AN: I honestly don't know where I got this idea...it sort of struck me out of the blue. Anyways, as for disclaimers and the like – no, I do not own Shake it Up in any way, shape or form. I hope you enjoy!
She's perfect. That's all CeCe could think when she saw her, when she heard her, when she thought of her. Every embrace that she shared with her made her heart race, her head spin; every day with her seemed to last for one second before it was gone, out the window, making way for a new day to begin.
She was in love with her. They say that teenagers fall in and out of love, that the mind of a person at her age isn't finished developing, so that person doesn't know what they really want. They say that little feelings can be misinterpreted at young ages, that teenagers don't even know what love is. But God help CeCe she was so in love with Rocky that she swore her life hadn't even begun until the moment that they met. The world hadn't even started turning, night and day were the same, before she had met her.
Sometimes, late at night, CeCe would close her eyes and think of how every star fell into place for a reason. She had never truly understood Astronomy, or English, but she knew that the stars were a metaphor. The stars – that's what CeCe could see in Rocky's eyes. It made sense. If she knew anything, anything at all, it was that Rocky Blue was a star. The way she danced, the way she talked, and even the way her eyes lit up whenever she began thinking too hard made CeCe know with all of her very being that she was a star.
Whenever she was feeling particularly diplomatic, her mind would wonder farther upon the metaphor that she had created for herself. Perhaps she was a star too. She knew there was never a star as bright as Rocky, but maybe – maybe she had fallen into outer space, on a particularly off day in the clouds. And maybe her star had fallen into alignment with, by the will of someone's good graces, Rocky's star. So that was why she was here now, in Chicago, with Rocky, with the perfect star. With the love of her life.
Of course, no one knew of her metaphors. No, to the rest of the world she was the fun loving but dim-witted sidekick of Rocky, CeCe Jones.
.
.
"I love you."
The words, spoken aloud, created a stirring in CeCe's chest. Across from her, there was an evident stutter.
"I – I love you too." Like a pact, the words signified something greater. Something real. Rocky and Gunther kissed. CeCe thought she saw a smile on Rocky's lips, so she smiled too.
"You guys are cute," CeCe lied. Gunther smiled. Rocky smiled.
"She's cuter," Gunther purred. The words started a deep red blush crawling up Rocky's cheeks, and a quivering lip from CeCe. Her lip quivered because it was the truth; Rocky was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. What she didn't understand was how Gunther could see this, how anyone else should be allowed to see Rocky for how she truly was, anyone besides her.
.
.
They broke up two weeks later, for reasons long forgotten by the time Rocky showed up at CeCe's door, tears streaming down her cheeks. Without a word they took up residence on the couch, where Rocky rested her head on CeCe's shoulder, her shoulders constantly rocking with the force of her sobs. CeCe's hand rubbed against Rocky's back, comforting her in the best way she knew possible.
Sometimes, words were the most dangerous way to heal wounds.
So she didn't talk to Rocky, but let time take its course. Hours later Rocky was asleep on CeCe, her tears soaked into CeCe's shirt but dry in her eyes. Whenever she woke up she left without a word; CeCe's eyes were closed, her chest fluttering with the short rise and fall of her shallow breathing. But she wasn't asleep.
She hadn't slept at all that night.
.
.
The next boy Rocky loved was Deuce. Her pain from the breakup with Gunther and Deuce's despair caused by Dina's moving away called themselves allies to each other. CeCe watched as they would hug, kiss, share looks of passion.
Deuce swore he was going to marry her, that he was going to make her the happiest girl there had ever been. And CeCe watched, voicing empty compliments on their relationship, smiling when smiled at, speaking when spoken to. Until she snapped.
"I think he's going to propose," Rocky had said. Her hair was tied back in a loose ponytail, adorned with white flowers. She smiled the sort of smile that made CeCe feel like her heart was breaking a million times over. Shock coursed through CeCe's body, electrifying her every being, unraveling her soul with one sentence.
"You're – sixteen," she said then, her voice hoarse. Rocky's eyebrow quirked, and her head turned to face CeCe straight.
"Yes," she snapped, "but he loves me."
"Do you love him?" CeCe demanded, standing up from her hunched over position. Her voice was too harsh; the small talk that had been expected had quickly turned sour.
"I do!"
"No!" CeCe yelled, taking one step closer to Rocky. "You don't. You never have. You don't have to settle for him, Rocky, just because he tells you something nice, just because he kisses you and pretends to -"
"Shut up," Rocky said forcibly, her eyes trained down. CeCe's breath caught, and she swallowed a lump in her throat. Her mouth was closed into a thin line.
"Please listen to me."
"Shut the hell up, CeCe." CeCe had never heard Rocky curse. She had never seen such anger, hate, in her eyes, threatening to spill over. And yet, the anger did spill over; a single tear fell down Rocky's cheek. Much quieter now, she said "he does love me." And then, "please...go."
CeCe's mouth faltered open, her eyes trained on Rocky. She willed her to look up, to look her in the eyes, but Rocky refused. Tears of her own began to form, but before a single drop could fall, CeCe wiped them from her eyes.
"Someone will love you, Rocky. Someone will love you with every single thing inside of them, ever fiber of their being – don't settle because you think they won't. I -" but she stopped there, unable to finish. Knowing that Rocky had been caught off guard, and her eyes had found CeCe, she fled without another word.
.
.
Three months later, Rocky and CeCe had still not spoken. J Hughes was a small school, but they found ways to avoid each other in the halls, to pretend like they didn't see each other at their lockers. The world had, once again, stopped turning for CeCe. And how she longed for it to turn again.
In desperation, she slept around. A common visitor at her apartment was Frankie, "the complication." He was a dirtbag, and CeCe hated him. But he took away her loneliness, if only for a little while, and that was enough for her.
CeCe heard news that Deuce had tried to break up with Rocky, but she had begged him to stay. And he had. They became the power couple, all smiles to those around them, but completely broken while with each other. Once CeCe recalled locking eyes with Deuce and feeling something pass between the two. Maybe he had sensed how she felt, her love for his girlfriend, because in that moment they seemed to understand each other more than any other two people in the world.
It was how it had to be. Whether or not CeCe's world was turning didn't matter to anyone other than herself, and the all-powerful Rocky Blue couldn't be seen with just anyone, much less the slut CeCe Jones. CeCe despised the way the world worked, but learned to accept it.
.
.
By the time CeCe graduated high school, she had lost herself completely. She had no plans for college, and had no idea where Rocky was going either. She assumed she was going to an Ivy League school, probably dragging Deuce with her to continue his shady businesses with the scholars at wherever she attended.
Days after graduation, CeCe had the largest strike of Deja vu she had ever had in her life. After opening the door, she saw a solemn Rocky Blue. Just like that day so many years ago, no words were spoken. They weren't needed. They headed to the couch, and Rocky laid her head on CeCe's shoulder. This time, they both slept through the night.
In the morning the story came. Deuce had located Dina and told Rocky that he had never gotten over her, that their 'love' was nothing compared to what he had shared with the latina. So he left Rocky alone at the beginning of her future.
She confessed that she hadn't cried at all. If anything, the news uplifted Rocky, but then broke her as she began to think of the consequences of the break up. What was she going to do with her life? How was she going to be able to afford Harvord without Deuce? As she talked, CeCe's heart hammered loudly in her chest.
It surprised her how easily her love for Rocky awoke.
In return, CeCe told Rocky of her life after they had iced each other out. She talked about Frankie("and yes, he's doing fine, thanks"), and the countless other guys she had encountered. She included a description of Gunther's new girlfriend whom she had seen in the halls, an unattractive blonde who was always picking at her teeth. It amused Rocky, and she laughed; CeCe's head spun at the sound of it. It was like nothing she had ever heard before, even after having having heard her laugh so many times, so many years ago.
Through their conversation edged a familiar topic: the future. CeCe was clueless as to what she wanted out of life, although she was sure it involved her lifelong passion of dancing. Rocky strived for a more practical goal as a nurse. They both knew there was no way they were going to be able to make it on their own, so plans were made for the two of them to move into an apartment together, in Cambridge. CeCe would attend a local community college while Rocky fulfilled her dreams at one of the top schools in the country.
They were clueless, but they knew that somehow, somehow, it had to work.
.
.
It was a Tuesday when CeCe told her.
For as long as she could remember, she had loved Rocky. Telling her this was her final cry, her surrender, her plead to let her life go. She had never been able to live for the string attaching herself to Rocky, and telling her was the only way to break that string she knew how.
"I love you, Rocky Blue."
"I know you do, CeCe. I love you too."
"No, you don't." It wasn't aggressive; it wasn't forceful. She was simply stating a fact. Rocky had no idea.
"I know, CeCe, really I do, or else you wouldn't have come here with me, or -"
Her composure still in tact, CeCe said "not like that. Not like I'm supposed to love you." This time, Rocky said nothing, her eyes trained forward in deep thought. So CeCe continued.
"I've loved you ever since the day that we bumped into each other. You knocked me over, and I was in love with you before I hit the ground. I loved you when you came to school in the mornings, when you came into my house. I loved you when you were in love with Gunther, and Deuce after that. I've loved you since the day you told me to 'shut the hell up'" - here CeCe laughed, humorously - "and every single minute of every single hour between then and now I've been in love with you, more in love with you than any other person has ever been. If you asked me to jump off of a bridge, I'd do it because I'm so in love with you that I should probably be in some kind of mental hospital right now. And I know you don't love me like that, which is why I'm telling you. I'm letting you go – because I love you."
Rocky didn't try to speak. Her hands folded neatly into her lap, staring ahead, processing what she had been told, her lips remained sealed. CeCe searched her eyes, looking for a sign of disgust, repulsion, anything. There was nothing. Rocky was yet another book that CeCe found impossible to read. Seconds, minutes passed, maybe hours, CeCe didn't count, before Rocky stood without a word and left the apartment. When CeCe checked the blinding numbers on the digital clock hung on the wall, it read 3AM.
.
.
She knocked on the door when she came back, even though it was her home as much as it was CeCe's. The door opened, and there Rocky had stood, wearing the same clothes as when she had left – the night before. She stepped in, closing the door behind her and looking at CeCe.
CeCe opened her mouth to speak and was silenced by Rocky, holding up a hand.
"I don't know why," Rocky began, her fists now balled at her sides. "What you said – I can't just go to the library and read about it. I can't ask someone what to do, what you're supposed to do when your best friend says she loves you. So instead, I asked myself."
"Rocky," CeCe whispered, her eyes full of pity. "I shouldn't have – I'm sorry -"
"I love you because you're my best friend, and that's what friends are supposed to do. But I also love you because you've been there for me all along, the one that knows who I really am and whom I can be myself with. And I love you because you're the only thing that I know is real in this stupid, messed up world, when nothing else seems to fall into place. I love you more than Gunther loves his ugly girlfriend."
CeCe bit down on her lower lip, struggling to stop its trembling. Where she had succeeded there, she hadn't managed to stop a new flow of tears, falling down her cheeks one by one. She laughed appreciatively at Rocky's attempt at humoring the situation, her eyes locked desperately onto hers.
"I love you more than that idiot Deuce Martinez loves Dina, somewhere off in California. I love you more than anyone else in my life, more than I ever will. And you won't believe me, but I love you more than you could ever love me, because you're the only person on Earth that I could be with without settling. You're the only good thing that's ever happened to me, CeCe Jones, and I love every single part of you because of it."
There was a moment, silent other than the sniffling of both girls, before CeCe shook her head. "No," she managed. "T – that doesn't mean anything. You're confused, Rocky." The weight of the situation was too much for CeCe, the gravity weighed down on her shoulders. There had been too much to take in, in such a short period of time.
"No, it means everything," Rocky said simply as she leaned in, connecting her lips with CeCe's. CeCe was stunned for a moment, unable to regain composure. Her eyes drifted closed. She stood on her tip toes, leaning into the kiss and feeling something stir in the pit of her stomach. Rocky's hands, placed on CeCe's shoulder, drew her closer.
When they had finally broken apart from the kiss, they hugged, lingering so as to draw out their time with the ones they loved.
.
.
"You know, I forgot something." Rocky's head was lying on CeCe's shoulder, both girls lying on the rooftop of their apartment building. Rocky's head turned, facing CeCe, her eyes full of love and interest.
"Hmm?"
"When we were talking about love." CeCe said. "When we said how much we loved each other. I forgot something important."
"I want to hear something important."
"I love you because you're a star. I mean – you're the biggest star I've ever met. The best star. The only star that matters." CeCe scowered the sky, picking out the brightest pinpoint in the distance. "See that?" She pointed the star out, turning towards Rocky. "That's you." Rocky smiled, grabbing onto CeCe's arm and directing it over to the side so that it was pointing to the star closest to Rocky's star.
"See that? That's you." She raised her eyebrows, adding, "except, you're much brighter."
CeCe laughed. "Whatever you say."
"I say that I love you, my star." Star. Yes, CeCe thought, this felt right.
"I love you too, Rocky."
AN: There you have it! Like I said, I have no idea how this came to me, but once I started writing it, I really couldn't stop. I'd love it if you reviewed with any thoughts(criticisms included!), and thanks for reading. (: