Things That Damon Would NEVER Say
A/N: Just a little story I thought of. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 1
Damon: Human blood is icky. I like eating little bunnies!
Stefan: Damon, are you ok?
Damon: -Starts singing- She wore an itsy bitty teeny weenie yellow polka dot bikini. That she wore for the first time today!
Damon: -Sees a bunny- BUNNY! -chases after the bunny-
Stefan: Somebody needs to lay off the vodka.
Damon: -singing- Charlie you look so down, with those big fat eyes and that big fat frown. Charlie, why do you have to be so gray?
Elena: What is he singing?
Stefan: Some song from this TV show called, "Charlie the Unicorn."
Damon: In my world, everyone sparkles like those gay fairies from Twilight.
Damon: Stefan, I love you so much! Will you have my baby?
Stefan: -Backs away slowly- Damon, you're scaring me. Why don't you go watch Dora?
Damon: DORA! -runs to TV at vampire speed-
Damon: -sings the Barney theme song- I love you, you love me, we're a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, -kisses Stefan- won't you say you love me too!
Stefan: -wipes his cheek- I say you need to be put in a mental hospital!
Elena: Stefan, what's wrong with Damon?
Stefan: I think old age has finally caught up with him. Either that or he's going insane.
Damon: I like Lamas, you like lamas, we like lamas, we are lamas! Lamas!
Bonnie: I don't think I'm able to fix him guys. He's too far gone.
Damon: No matter what you do on the stage Keep it light, keep it bright, keep it gay!
Damon: -singing- Put a banana in your ear. Put a ripe banana right into your favorite ear. It's true. So true. Once it's in your gloom will disappear. The bad in the world is hard to hear. When in your ear a banana cheers! So go and put a banana in your ear! Put a banana in your ear!
Stefan: I need to invest in some straight jackets.
Damon: -Sees a squirrel- Stefan, I want that one!
Stefan: This isn't a pet store Damon. We're at the park!
Damon: -starts yelling- BUT I WANT MY SQUIRREL! GIVE ME MY SQUIRREL! -starts crying-
Stefan: -Bangs head on tree- someone help me.
Damon: -Walks up to Stefan and starts poking him- Poke, poke, poke.
Stefan: -Looks at Damon like he had lost his mind- What are you doing?
Damon: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm poking you.
Stefan: Why?
Damon: -excitedly- because it's fun! -continues poking Stefan- Poke, poke, poke.
Stefan: Dear god help me.
Damon: Stefan! Come quick! There's something under my bed! I think it's a monster!
Stefan: How many times do I have to tell you? There are no such things as monsters!
Damon: -Claps hands together like a little kid- Yay story time!
Grams: -looks at Bonnie- Is he ok?
Bonnie: I think he was hit on the head a little too hard as a child.
Damon: -Sees a pink pony- I want a pink pony. GIVE ME MY PINK PONY OR YOU WILL DIE! -Face changes and fangs appear-
Stefan: Uh oh.
Elena: What is it?
Stefan: I think Damon wet the bed again. -shakes head-
Damon: I didn't mean too. Mr. Cuddles didn't remind me.
Stefan: -Face livid- MR. CUDDLES IS A -BEEPING- TEDDY BEAR! IT CAN'T TALK SO IT COULDN'T HAVE REMINDED YOU TO GET YOUR -BEEP- OUT OF BED AND GO TO THE -BEEPING- TOILET!
Damon: -Eyes water and runs off, crying- WHAAAAAAH! Steffy was mean to me!
A/N: Had so much fun writing this! Lol review and give me some ideas on what I should write next! Btw, I got that Lama song from my friend. She made it up and showed me how to do the hand motions to it. It's really cool. I wish I could show yall how to do it. That would make the story even more funny!