A/N:

A New story. Quite Different from my first, "Marzipan and Vanilla". I want to know what you really think. I'm pretty serious. I'm in a dark place and writing helps. So please, tell me.

It was great at the very start

Hands on each other

Couldn't stand to be far apart

Closer the better

Now we're picking fights

And slamming doors

Magnifying all our flaws

And I wonder why

Wonder what for

Why we keep coming back for more

Scared To Be Lonely - Martin Garrix/ Dua Lipa

"Fuck"

Alex cursed when warm water hit her body. The day was an absolute disaster and it's still 9pm. She tried to close her eyes, listening to the slow rhythm of pouring water. But her mind was restless. She was in so much physical and mental agony and it was excruciating and disheartening. She haven't had any sleep for the last twenty-four hours. Usually she was a sucker for long sleeps but not today. Her anger was burning bright and she wanted to hit something hard or get stoned or jump from the 10th floor of a building. If all those were impossible, she wanted to shout til her lungs burst. She was so angry and it was eating her alive.

She was supposed to rest today, but no, her boss wanted her to come tonight since Maria was not well. Her shifts at work were hellish and tiresome. Although it was just a part-time work and every penny was important, she often ended up in cuts and bruises, not used to the heavy lifting of various supplies in the pub although she was a server.

It was almost 10pm. Time for her bus. The blizzard was howling outside but a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do. To survive. She clutched bag and started to go bit faster. Her phone was ringing. She checked the phone . Her girlfriend. Alex had to move away from her home town since she got a job, actually two jobs in the city and every Time they talked, on the phone, it ended in a fight making Alex's life more difficult and miserable. She tried to answer the incoming call because if not the next fight would be on that but the wind was too much for her liking. Ouch. she lost her focus and stumbled upon an icy rock and fell. It hurt like hell. Alex tried to move her leg wondering she broke a bone but thankfully she could move. For now.

"Fuck"

She picked herself up and walked towards the bus stop cursing Sylvie. She wondered why was she still with Sylvie. It's been five years now and first few months were pretty good. She supported Alex's writing and was really an inspiration. It was so messed up as years went by but Alex did not want to hurt Sylvie. There was no logic in it because it was her who always got hurt. She was Sylvie's punching bag, their love, long-lost, thanks to her Alex was always fuming with anger.

Although it was harder for her to walk with the fall, she had no choice because she saw her bus was coming from afar. She cross the street and got into the bus. 20 minutes to go for her shift. Her left leg was aching so bad.

"Why are you late Vause"

It's Nicky's way of saying hello.

"Sylvie"

"Say no more"

Nicky understands me, perfectly.

After that it was all about rushing, running and serving, lifting and pushing, all the hard work in the book. During her break Alex asked Nicky to massage her back and left shoulder with some ice.

"It's a nasty fall, Vause. All blue now"

" God, it hurts. Fuck Sylvie"

"I'm sure you must have done that last weekend or was it week before last?"

" We did not fuck but fought, as usual. We do that more often than fucking"

"You gotta take a decision Vause. You are just wasting time."

"I'm used to her now, you know. It's like breaking a habit."

"But she's using you. Why are you so blind not to see that?"

"She helped me a lot, when I start off my writing"

" Blah, blah, blah….So you are sacrificing your life to her?"

"You know it's not like that."

"What's it then? Just come out of your comfort zone. There are plenty of fish in the sea."

"I don't wanna talk about it now, Nicky"

"Okay, postpone it but trust me, you are gonna regret it."

"Bugger off"

Lucky for Alex, they could not continue the talking as the Pub got so busy afterwards.

It was 4am in the morning when Alex finally got home. Her phone ran out of battery and she plugged it in and switched it on. 35 missed calls and 50 texts. All from Sylvie. She did not want to open the texts. She knew what was on them, accusations, angry words and she was not in a mood for any. She was so tired and all she remembered was hitting the bed. She slept like a log that night, no dreams.

Alex slept most of the next day, her whole body was in agony. She thought of calling Sylvie but decided not to. The physical pain she was going through was enough. Besides, she was too anxious because there was a rumor that a new boss would come to office tomorrow since Mr. Demarco was retiring. Alex's job as a junior writer in Daily Planet was not enough to pay off the mortgage of her house, so she and her mum had to do two jobs. It was hard to find jobs in recession times like these, so she had to be happy being a server in Irish pub called Donegal. She kept saying to herself it was temporary and she was paid by cash which always came handy.

She was still thinking about who her new boss would be when she heard a knock on her door. It must be her landlady, Mrs. Holmes. Alex got up from her bed, slowly moving towards the door and opened it. It was Sylvie.

"What the fuck Sylvie"

"Fuck you"

"What"

"I thought you were dead, not answering my phone or replying my texts"

"I came home late last night, I…"

"What did you do til late? Fucked a chick? Where is she? Where is she hiding?"

"Fucked a chick? I had a nasty fall. I can barely move"

"Alex, cut the bullshit, don't lie to me. I drove three hours and I know you are hiding her somewhere"

"Stop being paranoid, jeez Sylvie, are you out of your fucking mind?"

"You are out of your mind and lying to me about a fall, trying to get my sympathy are you?"

"I don't want your fucking sympathy, thank you very much. Just get out"

"What did you say?"

"I said get out, I mean it"

"So you can fuck the bitch once I go?"

"You need help Sylvie. Like serious medical help"

"Now I need help? Now I am paranoid? What about those days? When I read everything you wrote and appreciated you?"

"When did you last appreciated me? When was the last time you talked to me like a normal person, without ripping my throat?"

Alex wanted to slap Sylvie. She could not believe the person she was becoming. Fuck Sylvie.

"Just leave me Alone for Pete's sake Sylvie, before I do something I might regret for the rest of my life?"

"Like what Alex? Ha? Are you gonna hit me? Are you gonna kill me? Do whatever I don't care?"

Alex could not take it anymore. She was not a violent person but Sylvie was pushing all her limits.

"I am going out. You stay."

With that Alex opened the door, slammed it behind her.

This is what we have become.