Treehouse of Horror: Naruto Style III
Choji: "Good Eeevening. I've been asked to tell you that the following fanfic is very scary, with stuff that might give you nightmares. You see, there are some 'crybabies' out there, religious types mostly, who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your computer now. Come on I dare you! BOCK BOCK BOCK! BOCK BOCK BOCK! CHICKEN!"
(The computer turns off)
Ino: "Choji, did you just call everyone chicken"?
Choji: "Noooo. I swear on this Bible!"
Ino: "That's not a Bible; that's a book of carpet samples!"
Choji: "Ooooh... Fuzzy."
Ino: "Anyway c'mon we gotta get ready for Iruka-sensei's Halloween party!"
Choji: "Alright I'm coming!"
It was a dark and cool Halloween night and our very own Iruka Umino was hosting a Halloween party at his house, and everyone was invited! Everyone came, from the Hokage down to the Sand Siblings (at Naruto's request). And everybody was in costume
Iruka was dressed up as Jack Sparrow from the movie Pirates of the Caribbean, and had even let his hair down for the occasion. Unfortunately the mustache didn't get come on time so he just went without it.
Naruto was dressed up as Alex DeLarge from the movie A Clockwork Orange, with the drupe, can and makeup around his right eye.
Sasuke was dressed as Jack the Ripper complete with top hat, cane and suite (Sakura nearly fainted at Sasuke's handsome attire before they left for Iruka's).
Sakura was dressed up at the Statue of Liberty complete with tiara, torch, and dress.
Kakashi was dressed up as Rikimaru from the popular PlayStation videogame Tenchu, donning a tradition ninja outfit (which was hell to get) and left his head band off so it could expose his scared eye (even though Rikimaru's scar is on his right eye), and had even gelled down his hair to make it seem flat.
The Sand Siblings had dressed up in the form of horror movie characters.
Gaara was dressed up as Michael Myers from the horror movie Halloween. He was sporting what looked like a blue janitor's uniform and holding a plastic butcher knife with fake blood smeared on it. He didn't wear the mask since (as Kankuro pointed out) he already looked like Michael Myers; he just covered his scar up with makeup and ruffled up his hair a bit.
Kankuro was dressed as Dr Sam Loomis from the same movie; sporting a brown trench coat, fake beard, bald wig and had left off his purple makeup.
Temari was dressed up as Laurie Strode from the same movie, with blue jeans, a white dress shirt and had even let her hair down for the occasion.
Ding Dong
"I'm coming!" cried Iruka as he jogged to the door. He opened it revealing Teams 10 and 8.
Shikamaru was dressed up as an astronaut, Ino was dressed as a harem, Choji was dressed as Alfred Hitchcock, and Asuma was dressed as Julius Caesar.
"Behold mighty Caesar!" cries Asuma as he steps through the door, only for his toga to be snagged on a sticking up nail in the door. The nail rips the toga off of him exposing his underwear.
RIIIP!
"In all his glory!" he finished as he made his way towards the center of the living room. Everyone began to laugh at the Emperor's new clothes. Kankuro's being the loudest.
"AAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
"HA HA!"
Asuma looks down to see his toga gone.
"Dammit!"
"Oh Lord..." groaned Shikamaru as he put his hand over his face and turned away; embarrassed for his sensei.
"Oh Asuma cover yourself! You're traumatizing the children," cried Kurenai as she tossed Asuma's toga over his head. She was dressed as Cleopatra.
"What a way to start the party! Right Hinata?" asked a giggling Kiba, who was dressed as the lion from the Wizard of Oz.
"Uh...yeah?" replied/asked Hinata, who was dressed as Dorothy from the same movie. She sported the outfit and was carrying a picnic basket with Akamaru's head sticking out (Kiba loaned him to her to make her costume more complete).
"I could have gone without it." was Shino's reply, who was dressed up as the scarecrow from the same movie.
At that moment, Team Guy appeared through the door (which was left opened after Teams 10 and 8 came in).
Lee was wearing traditional Chinese style light blue clothing and was hopping towards Kankruo in a squatting position with his hand in front of him, making a noise that resembled that of a squirrel.
"I am the Chosen One from the popular kung fu movie, Kung Pow!" Lee cried in all his youthfulness.
"Big deal!" replied Kankuro while delivering a pain punch to Lee's kidneys.
"OOF!" cried Lee while sinking to the floor and clutching his stomach.
"Kankuro!" yelled Temari as she bonked Kankuro over the head.
"He had it coming," replied Kankuro as he made his way over to the snack table.
"Even at a Halloween party you still manage to make a complete ass out of yourself Lee." said Neji, who was dressed as Dante from Devil May Cry, as he helped Lee to his feet.
"I am sorry Neji, but I have to act as youthful as I can until Guy-sensei gets here." replied Lee. Guy was having a hard time finding his costume and had asked the team to go on without him and promised to catch up later.
"Yeah, but did you really have to do that stupid squirrel thing?" asked Tenten, who was dressed as Xena Warrior Princess.
"Stupid party, wish we was trick or treat'n." complained Naruto in an English accent to fit his costume.
"Now Naruto, you can find just as much horror around the house," said Iruka as he pulled up a chair and sat in the center on the living room.
"Now you children may not now, but there was once an evil witch; and she died a horrible death." he said ominously, making everyone in the room sit all around him. Sakura turned out the light as Iruka pulled out a flashlight and shined it on his face.
"These are her eyes," he said as he passed around a pair of squishy circular objects to the other kids, since it was so dark nobody could tell what they were so they just assumed it was eyeballs.
"EWWWWW!" cried the children as they passed the objects around to the person next to them.
"And this is her hair." Iruka continued as he passed around slippery stringy things.
"EWWWWW!" the kids cried louder as they felt the slippery strings in between their fingers.
"And these are her brains!" said Iruka as he passed the final object. It was flat, cold and moist.
"Yuck!" cried Neji as he tossed the object over his shoulder the minute it touched his hands; hitting Gaara in the face.
'Must resist urge to kill.' repeated Gaara in his mind.
"Yo, sensei! We haven't got the eyeballs yet," informed Naruto.
"What?!" asked Iruka in shock since he knew that the eyeballs were the first things he passed. He shinned his flashlight towards the crowd, only to discover Choji eating them. The eyeballs were a pair of peas, the hair was a few strands of spaghetti, and the brains were just a piece of stake.
"Choji, you're ruining it!" said Iruka in outrage. Choji slurped up the spaghetti.
"Yeah, well... It was an evil game." said Choji. Iruka got up and flipped on the light.
"Well now we a need another Halloween activity. Hm...Does any one know any ghost stories?" asked Iruka.
"Nope." replied Naruto.
"Nah." replied Sasuke.
"No." replied Gaara.
"Nah uh." replied Ino.
"Not that I know off." replied Neji.
"I am sorry, but no." replied Lee regrettable.
"I do." came Sakura as she made her way towards the center of the living room.
"Oh Sakura my youthful cherry blossom make us proud!" cried Lee with hearts in his eyes.
"Yeah go get 'em Sakura!" cried Naruto with a large smile.
"Billboard Brow telling a ghost story? This I gotta see." said Ino in amazement. Sakura pretended not to hear the insult as she began to talk.
"It's a story about a boy and his teddy bear."
"That's not so scary," said Choji. Sakura smiled evilly.
"A teddy bear... From Hell!"
"I'm gonna go to the store..." said Choji cowardly.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Sakura laughed evilly as she began the story.
(Story starts)
In the, oh so well known village of Suna, our very own Gaara was celebrating his birthday party for the first time. Ever since Gaara got the help he needed from Naruto, he and his siblings have gotten closer, and thought that fully celebrating Gaara's birthday would be their way of taking their first steps to being a better family.
"Happy birthday Gaara." said Baki as Gaara opened up his present, revealing more money than you would believe.
"Thanks Baki." replied Gaara in amazement.
"Were did you get the money sensei?" asked Temari who was just as amazed as Gaara.
"The Government. I didn't earn it; I don't need it; but if they miss one payment, I'll raise HELL!" yelled Baki overly dramatic.
"...O...kaaaay..." replied Temari, regretting having asked. Gaara looked at everything; so far he got a new red ninja suit from Temari, the money from Baki all that left was...
"Hey Kankuro, where's your present?" Gaara asked innocently. Kankuro's eyes widened at this.
"D'oh! I mean... D'oh-n't worry bro, I forgot to get you a present. But I swear on father's grave--"
Gaara silently scowled at the mention of his father.
"--I will get you one now!" with that said Kankuro ran out the door in search for a shop.
--
While walking around the village, Kankuro stumbled upon a small convenient store. Being in a rush he didn't bother to read the name of the store; House of Evil (your one-stop Evil shop).
While inside Kankuro began looking for the owner, completely ignoring the jars of severed body parts, shrunken heads, and voodoo dolls. He finally found the check out counter.
"Do you sell toys here?" asked Kankuro as an old man dressed in a red cloak and matching hat, he was smoking a pipe.
"We sell forbidden objects from places men fear to tread. We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call 'Frogurt'!" said the merchant.
"Well I need something for my little brother's birthday," said Kankuro, completely ignoring the first part of what the man said.
"Ah, perhaps this will please the gentlemen." Replied the merchant as he turns to the shelf behind him to search for something.
When he came to a stop, he pulled a stuffed brown teddy bear off the shelf and presented it to Kankuro; the bear had a string on it's back, indicating that it could talk.
"Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!" said the merchant has he hands Kankuro the bear.
"Ooooh, that's bad," replied Kankuro worried as he took the bear from the merchant.
"But it comes with a free Frogurt!" reassured the merchant.
"That's good," said Kankuro in relief.
"The Frogurt is also cursed." added the merchant ominously.
"That's bad," retorted Kankuro with worry once more.
"But you get your choice of topping!" reassured the merchant.
"That's good," said Kankuro relived once again.
"The toppings contain Potassium Benzoate." said the merchant ominously.
Kankuro stares at him in confusion.
"That's bad," replied the merchant.
"Can I go home now?" asked Kankuro.
--
Back home, Gaara was having a small party and the Konoha 12 was all their. Lee was currently blind folded trying to pin the tail on the donkey picture hanging on the front door.
'I am going to pin this tail on that donkey using the power of youth, and if I can't I will do five hundred laps around Konoha on my hands! Oh Guy-sensei, if only you were here to see this!' thought Lee as he was getting closer and closer to the door. But at that moment Kankuro burst in, crushing the poor boy into the wall.
BAM!
"OOF!!"
"Happy Birthday Gaara!" said Kankuro as he handed Gaara his present. The younger of the two took the present and immediately rendered the packaging to shreds. When he opened up the box he took out the teddy and pulled on the string that was hanging from it's back and it began to talk.
"I'm Talking Teddy, and I love you very much," said the teddy bear in an impossibly cute voice. Gaara smiled.
"Thank you Kankuro, this is the best gift I got all day." thanked Gaara as he pulled his brother into a warm hug. Kankuro in turn returned the hug. Unfortunately Baki, who had a different opinion about the teddy bear, interrupted their brotherly moment.
"That bear is Evil, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!" he shouted in horror.
"Baki, you said that about all the presents." stated Temari.
"I just want attention." Baki whined. The Sand Siblings just stared.
--
The next day Kankuro was sitting on the couch with a large bowl of popcorn, watching the news.
"...and in environmental new, scientists have announced that Sunagakure's air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly."
"Well that's two age groups I don't have to worry about anymore," said Kankuro in relief while leaning back into the couch. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Talking Teddy sitting next to him. Just for the heck of it, he picked up the bear and pulled the string.
"I'm Talking Teddy and I don't like you," it said.
"Heh heh heh heh." giggled Kankuro, it was kinda cute.
"I'm Talking Teddy and I'm going to kill you!" it said, but this time Kankuro didn't pull the string.
"Hee hee hee. Didn't even pull the string that time." said Kankuro, thinking it was some kind of trick with the toy; by boy was he wrong. The bear turned its head to Kankuro and points his figure/PowerPuff Girl arm at him.
"I said I'm gonna kill you! YOU! Sabaku no Kankuro!" this time his voice changed from impossibly adorable to deep and sinister.
Kankuro furrows his brow at the bear and dismisses the doll over the side of the couch.
"Oh yeah? With what?" asked Kankuro mockingly. But the bear reappears, brandishing a large butcher knife.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed Kankuro as the bear flies through the air on the attack. Gaara and Temari hear this and rush in from the kitchen. When they get to the living room they see, there on the couch, Kankuro cowering opposite from the bear.
"Kankuro, what's wrong?" asked Temari. Kankuro wipes slightly as he points to the 'harmless bear'.
"That bear tried to kill me!" the two stare at him as if he were from another planet.
"I think he's been spending too much time with his puppets." said Gaara as he and Temari make their way back into the kitchen.
"Don't leave me alone with it!" cried Kankuro, but his pleas go unheeded as the bear approaches him, laughing sinisterly.
"HA HA HA HAH AH HA HA HAH--" at this point the pull-string ends. Teddy tries to pull it but can't reach. The turns to Kankuro and points at it, indicating that he wanted him to pull it. Kankuro reaches over and pulls the string as Teddy continued to laugh sinisterly.
"HA AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAH !!!"
--
The next day Kankuro was taking a bath. As he scrubbed himself he started to sing.
"My baloney has a first name, its K-A-N-K-U-R-O. My baloney has a second name; it's K-A-N-K-U-R-O..."
At that moment, Talking Teddy emerges out of the bath water, welding a miniature harpoon. Kankuro yelped and jumps out of the tub.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" he screamed as he ran nude through the house, passing Temari who was having tea with Ino and Tenten in the kitchen. The three girl's eyes were as wide as plates. Ino was the first one to speak.
"I don't know how to say this Temari...but I don't think I like Sasuke anymore." She said while looking in the direction Kankuro ran, her face as red as a tomato.
"I don't know about to two but there goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality," stated Tenten.
"Hermmmm..." groaned Temari in irritation.
--
Later that day Talking Teddy was in Temari's room, chatting with one of her Fashion Fran dolls.
"Hey baby! Get comfortable. Relaaax. It's a little hot for that cheerleader outfit, don't you think?" he said while pulling the doll closer towards him. At that moment Kankuro entered the room with a bag, rope, chains and a suitcase. He grabbed the bear and dropped him in the bag. Teddy stared back at him.
"You think your dirty socks can stop me?!" cried Teddy as Kankuro closes up the bag.
"Well..." continued Teddy but was starting to feel weak. "they are making me dizzy...Ooooohhh..." with that, Teddy passed out. Kankuro smiled in victory.
After locking the sack in the suitcase and securing it with the chains, Kankuro went to the forest and dropped it down the Bottomless Pit.
"Good byeeeee Teddy." he said mockingly as he went back home.
--
"And that's the end of that." Said Kankuro as he made his way home and headed for the front door, unaware of the tiny stowaway on the back of his jump suit. As Kankuro steps inside, two tiny hands cover Kankuro's eyes.
"Guess who, makeup boy!!" shouted Teddy.
"Temari! Temari! Look!" cried Kankuro as he blindedly bumped around, with the doll strapped to his head.
"Oh, my God!" cried Temari as she saw the whole thing from the kitchen.
Kankuro staggered into the kitchen, the bear still strapped to his head.
"The bear's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!" Kankuro and the killer bear roll about the floor and Kankuro has his face dunked into a bucket of mope water.
"Eeeew! Mope water!" cried Kankuro with disgust. Temari runs to the phone and calls the number on the Talking Teddy box (1-900-DON'T-SUE).
"Your bear is trying to kill my brother!" cried Temari over the phone. There was a pause.
"Yes, I'll hold."
--
Ten minutes later the Teddy Co. repairman comes over and Temari leads him to the kitchen. There they see Kankuro on the floor, the bear yanking at his tongue. Picking up the doll, the repairman identifies the problem.
"Yep, here's your problem." he said while pointing to a Good/Evil switch on the bears back. "Someone set this thing to 'Evil'."
He flips the switch down and places the bear on Kankuro's chest.
"I love you Kankuro," it said in the impossibly cute voice once again.
"Come here you." replied Kankuro as he pulled the bear into a hug.
--
And soon the bear became a slave to Kankuro's every desire. Kankuro blankly watches TV as Talking Teddy places a tray of food on the coffee table.
"Here you go, buddy," said Teddy.
"Did you take Gaara to the park?" asked Kankuro, not taking his eyes off the TV.
"Yeah, he buried me in the sand box a couple of times." replied the exhausted bear.
"Yeah, he loves playing in that sand box," replied Kankuro. Teddy grumbles and walks away.
"Yeah, you stupid idiot." he said in a soto voice.
--
At the end of the day, Teddy retires to be with Fashion Fran in Temari's dollhouse.
"Oooh, what a day. Kankuro made me give him a sponge bath." he shuddered as he walked towards Fashion Fran and sits beside her.
"But coming home to you makes it all worthwhile." he said as he planted a kiss on Fran's cheek, but as soon as he did that her head fell off.
"Oh! Here let me get that," said Teddy as he picked up her head and placed it back on her shoulders. With an arm around his girlfriend, Teddy was content.
(Story ends)