As far as I can remember, I've been a stoner god...or at least I've been a god who is a stoner. I'm actually the god of calamity, you know, destruction and all that great stuff. My journey as a stoner stared when I was almost killed by a dragon kin.
It was centuries ago, I was destroying an old village and a temple within it. After destroying most of the village and heading towards the temple, I was met by a man with the wings and eyes of a dragon. He explained to me that he was the protector of the village and his name was Aiko Dragonheart. I laughed at him for his name before he attempted to make me regret it.
He attacked me, and a three day battle followed. On the third night, he stabbed me in the chest only a few inches from my heart while I only stabbed him in the stomach. "Why do you kill? You don't seem to enjoy it." He said to me on that day. That opened my eyes. After that, I promised him to not kill unless I really have reason to...
"Which makes me question why the hell would I do that at times like this!" I yell as I look around at the group of people cornering me. "You're going to pay for saying spilling whiskey on our boss." Said one of the lackeys standing in front of a man. This man had on a white suit except for the brown stain which happened when I tripped and bumped into the man by accident. "Hey guys, can't we just talk it out?" I asked with a nervous laugh. "Yeah. Have a fun conversation with my fist!" The lackey replied. He suddenly punched at me, and with a sigh, I caught his fist before breaking his elbow. I then kicked him through a table. He yelled in pain as I smiled nervously.
Without hesitation, another one of the lackeys grabbed a switchblade and stabbed it at my left side. "Okay. Fine." I said before catching the guy at the wrist. I yank the guy towards me before delivering an elbow to the side of his jaw. I kick the leader of the guys into a chair. He looked at me with a shocked expression as I grabbed one of his last two lackeys by the head and knee him in the face. Before the last guy could react, I grab th guy I'm holding by the shirt and throw him over my shoulder, hitting the final lackey.
With the leader still shocked and confused, I walk up to him. "Oh, fancy suit, you must have money. I want you to repay me for attacking me. $5 for my reggae beanie, $10 for the hoodie , I'll let you slide on the pants, and $20 for the black converse." I say to him. "W-why do I pay for your clothes?" He asked in a scared tone. "I got your lackeys' blood and sweat on them." I reply with a smile. I give him a death stare which makes him pay the amount. "Thanks a lot." I tell him. I kick him in the temple, knocking him out of the chair, before walking out of the bar. When I leave the door, I walk into my dimension, and put the money on my throne before staring out into the weed fields.
I felt a quick gust of wind, and knew exactly who it was. "Hello lady Death." I say while turning around. Death had on a black hoodie that was unzipped a little, with a black skirt, stockings, and black skating shoes. She was wearing her usual skull makeup with a smile. "Hello, cutie. Why didn't you kill them?" She asked me while walking up to me. She rubbed her finger down my chest. While doing so, she unzipped her jacket some, showing off her cleavage to me. "You know that I don't kill anymore, Death." I replied. "Hehe, but I like it when you kill. It gets me all warm and fuzzy inside." I said with a smirk. "Well, I like you no matter what." She added while licking my lips. She giggled and backed away. "Well, that's enough teasing for today CanTrell. Let's play sometime, okay?" She said before sticking out her tongue and disappearing. With a loud sigh, I sat down on my throne. I made a blunt appear in my hand before lighting the blunt with my Bob Marley zippo. "What a day. What a day." I say. I take a long drag of the blunt and blow out smoke. I look up into the sky while puffing on the blunt. "I hope you're happy, asshat." I mumble with a smile...