I was always told that I was a perceptive child. I noticed that there was something wrong about the relationship between my mother and father at a young age. Luna tried to comfort me, but I hardly felt anything. That was my way of dealing with things: locking them up inside and pretending they didn't exist. Luna told me I was so mature, even more than Uranus and Neptune who were older than me by a few years. I hated being called that. Mature meant growing up. Mature meant accepting that life isn't always perfect. I didn't want to be mature. I locked that away too. I became the carefree princess nicknamed Serena by my guardians.
When I was twelve, my father left. I was never to see him again. I didn't cry. I didn't lament about wanting my father. I just smiled and had fun. I pretended that I thought he was going to come back one day. I pretended I was happy. I almost became the mask, the fake, cheerful, happy girl. But that mask had no heart, no mind, no soul. I felt nothing pretending to be it.
Don't misunderstand me. I loved my guardians. They were my friends. They would protect me no matter what. I loved Luna. She was my pet. She was always there to list. But to my mother I stopped caring at all. My mother was hardly ever around, and I didn't want her to be after my father left. Some would claim that I hated her for driving him away, but I didn't. I felt nothing.
Endymion was the one person I could truly put feeling to. I loved him more than anything. He let me drop the mask and look at it. He helped me realize that the mask was beautiful and a part of me because I'd decorated it. It was what I strived to be and what I had become. Endymion loved my mask and me. In turn, I loved his mask and him. I loved the way he sounded when he said my name. It wasn't adoration that dripped from his tone nor even love. His tone held happiness at seeing me and having me look at him. The love was in his heart, not tone, and that's where I thought it should stay.
My mask blended into myself. I was truly careless. I let Beryl catch us. She started war. She made my guardians fight their loves. And it was all my fault. I found Endymion. I let him fall in love with me. I kept coming back to see him. I was the one that everyone wanted to save and I didn't even know why. I just couldn't drop my mask.
Only hours before Beryl would find me and kill me, I stumbled into a cave. I hardly look like a princess with my hair tangled and tumbling down my back in waves with a ripped dress. I lowered myself onto the floor and looked around. Sailor Venus, the last and leader of my guardians, was lying half-dead on the floor.
"Venus," I cried. She tried to look at me, but she could barely lift her head so she continued looking at the wall on the opposite side. She had no energy and her hair was pink with blood and matted to the floor. I saw a large gash in her uniform and saw that her heart had been cut to shreds literally.
I sunk down on the ground, crawling to her side. It was the least I could do to be there with her so she didn't die alone. "This is all my fault."
"What do you mean?" Her voice was slurred and tired. I saw tears slip out and cleanse parts of her cheeks. I kept glancing at her heart. She tried to smile reassuringly. "It was Kunzite."
I bit back a sob. He'd sliced her heart in more than one way. I tried to distract her. I told her what I should have done. She just shook her head with more vigor.
"It's not your fault, Serenity. We did the same thing. Besides, would you blame Endymion?" Venus asked.
I felt a tear crawl along my neck. "I should have known better."
"Endymion was in the same situation as you." My guardian couldn't offer any more reassurances. "God, Serenity, it hurts!"
My chest shook with sobs. Tears blurred my vision. I was useless. I had no idea what to do. Venus was going to die, just like Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. I held her hands, but they were already colder than mine. That made me weep. My hands were always freezing. I liked holding Endymion's. He made mine warm.
"Please, please, help me, Serenity! I don't want to die! I'm only fifteen! I can't die yet! I want to get married and have children and . . . and, oh, God! Serenity, help! Please, please." Venus's voice became weaker with each syllable. I thought I was going to be sick. She died. Venus, my best friend, was dead. She was too young to die. She was so funny and joyful. She was dead.
I was always told that I was a perceptive child. In this lifetime, I made more mistakes, but I didn't put so much pressure on myself. I never put on my mask. When I became Sailor Moon and found that horrid thing, I vowed to never use that as long as I lived. I loved Endymion's mask, but I would always hate mine. It caused the end of the Silver Millennium.