Hey Everyone :)
This is my first fanfiction and I must say I'm quite excited. I suck at summaries so sorry about that. This chapter is a lot shorter than all my other ones that range between 5-10k words. This story takes place after the accident where Blair Lost her baby. Louis and her do not get married. This story is filled with heartbreak, drama, romance, comedy and just about anything you can think of. I'm sorry if I got any medical details wrong, just leave a review and I'll correct it. I did my research just in case. I hope you enjoy it :)

We all like to think that we're in the driver's seat of our own lives. But the truth is, the idea that we can control our fate is an illusion. You can choose the most loyal friends, the dream job, the truest love. But at the end of the day, our fate is decided for us. All we can do is hope we have the strength to cope with the hand she deals us.

"The baby was the only thing keeping us together Blair, it was the only reason I was willing to make it work with us and your stupid obsession with Chuck, it was our last hope and you killed it, literally" Louis said with venom in his voice.

Blair laid in the hospital bed with tears streaming down her face. She absent mindedly placed her hand where her future daughter or son once was. She couldn't believe the words coming out of her fiancée's mouth. She wanted to scream and kick and just numb every emotion she was feeling, she wanted to disappear and stop time, but Louis had other plans.

"If you hadn't been so immature and selfish our baby would be okay, and we'd be one step closer to our wedding, but all that is gone, I'm done Blair, I can't even look at you anymore." He said with his eyes shut tightly. He took a deep breath and walked out the door.

Blair kept replaying the conversation in her head over and over.

It had been two weeks since he said those cruel words to her, which meant her baby had been dead for 14 days now.

Her baby.

"Serena, what's going on?" Blair asked hazily, her head was pounding and she felt beyond nauseous.

"You were in a car accident with Chuck, B" Serena said slowly as if each word was a bomb blasting Blair's body.

Before she could respond a tall, dark haired doctor walked in, and made his way to Blair's side.

"Ms. Waldorf, I'm glad to see you awake, you really scared us, I'm just sorry we couldn't do more." He said while looking down at the floor.

"What do you mean?" Blair asked confused.

"Blair, you had a miscarriage. The baby didn't make it, we tried our best to save it, I'm so sorry"

Blair vision clouded over, tears silently pouring down her face. Serena gasped in horror and grabbed her best friend's hand tightly.

"B…I'm so sorry" She managed to choke out.

Blair shut her eyes and let herself fall back into her pillows.

Her innocent baby died because of her. Because she was selfish and stupid, because instead of protecting her baby she was 'following her heart'.

She was supposed to be a good mother. She was going to be different, she was going to love her baby till the ends of the world, and she was going to give it all the love her mom never did.

She reached under her pillow and grabbed the scrap book she has started a few weeks before the accident. She had her positive pregnancy test and a few ultra sound pictures in there. That was as far as she got before she fucked everything up.

She ran her fingers over the pictures and admired the once healthy heart beat her baby carried.

How could she be so stupid? How did she manage to fuck her perfect fairytale up so bad?

She laid in fetal position and held the scrap book close to her stomach.

She was desperate to feel something other than the pain that invaded her body.

"I'm so sorry" she whispered to herself. "I'm so sorry I let you down baby"

"I was going to try and be the best mother I could be, without any help, any breaks, anything that would keep you away from me, I was going to stay up late and feed you, I wouldn't have cared if you threw up on my designer dresses, I would teach you everything you wanted to know, I would give you all the hugs and kisses in the world, I would do anything to just know that you're still inside me" she let out a muffled cry and threw the scrap book out of frustration.

She got up and slowly made her way to her full body length mirror and slowly placed her trembling hands on her still slightly visible tiny baby bump. She was 4.5 months along when the accident happened and her baby bump had just started showing.

Was nature really that cruel? That even after losing her baby it refused to get rid of the little pouch it once held it in.

Tears ran down her face as she ran her hands over her stomach.

She didn't understand how losing someone she never knew could hurt her so much.

For the longest time Blair had self image problems. Starving for days at a time and throwing up after every meal. She thought she was over all that. She had matured and grown up and she was finally happy with herself.

She quietly made her way to her bathroom, shut the door, and turned on the faucet, and lifted the toilet seat.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, every inch of sanity she had in her body left in that moment.

She took for finger and did the one thing she had always been good at, she stuck it down her throat and let nature take its course.

The relief she felt was bliss. It was the first time in two weeks that she felt calm and in control. It was cut short by a noise downstairs that meant someone was home. She quickly flushed the toilet and turned off the water.

She ran to her bed and grabbed the first magazine in sight.

Almost immediately, Dorota walked in with a tray of food.

"Miss Blair, time for your lunch" she said cheerily while setting the tray on the bed.

"Thank you Dorota, but I'm not hungry right now" she said without bothering to look up.

"Miss Blair, you need to eat, it's not good for-"

"Its not good for what Dorota? The baby? Well the baby is gone, I don't need to eat every 4 hours anymore, I don't need to do anything for anyone other than myself anymore" She yelled after cutting Dorota off leaving her stunned.

"It's no good for you Miss Blair, you need to be strong and healthy" She said quietly.

Blair huffed at her comment and proceeded "Last time I checked you weren't a doctor"

"No, but I am mama not your mama by blood, but close enough. I no like seeing you like this Miss Blair"

"I am fine Dorota, just trust me" she said going back to reading her magazine.

Dorota sighed, giving up and left the room.

Who was Blair kidding? She wasn't meant to be a mom. She could never be a mom. She would end up with the same fate as her mother, not that she was a bad mom, just not the best. Blair Waldorf had to be the best at everything.

But at this, she failed. She failed at the one thing every women should be able to do.

A beeping sound knocked Blair out of her thoughts.

Hey Upper East Siders. Gossip Girl here. Things have been kind of dull without Queen B. It's been two weeks since her last appearance. Guess she's taking the loss of her little prince or princess pretty hard. Our condolences, B. You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.

Blair decided that tomorrow she would go shopping for girdles and anything that would make the bump unseen. She was done moping around.

The Old Blair Waldorf was back.

But is old really the new, new?

Well there it is, what did you think?

Reviews are appreciated :)