Captain Underpants 4: The Perilous Plot Of Professor Poopypants
by: Brockster550
I don't own the series, just the fanfic.
No copyright intended
Ch. 1
George, Harold and Emily
This is George Beard, Harold Hutchins and Emily Krupp. George is the kid on the left with the tie and the flat top. Harold is the one on the right with the t-shirt and the bad haircut. Emily is the only girl in the middle with shoulder-length blonde hair kept straight, a polka dot blouse and a red overall skirt. Remember that now.
All of the "experts" at Jerome Horwitz Elementary School had their opinions about George, Harold and Em (The nickname chosen for her by George and Harold). Their guidance counselor, Mr. Rected thought that the kids had A.D.D. The school psychologist, Miss Labler, diagnosed them with A.D.H.D. Their principal, Mr. Krupp (who is also Emily's uncle), thought George and Harold were just plain old B.A.D. He thinks the two are turning his niece into a rascal. Mr. Krupp always wants Em (although he prefers calling her Emily) to hang out with Melvin Sneedly the school brainiac (who she hates because of his tattle taling). If you ask me, George, Harold and Em simply suffer from I.B.S.S. (Incredibly Boring School Syndrome). You see, George, Harold and Em weren't bad kids. They were actually very bright, good-natured kids. Their only problem is that they would get bored in school. So they would take it upon themselves to "liven things up" for everybody. Wasn't that thoughtful of them?
Unfortunately, George, Harold and Em's thoughtfulness would get them into trouble occasionally. Sometimes, it would get them into alot of trouble. And one time, it got them into so much trouble that it almost caused the entire planet to be taken over by a ruthless, maniacal, mad-scientist guy in a giant robot suit! But before I can tell you that story, I have to tell you this story.
Ch 2
All Hail New Swissland
As everybody knows, New Swissland is a small country just southeast of Greenland. You probably knew all about New Swissland's natural resources and systems of government. But here is something about New Swissland you probably didn't know: Everybody in New Swissland has a silly name. Just ask their president, Chuckles Jingleberry McMonkeyburger Jr. or his lovely wife, Stinky.
They'll just tell you all about New Swissland's proud "silly name" heritage. They'll also tell you about the cultural significance of silly names. And then they'll tell you a really, really long boring story of how the tradition got started. We'll skip that part, okay? Just remember that everybody in New Swissland has a silly name. From the richest to the poorest, from the dumbest to the smartest. And speaking of the smartest, let me introduce you to Professor Pippy P. Poopypants. That's a statue of him in the bottom right hand corner of the page. Now Pippy P. Poopypants was probably the smartest person in all of New Swissland. He graduated at the head of his class at Chunky Q. Boogernose University, and afterward spent all of his time creating wild and fantastic inventions. Let's have a look in on him shall we?
Back in his private laboratory, Professor Pippy P. Poopypants was just putting the finishing touches on two of his wonderful new inventions: The Shrinky Pig 2000 and The Goosy Grow 4000.
"Mr. Funkyskunk," called Pippy. "I'm ready to test my inventions now!"
Porkbelly Funkyskunk is Pippy's assistant. He helps with writing notes down when it came time for invention testing. Professor Poopypants then aimed his Shrinky Pig 2000 at a large pile of trash and pressed the button, "BLLLLZZZZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRK!" went a bright beam of energy, which blasted the trash pile. Suddenly, the pile of trash shrank to the size of a gumball.
"Hooray!" cried Professor Poopypants with joy. "It works. Now I must try the Goosy Grow 4000."
Pippy and Porkbelly then aimed the Goosy Grow 4000 at an ordinary hot dog with mustard and pressed the button. "GGGGGLLLLUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRT!" went another bright beam of energy, which blasted the hot dog. Suddenly, the hot dog grew and grew until it crashed through the walls of the laboratory.
"We did it!" exclaimed Porkbelly.
"What do you mean, WE?!" yelled Professor Poopypants. "I did it, I'm the genius. You're just a lowly assistant, and don't you forget it!"
"Sorry, boss," said Porkbelly.
"With these two inventions," exclaimed Professor Poopypants. "I will be able to solve the world's garbage problem and create enough food for everyone on the entire planet and solve starvation!"
Finally, it looks as though all of Earth's problems would be fixed forever. But who would have believed that in just a few short weeks that Professor Poopypants would be trying to take over the planet in a frenzied rage. Well, dear readers, the tragic tale is about to unfold. But before I can tell you that story, I have to tell you this story.
Ch. 3
The Field Trip
Jerome Horwitz Elementary School was having it's big annual field trip to the Piqua Pizza Palace. All the kids had brought their permission slips and were waiting in line to get on the bus. George, Harold and Em were really excited, they couldn't wait to eat pizza and play video games all afternoon.
"This is gonna rule!" said George.
"Yeah, if we ever get there!" said Harold.
"Pepperoni pizza, my favorite!" said Em ecstatically.
"Yeah," agreed Harold. "No other pizza topping beats pepperoni pizza!"
"Hey," said George. "Let's change the letters around on the school sign while we're waiting."
"Good idea!" said Harold and Em at the same time.
So the three went over to the school sign to begin their, um, thoughtfulness. Unfortunately, the three didn't realize that somebody was in the bushes, watching them.
"A-HA!" cried a familiar sounding voice. "I caught you three red-handed!" It was Mr. Krupp, the principal.
"Whups!" said Em.
"Uh-oh!" said George.
"Heh-heh," laughed Harold. "Th-this is just a little joke!"
"A JOKE?!" yelled Mr. Krupp. "Do you think that's funny?"
The three thought for a minute. "Well, yeah!" said George.
"Don't you?" asked Harold, while Em was smirking.
"NO, I don't think it's funny!" yelled Mr. Krupp. "I think it's rude and offensive!"
"That's why it's funny!" said George.
"Oh, you three like to laugh, huh?" said Mr. Krupp. "Well, I have a good one. You three are officially BANNED from this field trip!"
This resulted in the boys' shock. Em gasped and gave her uncle pleading eyes, which he ignored.
"Instead of eating pizza," Mr. Krupp went on. "You will be spending the afternoon cleaning the teachers lounge. Isn't that funny?!" Em continued giving her uncle pleading eyes, which he still ignored.
"No way!" said George.
"That's not funny at all," said Harold. "That's cruel and unusual punishment!"
"That's why it's funny!" snarled Mr. Krupp.
Ch. 4
Left Behind
Mr. Krupp marched George, Harold and Em over to the janitor's closet, and faced George and Harold.
"You can use these supplies to clean the teacher's lounge." he said. Then he turned to Em.
"Emily," Mr. Krupp continued. "I want you to keep an eye on these two, make sure they clean!"
"Yes, uncle!" said Em downheartedly.
Then Mr. Krupp turned back to George and Harold. "I want the teacher's lounge spotless by the time we get back!" he insisted.
So Mr. Krupp left and climbed onto a school bus. All the teachers then laughed and pointed at the three as the buses pulled away.
"Rats!" said Harold. "I thought we were gonna have fun today!"
"We can still have fun," assured George. "All we need is this ladder, this bag of powdered paste, and this box of styrofoam wormie thingies."
"That's great!" said Em. So the three headed to the teachers lounge and got down to business.
At the sink, George pulled the spray nozzle out as Em got out the scotch tape and handed it to Harold, who taped the nozzle to the "on" position. Then he put it back, making sure the sprayer was pointed in the right direction. Next, George then set the ladder up under one of the fan blades. Em handed the bag of powdered paste to Harold, who climbed up the ladder (with George holding the ladder steadily, so Harold wouldn't fall) and began scooping up generous amounts of the powdered paste onto the tops of the blades.
"Is this right?" asked Harold.
"Yeah," said George. "Try to get most of it on the ends of the blades."
"Got it!" said Harold.
Em then adjusted the ceiling fan to turn on when the lights came on. George closed all the window blinds to. Harold then helped George fill the refrigerator up with the styrofoam packaging pellets, while Em held the door open for them.
"This is going to be fun!" said Harold.
"Not for the teachers!" laughed George, while Em giggled.
Ch. 5
The Fun Begins
An hour or so later, the buses returned to the school. The children got off, packed up their stuff, and got ready to go home. Mr. Fyde, the science teacher, was on school bus duty, with the other nice teachers and staff. The rest of the teachers then gathered around George, Harold and Em and started teasing them (although Mr. Krupp refused to tease his niece).
"You kids sure missed a fun field trip," taunted Ms. Ribble. "The pizza was SOOOOOO delicious. Too bad YOU didn't get any!"
"I wanted to bring you back a pizza," said Mr. Meaner, the gym teacher, to George, Harold and Em. "But I ate it on the bus!"
He threw an empty pizza box at George, Harold and Em's feet, with the other teachers howling with laughter.
"Maybe you can lick the cheese off the box!" Mr. Krupp roared at George and Harold.
Em just looked at her uncle in disbelief. She found it hard to believe that her uncle would take part in teasing her best friends. The three of them even hated the fact that most of the teachers and staff at their school were mean. Eventually, the teachers got tired of taunting George, Harold and Em (or just George and Harold in Mr. Krupp's case), so they all retreated to the teacher's lounge to relax.
"Hey, why is it so dark in here?" asked Mr. Meaner as he flicked on the lights, which also turned the fan on.
Ms. Ribble went to the faucet and turned it on. Suddenly, the spray nozzle started spraying cold water on her.
"AAAAUUGGHHH!" screamed Ms. Ribble. "Somebody turn the water off!"
The other teachers sprang up to help, but they all got sprayed too. The ceiling fan was rotating faster now, with some of the powdered paste starting to fly off. The teachers struggled with the faucet, pushing and shoving each other. Finally, somebody turned off the water, but not before everybody was fully soaked. Now the ceiling fan was spinning at full speed. All of the powdered paste had been flung off and was floating down onto the wet teachers.
"Hey, what the..." cried Mr. Meaner.
"What's all this sticky stuff?!" yelled Miss Anthrope.
The teachers were all covered with sticky paste now. It didn't take a genius to know that George, Harold and Em were behind this (though Mr. Krupp believes that George and Harold somehow tricked his niece into helping them).
"Those brats better not have touched my diet soda!" shouted Ms. Ribble.
She opened the refrigerator, in which the pellets flew out. The thousands of pellets blew around caused by the wind from the ceiling fan. Naturally, they landed onto the stickiest things in the room: the teachers!
"AAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!" screamed the teachers as they ran out of the teachers lounge, yelling and screaming.
George, Harold and Em saw what looked like a giant group of evil snowmen running toward them.
"I've got a great idea." said George.
"What?" asked Harold and Em.
"RUN!" said George.
Ch. 6
Bye Bye, Mr. Fyde
The next day, George, Harold and Em's science teacher, Mr. Fyde knocked on Mr. Krupp's door.
"What do you want?" barked Mr. Krupp.
"I've-I've come to resign," said Mr. Fyde. "I-I just can't take it anymore."
"Now, hold on, bub," said Mr. Krupp. "Being a teacher is hard work! You can't quit your job when things aren't..."
"You don't understand," said Mr. Fyde. "I think I'm cracking up!"
"What do you mean?" asked Mr. Krupp.
"Well," said Mr. Fyde. "It all started a few months ago when I had this dream that I got eaten up by a talking toilet. Then I started hearing cats, dogs and cows meowing, growling and mooing in the classroom. Then, I imagined that the school got flooded with sticky green goop... and just yesterday, I thought I saw a group of abominable snowmen chasing two boys and a girl down the hallway."
"Now, just a minute, Morty." said Mr. Krupp. "All of that can be explained." (He believes that George, Harold and a believed-to-be-tricked Emily are behind that).
"And a few days ago," Mr. Fyde went on. "I thought I saw a big, fat, bald guy in his underwear fly out the window!"
"Holy cow, you ARE crazy!" Mr. Krupp realized (since he has no proof that George, Harold and Emily were behind this).
So Mr. Fyde handed in his resignation and left Jerome Horwitz Elementary School for the greener pastures of The Piqua Valley Home for the Reality Challenged.
"Now where am I gonna find a new science teacher on such short notice?!" wondered Mr. Krupp. "Where, oh where?"
Ch. 7
Here, Oh Here
Remember that poopypants guy I was telling you about back in chapter 2? Well, things haven't been going too well for him these past several weeks. Professor Poopypants had come to America to share his Shrinky Pig 2000 and Goosy Grow 4000 to the world. But nobody seemed to want to hear about his inventions. They were all too busy... laughing at his silly name. Poor Pippy Poopypants had been laughed out of every major scientific institution in the U.S. He'd been giggled out of Georgetown, howled out of Harvard, yuk-yukked out of Yale, snickered out of Stanford, and chuckled out of Chattanooga State Technical Community College. Professor Poopypants was running out of money and there was no place left for him to turn. Then, one day, he walked into a coffee shop and picked up a newspaper. And like a message from heaven, he found his answer.
"THAT'S IT!" he cried. "I'll become an elementary school science teacher! I'll work really hard, and soon, people will come to respect me and see what a genius I am. Then I can introduce my inventions to the world!"
Pippy Poopypants was certain that the one place people wouldn't laugh at his name was an elementary school.
"Kids are so accepting and loving," he said. "You can always count on the sweetness and innocence of children!"
Ch. 8
The Sweetness And Innocence Of Children
Pippy went to Jerome Horwitz Elementary School for an interview. He luckily was hired, and was due to start in one week. One week later, George, Harold and Em's class went to science class, to wait for their new science teacher. Their classmates were either reading a book or cracking jokes. George and Harold were making fart noises with their armpits with Em giggling like crazy. Professor Poopypants finally came in.
"Hello, boys and girls," he said. "I'm going to be your new science teacher. My name is... Professor Pippy P. Poopypants."
The children just started laughing after Pippy introduced himself, much to his irritation.
"Alright, settle down, boys and girls." he continued. "Yes, yes, it's a funny name, but do let me explain how I got this name..." Everyone just kept laughing.
"Come on, boys and girls," Pippy went on. "It's not that funny. I assure that some of you have funny names." Still, everyone continued laughing.
"Come on, boys and girls, please STOP LAUGHING!" Pippy continued. "You're all very far behind in your lessons and we have alot of catching up to do. COME ON, stop laughing at my name, it's NOT FUNNY! There's no reason for you to laugh at my name." Everyone still continued laughing.
"Alright, I'll just wait until you settle down then." said Professor Poopypants.
Things still weren't getting any better for Professor Poopypants.
"How am I gonna get through to these children?" he asked himself. "I've got it! I'll create a new invention!"
Ch. 9
The Gerbil Jogger 2000
The next morning, Professor Poopypants came to school with an odd-looking miniature robot.
"Look, children," he said. "I've created this new invention using the principles of science. I call it the Gerbil Jogger 2000."
The children stopped laughing for a minute and looked at the new invention with interest.
"You see, children," Professor Poopypants continued. "some people like to jog, and some like to jog beside their pets. That's fine if you have a dog or a cat. But if somebody wants their gerbils to tag along, it's no longer a problem!"
So Professor Poopypants opened up the glass dome on the Gerbil Jogger 2000 and inserted a gerbil into it. The gerbil pushed it's tiny legs against the simple controls, and suddenly, the machine came to life. In no time at all, the gerbil was jogging around the classroom.
"Wow!" said Connor Mancini. "Science is cool!"
All of the children agreed. They were delighted by the Gerbil Jogger 2000. Professor Poopypants was relieved, thinking that he can finally teach them.
"Um, excuse me, professor," said George. "What's your middle name?"
"My middle name is Pee-Pee," said Pippy proudly. "Why do you ask?"
Instantly, the children picked up where they left off, laughing at Professor Pippy Pee-Pee Poopypants' silly name. The professor was beginning to shake with anger. Tiny veins in his forehead started growing, with his face turning bright red.
"I can't take much more of this anymore!" said the furious professor through gritted teeth. "I think I might blow a fuse if just one more thing happens!"
Ch. 10
Just One More Thing
Soon afterward, the children were listening to the story of The Pied Piper Of Hamelin in reading class.
"You know," said George to Harold and Em. "That story gives me an idea!"
So George, Harold and Em began working on their newest comic book: Captain Underpants And The Pied Pooper Of Piqua. That afternoon, the three sneaked into the office to run off copies of their newest comic book to sell on the playground. And everything would've been just fine if one of the third graders hadn't left his copy lying around in the hallway. Professor Poopypants picked it up.
"What the...?!" he said in a shocked voice. "This can't be!"
Then he read the comic book. He couldn't believe that somebody would do this, make a comic book about him with the intention to make fun of his name. He had never been this angry in his life until now. As he stood in the hallway, something inside his brain snapped, he was sweating and shaking uncontrollably. Suddenly, a wicked smile stretched across his face. He staggered to his empty classroom, mumbling to himself and giggling. He had hit rock bottom, and decided that he was gonna pull the rest of the planet down with him. Pippy P. Poopypants was going to take over the world. But before I can tell you that story, I have to tell you...oh, never mind, I'll just tell you that story.
Ch. 11
Honey, I Shrunk The School
Professor Poopypants opened the storage closet in his classroom and pulled out the Shrinky Pig 2000 and the Goosy Grow 4000. He also grabbed the Gerbil Jogger 2000 out with him. Once outside, he set his inventions down, then aimed his Goosy Grow 4000 at the Gerbil Jogger 2000 and pressed the button, "GGGGGGLLLLLUUUUUZZZZZRRRRRTTTTT!" Suddenly, the Gerbil Jogger 2000 grew ten stories high. Professor Poopypants then started his long climb up the side of the Gerbil Jogger 2000. It took almost an hour, but he eventually reached the glass dome at the top and squeezed inside.
"Mommy?" said a little boy who was walking by with his mother. "A little old man just crawled into a giant robot suit and is about to take over a school!"
"Oh, for heaven's sake!" said his mother. "Where did you come up with this nonsense? Next you'll be telling me that a giant man in his underwear will be fighting the huge robot in the middle of the city!"
Professor Poopypants was now in control of the now-colossal Gerbil Jogger 2000. He reached down with it's mighty arm and picked up the Shrinky Pig 2000, aimed it at the school and pressed the button, "BLLLLZZZZZRRRRRRRRK!" Just then, George, Harold and Em looked out the window.
"Hey," said George. "Isn't that the gerbil robot thingy?"
"Yeah," said Em. "But why is it so big?"
"I don't know," said Harold. "But it's getting bigger by the second!"
"Um, I don't think it's getting bigger," said Em. "I think we're getting smaller!"
Ch. 12
The Perilous Plot
Professor Poopypants reached down and picked up the tiny school with his giant robot hand. Everybody screamed in horror. In no time at all, Ingrid Ashley of Eyewitness News was on the scene.
"What do you want from us?" she asked in a loud enough voice.
"I want... a pencil!" shouted Professor Poopypants.
"A pencil?!" asked Reporter Ashley. "Here, take mine."
So she tossed a yellow #2 pencil toward the giant robot. Professor Poopypants reached down with the robot's hand, picked up the Goosy Grow 4000 and aimed it at the pencil, "GLLLLUUUUUZZZZZZRRRRRRT!" The pencil suddenly grew to the size of a tree trunk. Professor Poopypants grabbed it.
"Follow me!" he instructed Reporter Ashley and the Eyewitness News team.
Professor Poopypants led the Eyewitness News team to the center of Downtown Piqua, where he found three large white billboards. He put down the Shrinky Pig 2000 and the Goosy Grow 4000 and started writing on the billboards with the giant pencil.
"What are you doing?!" asked Reporter Ashley.
"You'll see." said Professor Poopypants.
Ch. 13
The Name Change-O-Chart 2000
Professor Poopypants spent several minutes jotting down a complex code on the giant billboards. George, Harold and Em, along with the rest of their terrified fellow students and the faculty, watched the mad professor from the clutch of his giant robotic hand.
"What is that crazy guy up to?" asked Mr. Krupp from his office window.
"I'LL TELL YOU," shouted Professor Poopypants. "Everybody on the planet must change their names from normal ones to funny ones using these three charts. Anybody who refuses will get SHRUNK!"
"How do the charts work?" asked Mr. Krupp.
"I'll tell you," said Professor Poopypants. "What's your first name?"
"Er..., I'm not telling," said Mr. Krupp.
"WHAT IS YOUR FIRST NAME?!" shouted Professor Poopypants.
"Alright, alright," said Mr. Krupp. "It's, uh, Benny." All of the children giggled.
"So the first letter in your first name starts with a "B," said Pippy. "Now find the letter "B" on the first chart."
Mr. Krupp looked at the first chart. "It says B = Lumpy!" he whined.
"GOOD!" said Professor Poopypants. "Your NEW first name is LUMPY!" All of the children laughed.
"Lumpy Krupp?!" moaned Mr. Krupp. "I don't want to be called Lumpy Krupp."
"You won't," explained Pippy. "Because you will have to change your last name, too."
"Uh, oh." said Mr. Krupp.
"Your last name is Krupp," said Professor Poopypants. "which starts with a "K" and ends with a "P." Now find the letter "K" on the second chart, and the letter "P" on the third chart."
Mr. Krupp then looked at the second chart, and then the third chart.
"It says K = Potty, and P = Biscuits!" he said.
"GOOD!" said Pippy. "Your new last name is Pottybiscuits."
"Oh, no!" groaned Mr. Krupp. "My new name is Lumpy Pottybiscuits!" All of the kids howled with laughter.
"Don't laugh too hard kiddies," said Professor Poopypants. "You all have to change your names, too, or I'll shrink you again!"
Well, as you can imagine, nobody wanted to get shrunk twice, so everybody looked at the charts and figured out their new names. Stephanie Yarkoff became "Snotty Gorillabreath." Robbie Staenberg became "Loopy Pizzapants." And poor little Janet Warwick became "Poopsie Chucklebutt."
"This may be the most horrible moment in human history," said the local news reporter to her audience. "It seems that everyone on Earth must now change their names to avoid getting shrunk. Good luck to all of you! This is Chim-Chim Diaperbrains reporting for Eyewitness News. Now, back to you, Booger."
Ch. 14
Fluffy, Cheesball and Crusty
This is Fluffy Toiletnose, Cheeseball Wafflefanny and Crusty Pottybiscuits. Fluffy is the kid on the left with the tie and the flat top. Cheeseball is the one on the right with the t-shirt and the bad haircut. Crusty is the only girl in the middle with shoulder-length blonde hair kept straight, a polka dot blouse and a red overall skirt. Remember that now.
"We've got to do something." said Fluffy.
"But what?" asked Cheeseball. "We're smaller than two mice!"
"What are we gonna do?!" asked Crusty. "How will we pull this off while being this small?"
"Well," said Fluffy. "It looks like we need to find Captain Underpants."
So the three kids went to Principal Pottybiscuits' office and found him cowering under his desk.
"I can't believe I'm going to do this," said Fluffy. "But, here goes."
So he snapped his fingers. Suddenly, a change came over Lumpy Pottybiscuits. His worried frown turned into a heroic smile. He rose from behind his desk and thrust out his chest. In no time at all, Mr. Pottybiscuits had removed his outer clothing and tied a red curtain around his neck.
"Tra-la-LAAAAA!" sang Captain Underpants. "Captain Underpants is back!"
"COOL," said Crusty. "But from now on, you have to call yourself 'Buttercup Chickenfanny.' The guy in the robot suit said so."
"HEY, I don't take orders from anybody!" insisted Captain Underpants.
"Great!" said Cheeseball. "Now fly out the window and bring back that machine with the lava lamp on top of it!"
"Yes sir!" said Captain Underpants.
Ch. 15
Captain Underpants To The Rescue
Captain Underpants flew down to the ground and grabbed the Goosy Grow 4000. But on his way back, he was spotted by Professor Poopypants. He then grabbed the Shrinky Pig 2000, aimed it at Captain Underpants and pressed the button, "BLLLLLLZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRK!" The Goosy Grow 4000 was also blasted and shrunk, along with an already small Captain Underpants, who shrunk to an even smaller size. Captain Underpants flew through the window and handed The Goosy Grow 4000 to Fluffy.
"Hey, where is Captain Underpants?!" asked a surprised Crusty.
"I don't know," said Cheeseball. "I think he got shrunk so small we can't even see him."
"But at least we have this machine," stated Fluffy. "I saw Professor Poopypants use it to make that pencil grow so big."
"It's our only hope of getting back to normal size." said Crusty.
"I hope it still works!" said Cheeseball.
Fluffy, Cheeseball and Crusty dashed to the school kitchen, climbed up the ladder and onto the roof.
"Maybe if we can zap the school with this machine, we will all grow back to normal size." said Crusty.
"Yeah," said Fluffy. "Then we can all run away."
So he aimed the Goosy Grow 4000 at the school and got ready to push the button. The three were, unfortunately, spotted by Professor Poopypants. He quickly turned his mighty robotic hand, causing Fluffy, Cheeseball and Crusty to slide off the roof.
"OH, NO!" cried Crusty. "WE'RE DOOMED!"
"WAIT," cried Fluffy, who turned his head toward Cheeseball. "Do you have a piece of paper?!"
"Yeah, in my pocket." said Cheeseball.
"Could you fold it into a paper airplane?" shouted Fluffy.
"What kind?" asked Cheeseball.
"ANY KIND!" shouted Crusty. "JUST DO IT NOW!"
So Cheeseball folded the paper into an airplane, then he held it out, so Fluffy can take aim at it with the Goosy Grow 4000 and pressed the button, "GLUUUUZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRT!" Suddenly, the paper plane grew to an enormous size, and the three kids fell into it harmlessly.
"I can't believe that worked!" cried Crusty.
"We're not out of this yet!" yelled Fluffy.
Ch. 16
The Flight Of The Goofy Glider
Fluffy, Cheeseball and Crusty had to admit that it was pretty cool flying over the city streets on a paper plane. They didn't even seem to mind that they were only about an inch tall. But you can probably imagine the kids' concern when they started heading straight for a wood chipper.
"OH, NO!" cried Cheeseball. "We're gonna get... WOOD CHIPPERED to death!"
So he covered his eyes with his hands as he and the other two waited for the inevitable. But suddenly, the plane swerved, missing the wood chipper altogether.
"Hey, how did that happen?" asked a surprised Crusty.
"I don't know," said Cheeseball. "I'm not steering this thing."
The three had barely caught their breath when a small dog noticed the airplane and started running toward them.
"OH, NO!" screamed Cheeseball. "We're gonna get eaten by a weiner dog!"
Fluffy covered his eyes this time. But wouldn't you know, the paper plane swerved sharply upward and out of range of the little dog altogether.
"Are you doing that?" asked Cheeseball.
"No," said Fluffy. "It must be the wind."
The paper plane finally landed in a sticky pile of hot blacktop.
"Yuck," said Crusty. "What can be worse than getting stuck in blacktop?"
"Maybe getting crushed by a giant steamroller thingy." said Cheeseball.
"You sure have an active imagination!" stated Fluffy.
"No I don't," insisted Cheeseball, as he pointed upward. "Look!"
"OH, NO!" cried Fluffy. "We're gonna get STEAMROLLER THINGIED to death!"
This time, Crusty covered her eyes. Suddenly, the three kids were yanked up by the back of their shirts and carried off through the air to safety.
"Something's got a hold of us!" stated Crusty.
"It must be Captain Underpants!" said Fluffy. "We just can't see him because he's so small."
"HEY," said Cheeseball. "I'll bet he was steering the airplane out of danger, too!"
"OUR HERO!" shouted the three kids.
Ch. 17
X-tra, X-tra, X-tra, X-tra, X-tra, X-tra, X-tra, X-tra, X-tra Large Underpants
Fluffy, Cheeseball and Crusty landed safely in an abandoned alley.
"We need to enlarge Captain Underpants, so he can save the world!" said Fluffy.
"Yeah," said Crusty. "The fate of the entire planet is in our hands!"
"How will that be possible if he's so small we can't even see him?" asked Cheeseball.
"Good question!" Fluffy realized.
"I've got it." said Cheeseball. He then called out as loud as he can. "Hey, Captain Underpants, we can't see you. But if you can hear us, fly over and land on my finger. We have a machine that will make you big again!"
The three kids waited a few seconds. "Look, Fluffy," said Cheeseball. "He's that tiny speck on my finger. Now aim the machine at that speck... but don't zap my finger, okay?"
"Don't worry," said Fluffy. "I'm a great shot with this thing, I won't zap your..."
'GLUUUUZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRT!'"
Fluffy accidentally zapped Cheeseball's hand (much to his shock), making it grow bigger. The good news is that Captain Underpants was now visible enough to be seen. The bad news is that, well, let's just say Cheeseball is going to have an awful hard time picking his nose with his right hand from now on. Fluffy gave Captain Underpants a few more shots from the Goosy Grow 4000. The Waistband Warrior grew and grew until he was ten stories high. Finally, the colossal captain headed toward Professor Poopypants, where a showdown between them was about to begin. The little boy from chapter 11 happened to be walking by with his mother again. He looked up and saw a giant man in his underwear getting ready to fight the huge robot in the middle of the city.
"Mommy?" said the little boy.
"What?" asked his mother.
"Um, never mind." said the boy, knowing his mother won't believe him.
Ch. 18
The Waistband Warrior Won The Battle
Captain Underpants initially got punched by the mad professor. But then he turned the tables on Professor Poopypants by headbutting the dome, kicking out with his hind legs, and finally defeats Pippy by smashing the robot with both of his feet. Professor Poopypants crawled out with minor scrapes and bruises in defeat. Everybody in the school cheered. They were still small, but at least they got their normal names back.
"I'm glad that I don't have my silly name anymore." said Ms. Ribble.
"Me, too." said Mr. Rected.
"Hooray!" shouted George.
"Let's give Captain Underpants a big hand!" exclaimed Em.
Harold wasn't amused. He was still mad (he had an angry look on his face, with his arms crossed, and his foot was tapping the ground repeatedly) that he still has his giant hand.
"Oops, sorry!" said George.
"That's okay," said Harold. "Just hand me that machine and I'll zap us back to normal size!"
George, Harold and Em held hands while Harold took aim from above to zap George, Em and himself with the Goosy Grow 4000 (that is, every part of himself except his giant hand). "GLUUUUUUZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRRT!" Suddenly, the three kids were back to their normal sizes again.
"We sure have tested the limits of science today!" said George.
"And the limits of our readers' willing suspension of disbelief!" said Harold.
"That's for sure!" stated Em.
She picked up their tiny school and carried it back to where it belonged. Then George got prepared to zap it with the Goosy Grow 4000, while Harold got ready to zap Captain Underpants with the Shrinky Pig 2000.
"I sure hope this works," said George.
"Me, too." said Em.
"Same here." said Harold.
It did!
Ch. 19
Smarter Advice
Em went up to her uncle's office, brought his clothes and toupee back with her, took Captain Underpants over to the bushes, and ordered him to get dressed back up like Mr. Krupp.
"Let's go, bub!" instructed Em. "We haven't got all day!"
Harold then turned on the garden hose, sprayed his hands a little and splashed some of the water onto Captain Underpants' face, turning him back into Mr. Krupp. Soon the cops showed up to arrest Professor Poopypants.
"There's one thing I don't understand!" said George to the professor. "Don't you think it would've been smarter to change your own name instead of forcing the rest of the world to change theirs?"
"Gosh," said Professor Poopypants, who was surprised. "I never thought of that!"
The cops then took Pippy away to the county jail.
"Wow, George!" said Harold. "That was some great advice!"
"It sure was," agreed Em.
She then gives the boys a quick peck on the cheek.
"Well, I have to go, see ya at the treehouse!" said Em as she walked away.
George and Harold were blushing, as they also remembered the first time they got a kiss from Em.
"This is exactly why we ought to help Em out more often!" said George.
"Yeah," agreed Harold. "Em sure is a great kisser, for a Krupp girl! These moments sure are also unpredictable!"
"Yeah, no kidding!" said George.
The two boys continued blushing while laughing at the same time, as they walked back to the treehouse.
Ch. 20
A Moral To The Story
Some weeks later, George, Harold and Em received a letter from the Piqua State Penitentiary. It read:
Dear George, Harold and Emily,
Sorry about trying to overthrow the world and everything. I've decided to take your advice and change my name, so people won't make fun of my name again. From now on, I will be going by my grandfather's name (on my mother's side). It's such a relief that nobody will make fun of me, nor my name again.
Signed,
Tippy Tinkletrousers
Unfortunately, Tippy is still being made fun of, at the penitentiary. All the prisoners, and the prison guards, just laugh, and laugh, and laugh, much to Tippy's irritation.
Back at the treehouse, George, Harold and Em are sitting there, enjoying the nice afternoon.
"You know," said George. "I really learned something today!"
"What's that?" asked Harold.
"I learned that it's not nice to make fun of people!" explained George.
"Wow," said Em. "This is probably the first time we have had a moral to one of our stories!"
"Hopefully the last time, too!" said Harold.
But George, Harold and Em also forgot another moral that they also learned: "Don't ever, EVER hypnotize your principal." Because if you do, your whole life can go from bad to worse at the sound of finger snapping. As shown when Miss Anthrope snapped her fingers at the three of them skateboarding inside the school, with Mr. Krupp behind her. Mr. Krupp suddenly began to change. As the trio grabbed onto Captain Underpants' cape, Em gasped.
"Oh, no!" screamed George.
"Here we go again!" screamed Harold.
"Tra-la-laaaaaa!" sang Captain Underpants as he flew away.