Some people think that love is the best thing you can ever have while you live your life, but I can tell you from personal experience that love is hard…harder than you could ever imagine. It makes fools out of the best of us and lunatics out of the rest. But that's not what I have come to tell you about today, at least, not really.
Like others in this world, love screwed me over. She made me jump, climb, and even sing on command, but you know what…I still haven't managed to keep my loved one, even after all these years. What's ironic about this whole thing is that my loved one…the one I would willingly give my life for, now hates me. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I just end up hurting him.
The first time…I left my home to kill my psychotic brother who had murdered my whole family and was now after the only other family I had left…a boy I had given my heart to the first time I met him. Turns out my brother had been working for an organization that had wanted that boy, so even after I killed my brother I had to kill them too.
After I had eliminated all the major enemies of that special boy of mine, I tried to return to that very same place I left from, my home. Of course there are always penalties for deserting; fortunately, the important people there loved me, not for who I am, but for the secrets that I carry in my blood. They make me special and unique, so I got off easy with a minor sentence of community service, a fine, and one around-the-clock body guard/parole officer for the next three years of my life.
I was not the only thing that had changed though while I was away from home. While I was gone, my love had changed as well. Before I had left he was full of energy and life, never giving up hope on anything or anyone, but that's not true anymore. In the five years I had been gone, he grew up; learning how to hide his emotions, run spy networks, seals, and anything else that he needed to learn in order to be my home's future leader. When I finally returned…I almost didn't recognize him.
Turns out his next assignment was to be my body guard/ parole officer…of course that worked out well for me. I now had three years to convince him of my love and affection, great isn't it. Everything was just falling into place, at least, that's what I thought at the time. So for the next three years I spent most of my time keeping in shape and romancing my secret love.
At first he was really cold towards me, not showing much emotion at all, but over time I gradually got him to open up to me again. Once he did I learned something that nearly tore my heart in two, he had been dating another man for almost four years. That night I couldn't sleep at all. Finding out that my love, the one I had sacrificed everything for, was seeing another, nearly broke me. The whole night I stayed awake, silently crying into my pillow, grieving for the loss of someone I thought to be my soul mate.
The next morning I left four hours early for my morning workout with blood shot eyes from crying and sleep deprivation. Naruto, my love, came looking for me four hours later, all frantic thinking that I had run away once again; we were about a year and a half into my 'probation' at this time.
He had woken our current leader, Tsunade, the fifth in a great line of leaders, and roused the village 'police force' in a village wide search. They had hunters ready to track me down and other special people with doggie connections on my trail. He had our sensei call his 'ninja dogs' to sniff me out starting from the house.
They arrived in my normal training ground with Sakura, my old team mate from when me, Naruto, and her were working together along with Naruto's boyfriend, Kiba. He was assigned to another team with a girl, Hinata, and a boy, Shino, both who also possess special blood, but we're getting off the subject.
They surrounded the clearing and waited for the right moment to pounce upon me. Of course me being the diligent workout/ training person I am, was practicing katas with my sword, Kusanagi, which I had taken from my former mentor, Orochimaru of the Sannin. I had just finished the kata when all three attacked. Not knowing that they weren't enemies, I treated them as I did any other attacker outside of a spar. I tried to kill them.
The first one to reach me was Kiba using his standard spinning drill type attack with his dog. I just let him fly past me and let off a low level fire jutsu after him. Next came Sakura with a fist swinging with enough power to take my head right off my shoulders. I just let her swing and miss before throwing her over my shoulder into the nearest tree trunk. Then came my former sensei from below me using a doton jutsu. As he came up I blocked his punch and kicked him into a tree trunk as well. Finally Naruto showed his face, creating clones upon clones to help overwhelm me. Fortunately for him, I had to dispatch every one before sending him into a tree as well.
Immediately after he had crashed into the tree, Naruto sprang back into action, joining my other three attackers in surrounding me. Of course the dobe didn't take a notice of his surroundings before asking why I was running off again. After I alerted him to the fact that we were in our normal training ground, still inside the village perimeters, did he believe I wasn't running away again.
Of course the dobe and them still had to report with me to Tsunade, and of course, that was a disaster within itself. The lady didn't like my tone when I spoke that day, not that she liked it before. Having lost someone dear to her, she picked up on the troubled feelings that I had. When she asked to talk to me alone, she asked me if everything was ok and acted like she really cared, but I know from experience that she doesn't, considering she was the one who wanted to give me the death penalty. So of course, I lied, saying that I was fine, and nothing was wrong.
For the next several months I survived on nothing more than two hours sleep and soldier pills when I really had to be alert. Then it happened, the day everything caught up with me. I woke up in the hospital with an IV drip bag hanging above my head. It turns out that I had passed out from severe chakra and physical exhaustion along with malnutrition according to Tsunade.
A few days later, I was released with promises to eat right and get more sleep. For the next week, I stuck with my promises, eating healthy food and getting more sleep, until one night, something triggered a regression in my habits. Naruto and I had been gone for a one day escort mission and had just returned. Of course, we split up after entering the village, seeing as he had other things to do before meeting me back at the mansion for some sleep.
As I was walking I saw him sneak into a rundown apartment, looking around to make sure he wouldn't be seen. Curious I went to the window and snuck a peek. Inside Naruto and Kiba we kissing and talking quietly. Not wanting to see what they were doing, I just sat down right underneath the window and listened. I must have been sitting there for at least 30 minutes before I heard Kiba whisper, "I love you," to the man that I wanted with all of my heart. But that wasn't the worst part of it. The worst part was when the man I had loved for my whole life whispered the exact same thing back to him just seconds later.
The volume of pain I was feeling at that second couldn't be measured. To me, it felt like all the bones in my body were broken all at once, just before I was thrown into a fire alive. I didn't care anymore about anyone seeing me there; all I cared about was getting away from everything. The pain, the agony, and the emptiness were too much for me to handle. Again I traveled to my normal training ground. There I let my tears freely flow as I started punching and hitting the trees around me, ready to do anything that will lessen the pain in my chest. Eventually my tears stopped flowing down my cheeks, and I collapsed against the tree that had bore the brunt my pain and slept.
The next morning I went on as if nothing was wrong, only my eating and sleep habits had digressed even further than last time. The only thing different about this time was that I lasted longer than last time, eating enough to keep me going even though I hardly ever slept. But as all things do, the period came to an end once again.
I woke up in the same room as before with only one small change. This time Lady Tsunade was waiting for me to wake with a grim smile. She stated that again I had passed out from exhaustion and malnutrition. Again she asked if anything was wrong, and this time…I said yes. She asked for me to elaborate, and so I did.
Over the year and three months that I had managed to live with below the normal amount of sleep and food, I noticed myself getting colder and more distant towards people. When I first arrived I actually would laugh and joke with people, but now I wouldn't even smile anymore.
I told her this in the only way I could understand. I told her that I couldn't feel anymore, that I couldn't laugh or smile at all, that I was just an empty shell with no heart. I tried to explain that all I could feel was this great sense of loss, like a hole in my chest where my feelings should be that just wasn't there anymore, but for all my effort to explain, she still didn't understand.
Seeing as my probation period had ended a week prior, I asked her for an A ranked solo mission out of Konoha. She didn't grant my request, even after I explained that I wanted some time to get away from everyone. Every day afterwards for a week, I asked her if I could have that mission, but each and every day she refused, even after I had gotten out of the hospital. Finally I just stopped asking and went on with my life consisting of training, training, and more training.
As time passed the urge to get out of the village grew and grew. Every hour and every minute of every day I thought about the freedom that I used to have before I returned to the village, but that wasn't how I wanted it to end this time. I didn't want to worry about hunters or anyone else while I traveled. Then on the morning six months after I had originally asked for that A ranked mission, the solution just hit me.
Immediately I started packing my travel bag. I packed enormous amounts of food, any ninja gear like jutsu scrolls, extra kunai, other weapons, and anything I wanted to keep from my home that meant something to me into some sealing scrolls that I had made earlier that year. Along with that I packed extra clothes and anything else I might need on the road, not to mention a boat load of money from my parents accounts.
Once I had finished, I set off for Tsunade's office with a renewed sense of purpose, instinctively knowing that I was doing what I was meant to my whole life. When I arrived at the tower, Shizune, Tsunade's assistant, informed me that she was busy at the moment. Ten seconds later Shizune ushered me into the office at Tsunade's command. Inside stood Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura, and Kiba flanking Tsunade on both sides of her desk. All five were looking at him as he approached her desk.
"Sasuke," she said looking at me calmly, "What brings you here today?"
"I was wondering if you had changed your mind about sending me on that A ranked mission that I asked you about." I replied returning her gaze with complete confidence.
"I see, but my mind hasn't changed since you came to me six months ago."
"Very well," I replied. Slowly, I walked forward the last couple of steps between me and her desk. Carefully, I reached up and untied the knot holding my hitai-ite in place. With simple grace I laid it before her face up so unmarked leaf symbol could be seen. "Then you can see this as my resignation. Good day, Hokage-sama."
Without another word I strode out of her office and away from the shocked faces of all five ninja. Taking my time I headed towards the main gate of the village, glad that I finally was my own master. From there I exited the village and started to travel around the elemental countries, seeing the sights and livin' the good life. Of course I had to hire myself out for money sometimes, but those times were few and far between.
Before I had even noticed, five years had passed since I left the Hidden Leaf Village the second time. In that time, the hole in my heart had healed enough so that I could begin to feel again. Everything was going great, and I was almost happy for once in my life, but then everything changed.
I was in the middle of Spring Country (used to be Snow Country) when it happened. In one of their small towns a job offer came from a woman who saw me treat a wound that I had gotten earlier. Apparently Princess Koyuki had gotten sick earlier on in the year and it was only getting worse as the days went by.
Reluctantly, I agreed to look at her, and once I did I knew that someone wanted the princess dead. Turns out that she had been given a rare poison made from the stem of the Mokubashi plant, and it's only cure is a paste made from the petals of the exact same plant. There's only one problem…that plant only grows in two places, the monastery in Earth Country and the very top of Mount Kyboishi here in the Spring Country. For once I'm actually glad Orochimaru made me learn how to create and cure poisons.
So with a nice paycheck awaiting me, I climbed the mountain and found the cure after falling through a small cave into an underground place full of trees while a never-ending blizzard raged outside. Even though I was only in this place a short time, I fell in love with it immediately. It was almost as if I was meant to be there.
Not even a week later Koyuki was up and about, totally cured of the poison. In thanks, she asked if there was anything she could do for me that was within her power to do. There was only one thing that I wanted at the moment, ownership of Mount Kyboishi, and the completion of that wish is where I am right now. Even now, a year later when I'm twenty-six years old, I'm still living here upon that very mountain even though I'm now called by a different name than Sasuke Uchiha.
I am Ryusei Kamikaze, the White Hermit, keeper of Mount Kyboishi.