notes: I deal with things by writing about them, so not long after I heard about the explosions at the Boston Marathon, I began writing this. It takes place with an established Swan Queen, but really it's Regina and Henry reacting to the fact that they have no idea where Emma is or if she was there when the explosions went off. Due to the subject matter, this might be triggering. There is no character death though. If you do read, I hope you enjoy it, or feel better, or whatever.
Regina flinched. Jumped, like every muscle in her body contracted in time with the sound echoing in her ears.Boom! The word didn't match the sound, didn't convey the split second before the explosion hit and her whole world shrank to screams and confusion. Shit. Her hands shook as she reached out to close the video window. She clenched her fist and released it, but the tremor stuck. Waves tore down her arms as if the bombs went off right there in her kitchen. But they didn't. They went off in Boston. Boston. Wait, when was the last time Emma checked in? Regina's eyes flew to the time on her computer. Hours. Emma hadn't checked in for hours. Why hadn't she? Where was she? Emma!?
Regina fought to swallow. Her throat strained as her chest wracked with shallow breaths. Her phone. She fumbled for it. Knuckles slammed into granite counter tops. Nails scratched on crumbs. Crumbs. Henry needed to clean his breakfast. Henry needed Emma. They all needed Emma.
Regina dialed the number. Pick up. The shaking wouldn't end. The ringing wouldn't end. Pick up, Emma. Five rings. Six rings. Sev— "Yeah, you got me. Er, my number at least. If it's really bad, call Regina—"
"I'm fine," Regina ground out, fists tightening, "That doesn't help me. I need you." She ripped the phone from her ear. "Answer the damn phone." She dialed again. Listened. Three rings. Four.
"Yeah, you got me—"
"No, I don't."
Again. One. Two.
"Yeah—"
"Damnit!"
The phone flew from her hand. She flinched. Jumped, like her heart surged once before stopping altogether.
If Emma wasn't by her phone, then where was she? Emma talked while driving, no matter how many times Regina told her not to. Emma didn't care. Emma always said, 'You'll flip if I don't answer, so I'll talk fast. I'll even put it on speaker.' If it's on speaker, why won't Emma talk to her? Unless Emma can't. Unless Emma's — no. No.
Regina bent to pick up her phone again. Before she could even reach for it, she saw them. Henry's sneakers. Scuffed from the hours sword fighting with David, and a few clean spots from the toothbrush she took to them the week before, and in the light, she could almost see the way the fairydust shined on his laces. They used the dust to keep the shoes on Henry's feet even when he fidgeted. Only he wasn't fidgeting then. When Regina looked up, he was hardly standing. Regina parted her lips to say something to him, but what could she say? How could she comfort him when she needed comfort too? How could she talked to him if all she had were lies or inconsistencies?
"Mom?" God, she hated that word. Hated the way his voice shook and his lips quivered around it. Hated the way she half expected to hear Emma respond to it. Hated that Emma couldn't. Wouldn't. Henry started towards her, one step before he pulled his arms tight against his sides. He gulped down air before he asked her, "Where's Emma?" The air caught in his lungs. "She was supposed to be home yesterday. She's on the way, right? Mom? Emma's on the way. Right?"
Damn her. Damn Emma for going on that stupid trip. Damn Emma for not rushing home to them. Damn her because this moment, with her son, shouldn't exist. Henry shouldn't have to worry that his mom won't make it home. She should've been home. Instead she could be anywhere. She could be on the road, or at Granny's, or-or she could be at that finish line. She could be in some hospital, body blasted to pieces and alone. Oh, God, what if she was alone? Emma spent her whole life alone because she had no one, and if she died that way, if after everything they went through…. No.
Regina would not let that happen. If Emma was somewhere near that blast, if she was hurt, Regina would get to her. Emma saved her from fires, from wraiths, from the curse that trapped her as much as anyone else. Regina would figure out a way to make everything alright again. First, she had to calm down Henry. Reassure him.
With what? She glanced back up at him. You have nothing. No proof. No idea what's going on. You're useless.Regina clawed at the back of her neck. She said, "I don't know, Henry. But I'll find out."
"You'll find her? You can help her, can't you? You have magic."
Magic you can't use. Not outside of Storybrooke. Hell, not even inside of Storybrooke. "I…. I can't use magic to find her. You can't track magical people with magic."
"But we have to find her! We can't let her be out there! We can't give up!" Henry's eyes widened. "You don't really love her, do you?"
"Henry—"
He shook his head. "No! If you loved her, you'd be looking for her. You'd be trying. Why aren't you trying?" His voice cracked. "Why?"
Because I'm terrified. I don't know how to be afraid like this. Helpless. "I am trying. I will." Regina crossed over to Henry. "I promise I will."
And with those words, Henry rushed into her arms. She staggered a step, but his feet grounded them both. She tightened her grip on him. Hands pulled to her elbows so he knew he could hold her just as tightly. She hummed low in her throat, a wail she couldn't let pass. So Henry cried instead. Cried until his breathing began to slow, until all it took was a simple "Why don't you lay down?" to send him back up the stairs.
She followed behind him, counting his steps the way she did the phone rings. She reminded herself that each step he took was one she needed to hold onto. He could be gone tomorrow. Any of them could.
He got on his bed with his shoes still on, and Regina didn't even comment. His head hit the pillow before he looked to her. "You'll let me know when you find her?" When, not if. Regina nodded.
"The second I can. And I'll call your grandparents later."
"'kay." His eyelids drooped. His voice lowered. "Love you."
She smiled softly. "I love you too, Henry."
He yawned but wouldn't close his eyes. "How much?"
She knew this game. She stepped in closer. "Enough to curse a whole world to get to you."
He chuckled and curled up further in bed. "You always say that."
"I always mean it."
"And Emma?" Another yawn took the place of the rest of the question. Regina understood him anyway.
She sat down on the edge of Henry's bed. Sat to let the reality of her words soothe them both. "Enough to lose everything it gave me."
"But not me though?"
"Never you. It's you I love most of all." Her hand went up to go card his hair. In the back of her mind, she saw him as a little boy, asking again and again to know how much his mommy cared about him. She slipped into her old role, her old words. "More than apple trees and stable doors, over golden rings I love you more. Over magic spells and this whole land too…" and she trailed just for him.
And he whispered back, "'cause I love you most. I truly do."
Regina pressed a kiss to his hair. "Sleep tight, my prince. By the time you wake, I'll have answers." Mentally, she added, I'll have Emma. Right back where she belongs. I swear to that.