*Disclaimer:* I do not own these characters, for they all belong to Susan Collins

Chapter I: FEAR

I wake up screaming, and sweat is pouring down my face. This time there's no one to hold me. Peeta went to District 13 when Paylor called him for some emergency over four months ago. He hasn't returned since then. "No more nightmares Katniss," I tell myself. It doesn't seem to have the same affect that it has when Peeta says it. "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask myself. "Yes," I respond, "I mean-no, I mean, it was another Prim dream." "Oh Katniss," I say stroking my hair, "It's alright."

But it's not alright. Clearly it's not alright if I have to talk to myself to try to comfort me. Clearly it's not alright if Peeta left a long time ago and hasn't gotten in touch with me to tell me why he's not back. Clearly it's not okay that because Peeta's gone, I have to talk to myself to try to stay calm and it's leading me to complete utter insanity! "Mommy," a voice interrupts my angered thoughts. I look over and see Ivy opening the bedroom door. "I had a bad dream."

"It's okay now," I lie to her, "go back to sleep." "But," she starts, "it was a Games dream." Although only seven, Ivy has learned that the one way to get Peeta and I to let her climb into our bed with us is by telling us that she had a Hunger Games nightmare. We both know that with those kind of dreams, we couldn't imagine what it would be like without arms to hold us. But I've stopped imagining, because it's become true, well for me anyways. Ivy climbs into bed with me, and I wrap my arms around her.

Sometimes I like to pretend that Ivy's Prim, and we're laying in our old bed back in the Seam, on the night before the Reaping, just praying that we don't get picked. But tonight, there's no pretending, because my thoughts are with Prim. The real Prim. In my nightmare, I re-saw the scene of her death. But this time I saw who was in the helicopter, but when I woke up, I couldn't remember.

The last thing I saw was Prim screaming. "At least I died saving others," Prim would say. She was so caring. Not even an ounce of selfish. Always thinking of others first, and I see a lot of that in Ivy. After all, Prim is Ivy's namesake. Prim always told me if she had a child, she'd name her Ivy. So that's how Peeta and I chose Ivy Rose.

A silent tear drops down my eye. I quickly wipe it away; I can't let Ivy see my like this. "Mwowww," a nasty cry rings in my ear. Buttercup jumps onto the bed, and starts purring like crazy. He smashes his torn face into mine, and then goes to sit on my legs. He's warmed up to me more, but still won't lay on my chest, but occasionally, he'll curl into my arms at night when we're both sad and need comfort. Ivy slowly pats her lap as she looks at Buttercup to come over and lay on her, but instead he just goes to sit closer to me. "Why won't he sit on me mommy?" Ivy asks.

"This cat's been through a lot…" I trail off thinking of Prim again. "Go back to sleep," I tell her. I'm not up for a midnight conversation, I just want to cry alone with Buttercup curled in my arms, and Peeta holding me. Buttercup hisses at Ivy so I tap him on the nose. "Mom," Ivy whines. "Ivy go back in your bed," I say calmly. "But," she begins. "Now Ivy!" I yell. She quickly gets up and leaves. Once I hear the door shut, I begin to cry.

Along with my weeping, I hear another cry that doesn't belong to me. Buttercup curls himself up in my arms. He rests his head on my right arm, and keeps his brown eyes locked on mine. His ears are drooping, and I know he has the same thing on his mind that I do. "I know," I tell him. "I miss her too." More tears roll down my eyes, and I hold on to Buttercup harder. "I want her back," I say, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried to drown you. You're all I have left of her."

An odd whimpering sound comes from the cat. "Try to be nice to Ivy," I say while stroking Buttercup's head, "she's a lot like Prim." Buttercup growls and turns his head away from mine. I close my eyes, and I drift off to sleep with Buttercup in my arms. "We could do it you know," Gale's voice says as he slowly appears, "run away." "We wouldn't make it five miles," I tell him.

"I could," he says. "Well what about Prim?" I ask, "and your brothers?" "They could come too," he says. " I don't know," I say, "Prim, in the woods?" "Yeah," he laughs, "probably not the best idea." The sudden scene of Gale and I together in the woods of District 12 disappears, and instead I see Ceasar Flickerman appear holding my arm up during the interview.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Ceasar says, "Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire!" "Just promise me something," Prim appears all of a sudden in the room where we said our goodbyes. "Try to win. Maybe you can," she says nodding her head trying to assure herself. "Prim!" I mouth, but no sound comes out, and she slowly disappears like all the others. "Katniss," Rue says laying on the grass, "You have to win."

I awake shaking violently, and Buttercup is still curled in my arms. "Why isn't mommy coming down for breakfast?" I hear Ivy say from downstairs. "Your mother isn't feeling well," Greasy Sae says, "now eat your breakfast." "But what will she eat for breakfast?" Ivy asks. A chill is sent down my spine. She sounded so much like Prim just now, that for a second, I thought it was Prim.

"I'll make her something special," Greasy Sae says. "Where Buttacup?" I hear Finn ask. I'm worried about Finn. He had delayed speech, and is only getting better now. Since he's four, he'll be starting school next year. For some reason, I've been worrying about this a lot. I never wanted kids in the first place, so why am I caring so much? The only reason I gave in was because Peeta said I could choose the names, and I wanted to remember Prim, Finnick, and Thresh. That's why Ivy's name is Ivy Rose, and Finn's name is Finn Thresher.

"Here you go," a raspy voice says. My eyes roll up and I see Greasy Sae feeding me a spoonful of some awful tasting liquid. It's pure black, and it tastes exactly how it looks. I moan, and she feeds me another spoonful. She puts that away and takes another bowl from a silver tray. "Eat the soup," she says, "it's good for you." With that she starts to leave, but right as she reaches the door she stops and turns around.

"Katniss," her nasally voice calls, "I know it's been hard, with Peeta, and Prim and all, but, your kids need you." The door shuts, and I'm left alone with my soup and Buttercup. Anger slowly starts to build up inside of me. Who is she to tell me how to raise my kids? I'm doing just fine raising them on my own after all I've been through! She's never even had kids!

I take my bowl of soup and throw it against the wall. It shatters into pieces, and the soup spills all over the white wall and the carpeted floor. With more frustration, I let out a scream, which makes Buttercup turn immediately to see what the commotion is. Nearby downstairs, I hear what sounds like a sigh coming from Greasy Sae, who is probably cleaning the dishes with her torn red rag by now. I stare at the door, waiting for the Avox girl to come in and clean up the shattered bowl, help me clean up myself, and tell me it was okay even though I still felt guilty about what I did to her.

But after a long time of waiting, there's just disappointment. Of course she's not coming. She's dead. Just like everyone else. Just like Finnick. Just like Cinna. Just like Prim. Just like Rue. And now, probably just like Peeta. A sudden thought pops in my head. Was Greasy Sae trying to help me? Maybe she wasn't insulting me. But why?

What about me makes her care? I begin to realize the message she was sending me. Greasy Sae is a spitting image of what I was going to be if the Hunger Games still existed. I wasn't going to get married or have kids. Greasy Sae is the past, future me. I can't help but feel guilty. Maybe she regrets not having a family. After all, she's working for some young girl whom she really has no relationship with.

But something else is bugging me. Another message comes to me from what she said. I'm becoming my mother. I'm tuning out, and I'm leaving my kids to provide for us. But they're too young. No. This isn't true. They've got Greasy Sae to take care of them. So it's better. "What are you saying Katniss?" I hear Peeta's voice in my head, "They need you! It's not any better when you aren't doing anything! You need to get up and move!"

Peeta's fake voice in my head is right. I need to do something. I'm acting how I did when the rebellion was over. And Peeta. Where is he? Paylor said there was an emergency in District 13, and she needed him urgently! She even said it would only be a few weeks! Why hadn't Peeta called? Why hadn't she called?

I just can't take it anymore. I pull the covers off of me and jump out of bed. I go to my wooden dresser and get out a pair of jeans, a white tee, and my dad's hunting jacket. As I put it on, I notice my bow and arrows aren't in their normal place. I open the door and march downstairs to the kitchen. "Good to see you up and running Katniss," Greasy Sae says. "Where are my bow and arrows?" I spit out.

"Oh," she says, "I put them in the shack outside." "What?" I ask angrily. That shack's roof has cracks, and the door is broken. Anything could've happened to them! An animal could have wrecked the shed, or they could've gotten soaked in a previous rain shower. "Momma play with us," Finn says. "Not now Finn," I say stomping out of the house.

I run over to the shed to check on my bow and arrows. Luckily, they aren't damaged. I grab the arrow bag and throw it over my shoulder, and tuck my bow under my right arm. I don't bother saying goodbye, or telling them where I'll be for the next few hours, but Greasy Sae probably already has an idea. So I run to the old gate that hasn't worked for years. I still don't know why they haven't taken it down.

It's the only thing still existing of the old District 12. Now District 12 is a beautiful, quiet place. It's still a small town where everyone knows each other, but all the major photo shoots for fashion magazines are done in the woods here. It's really annoying when I'm trying to shoot a squirrel and I see some girl practically stripping for the photographer. Their cameras' flash always scare my prey away.

They've added a gate that you can open and close to get in the woods, but I still choose my usual way of going under. Even though they fixed that a long time ago, over the years it's loosened again, and they've removed all the barbed wire. I run into the familiar scenery that I haven't been in for a while now. This is my first time hunting ever since Peeta's been missing.

I pick up some autumn leaves and rub them in my hands. Next I take some dirt and slather it over my arms to blend in with the scent of the woods. The leaves are slowly falling, which make it easier to see prey that are hiding in branches. Nearby I think I see a deer, which have become more abundant. "Damn you Gale," I had said many years ago, "That was the first deer I've see in a long time and you scared it away!" "Sorry Catnip," he had said with a laugh. Gale was never that bad.

But yet I still hold a hatred in the pit of my stomach for him. He never even talks to me anymore, or said why he left. After Prim died he didn't speak to me anymore, and that was when I needed comfort most of all. I take an arrow from my back and load it into the bow. I hold the bow back and slowly begin to pull the string. "Uh, uh," I hear a sound. This scares the deer away, just like Gale did. "Shit!" I mutter under my breath. With anger I stomp towards the source of the sound.

I stop when I think I see something, and hide behind a tree. In front of me are two teenagers. One tall girl with long blonde hair, who's wearing an awfully short white frilly dress. Sucking her face is an even taller boy. He has light brown hair, and is wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. Sick. They're practically inhaling each other. Do it at home, not in public. I know I'm only in my twenties myself, but even I know better. You wouldn't catch me sucking faces with my boyfriend like that in public.

The boy is practically ridding her of her clothes. "Hey rent a room!" I yell. I quickly climb up the tree and hide in it before they see me. I hear them stop, and they both turn to see who said that. The girl's face starts to become bright red. I become proud of myself; that was something Gale would've said. We would've laughed and laughed, and celebrated on our small accomplishment with some squirrel meat.

"Come on babe, let's go back to the house to finish." "But we've come all the way out here…" her soft voice says. "I'll pay you extra then," he says as they begin to leave. Gross. The last thing we need are more whores. Oh my god. I quickly turn to take one more glimpse at that boy. I knew he was familiar! The light brown hair, the sound of his voice, his sickly action.

He seemed so much like Cray, the old Peacekeeper who paid poor women to come in his bed. That must be…his son. Or one of many. He had so many women crawling in his bed with him, who knows how many kids he had. I have faint memories of Cray when he was younger, before his hair was silver, and that kid looked just like it. But I'd bet my life that, that kid was a son of his. As I'm about to climb down from the tree, I see a squirrel just in shooting distance. I load my bow again, and carefully concentrate on it's eye.

I pull back the white string, squint one eye, and release the arrow with my hand. Bullseye. I climb down from the tree to receive my kill. "Now you go get some wood," Gale would say. "And what are you going to do?" I would ask him. "I'm going to sit here and make sure that no one steals the squirrel." "Aren't I glad I have you as a partner," I'd say sarcastically. "Hell yeah you are Catnip," he'd say with a smile. This time there's no one to make jokes.

I have to find my own firewood this time. Of course I don't have Gale's hand-on secret skills to chop a tree down. I'll be lucky if I can cut down some branches on my own. As I look around, I notice that most of these tree branches are way too thin to use to make a fire. I decide to go back to the tree I was hiding in earlier. Most of the leaves are still on the thick branches, so they will help start the fire faster.

I climb up the tree with no trouble, and sit on a high branch. There's another one close under it, so I reach over to chop it down. I pull out my pocket knife, and start to saw the branch. I feel like I am sawing the Trackerjacker nest to drop on the careers and Peeta in my first Hunger Games. After a while it chops down, and I wait for the screams of the other tributes, but there are none. I jump down to another branch, and keep sawing them down until there are no more branches close enough together.

I end up having enough, and the branches fall close enough together that I don't need to move them. I collect a few rocks and thinner branches, and I begin to rub them together. A spark appears, and then it goes away. So I rub harder, and then I get a fire. I throw the rocks and branches onto the firewood and a huge fire starts. "Now for a stick," I say looking around for another thin branch. I find one near me, pick it up, and skewer it through the squirrel meat after skinning it.

"Not bad Catnip," I say acting like Gale, "not bad." Before I know it I've finished the squirrel meat, and it's fallen dark. "Better get home," I say. I gather my things and start heading for the gate. I slide under and run all the way home. "Good to see you back Katniss," Greasy Sae says. "Just in time to read me a bed time story!" Ivy exclaims. "Not tonight Ivy," I tell her. "When?" she asks. "Some other night," I say, "Sae will read you one tonight?"

I rush upstairs to my room and hide my bow and arrows in a locked drawer. I hear a hiss behind me, and of course it's Buttercup. "Back to our old selves aren't we now?" I ask with a laugh. Buttercup cocks his head and I know what he's looking for. My one- minute happy self dies again, and I go back to being depressed. "We aren't repeating this scene again," I say, "you know where she is."

I run into the bathroom and try to hide my tears by taking a shower. They've made all the showers in the districts like the old Capitol showers, but I wanted a normal one that the richer districts used to have when they were under control of the Capitol. I can't stand bathing in a large bucket. As I sit in the shower, I stare at the purple razor on the shower shelf. It was sent to me in the mail by Octavia, who no one knows where she is now. For all I know she's dead too. Which is likely.

It came with a message written on fancy purple and white paper. "We know Cinna would've wanted you to have this," she had said. Cinna wouldn't have wanted me to have that. They just wanted to make sure I wasn't a hairy mess. I've used it a few times, but whenever I do I always get cut and there are always patches of hair left over. The only thing I consistently do is pluck in-between my eyebrows so I won't get a uni-brow.

I drain the shower, and grab a green towel to wrap around me when I come out. I walk over to my dresser, where I find a black hair tie. The same tie that my mother used to make my braid on the day of the reaping. The same tie Cinna used to braid my hair for every event during the Hunger Games. I'm surprised the tie has lasted this long. I pick it up, and move it around between my fingers. After examining it for a while, I decide to try to braid my hair how my mother did.

It's not as great, but it's a close call. I drop my towel on the floor, leaving me naked. I put on my undergarments, and slip over some long grey pajama pants and a green camisole. "Are you here to make me look pretty?" my voice echoes in my head as I stare at myself in the mirror. "I'm here to help you make an impression," Cinna had said. I can't take it anymore, so I turn my lights off, and crawl under my covers to fall asleep. Tears start to fall down my eyes. I curl up into a ball and wrap my arms around my legs.

"Katniss," I hear Greasy Sae's voice say as the lights come on, "have you had dinner?" I wipe my eyes and stare at the wall. "Yes," I tell her. "What did you eat?" she asks checking to see if I am lying. "Squirrel meat," I say. "Now Katniss," she says, "You can't starve yourself. Your children need you and…" "I had squirrel meat!" I scream at her. "Okay," she says, "goodnight." She quickly turns off the lights and leaves, closing the door behind her.

"What am I supposed to say?" I asked Cinna. "Just try to make them like you," he had said. "Well if you haven't noticed, I'm not the best at making people like me," I told him. "Well I like you," he said. "That's because it's easy to talk to you," I had said. "Well just pretend you're talking to me. Just look at me, and say the answers that you would tell me." I wish Cinna was here still to be my personal adviser. Greasy Sae can't do that.

"You should give her a chance," Cinna would say, "You're shunning her out, and won't even let her. Just try to be nice." "If I were you sweetheart," I hear Haymitch's intoxicated voice say, "I'd start being friendlier. You aren't gonna get yourself any sponsors with that attitude." I begin to doze off, and tonight I dream of Cinna.

I wake up in the morning not sweating nor shaking violently. I look at the clock, 6:00 AM. I get up and put on my usual outfit I would wear to go hunting. But this time, I'm not going hunting. I need to talk to Haymitch. He's all I have left. I silently sneak downstairs hoping not to wake up anyone. As I open the door to go outside, I hear a voice behind me. "Going hunting?" I turn around and see Ivy. "Ivy," I say, "what are you doing up this early?" "I couldn't sleep," she says.

"And no," I say, "I'm going to talk to Haymitch." "Can I come?" she asks. "No," I tell her. "Why not?" she asks. "Because Haymitch is a bad influence," I tell her. "And he's all I have left to talk to. You wouldn't understand." "You have me to talk to," she says. "Not about the things I need to talk about," I say. "I know what you need to talk about," she says. "I know I wasn't there, and you don't think I understand, but I really do. Just because I'm seven doesn't mean I don't get things."

"You just don't know a lot of things that Haymitch does," I say. "Trust me," she says, "I know A LOT more than a seven year old should know." I can't help but let a smile come across my face. I sit down at the kitchen table, and she sits next to me. "You are going over to Haymitch's to talk about Cinna," she says. "How'd you know?" I ask her surprised. "Because your hair is in the braid," she says emphasizing 'the braid' as if it is some famous name. "Which means you were thinking of him last night."

"I guess you do know a bit more than most kids do," I say getting ready to leave. "I wasn't done," she says. "Look," I say, "I know you're probably wondering why I haven't been spending time with you guys and everything but-…" "I'm not wondering that," she cuts me off. "I know why. It's because of dad. And Cinna. And Gale. And Finnick. And Rue. And Prim."

I shiver at Prim's name. "I wish I knew her," she says looking down. I take a look at Ivy. Her hair is darker than mine, and is very dark brown, almost looking black. She has beautiful light blue eyes and pale skin, but her facial shape and eyes look just like Prim. She even has the same long hair Prim does - I mean - did.

"Well you act just like her," I tell her. "I do?" she says. "Yeah," I admit. "Is that why you don't want to be around me?" she asks. "No, no," I tell her. I take her hands in mine. "I would never not want to see you because of that," I say while I give her a light little tap on her nose. "But I know it's hard for you," she says. I let out a sigh. "She was so selfless. And kind. Always thinking of others first. She was very bright too. And it's just that, I see a lot of that in you."

"Mom," Prim says. No. Not Prim. Ivy! Oh god not Prim! Ivy! Ivy! Ivy! I need to get this Prim thing out of my head. I can't replace her, and I'm not going to only love Ivy because she reminds me of Prim. "Is it true?" "Is what true?" I ask with a sweet tone and a big smile. "That you didn't want us, me and Finn?" "Well," I say changing my tone now, "I didn't want you at first because I didn't want to have to watch my kids go through reapings and possibly be picked." Ivy nods, but she still seems unsure.

"You still don't know who was in that helicopter?" she asks. "No," I say, "but I think it was President Coin." She nods slightly, but doesn't seem to agree. "I'm going to Haymitch's now," I tell her as I get up, "thanks for the…help. It was nice talking." "Mom," she says. "Yes?" I ask her as I turn around. "Will you sing the lullaby to me?" I hesitate for a moment. A guilty look spreads across her face. The same guilty look that used to spread across Prim's face.

She knows about Rue's Lullaby. She knows I tear up whenever I sing it. She knows I used to sing it to Prim when she had nightmares. "Or if it's too soon…"she starts. "No," I whisper trying to hold back my tears. "I'll be fine." I walk her upstairs and tuck her back into her bed. I sit on the edge and stare at her just like I used to with Prim. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I try again, and this time, lyrics start flowing out.

Deep in the meadow, under the willow

A bed of grass, a soft green pillow

Lay down your head, and close your eyes

And when they open, the sun will rise

Here it's safe, here it's warm

Here the daisies guard you from every harm

Here your dreams are sweet-

-and tomorrow brings them true

Here is the place where I love you.

Deep in the meadow, hidden far away

A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray

Forget your woes,-

I'm suddenly cut off when Ivy presses her finger to my lips. "Too soon," she whispers. I notice that a tear is falling down my eye. "I'm sorry," I whisper back. She nods to show me it's okay. As I walk out, I shut off the lights and turn to leave. But I hear a sound from behind me.

Here is the place where I love you.

Here is the place where I love you.

"How did you know those were the last lines?" I whisper. "Because they leave on a happy note," she tells me a bit embarrassed to see I heard her. I mouth an "oh," and close the door behind me. I run downstairs and sit back in the chair at the kitchen table, and lower my head into my arms. Tears fall from my eyes again. "Mee-ow!" Buttercup cries as he jumps on the table. He shoves is head onto mine and begins to purr. I get up from my spot and wipe my tears, and walk out the door over to Haymitch's house. Now, it's right next door instead of across. We decided to stay in Peeta's Victor's house because mine was filled of too many bad memories.

We turned mine into the town bakery, which is very popular, but since Peeta's gone, there's been no one to run it. "What do ya want sweetheart?" I hear Haymitch's voice say as I slam the door behind me. "You're drunk again!" I exclaim. "I thought we agreed you'd stop this!" "And why do you want me to stop this….habit of mine sweetheart?" he asks, "because when I'm sober you can't consult me with your problems? Because you can't come complain to me and get sensible advice?"

He stands up from his chair, and supports himself by gripping the table. "Well maybe, I don't want to listen to your problems all day long. Maybe I've got problems of my own. Maybe that's why I drink." He takes another swing of the orange-brownish looking liquid, sets it down, and then sits back down. "Ah," he relieves, "that's good."

"Want some?" he asks holding the jug out to me. "No," I say pushing it away, "this has happened before. And I was miserable the next day." "Not if you keep taking some the next day," he says, "then you never feel bad!" He slides off his chair to the ground, and hits his head against the chair. "Haymitch!" I yell at him, "get up now and stop!" I go to pick up the jar from the table, but before I can a knife lands between my hand and the jug. "This has also happened before," he says, "and I also told you the last time to not forget I survived the Hunger Games too."

I grunt as I roll my eyes and throw my head back. I leave the house and walk over to the small shed outside of mine. The dumb old door won't budge, so I kick it open, and once it falls, all the pieces of it break, so I walk in. No more door. I look around for my bow and arrows, and realize that I moved them. With another grunt, I open the door to the house and run upstairs to the locked drawer where I hid them. The key.

Where's the key? Damn't Katniss where'd you put the key? I run around the room like a crazy person, looking for the stupid golden key. I end up finding it on my dresser in the bathroom where the hair tie was laying last night. I'll show Haymitch. As I walk to the drawer, Buttercup jumps out from his hiding place and starts to attack my ankle. "Not now cat!" I yell at him as I shake him off. I make my way to the drawer and shove the key in. It opens with ease, and I grab my bow and bag of arrows.

From my bedroom window, I can see the window from the kitchen of Haymitch's house. His table is right next to it, and sitting on the table is the glass bottle of alcohol. If I aim from here, the arrow will hit the side of his house, and fall down, and it will leave it bent. But if I can tilt my bow the exact right amount of degrees down, I can probably just make it. I only have one shot, because if it goes through and doesn't hit the bottle, Haymitch will notice.

I tilt my bow diagonally down, and try to make it in alignment with the window. The arrow will lose speed, so if I can shoot it a bit higher it will fall just to the right spot where the bottle is. I grab an arrow from my bag and load it into the bow. "One shot," I tell myself, "just like that apple." I slowly begin to pull back the arrow, and with one steady breath, release. I watch as it zooms straight down, and cracks through the middle of the kitchen window, causing it to shatter. The arrow keeps going for a second, and breaks through the jar, causing the liquid to spill everywhere.

"Whaa," I hear Haymitch say. He looks up and sees the disaster that has just happened. His eyes roll up, and he looks at me to see myself smirking in the window. "You're not the only one who's survived a Hunger Games," I mutter under my breath. By the time I get through with that, it's already eight o' clock. Greasy Sae will be getting up by now, which means she'll be waking up Ivy and Finn.

I decide to join them for breakfast downstairs this morning, just for the hell of it. When I get down, Finn doesn't hesitate for one second. "Mama can we go play at the playground?" he asks. "Not today Finn," I tell him. What Finn doesn't know is the "playground" is really the "graveyard" where we buried our loved ones. Or, the ones who we knew where their bodies were anyways, or the bodies that weren't blown to bits. For the ones who couldn't be buried, we put tombstones anyways in honor of them. Prim didn't get to be buried, so her tombstone is the first and the largest you see when driving into the place.

As far as the kids know, the tombstones are decorations. But Ivy never seems to want to go anymore, and I think it's because she's catching on to what it really is. "I'll take them to the gra-I mean playground," Greasy Sae catches herself. "I don't want to go," Ivy says. "Aww why not Ivy?" Sae asks as she bends down to Ivy's height. Ivy whispers something into Sae's ear, and she nods understanding. Ever since they fixed my ear, I can hear 100 times better than a normal human being, so I could hear every word of what she whispered.

"Because I know it's not a playground," Ivy had said. "I'm finished with my breakfast," Ivy says, "I'm going to my room." "You want to play with your dolls?" Sae asks. "No thanks," Ivy says as she gets up to leave. "Okay then," Greasy Sae says, "we'll be leaving to go to the…playground now." "Bye," I say. "Mommy not coming?" Finn asks while tugging on Sae's pants. "Is mommy not coming," I correct him.

Greasy Sae gives me a dirty look, and I mouth a rude "what?" to her. "I want him to speak well," I tell her. "It takes time," she tells me calmly. "Let's go Finn," she says, "I'll meet you in the car." She opens the door for Finn, and he happily skips outside. "You've got a smart girl there," Greasy Sae tells me, "she's very grown up. A lot like…" she pauses for a moment, "your sister." She quickly shuts the door behind her and leaves.

"Mom," I hear Ivy say. I look over and see her peeking out from behind the open doorframe in the kitchen. "I thought you went upstairs," I say. She shakes her head. She's very quiet on her feet too. Just like Rue. "Will you take me hunting?" she asks. "The woods are no place for a girl your age," I tell her.

"I wish I were older," she complains as she sits across from me. "Don't say that," I tell her. "And like you," she says. I pause for a moment and think about what she said. "Prim used to say stuff like that," I tell her, "she used to tell me that she wished she looked like me, but I told her that I wished I looked like her." "Well did you?" Ivy asks. "Sometimes," I say, "more than anything I wish I acted like her. She was always so kind." "Was she very pretty?" Ivy asks. "Yes," I tell her, "very. But appearances have never been that important to me," I say.

"But you are pretty," she says, "and daddy's…pretty?" I laugh. "Please," she begs, "I'll stay out of your way, and be super quiet. I'll just be an observer." I bite my lip as I think about this for a moment. "Just this once," I say, "but stay by my side, and stay out of anybody that comes along's way." I gather my things, and take her hand and get going. "Are we taking the other car?" she asks. "I never take the car to the woods," I tell her.

The walk down there is very quiet, but I realize that Ivy seems very distracted by all of her surroundings. What distracts her the most is the big gate. Her eyes begin to widen, and she starts to back up. "Hey, hey hey," I say and turn around. "It's okay, it's not going to hurt you." "It's an electric gate," she says. "It was," I tell her. "How'd you know?" "Because all the birds have built their nests up high, so when their babies fly, they won't run into the gate immediately and die."

"How do you know these things?" I ask. But she doesn't answer. "There's the gate door," I point to it and show it to her. "See it's not electric," I place my hand on it to show her. I try to figure out how it opens, but it's not like most gates. I can't find where it hooks, so I begin to scan the whole thing. I finally find it, but the gate won't budge. "Pull up and push," Ivy tells me. I do so and the gate opens easily. "Do you not usually go this way?" she asks.

"No," I say as we keep walking into the woods. "I usually go under the gate." "Why?" she asks. "Because that used to be the only way," I say. She immediately seems to understand. As we reach my usual hunting spot, I tell her to stay quiet. I point to a squirrel, and point to its eye. "Why the eye?" she whispers. "Because it dies instantly," I tell her. I grab an arrow from the bag, put it in the bow, and shoot the squirrel. "Wow," she says, "in one shot."

I hand her the bow and set down the bag of arrows. I run over to retrieve the squirrel, and pull out my pocket knife to skin it. "Okay now hand me my bow and arrows," I say as I walk back over to her carrying the squirrel meat. But before I know it, Ivy's launched an arrow of her own. "It was a bit heavy," she says with a proud voice, "but I managed." "Ivy Rose Mellark!" I yell at her. "Don't every do that again! You could've hurt yourself!" I'm about to rage on, when I see what and where the bow landed. It landed right into a squirrel's eye, several feet above her into a tree. "How did you…" "I watched," she answers.

"Did I kill it?" she asks panicked. "I didn't mean to, I mean, I was just trying and.." "Ivy," I cut her off laughing, "it's fine. You did very well." That evening, we enjoy a feast of cooked squirrel meat. She wouldn't skin the squirrel though, she said she couldn't bare the sight. "So I guess you won't end up being a veterinarian huh?" I ask her as I finish the last of my meat. "No," she says, "because if something goes wrong I know it will be my fault that I killed them."

"Well that's good that medicine's cleared out of the way," I say. "Well," she says, "I might not be a surgeon doctor that's for sure, but I want to help take care of the sick, or save lives or something," she tells me. "What?!" I ask getting panicked myself now. "I know it may seem silly for a seven year old girl to already be thinking about that, but-…"
"No Ivy!" I say, "You aren't going to be anything involved with health!" "Why not?" she asks still pecking at her meat. "I think it'd be nice to give back to people, not only that but…" "No Ivy!" I say, "that's final! I won't lose you to that too!"

A long moment of awkward silence fills the air. "Oh," she finally says. "Well I'm only seven. I may end up not doing that." "No," I say, "that's not an option for you." "But once I'm eighteen you can't control me, so I could if I wanted to?" she asks not being rude at all. "I lost one person to it. I'm not losing another. You're too much like her…" I quickly cover my mouth. "So that's why you've been hanging around by me…" she says. "No Ivy I didn't mean it like that, yes you are a lot like her but I don't not want to lose you only because of that. I meant to say that you really are like her, and that…" "And that you can't lose her two times," she finishes.

"It's not like that Ivy," I say, "yes I can't. But I can't lose you either. Ivy Mellark. Not Primrose Everdeen." At least Ivy isn't older. This is going to be a huge problem when she is though. We're probably going to get into many fights about this. And now I'm worried that from now on, deep down she's going to think I only love her because she acts like Prim. I do love her because she acts like Prim, but I do love her for her too, right? Of course I do. I need to stop pretending she's Prim. That's sick.

I try to avoid the subject by packing up our things and telling her it's time to go. "So what did you think of hunting?" I ask her when we are half way through the woods to the gate. No answer. I look to see what's keeping her from saying anything, and see that she isn't there. "Ivy?" I shout in panic while turning around. "Ivy!" I hear a small giggle from above. I look in the direction of the sound, and see Ivy in the tallest branch of a high tree. She's hiding behind the leaves, and all I can see are her blue eyes poking out.

Her face suddenly starts to change, and so does her body. He arm reaches out and points, and for a second, she becomes Rue, pointing to the trackerjacker nest. I turn around to see the nest, but instead I see a mockingjay. "Wanna see something cool?" I ask her. She nods her head and stares at the mockingjay. I begin to whistle the call that Rue used to let people know work was over, and that we used to let each other know that we were okay.

All the birds fall silent as I whistle, and wait a while after I am done. Then they pick up the tune, and start repeating it. "Wow," she says. "The call of the mockingjay…" "I guess you could call it that," I say. "They all stopped when you whistled," she says as she jumps down from the tree. "You have a wonderful voice." "Thanks," I say, "so did my father." "Is that Rue's call?" she asks. "Yes," I say looking down.

She puckers her lips together and I watch her struggle to whistle. "How do you do that?" she asks. "It just takes practice," I say. She sighs, and opens her mouth instead. She begins to sing the melody, and all the birds fall silent too. They start to repeat the tune again afterwards. "They fall silent for you too," I say with a smile.

She smiles too, and we continue to whistle and sing the tune all the way home. "I should take you hunting more often little duck," I say. I gulp and feel sick again. "I mean, Ivy." "Did you call Prim that?" she asks. "On the day of the reaping," I say as we open the door to the house. "Her shirt was my old one, and it was too big on her, so it gave her a duck tail. I kept having to tuck it in." "Oh," she says as she sits down. "I'm sorry," I say, "you just act so much like her, it's hard not to call you those things." She nods and disappears upstairs to her room.

Greasy Sae comes over from nowhere, and sits down next to me. "How long have you been home?" I ask her. "Not long," she says, "I just put Finn down for a nap. It seems like you two were getting along very well," she says. "Yes," I admit, "she's a quick learner. You were right about her being just like Prim." "It's in your genes," she tells me. "She wants to be in health Sae," I tell her. "She wants to save lives."

"Well she is only seven," she says, "she doesn't know what she wants." "Yeah," I say, "but Prim wanted to do that early on. And look at her now, that's how she died, and she was only thirteen." "Well you are going to have to let her do what she wants," Sae says, "you can't hold on to her forever." "But I can't lose her again!" I exclaim. "I mean.. I can't lose… another person." Greasy Sae shakes her head. "You can't only love her because of the similar traits," Sae says, "I'm glad you've bonded, but you need to look at her differently." "That's not the only reason I love her," I say, "is it?" Greasy Sae shrugs her shoulders and gets up to leave.

"I'm glad you're getting along Katniss," she says, "but you need to find other things that you like about her. Not just the Prim things." She's right. I don't want to admit it, but she is. I need to forget Prim. No. Not forget her, but not let my life be ruined because of her death. That's what Peeta always said, anyways.

But I can't forget. It's not good to forget. If we forget, we let things happen again. So I won't forget. Simple. But I need to move on with my life. But I can't move on when I can't avenge her death. Someone killed Prim, and I never found out. But whoever killed her is probably someone who is killed now. If it was Coin, maybe I did already avenge her death. But the only way to know for sure is by figuring out who manned those helicopters.

And to find out who was in the one that killed Prim. But I'm going to have to get up and do something if I need to find out. And that means I'm going to have to go to District 13, where the army base is located. But I can't, I can't leave home. No, I have to. And I can find out where Peeta is too, or what happened to him. Oh why didn't I do this a long time ago? I won't be able to take a car to District 13, they'll take it away to make sure I haven't brought any weapons in it, and by the time they give it back to me it'll be turned into a skateboard or something.

I'll have to go on foot, through the woods, and sneak my way in there. Now after what happened with the Capitol, you're only allowed in District 13 if you're invited, or if you live there, or if you're the president. That's where all the security goes on, and where all the decisions are made for the government. They're so worried that someone is going to try to start a rebellion again, to get things back to the way they were.

But who would do that? Some Capitol person? It doesn't matter if they tried, because no one would support them. Maybe they're worried they'll be too powerful on their own, and blow up District 13 or something and take over. Well whatever it is, at least they do their job right. So it's decided then, I'm going to District 13.

I get up in search for Greasy Sae, ready to tell her the news. I search around for her, but fail to find her. "Sae," I holler, "Sae where are you?" I go upstairs and listen in to her bedroom. I hate being such a peep, but I need to talk to her about this. "Sae," I say as I knock on the door, "you in there?" "Yes Katniss, but I can't talk right now, I'm on the phone with an old friend. I'll talk to you later." I let out a sigh, and head on my way over to Haymitch's.

Greasy Sae's P.O.V.:

I hold the phone close to my side, making sure Katniss can't hear. I hear her sigh, and once I'm certain she's gone, I lift the phone back up to my ear. "Sorry Gale," I say, "so what can I do for you?"

Katniss's P.O.V.:

"Haymitch," I holler as I walk into his house, "let's talk again." "You were right," he says, "I'm not the only one who's survived a Hunger Games," he says as he motions his head towards the window. "Sorry," I say, "but it gets really annoying when no one pays attention to you when you're trying to do something." "Yeah," he says, "I've noticed sweetheart." "Are you better now?" I ask. "A bit," he says. "They've invented a new beer. You get over the hangover a lot faster. I'm still kind of dizzy though…."

"So Haymitch," I get straight to it, "I need to move on." "Well I'm glad you've finally realized it sweetheart," he says rolling his head around. "No Haymitch," I say, "I can't move on." "Then why are you telling me this?" he asks. "Because I want to avenge Prim's death," I say. "We're not starting another rebellion," he says, "not in my lifetime." "And I'm the one who's selfish," I mutter under my breath.

"I don't want to start a rebellion," I say. "Then what is it sweetheart?" he asks getting annoyed now. "Just get it over with." "I need to find out who was in that helicopter." "Well that's just unfortunate," he says while he stands up and walks over to the cabinet. He opens the door and pulls out a bottle of whine. He pops the cork off, and walks over to another cabinet to get a glass. "Because they're probably dead now," he says while pouring the dark red liquid into the glass.

I stomp over there and knock the glass out of his hand. "You're right," he says, "you really don't like it when people don't pay attention to you." "Haymitch," I say, "I need to settle things. I need to figure this out. I can't go on not knowing who was in that helicopter." There's a long pause before I continue. "And plus," I start, "I need to know what's happened to Peeta."

"Oh no Katniss," he says, "You aren't thinking…" "I am," I say. "Katniss," he says, "you'll never get in. There's no point! You think of the stupidest ideas, so just give up before you even start." "I may think of the stupidest ideas," I tell him, "but they always turn out right." "Katniss…"he starts, "no Haymitch," I say, "I'm going to District 13."