It was awkward, the first time I realized there was something going on between Sirius and Remus. I have nothing against their relationship. It was just that I had thought Sirius would tell me before I found out. Accidentally, I might add. Pads tells me everything. At least, he used to. When it comes to Remus, he never says a word. Maybe he thinks he's protecting Rem. Who knows? I've come to realize that he doesn't have to tell me for me to find out.
If you watch the two of them in public, you would guess Sirius is the dominant one. He always initiates touches and kissed. He acts so fiercely protective of Remus, and he is. I thought he was going to hex me into oblivion the first time I suggested that Remus might be a spy.
But he is only publicly dominant. I think this is because Remus absolutely hates being the center of attention, and Sirius craves it. In private, the roles are completely reversed. Hell, even I never would have guessed it. Sirius takes orders from no one. But I suppose the wolf in Remus would never be submissive, and Sirius trusts Remus so damned much. Still.
Looking back, I should have realized it would happen. Sirius was always so attentive of Remus. He was the first to figure out he was a werewolf, the first of us to master being an animagus, the first to notice Remus' depression in sixth year. He was always so much closer to Remus than Pete and I were, because it was Sirius that broke down the carefully constructed wall around Remus' emotions.
I used to think Remus was too good for Sirius, that Sirius would use him and move on, like he always did, leaving a crushed and broken Remus behind. He's proved me wrong however. They've been together for four years now, and have even been living together since graduation.
They've both proved me wrong. As it turns out, it's Remus who will leave a crushed and broken Sirius behind. I don't know when it happened, but Rem turned down a different path than we did. Sirius has denied it, all along, because he wants so badly to believe that Remus hasn't changed, but I look down at Sirius now, who is crying uncontrollably, cradled against me, and Lily's hand stroking his hair.
"Peter," he chokes out suddenly, pulling away from me and breaking me away from my thoughts. Peter looks up from his hands, surprised. We both know what Sirius is thinking.
I nod, then Peter nods, and the unwavering trust that Sirius has always had in Remus is gone. Sirius pulls away from me and runs towards our bathroom. I can hear him vomit as Lily tells me she'll owl Dumbledore about changing our secret keeper.
I think I'm angrier at Remus for what he's putting Sirius through than for betraying Lily and me. I sighed, and Peter puts a hand over mine, smiling encouragingly.