Starting Over

Chapter 1: First Phone Call

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Hey guys – so although I was able to wait an entire summer for more Office, (perhaps because of the constant influx of fanfic) I am unable to wait a week for the next episode. Here's a little fic taking place after the season 3 premier (Gay Witch Hunt) to get me (and maybe some others) through the next week. I might add to it this week if I feel inspired (reviews tend to do that to me, wink wink) or maybe follow the season with it, or go off in a totally different direction. It's completely up in the air! Also note, if I add more chapters they'll most likely be rated T.

Enjoy!

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As Pam watched Dwight positively identify himself as a homosexual with his "Gay-dar," she laughed to herself and looked over at Ryan's desk for the thousandth time that day.

She knew what she had to do. She shook her head as she dialed. How can he get to me from 100 miles away?

"Dunder Mifflin this is Elizabeth," the receptionist chirped.

"Jim Halpert please," she said softly, not wanting anyone to know who she was calling—there were enough rumors already.

"One second, I'll transfer you."

Pam held her breath as soft music came on.

There was a click and then, "Jim Halpert."

She didn't realize how much she'd missed his voice. "So—interesting fact. As it turns out, every member of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton is homosexual. Can you believe it?"

"Wow! It must be so liberating to work in such a progressive environment," he quipped back, not missing a beat.

"It really is…you have no idea." She replied, laughing easily.

"So I guess Dwight got my present." Jim asked.

"Oh yes and we all appreciate it. Especially Oscar—who, by the way, IS a homosexual."

"Wait, really?"

"Yup. He came out today. Well, technically, Michael came out for him. And then kissed him."

"What? No way. I can't believe I missed that!"

"Serves you right for being a hot-shot paper salesman all the way in Stamford." She joked, but with a twinge of resentment that he'd actually left.

"Oh yeah. Before long I'm gonna be selling paper to the president. You just wait."

"I have no doubt."

They both laughed at their casual banter.

"You're not going to believe this, but I actually miss Scranton," he said, the tone of his voice not quite conveying the light heartedness she knew he'd wanted it to.

"Really?" She knew she had no right but hoped he missed her.

"It's just not the same here." He said, his voice a little too serious. Shifting gears he added, "You know, different people react very differently to their possessions being jello-ed.

"Is that a fact?" she laughed.

"Um hum," he replied in a way that was so Jim.

An easy silence fell between them before she remembered. "Oh! How was Australia? Tell me everything!"

"Oh, right. It was great. You know, kangaroos, dingos, people saying 'G'day, mate!' Did some snorkeling…" He trailed off, not sounding as excited as she thought he would have.

"Wow, I bet it was amazing. I wish I could have gone." She would have killed to go to Australia. She thought momentarily about how much fun she would have had there with Jim.

"Well, you were busy." She couldn't exactly tell, but he sounded almost angry. She heard him take a deep breath before asking "How was the wedding?"

What? She couldn't believe it. He didn't know. "Oh, um…I thought you'd heard. I um, called off the wedding."

He didn't say anything for a long time. "Wow. Um, wow. That's…huge. Are you okay?" He asked, genuinely concerned.

She smiled. "Yeah, I am actually."

"Why—I mean, what happened?"

"I just…knew that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with Roy." She got nervous when he didn't respond right away. She needed him to know that she was okay. "And plus, after paying for all that food, I really wanted to eat it myself. I have lunch for the next five weeks."

He laughed, "Well that's only fair."

The silence that followed wasn't as easy as the last and she wondered who was going to turn the conversation.

"Pam I know I shouldn't say this, but I uh…I'm really happy you didn't marry Roy."

The pressure started building behind her eyes. She wasn't ready to hear this. "Jim—"

"No, I know, I just…you deserve a lot better."

Tears welled in her eyes and if she didn't end the conversation right away she was going to make a scene in the office.

"Thanks." She said softly, her voice shaking a little more than she would have liked.

"Okay, well, I've got to go, but it was so good to talk to you," his pleasant tone returning.

"Yeah, you too," she said, a little sad that she didn't know when she would talk to him again.

"And just remember – never be ashamed of who you are. You're here, you're queer, get used to it."

"Sure thing, Jim," she laughed.

"Bye, Pam." She'd missed how he said her name. With love, she thought quickly before brushing that thought away.

"Bye," she replied, reluctantly hanging up the phone.

She took a deep, shuttering breath and felt her heart ache. How did this happen? For awhile she'd convinced herself that she missed having her best friend around. It didn't take long for her to admit that it was more than that. He'd made it more when he'd kissed her and as hard as she fought it, memories from months ago flooded her mind.

His hands were on her back as he crushed his lips to hers. She was surprised how easily she sank into his touch and how good his lips felt on hers. Her hands moved to his cheek of their own accord and when he pulled back she wasn't ready for it to end.

His shocked expression turned into a smile that melted her heart. Her hands slid down his chest and took his own. She couldn't help but smile back. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that" he said, his eyes shining.

"Me too," she said, surprising even herself. "I think we're just drunk," she rationalized, looking for some excuse for their behavior.

"No, I'm not drunk," he said, his smile faltered as his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you drunk?"

"No," she remembered. She wasn't. Then why did she feel drunk. Her head was swimming and her fingers were tingling and she was kissing Jim for Christ's sake. How could she not be drunk?

He leaned in again and her conscious kicked in. "Jim," she said, pushing him away. She could see the disappointment and sad realization in his eyes.

"You're really gonna marry him?" he asked, like he couldn't really believe it.

She couldn't even speak. She just nodded. She'd been waiting three years to marry Roy. How could she not now that the wedding was only three weeks away.

"Okay." He resigned. She believed him. It was okay. This was Jim, her best friend. She could see through the hurt and disappointment that he was saying "As long as you're happy."

He started to walk away but she wasn't ready to let him go. His hands were so warm and she hung onto them until only their fingertips touched. She watched him walk away and tried to push down the lump in her throat. She tried to conjure up thoughts of Roy and the wedding and the lump just got bigger. She realized that her fingers had floated to her lips and a smile had formed there. There was a giddiness bubbling inside her that she didn't know she had. She shouldn't be feeling like this right after she kissed her best friend three weeks before her wedding.

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"What?" Ryan's voice snapped out of her reverie. She realized she'd been staring at him.

"Oh, nothing. Sorry. I Just spaced out." He shook his head and went back to work.

She went home that night, to her own apartment, still thinking of her conversation with Jim. She hadn't had anyone to banter with lately and she couldn't believe how easy it was to just pick up where they left off. Well, not quite where we left off, she thought.

In the months since she called off the wedding she'd often wondered if he'd try and make contact. If he loved her, like he claimed, wouldn't he try to at least talk to her now that she wasn't married. She'd never considered the thought that he hadn't even known. How would he have? He was in Australia. And now Stamford. What did she think, that when he heard she broke it off with Roy that he would turn down his promotion and come back to Scranton to save her from inappropriate comments from Michael?

The funny thing was, she had.

She remembered going home after the Casino night and climbing into bed next to Roy. She kissed him, trying desperately to remember why she was marrying him. He woke with an "Oh hell yeah!" and pushed himself on top of her. His kiss was forceful, his hands rough on her body. Has it always been like this? She asked herself. He tasted like beer and she found herself turned off by the wetness of his kiss and his lack of finesse as he struggled to undress her.

She tried desperately to push thoughts of Jim from her mind and grasped Roy tighter. She ran her hands over his body and remembered how firm Jim's chest had been under her hands. Her lips were already raw from his stubble and she couldn't help but remember how full and soft Jim's lips had been on hers, tentative but demanding.

She couldn't keep doing this. She suddenly couldn't breathe, feeling suffocated by the weight of Roy on top of her. She pushed him off her, mumbling something about having too much to drink and shutting herself in the bathroom.

She stayed in the bathroom just long enough that she knew Roy was asleep before deciding to sleep on the couch for the night.

The next morning when she'd gotten to work she'd found the letter and nothing was ever the same.

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TBC…? Reviews please!