The Welcome to California sign passes by me through the window. I can see the sand on the ground. The smell of salt is already invading the tight space of the car. Glen's loud techno is vibrating the side of my door. I can see his head sway back in forth to the beat.
I don't know why this isn't scaring me yet. I've left everything behind. The home I've always known. The friends I pictured growing old with. We would imagine being neighbors and our kids would grow up being best friends.
Maybe, reality just hasn't sunk in yet, or, maybe the plan just wasn't right.
"Hey buddy" Glen ruffles the top of my head. "You, ok?" He glances at me before looking back at the freeway.
"I think I am" I continue staring at the new California air.
He gives me an unconvinced look. "Glen, really, I think…I think this change might actually be good." I turn and smile at him.
"Good." He smiles convinced. "Mom and dad said they'd be here a few hours after we get here." He taps his fingers lightly against the leather on the steering wheel. "But, don't worry they just had to pack up the rest of our junk."
I try to stifle my laugh. "Glen, I'm pretty sure we can handle being away from them for a few hours." His lips crease into a smile. "But, I think I am a little worried about you getting us lost."
Robot Rock starts playing through the car. He quickly turns his head to look at me and smiles widely. I grab for the volume control but his fast hands push mine away.
"Glen! I hate this song turn! Turn it off!" I pout.
He removes his hands from the steering wheel and starts doing the robot.
"Rock. Robot Rock." He sings loudly moving his neck side to side.
"You're going to kill us!" I squeal as he props his knee under the steering wheel to keep the car straight.
"Relax, Baby C." Glen laughs and puts his hands back on the wheel. "We're not going to die…"
"Stop calling me that." I pout. He can't resist.
"Alright, alright, for now I suppose." He reaches to turn off the repeating techno. "But, just so you know; I am the master of the maps!"
"Are you…are you going insane?" I put my hand to his forehead to check his temperature.
"Spencey, have a little fun. Smell the fresh air. I mean, come on, would you have ever thought we would be moving to Cali?" His eye's beam while he continues his focus on the road.
I see the large buildings fade as we start driving through a suburban neighborhood. The California sun is still shining strongly against the car. We've passed house after house and street after street. Right now, everything is starting to look the same.
Glen pulls over on the side of the small neighborhood road and shuffles through the back seat.
"Ah hah!" He spreads the huge map out hitting me in the face. "Oops."
"Yeah…Uh, Glen we've been through this neighborhood like five times already, can't we just ask someone for directions?"
"And end our awesome road trip?" He jokes. I can't help but laugh with him.
Glen never fails to make every horrible situation feasible. I think that's one reason why I'm not so scared. He just always makes me feel like everything's alright.
"Here, I'll just go knock on someone's door or something." He fumbles with the seat belt and tries to move the map to the side and almost knocks over my water bottle.
I place my hand on his shoulder. "I'll do it." I laugh as he stops and laughs with me.
"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Don't get kidnapped!" He shoves me out the door.
My playful scowl makes his laughter stop as I make my way towards the small suburban house. My dirty converse taint the perfect green grass as I make my way towards the door.
I look briefly back at Glen who started blasting Ficherspooner's Cloud. He looks like a complete dork with his attempted dancing. I chuckle lightly as I tap my dirty knuckles against the off-white door.
A man's voice shouts a "coming" and I hear loud footsteps coming from the stairwell. I stand awkwardly as a boy my age opens the door.
"What a pleasant surprise," the boy grins and leans against the doorframe. "How can I help you?"
"Well, my brother," I point to the grey Volvo where Glen's still engulfed in his too loud bass. "And I just moved here and we're trying to find our house. I was wondering if you knew where…"
The boy grabs the piece of paper from my hand. "Ah, yes, well you're only about five minutes from here."
He looks back at me and smiles evilly. "But, you know, it's gonna cost you."
I cringe internally as he looks me up and down. What a way to charm a girl.
I quickly grab the paper from his hands. "You know, I think I'll just ask someone else." I turn and start heading back to the car.
"Wait, hold up," The boy takes a few steps away from the door. "Go down this road about three blocks until you hit Madison Ave, or whatever. Then you're going to take a left and go down, like, one more block. That should get your there." He smiles accomplished.
His dark eyes look shallow and wanting as he waits for me to respond.
"Thanks." I turn around and take a few long strides back to the car before he can say anything else.
"I hope I see you around!" He yells, standing in front of his house like he's a hero for giving me directions.
I shut the car door and force a smile towards him.
Glen looks at me and pinches my cheeks. "All the boys are already swooning over my Spencey Wencey." He grins and puts the car in drive.
I roll my eyes but can't help the small smile erupt from my face.
"Alright, Spencer lead the way." He says in a low voice.
The jock boy's house disappears as Glen follows my directions until we reach a two story suburban house. He looks down at the paper double checking the address.
"Home sweet home," He smiles at me. "This house so beat our house in Ohio."
The house sits around a green lawn and the perfect neighborhood. It makes me miss home a little. This new place I have to call home. A place that doesn't really feel like home, yet.
Glen continues to throw the bags out of the car. He excitedly announces he's done.
I grab my bags and drag them into the house. Our old furniture is already placed in the living room. It actually looks like a home.
"Sawheet. Spencer look! We got a new TV!" Glen yells and plugs in his guitar hero before plopping himself on the couch.
"Yeah, see you in four hours." I roll my eyes. Glen's addiction to guitar hero is out of control.
"Make is five." He chirps like a five year old.
A let my hand trace the wood railing as I make my way up the stairs. I follow the hallway down until I find my room.
My bed sits awkwardly in this new house. The rest of my furniture's lying around, not really sure where to go. I'm not even sure what to do.
Nirvana's playing loudly as I walk downstairs.
Glen's standing making unusual faces at the screen as he moves his fingers rapidly against the colorful buttons.
He makes everything feel a little bit more like home.
"I'm going for a walk!" I shout over the song.
"Alright, be back before seven" He says without tearing his eyes off the screen. "Mom and dad are going to be home."
"Okay, Adios." I say loudly as I shut the front door.
The warm air washes over me as I walk down the steps. I don't even know where I'm going. I know I need to go somewhere.
Everything feels so foreign and out of place. I can't go next door and talk to my best friend about what happened on the last episode of the Hills. I can't fight with her brother over the last scoop of ice cream.
Our kids aren't going to be best friends. We're not going to grow old together.
Everything's hitting me like a brick as I walk faster down the perfect sidewalk next to all the perfect houses.
I stand out like a million rainbows against everything perfect.
"Charlie stop!" I hear a girl voice let out exasperated.
I turn my head around and I'm met with the largest dog I've ever seen in my life.
He's running full force straight at me. His tongue's swaying side to side with his spit dripping onto the sidewalk. I watch him come closer, not really knowing what to do.
The next thing I know I'm tackled to the ground by the giant brown beast. His giant slobbery tongue licks my cheek as I let out I disgusted groan and push him away.
I hear footsteps quicken on the pavement and a girl appears over me. Her face looks red with embarrassment. She tucks a brown curl out of her face and holds out her hand.
"I'm…so sorry. You have no idea. My dog he's…I'm just, I'm really sorry. He doesn't usually…but when he gets excited I guess." The girl stops.
"I'm fine really." I let out a laugh, mostly because I'm embarrassed. I've never been tackled by a dog before.
She smiles at me and never takes her eyes off of me. Her hand reaches out again and grabs mine pulling me up.
She still hasn't let go of my hand. I don't think I could move mine even if I tried. Her white teeth appear through her lips for the first time.
"I'm Ashley." My legs feel like jelly.
"I'm…" I look down at her hand. Her really soft hand placed in my hand. "I'm…Spencer" I'm looking at her eyes again.
"Spencer, cute." She looks me up and down in an approving way. "You're new."
She doesn't ask me. She states it. I'm still holding her hand and I don't know why.
She's smiling at me like she knows everything.
A smile that makes me feel like I know nothing.
"Yeah." I choke out. It feels like I haven't spoken in years and dust has rested inside my throat.
It suddenly feels like the temperature has risen ten degrees and I'm sure my palms are sweating. My palm that's against her very knowing palm.
She scrunches her nose and laughs letting go of my hand to play with her curls.
"Well, I'll see you around." She claps her hands together and Charlie happily runs towards her. "Sorry about him, too." She looks down. "I owe you." She smiles.
And with that she was gone. Retreating in the direction she came from, like she was never planning to walk this way in the first place.
And here I am standing awkwardly on the sidewalk that's not so perfect anymore. I'm not sure I want to go this direction now.