A Promise Kept

Chapter 1

By the time Mike had locked up and headed for bed a sneak peek into the spare room saw Steve already crashed out asleep. He stayed watching Steve for several seconds as guilt filled him again. How could he have let it happen? He began to wonder what else Steve had suffered through alone these past four weeks while he had been so selfish. But not anymore. He would make it up to him no matter what. Tomorrow would be the start of his making amends and with that thought he pulled the door over softly before heading to bed himself. After the long day he had had sleep came easily and he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

The ringing alarm clock woke him up at seven am the next morning as Mike shot a hand out from under the covers to silence it. He yawned and stretched and surveyed the time on the clock with sleepy eyes. He had forgotten to ask Steve the previous night what time his appointment was at so he had decided to get up early just in case. Getting up and donning his dressing gown he padded out onto the landing and towards Steve's room. He hated to wake him but knew he was safer to check just in case. He paused at the closed over door and knocked gently, calling out as he did.

"Steve? Are you awake? "

He hadn't really expected an answer and thought that perhaps he would end up having to go in and rouse the sleeping young man as he had looked really exhausted the previous night but to his surprise a reply came immediately but the voice that answered sounded a little strained.

"Yeah Mike ... I'm ... awake."

Something about Steve's voice alarmed Mike so he pushed the door open slightly and saw Steve sitting on the edge of his bed, slightly bent forward, his right hand gripping the front of his chest. Mike felt a chill up his spine as fear gripped his heart and he raced in to where Steve was sitting.

"STEVE? What's the matter? Are you having those pains again?"

Steve seemed to be in some sort of discomfort and also seemed to sag slightly as Mike had raced in. He was breathing erratically and appeared to be struggling to form an answer. Mike began to panic.

"Hold on Steve! I'll ring the Hospital ..."

He turned to race out of the room but Steve's left hand grabbed his arm and stopped him as he finally managed to stammer a response.

"NO! ... It's ok Mike ... It's not the pains ... It's just ... the scar ..."

Mike turned and stood where Steve had stopped him for several seconds as Steve's words sunk in. He slowly came back and sat down on the bed beside Steve.

"The scar? ... What do you mean? Is it that sore?"

Steve's eyes closed momentarily and then he opened them and looked sideways at Mike.

"It's always sore after I wake up. I'm supposed to sleep on my back but I tend to move onto my side in my sleep and it hurts when I wake up. It will be ok in a little while."

"Have you tried an ice pack? It might ease the discomfort from the stitches."

"No that won't help Mike. It's a little deeper than that. "

Mike looked puzzled and Steve swallowed hard before explaining reluctantly.

"It's where they wired my breastbone back together after the surgery ... "

Mike felt his heart race at those words and he couldn't even begin to imagine how much discomfort the young man sitting beside him was in. He barely stammered the words from his lips.

"Wired? "

"Yeah, didn't you know that's what they use?"

"Well ... I guess I never thought about it really ..."

Steve could see the horror on Mike's face and it reminded him of how horrified he had been to hear those words from the Surgeon after his surgery. He tried to lighten the tension with humor.

"Yeah, guess I'm going to have a little trouble going through the metal detectors at the airport from now on, huh?"

The humor didn't work as Mike remained worryingly quiet

"Does it always hurt that bad EVERY morning? "

Steve nodded sadly feeling his emotions breaking a little.

"Mostly ... They say it will get better as it heals though ..."

Steve held his chest again at the persistent discomfort and hung his head wishing that Mike hadn't come in and found him in such a state.

The painful healing was really getting to him. It was the reason he hardly ever went to bed these days but had taken to sleeping upright in his armchair at home. It was the reason he always felt so tired and the reason he hadn't even dared to look at the scar for the last three weeks. He went every two to three days without fail to the outpatient's clinic to have the wound dressed but he always chose to look away. The last time he had seen it was when the worst of the black sutures had been removed a week after the surgery and the sight of the scar had had a bad effect on him. The red raw scar down the middle of his chest adorned by the black sutures and underlying stitches was horrifying. The mere sight of it that day had sent shivers down his spine and psychologically he had felt the pain even more pronounced as a result. He had felt nauseous and lightheaded. The deep pain he felt every day from his sternum was a constant morbid reminder to him of the catastrophic incident that had almost cost him his life and as such it always brought his spirits down and caused him psychological anguish as well as the physical torture.

The touch of Mike's hand on his shoulder brought him out of his own thoughts and he glanced furtively sideways at him. Mike was staring at him and there was a distinct sadness in the older man's eyes. Mike then spoke and his words came out almost in a tremor.

"You've really been through hell these last four weeks haven't you?"

Steve felt a lump build in his throat but he couldn't let Mike feel guilty so he swallowed hard and spoke bravely.

"I've managed ok Mike. It wasn't that bad. Besides ... I'm alive, right? "

He patted the hand that rested on his shoulder and forced a smile despite the burning still persisting deep in his chest.

"You shouldn't have had to go through all that alone. I should have been there for you Buddy boy. I'm truly sorry ... I guess I was so bent on finding the hostages and getting the kidnappers that I never stopped to think how bad you were suffering ... Forgive me Steve ..."

"Mike stop! There's nothing to forgive. Besides Jeannie was there and I knew you wanted to be but that you were busy ... And ... you're here now aren't you? The wound just ..."

Steve stopped mid sentence not sure if he wanted to continue but Mike cajoled him further.

"Just what Steve? "

" ... It just gets to me sometimes. I can handle it most of the time but some days it just seems to be taking forever to feel better ... you know?"

Mike nodded understandingly.

"I know. Maybe if you lie back down it might ease the pressure off it a bit and start to ease up?"

Steve nodded reluctantly and lay back down, wincing visibly as he did. Mike stood up and swung his legs back up on the bed and reaching down he pulled the blanket back up over him.

"What time is your appointment this morning?"

"I have to be there for nine."

"Good, that means we have plenty of time. Rest there for a while and I'll get us some breakfast."

"No Mike, nothing for me thanks. I have to fast for this procedure so I can't have anything. "

"What? Not even a cup of coffee?"

" No, they said just water ..."

"Well that's lousy. Still never mind. All the more reason to bring you for a slap up lunch to Mamma's afterwards eh?"

"Yeah ... " Steve answered less enthusiastically than he meant to.

He was NOT looking forward to this hospital procedure and couldn't see himself being able to eat anything after it but he didn't want to seem ungrateful or to dampen Mike's spirits any more than he already had so far this morning. Mike noted that the young man looked almost ashen in the face and was concerned by the amount of discomfort he appeared to be in.

"Are you due painkillers?"

Steve looked at his watch and then nodded.

"Yeah, near enough ..."

Mike reached over to the bedside locker and opening the small pill bottle, he took out two and handed them to Steve who lifted his head off the pillow just enough to throw them into his mouth and swallow them down with the glass of water that Mike held out for him. Then he lay back against the pillows again, utter discomfort written all over his pale face.

"You go and get something to eat Mike. Don't mind me. I'll be alright in a while and I'll follow you down, ok?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah absolutely. Go ahead ..."

"Ok, you rest easy Buddy boy and give them a chance to kick in and I'll be back up in a while. If you need me in the meantime just shout ok?"

Steve nodded gratefully and then closed his eyes, as he rode out the waves of pain pulsating through his sternum as Mike turned and left the room. Mike headed down the stairs and into the kitchen busying himself with putting the coffee on to percolate and popping bread into the toaster. But as he waited, his thoughts returned to Steve and he felt his emotions fray as he covered his mouth with his hand to stifle the sobs that threatened to be audible. As a tear fell from his eye he wished beyond hope that he had the power to take the young man's pain away completely or better yet to go back to that night and stop him from getting shot at all.

The toast popped and Mike wiped at his face. He wasn't feeling very hungry himself but felt that he had better eat something to keep his strength up for whatever was to come later on. Steve was going to need all the support he could give so for that reason alone he ate two pieces of toast washed down with coffee, strong and black. He had just finished them when he heard footfall on the stairs and getting up he went out of the kitchen in time to see Steve coming downstairs. He was dressed and ready but was moving perhaps a bit more carefully than he would have bounded down them before.

"Steve, you should have called me. Are you ok?" he said racing to the end of the stairs and reaching up to take Steve's arm to assist him.

"Mike, I'm alright. You don't have to help me walk. I have the use of my legs. Besides the pain is easier now, honestly. I'M FINE!"

Mike pulled back noting from Steve's tone that his fussing was not helping the young man but instead making him irritable and uneasy. Holding his hands up in mock surrender he teased.

"Ok, ok. Don't shoot me. I was only trying to help but if you're able to manage yourself well then that's fine."

Steve had at least the decency to look ashamed and quickly proffered an apology.

"I know you were and I'm sorry for snapping Mike. I guess I'm just a little on edge about this angiogram. I didn't mean to take your nose off but PLEASE don't fuss. If I need your help I promise you I'll ask for it, alright?"

"Ok, fair enough ... You ready to go?"

Steve inhaled deeply trying to still his jangled nerves and spoke honestly.

"About as ready as I'll ever be Mike."

Mike could not only see the apprehension visible behind Steve's pasted smile but could feel the nervous tension emanating from the young man as he grabbed his coat and hat from the coat hook and spoke reassuringly as he led the way down the front steps to the car.

"It will be fine Buddy boy. You'll see. It will be all behind you before you know it. Would it help if I let you drive?"

"No ... Thanks for the offer Mike but I think you had better drive. My hands aren't too steady this morning. Maybe they're trying to tell me something, huh?"

Mike stopped as they reached the car and looked across the roof at his former partner. It was extremely worrying and very rare for Steve not to want to drive and it was also a worrying indication of how anxious the young man was about the upcoming procedure. He suddenly hoped that Steve had been fully upfront with him about the possible complications and hadn't sugar coated them for his benefit. Steve noticed the stare and returned it.

"What?"

"Sounds like you're having a bad case of cold feet Buddy boy. "

"Yeah, full frostbite you could say. I'm starting to have my doubts about going through with this Mike."

Trying to rally him around and encourage him, Mike tried a humorous approach. Leaning on the roof of the car he smiled across at Steve and spoke lightheartedly.

"Look at it this way Steve. How many times in a man's life does he get an opportunity to see what his heart looks like from the inside, huh?"

Instead of a smile a renewed look of revulsion crossed Steve's face and he paled visibly.

"How many times would you want to and why? Besides ... I'm perfectly amenable to just knowing its beating away and doing its job without ever seeing it up close and personal thank you very much. "

Mike chuckled at Steve's observation and beckoned for him to get in as a distinct chilly sea breeze blew around them just then and sent a shiver down Mike's spine. With both men now in the vehicle, Mike took off towards Franklin General, the silence and the agitated fidgeting coming from the passenger seat becoming more apparent and palpable the nearer they got.