Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade!

Warning: Shounen-ai alert, Shounen-ai alert! I don't know what else to warn you about at present! There may be a bit of bad language.

A/N: Now that I've got more of an idea for this story, I've rewrote this chapter. There things I can't decided on and kept changing my mind about and till I can confirm them for myself, the next chapter will be a long ways away unfortunately. If you'd like to try and help me to get the next chapter faster, feel free, I'll give some details at the end. It might be a great help!

Read, Enjoy and Please review!

Prologue

07th October 2012

Dear Diary,

I'm sinking further and further into this living hell that has engulfed me. I'm lost in darkness and am becoming even more so; there's no clear sign of an exit… truthfully, I don't believe there is one… Crap keeps falling down on me, smothering and suffocating me; I can't breathe! All I want to do is scream, scream till my lungs explode!

I can't think; thinking is too hard and is becoming harder. Bad thoughts are trying to dominate my mind, trying to take me over and I think they might win… they will. The question is: when will they take control? When will I break?

Everything is just too much and tonight added to it all… mum's boyfriend added to it. She introduced him to us, just before we had dinner. Bet I had the most horrified look ever when he walked through that door. She's fallen in love with a monster! And why's he not in prison? Has he done any time for any crime he's committed? Also his timing has me worried; mum started talking about this 'charming' man (it make me want to puke) six months ago, one week after I learned about Jade… I'm so worried about him now – Jade's only a 9 month baby! He'd be even more defenceless against him than his prior victims... It makes me really scared and anxious.

I wish I knew who I could turn to. I wish I knew who'd help me… In the past, I did know. When I was really young, it was my big brother Mick. I was closest to him, but when mum disowned him eight years ago and he was forced to leave… it made me feel so lonely for quite some time. Then the Bladebreakers were formed; they were always there, even Kai in his own way. They made me feel so strong again. Anything that was thrown at us, we stood together. There was tension between us every now and then, most notable during our third world tournament when we went our separate ways – Tyson felt we were abandoning him, but with how competitive we were, it would have been impossible to stay a team and by the end, still be friends… I hope he realises this now.

I wonder, if I just randomly showed up with Jade, asking for their help, would they? Would they still help me? Taking Jade out the equation, I know the answer – they'd help me… all of them would, every blader we'd faced and made friends with… With Jade is a different matter. The White Tigers were my childhood friends and as soon as Jade came, it was goodbye. Mariah's mad because I'm now a parent and not with her child (all I managed to tell her was that Jade's my son before she dived into the deep end). Lee and Gary have a problem with Jade's origins… as do my family. As for Kevin, he took off after the whole BEGA thing and we haven't seen or heard from him since… I'm worried about him. I hope he's okay.

You know, I think the reality that would befall Jade, if I committed suicide, is what's stopping me from giving into those bad thoughts… Grandfather only allowed me to take in my own child so there'd be one less demon in the world. He sees Jade as a demon spawn, because of the sinners on his other side, as well as the so-called sinner our side. The whole family does, but when I look at him, when I look into his golden deeps, I can't… Such an cute, innocent infant; I don't know how they see him in the way they do…

"Demon spawns must be raised with an iron fist, otherwise they'll grow up to be demons."

Grandfather told me that so many times growing up. He kept repeating it to me because I made friends with the son of... It would be every couple month he'd tell me, but he's been telling me every chance he gets now, with Jade. He keeps telling me that I'm too soft on my son; I know I'm only 18 years old and that I know nothing about being a parent, but he's a 9 month baby! What does he want me to do – use his disciplinary methods on an infant? Actually, he probably does… they're far too cruel though; I'll never use them.

If I died, or something happens that leaves me incapable of looking after him, Grandfather will try and take control and raise Jade brutally… I'm so scared of that happening… I have worked it so his other parent will get custody, but if they don't accept him and refuse to take him in…

Why am I such a coward?! I keep telling myself to contact him, that I have to tell him, but I keep chickening out. It's probably not the best idea to tell him this over the phone anyways... Yeah, that would be a wonderful idea! I can see it now:

Dial number; person on the other end picks up (maybe).

"Hi! It's me, Ray – I hope you remember me. I know this is going to sound like a lie, but, we have a son together…"

Line goes dead.

Yeah, that's how it would go and if I saw him again face to face, he'd kill me… or at the very least, seriously harm me. I'd have to tell him in person and take Jade with me, but… HE SCARES ME!

I'm scared Jade will be rejected by his other father; I'm worried, anxious and scared for his future too. I'm worried about what affect the family's detest of him will have as he grows up. I'm scared Grandfather will take him from me and abuse him… I'm scared he'll change his mind and tell me to get rid of Jade or leave the family… I'm scared they find out I'm like Mick – I won't be able to survive, not with Jade…I'm afraid to face my friends and ask for help in case they turn their backs on me, like the White Tigers. And now, I'm concerned what will happen, with mum's boyfriend…

Why aren't I an emotional wreck? I feel I should be.

XXX

"Are you hiding now, Ray?" a man asked as the bedroom door eased open. "You must feel somewhat betrayed by your mother, right?"

"No, I feel she's being manipulated," Ray answered as he set he pen down and shut his diary. "And that upsets me."

"I see. I know we've gotten off on the wrong foot, but I do hope I can made a mends and regain the trust I've lost. I should start by apologising; I'm sorry, Ray."

"Not acceted. Besides, there are others you should apologise to more than me... Doubt they'll forgive you though."

"I know, I know; I'll find a way to make it up to them, but in the mean time, I'll attempt to make it up to you. So what you say we have a nice day out tomorrow; you, me and Robin. Sharpay has said she'll look after Jade."

Mum said she'll look after Jade! No way! The family said they wanted as little to do with him as possible. In the six months he's been with me, not once has any of them said they'll look after him, not even when I need to pop out for a minute to go to the shop!

"What do you say Ray?"

"Sorry, can't; I'm leaving for Japan tomorrow. It's an early flight." Crud! Why'd I go say that? Why didn't I say something else to get out of it?

"Oh… Sharpay didn't mention anything about that."

"I have a bad habit of forgetting to mention it." Which is luckily true! "I have some packing to finish off, then I want to get some sleep before it's time to leave."

"How about I take you to the airport then?"

"Oh, thanks for the offer, but I've arranged for transportation to the airport already."

"I see; well I'll leave you to it then," the man said as he turned and left, gently shutting the door behind him.

"I guess you're going to meet my friends in Japan now," Ray whispered as he stood and moved to the crib. With a ghostly touch, the Tiger stroked his sleeping son's check. "Tyson has been calling about an upcoming tournament. I guess the BBA's back up and running." Signing, the neko-jin moved to his bed. "Definitely can't avoid it any longer, but will this trip offer me support or break me?"

Grabbing his phone from the bedside table, Ray searched his contacts for the number he required and dialled it. Someone soon answered on the other end.

"Good Evening; you've reached the BBA's BTB. How may I help you?"

"Hi; I'd like to make arrangements for an early flight to tomorrow; Tokyo, Japan is my destination and I'll be travelling with an infant. Also, I'll be requiring transportation to the airport too."

A/N: THIS ISN'T MPREG – just in case you were thinking it. Jade's 9 months old and he's only been with Ray for six of them; Ray wrote about not telling Jade's other father, so he doesn't know.

I said I'm struggling to decided on and stick to some things, which is stopping me for doing the next chapter. Basically, it's the pairing I'll have or eventually have. I can't decide if I want to eventually pair Ray with Kai, Bryan or Tala.

Anyways, who do you think the boyfriend is? I know who he is and it's probably obvious. Maybe it'll be reviled in the next chapter.

Please leave your thoughts on this in a review. You can critique this nicely and give any advice you wish, but don't bad mouth it. Thanks!