to protect him before a 3rd guard came in and finally knocked her out.

He had yelled at her for attacking the guards, but in hind sight she really was acting on instincts, her Mossad assassin instincts, but instincts no less. He rested his head against the wheel closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths. A car horn roused him from his musings and seeing the green light he quickly slammed on the accelerator. He continued to drive slowly around DC thinking about the rest of their heated conversation. As he watched the houses roll by the song on the radio changed. It started out slow, a boy and a girl singing:

Face to face and heart to heart
We're so close yet so far apart
I close my eyes I look away
That's just because I'm not OK

But I hold on

I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong

Will we ever say the words we're feeling?

Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls

Will we ever have a happy ending?

Just as he reached over to switch the station he heard something that made him stop.

Or will we forever only be pretending?

Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always be pretending?

Tony dropped his hand and almost hit the car in front of him. Slowly he pulled over and listened to the rest of the song.

How long do I fantasize?

Make believe that it's still alive

Imagine that I am good enough

And we can choose the ones we love

"The heart wants what the heart wants" Tony thought sadly to himself as he closed his eyes and set his head back against the head rest.

But I hold on

I stay strong

Wondering if we still belong

Will we ever say the words we're feeling?

Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls

Will we ever have a happy ending?

Or will we forever only be pretending?

Then it hit him. He had said those same words to Ziva just hours before. Sure he had meant it in the context of work, but she had agreed. Looking back he realized she wouldn't have been talking about pretending for NCIS, at least not the way he was. Tony also realized he might have meant more than he thought too.

Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always be

Keeping secrets safe

Every move we make

Seems like no one's letting go

Jeanne. He thought sadly. Had he really let her go? The more he thought about it the more he realized he wasn't mad about Jeanne anymore. He was mad about not being able to find someone he loved that loved him back. He had liked Ziva long before Jeanne ever came into the picture, but he knew she was too big of a risk because there was basically no chance she felt the same way, but these days he wasn't so sure. There was the jealously with Jeanne, and her insistence to protect him, like it was her duty.

And it's such a shame

'Cause if you feel the same

How am I supposed to know?

That's when it hit him. This song wasn't about Jeanne, or NCIS it was about Ziva. It was about the fact that Ziva cared about him. A lot. Way more than a coworker should. It was the only thing that explained all of her behavior and choices during their last mission. He sat up and started the car again as the song continued to play.

Will we ever say the words we're feeling

Reach down underneath and tear down the walls

Will we ever have a happy ending?

Or will we forever only be pretending?

Screw rule 12 Tony thought to himself as he took a right instead of a left for the second time that evening, but this time his direction change had a purpose. He was finally beginning to realize just how tired of pretending he really was. He might not have known it at the time, but that exchange between them was one of the most honest things they had ever said to each other. They were simply tired of pretending they didn't have feelings for each other. He wanted his happy ending, and he had a growing suspicion that Ziva was that ending.

Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-ways, al-al-al-ways be

Pretending? Oh! Pretending?

Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always be, al-al

Pretending? Pretending?

Tony pulled up to Ziva's apartment building just as the last lines of the song were playing and as he looked up at her window and had his first pause since the song came on. What if he was wrong? What if she didn't feel that way? Ever since Wendy left him at the altar Tony had strayed away from any serious commitment for fear of rejection. Everyone he had ever loved had left him, and he wasn't sure he could face Ziva leaving too. He leaned back against the head rest again, suddenly feeling rather confused.

Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always be

Pretending?

As the last notes played Tony made up his mind; he was done. Done hiding, done pretending, done running. He turned off the car and ran over to Ziva's building, taking the stairs two at a time; for fear that if he slowed down he might stop and not get to her door. After three flights of stairs Tony finally reached her apartment. He barely paused at the door before he knocked. As soon as his fist hit her door his eyes got wide and his pulse sped up, was he really sure he could do this? Just as he was about to turn around he heard the door unlatch and open. He found himself face to face with a defeated looking Ziva.

Since she had left NCIS she had taken a long hot shower so her hair hung around her face in the messy curls that Tony loved, and even though she was wearing yoga pants and a loose purple top Tony thought she looked beautiful.

Ziva cocked her head to the side and repeated her question. "Do you need something Tony?" wondering what he was thinking about. Tony snapped back from wherever he was and turned to look at her. "I… um…well" he sputtered. Ziva just stared. In the years she had known Tony it was very rare for him to ever be speechless, this must be important she thought. "Why don't you come in Tony" she said quietly as she stepped back from the door. "Would you like something to drink?" she asked as she headed to the kitchen. "A beer would be great." Tony said as he nervously looked around her apartment. He had only been there a handful of times and felt out of place among her things. "Ok." Ziva called as she looked back over her shoulder to find Tony aimlessly staring into space.

Instead of grabbing their beers she walked back over to Tony and came to stand in front of him. "What is wrong Tony?" Ziva asked quietly as she placed her hand on his cheek and forced him to look at her. Tony took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in his throat; it was now or never.

"I'm tired of pretending" he almost whispered as he pushed a stray strand of her hair out of her face. Ziva looked up at him confused for a moment before he leaned down to kiss her. It was sweet and loving, everything a first kiss should be. Ziva brought her arms up around Tony's neck and he looped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him. When they finally broke apart Ziva rested her forehead against his and smiled. "So am I." she breathed against his lips and Tony laughed as he scooped her up and carried her off towards her bed room. Ziva looked down at him and raised and eye brow. Tony looked up at her with a devilish smirk "What?" he asked as he dropped her down on the bed and crawled so that he was looking down at her. Now it was Ziva's turn to laugh. "What's so funny?" He asked in confusion. "I'm glad you are no longer pretending you aren't thinking about doing page 57 with me." She said as she pulled him down for a searing kiss.

AN3: So let me know what you thought, and if you have any suggestions for other episodes when you wished they would have kissed, or specific moments when you wish something would have happened just let me know! I'm always open to suggestions! Also the song I used in here is a real song. It's called "Pretending" and I'm pretty sure it's buy the glee cast.