It's Not Summer Without You
Summary: I left camp. I was worried about what was around the corner. I was afraid of myself. It was because of him, too. Percy Jackson- I, Nico di Angelo, am not interested in avoiding him or turning the other cheek anymore. Instead we're going to go head to head, because neither of us wants to back down. But, in reality, I would rather love than fight.
Rating: M (For cursing and sexual themes)
Pairing: Percy and Nico
A/N:Hello there everyone! I just wanted to say thank you all so, so, so much for checking out my new fan fiction. Lately I've been writing a few fan fictions here and there, not really finishing any of them, but I want this fan fiction to be a major one: The chapters will be longer by my standard writing length (which is about 2,000 to 3,000 words), there will be more chapters then my average fan fictions, and I'll be revising my chapters a lot before posting them (I'm sad to say that I don't really do this with….well, any of my fan fictions). I hope with this fan fiction I'll be able to do something that I haven't been able to do with any of my other fan fictions with like quality standards and just an interesting plot. I'm just hoping a few of you will stick with me so that I can make a great fan fiction.
Oh, I also wanted to say sorry about such a cheesy title. It really sucks, but I thought it was kind of cute at the time. Also, this fan fiction is in first person point of view or Nico's point of view, which I really hate to do, but I thought that would be best for this fan fiction. I hope that doesn't bother anyone.
Another thing is I won't be updating this fan fiction for a while. I know that probably gets a little annoy when you're reading a fan fiction and then it's just like "Hey! Where's the next chapter?!" That's how I always feel when reading a story and it's not finished. I hate not updating a chapter for like forever and then people are like "Did you just give up on this or what?" I usually update all of my fan fictions within a ten day period (or I try to), but with this one it will probably be updated about once every three weeks or so.
Anyways, thank you once more for checking out my brand new fan fiction! That means just so much to me and I appreciate it!
Dear Percy,
I know you'll probably never understand this and I don't expect you to. I'm not brave enough to tell you the entire truth, but I do need to come to terms with this or else I'll just be in pain every day. I get those stupid butterflies and I hate it. Every time I see you or see you smile I get that damn fluttering in my stomach and it won't stop until you're gone. I beg that it will stop- I beg that I'll get over this and everything will be alright, but I know that's not going to happen. I'll never stop feeling this way. It scares me, terrifies me even and I don't have the courage to admit it. I don't want to lose you, although I know if I want to come clean you'll never speak to me again. I never wanted it to come to this, but I can keep it to myself any longer. I love you, forever and always. I fell for everything about you; the flaws that you have, the way you fumble over your words when you're not sure what to say, the ways you walk, swaying with such a powerful, beautiful confidence, the way your laugh explodes out, filling the room with such a light, airy sense of happiness, your beautiful smile that I have been so graced to see, your scent, your humor, your voice, your warmth, everything that makes you , you, and ,most of all, I fell for your eyes. Your beautiful eyes that shine like pools of turquois, deep as the darkest ocean, rolling and swaying like the tender waves of the ocean crashing against the shore, betraying you every thought with one gaze. You're such an amazing, stunning person- strong, cunning, beautiful, and amazing in every possible way. I love you and I will until the day I die and during the life after that.
Through my darkest hour, you keep me going. Everything about you gives me strength, allowing me to know everything will be alright as long as you're close. You're my light. You're my hero and you always have been. The first time I meet you, the first time you saved my life, I could help but thing how amazing you are. How utterly and completely perfect you were. You were my dream come true. I thought my dreams were amazing, but I quickly learned that reality is better because here I get to see you.
Am I crazy for falling in love with you? Yes, yes I am. I know this would never, ever work. I know that you could never care about me in that way or in way. Even though I have learned this, memorized it by heart, I can't seem to let you go. I want you. I need you. You mean so much to me. It doesn't matter how much I care about you, it doesn't matter how much I want you, I know you will never love me back. I don't know why I care about you when all you have ever done is wreak me. I don't know why I keep trying to get your attention. I know the best thing for me to do is to give up on this, but I can't. I can't bring myself to do it.
I love you Percy Jackson. I love you with all my heart, no matter how much you hurt me, how much you break me. It doesn't matter what you do, but I will always care about you. If you ever need anything or anyone I will always be here for you. I will always love you.
Love, Nico di Angelo
The paper crumbled under my warm fingers before dropping to the floor of the Hades cabin with a dull noise, so soft that it was barely heard. I looked at it with distaste, wondering why I wrote the damn thing in the first place. Kicking it weakly with my foot I watched it roll away, being discarded to some random area around my cabin. With a deep sigh I collapsed to the bed behind me, the lower bunk creaking as my weight pressed down on it.
Take a summer evening in a Greek training facility located on the Long Island Sound and mix in a bit of depression and confusion- then you have every day of my life. Dig a little deeper and you'll also find a bit of heartbreak, deep sorrow, and a flickering flame that burns for one single person. It may sound strange- being such a downer, but having such a passion that I keep guarded. When you've been pushed around your entire life you learn to keep the most precise things under lock and key. You also learn that isolation is your best friend, no matter what.
Now that I think about it, tonight is a special occasion: one year since the battle on Olympus, one year since Kronos was defeated. It such a shame- so many lives lost at that time, yet instead of mourning everyone is celebrating. It's also a shame that once again I am left out, sitting here all alone, scrawling words in my note book. Propping myself up on one elbow, I peering through the room. In the fading light of the Hades cabin I see the notebook lying face down on the floor where I left it. I swing my legs off the side of my bed before grappling for the notes, flipping through them absently. I tried to approach the situation multiple times, writing letter after letter to the son of Poseidon before marking them out jaggedly. Running my fingers across the page I feel the deep dents where I had pressed the pen harshly to the paper, blotching out the messages with enough force to break through the sheet. Half the words were unreadable, being written in such rough, quick hand writing that I couldn't even make out my own words. As I stared at the ink stained pages I felt wounded, like each stroke of the pen was striking me through the heart, burning me to the core as I bleed out. Of course that sting wasn't enough to be dwelled upon. I've been hurt before and this definitely isn't the worst thing to happen to me, but it was one that cut deep. I would give it that.
Clutching my stomach I rolled my shoulders back, feeling tension boiling inside of me. I don't fully understand why the words on the page (words that I wrote) caused me to feel so sick, but I just went with it, trying to coax the bile back down my throat. Maybe it was the sudden realization that I was this weak or maybe it was just because I had eaten something foul (although that was highly doubtful). Either way my stomach rolled, curling in on itself and gnawing on my insides. Tossing the notebook back to the floor, listen to the clattering of the metal rings against wood, I turned away, holding my head in my hands. I rubbed my cheek gently, feeling the heat rise on my face, burning me like a thousand suns. I lay my hands on the side of my neck, noting the way the skin felt agitated and broken out. Was it possible that this much stress was causing me to break out?
I jumped when there was a knock on my cabin door, stumbling back and fumbling to keep my balance. I stretched my arms upwards and ran long, spidery digits through my raven hair before surging towards the door, not wanting to seem frazzled.
My first thought when I opened the door was simple- gods damn it. Envy was something that I had always had trouble with and the last thing I needed was to see the girl that had everything I wanted. The jealousy automatically roared in my head as I stared at those striking gray eyes that flooded with an intense light, shimmered as if it was a snowflake caught in the first rays of sun. She stared back at me, bright eyes boarding from that beautiful heart shaped face. The sun caught in her golden hair, reflecting the radiance like a mirror, shimmering with a holy, god like power. I had to admit it- Annabeth Chase would be a stunning immortal, her beauty lasting for all eternity, never fading through the wear of time.
She wasn't the only one who would look becoming with the sheen of immortality. I swallowed that thought down as Annabeth waved her hand at me, trying her best to keep my attention.
"Uh…..Hello, Nico." The words slithered from between her cherry red lip as she grappled for my attention. Although Annabeth gave me a knowing and warming smile, I could see her wavering. I and Annabeth had never been best friends. The major reason we never got together was the rumors. Through the time since I had first arrived at Camp Half-Blood the words had been flying back and forth- people saying that I loved Annabeth, other's saying that Annabeth loved me, some saying that we were both locked in a hidden relationship, afraid to present it to the world that we were together. Even though she had probably heard everything and anything about us, Annabeth still seemed weary of me, terrified that she would strengthen the fire and keeping it burning. Me, on the other hand, didn't really care what the others said. Everyone has been the center of a rumor at some point and I figured it would just blow over after a while. Or, at least, I hoped it would.
"Hey, Annabeth," I muttered before fiddling with the hem of my vivid orange Camp Half-Blood t-shirt, "What's up?"
"Actually, Nico, I'm not really sure what I came here to talk about," A nervous laugh escaped Annabeth's lips as fiddled with the end of her ponytail. The giggles faded away as she realized I wasn't laughing or cracking a smile, "I mean I came here to give you a message. It's not from me, but it's from Chiron. He wanted to talk to you. I hope you have a few minutes to spare. Chiron promised me that it wouldn't take more than a few minutes. Sorry if that's such a problem for you. I never like to disrupt or annoy any one. I hate being a burden."
Rocking on her heels, Annabeth stared at me, waiting for a response. There wasn't much to say really, unless I wanted to make small talk with the girl (which was clearly out of the question). Instead I just shook my head, nodding a brisk yes.
"I guess I could go talk to him," I shifted tenderly beside the door to my cabin, not really showing much emotion. Holding my arms across my chest I grimaced, "I probably did something wrong. Gods… Of course it would happen today. The worst day of my life just keeps getting better."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Nico. I hate that you're having such a bad day. Is there something you want to talk ab-"
"No! There's nothing I need to talk about." I barely paid attention to my own words as they flew from my lips, an edge of coldness coming out as well. Without a moment of hesitation I stride passed her, jostling Annabeth's shoulders as I clawed my way from the doorway. I slammed the cabin door behind me, although it just hit the frame and clambered back, not shutting completely. I didn't bother to try again. All I wanted was to get away from her. I didn't need help with anything or from anyone and just forcing those few words from my lips was like chewing on rusty nails. In fact, I would have taken the rusty nails any day. Annabeth was one that I couldn't stand. She had everything I wanted and more. I would give anything to be in her shoes.
By the time I was done talking with Chiron I was starving. The empty pit in my stomach seemed to grow with every step as I made my way to the dining pavilion. The Greek columns rose over above the pavilion as I moved closer, torches blazing from their place at the panicle of the poles. The gentle wind wisped the fire back and forth, rippling through the sky with the tender movements of an unnatural force. The pavilion was lined with tables, one representing each of the gods and since the battle with Kronos and the acceptance of all children of the gods new dining tables had been added, one being my own. To be bluntly honest, I would rather not even have a table. I would much rather sit outside the pavilion, among that shadows, rather than being at the Hades table all by myself where everyone could see how much it hurt. Sometime I wished I had other brothers and sisters at Camp Half-Blood, but since losing Bianca, I learned that it's better to not have anyone. I don't like being alone, but it's so much easier that way. Isolation is my best friends, no matter what. With no walls and no roof I walked briskly through the pavilion, looking away with my gaze focused on the ground, staring at the long gray scar that marred the earth under my feet. It was hard to imagine that a few years ago I had so much anger, so much hatred inside of me, that I was able to do something like this. It was an action that I used in defense, but it was fueled with such a startling anger, one which still seethed inside of me whenever I thought about that moment. It terrifies me that I might fall into such a dark place again, although I know I am already on that road.
Sitting down with a sigh I tapped my fingers lightly on the table top, feeling the soft cloth against my hands and moving fingers briskly across the white fabric. Looking down at the goblet beside my hand I watched the dark liquid slosh around in my cup. It's strange- the goblets are never empty and they always know what you want (my favorite drink being Coke), but what happens when you can't decide what you want to drink? Will it mix the two together or will the cup be empty until you make a decision? My thoughts were disrupted as wood nymphs served out dinner: BBQ, strawberries, fresh bread, and cheese. Picking up a fork I prodded at the food in silence, my sudden hunger leaving me for no apparent reason. Although the meal smelled delicious I pushed the plate away, not bothering to catch the single strawberry that rolled from the plate and across the table cloth, staining the beautiful fabric with scarlet juice.
I glanced around routinely- something that I often did. Being alone, I didn't have much to focus on so I simply listened in to what others were saying. This probably isn't a valid idea, knowing how some people could be offended about this, but it wasn't like anyone was going to engage me in a conversation so I might as well take a silent place in others, adding in my own comment through my mind. Glancing around the pavilion I tried to find a topic that interested me. There were only a few tables that were close enough to me to where I could actually hear their words; the Aphrodite table, the Apollo table, and the Athena table. My eyes flickered around wildly, catching hints of different conversations. Drew from the Aphrodite table was jabbering on about how troubling it was that some boy from the Apollo cabin was lusting after her, writing her poems and songs, giving her gifts. I snorted. Who wouldn't want a boy to do that? To be honest I would love to have someone do that for me, but I would never admit it.
Rolling my eyes, a sense of anger burning in my chest, I moved on. Turning to face the Apollo table, I was trying to tune into the words flying between the group, but my attention was quickly captivated by something else, something beyond that table. Percy Jackson was sitting alone at his table, picking at his food like it was some sort of bug under a Microscope. He prodded the meal before impaling a plump strawberry and shoving it into his mouth, the delectable, sweet juices dribbling down his chin. He once again speared another fruit and lifted it to his mouth, only to hold it suspended in the air, lingering near his mouth.
I shifted uncomfortably as his eyes drew up to me, twinkling a bright, airy hello. I lifted my hand gently to wave before quickly forcing it down, my cheeks flaring up as I realized how quaintly he was smiling. The fluttering in my stomach sparked up, filling me with such a light feeling like I was floating. It was amazing, being able to grapple onto this feeling and hold it tight. Sheen of sweat dripped down my skin as I began to get nervous, afraid that I would do something embarrassing or disgusting. The feeling of those beautiful eyes focused on my caused my stomach to curl. How long would he stare at me? It wasn't like I was beautiful or anything. I wasn't worth anyone's time. You could see that by just looking at me. Black shaggy hair that always looks as though I had just gotten out of bed no matter how many times I brushed it, my skin paled to an ivory white, dark eyes framed with thick black eyelashes, arms and legs that didn't belong to my short form, long spidery digits that curved from my fingers with pointed, sharp nails at the end; I definitely looked like a freak. I don't understand why Percy would even bother acknowledging my existence. He's a hero, a golden boy, Camp Half-Blood's champion. It doesn't make since why he would even give me the time of day.
Looking back at the other boy I realized he was still staring, eyes glinting with an odd shine. A tiny smile curved upon my lips as I watched him through half lidded eyes. He was beautiful to tell the raw, honest truth. I watched the sun catch in his raven hair, spilling across his body, and giving him a holy outline of golden light. Those sea green eyes shone bright, drowning me in that striking turquois eyes. He had such a gorgeous, exotic look that captivated me and rocked me to the very core, sending hot and cold chills down my spine. The burning desire flooded my chest, consuming me. I shifted lightly in my chair now wanting to run for the hills. Turning away, my smile officially fading from my lips, I looked back at the plate before me, trying my best to ignore the gaze that was still locked on me.
After a moment of avoiding his gaze I turned back for a moment wanting to catch one more look at the striking, lovely creature that sat across the pavilion. The conclusion was bitter sweet as I stared at him, realizing that he was no longer looking at me and had returned to his food. I stared for a second, watching him chop on another strawberry. He was absolutely adorable as he ate- the way his eye squinted while he chew and content smile that coasted onto his lips as he tasted the delectable food. I got one thing out of that glimpse; more butterflies.
Turning back to my food I just sat there, letting the emotions roll over me and bring forth a new sense of warmth. It wasn't until a piercing gaze landed on my back that I felt strange, all comfort and desire flooded out of my form, leaving me feeling hollow and empty. I stole a gaze at Percy, realizing that he wasn't the one staring considering he was facing his food, eating sloppily. My head reeled back and forth looking for the perpetrator that watching me. A jagged shiver cascaded up my spine as I froze.
I stared at Annabeth, our eyes meeting with a cold, cynical gaze. We held each other's stare until, suddenly, her eyes softened, showing a part of her I had never seen. Her eyes were flooded with sympathy and understanding, almost a sense of longing. I didn't understand why she was looking at me like so. My only wish for that moment was to get away from her peering gaze. I turned away briskly, stabbing my fork into any piece of food I could grapple to before shoving it into my mouth and swallowing deeply. I prayed that if I just started eating she would look away and leave me alone. She didn't.
By the time dinner was over I decided to skip the campfire, going straight to my cabin. I would have loved to sit with Percy for a while and talk during the camp songs, but tonight I just retreated to my home. The thing with Annabeth shook me up, scaring me slightly. I didn't like the fact that she was staring at me with such a strange look.
It was quite easy to skip out on the camp fire and avoid Chiron's gaze while everyone shuffled to find their seats. Jogging towards the cabins I passed several people: Grover, the Stoll brothers, and Clarissa (who cursed at me when I bumped into her, threatening to rain the wrath of Areas down on me if I dared cross her again). After my run in with Clarissa and receiving a new bruise on my left arm when she tossed me to the ground, I strolled to my cabin, only feeling content when I was behind the door and locking it. Crossing the room, stripping down from my aviator jacket and Camp Half-Blood t-shirt, I lay down on my bed, shoving over the content that was piled at the foot. Forcing my back down, allowing some of the tension to flood away from me, I closed my eyes and hoping to find some source of relief.
It wasn't until I noticed my water being moved that I thought something was off. Looking at the water bottle, focusing on the drink intently, I clearly remembered leaving it on the end of my trunk rather than my bed. Sitting up gently I glanced throughout the room several times.
"Oh gods…." I cried, jumping up from the bed. I walked around the room rough four times before jogging back to my bunk.
"No….No!" I cried out as I pushed items off my bunk, watching them sprawl across the floor in all direction. Ink pens, markers, books, magazines, and a water bottle clambered to the floor, each one hitting the hard wood with a deep clunk. I grappled outwards, knocking more stuff out of my way, as I entered a frenzy, terrified of what was now registering in my mind.
"Shit!" I pricked my finger on the splintered post of my bed as I leaned back, the skin automatically becoming irritated and red before a drop of blood blossomed after a second. Quickly wiping the blood on my pant leg I surged forward, dropping to my knees in front of the trunk at the end of my bed. I spilled the contents out onto the floor as I tipped the chest on its side: sunscreen, an extra Camp Half-Blood t-shirt, bug spray, a pack of mythomagic card, a sleeping bag, a bottle of nectar, an extra pair of tennis shoes. Despite all that my note book was nowhere to be found. I already knew it wasn't possible for the book and letters to wrangle their way into my trunk. I know I specifically left them sitting on the floor along with that long crumpled note that I wrote this morning. There was no doubt that someone had been in my cabin. There was also no doubt that whoever it was had found my notes to Percy.
With a heavy heart I kicked at the items at my feet, placing a dent in the side of my nectar bottle. Thousands of thought whirled through my mind, pounding inside my brain like the deep beating of a kick drum. Shaking my head I swallowed harshly before bending over and collecting the items that I had tossed to the floor in my moment of rage.
As I collected my items a sudden thought dawned on me. The only person who had been near my cabin at all through out the day was me (of course) and one other.
"That little bitch..." I cursed under my breath.
A/N: Well once again thank you all for reading and I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a comment telling me what you thought and if you think I should continue. That really helps me and allows me to know if this is something that people like or not. :D