A/N: This first chapter is what I think Wilson was doing while the credits rolled on the episode where House faked brain cancer. The rest of the story is a carefully executed revenge plot. I don't own House, please R+R, thanks for reading, and enjoy.

Chapter 1: The Plan

"He faked it."

James Wilson stormed into the Dean of Medicine's office. "He faked having brain cancer. He faked dying. That trial in Boston wasn't to treat the cancer; it was to treat depression in cancer patients. They were going to stimulate the pleasure center of his brain. So he faked it. The whole thing was a lie."

"He faked cancer to get high!" Cuddy exclaimed, starting out of her chair, ready to go kill House that instant.

"Yeah. That's all this was. He put us through all the stress and sadness. Do you know how much time Cameron, Foreman and Chase spent in the lab, running tests and researching clinical trials? We all offered condolences, and what did he do? He pushed us away, because he knew how mad we were going to be when we found out this was about drugs. It's so insane, so cheap, so low, so House." said Wilson, angrily, "I don't even...I have so many patients who actually are dying who would give the world to trade lives with him. They'd even trade for just the friends he's got. Doesn't he get how lucky he is? Doesn't he know how low it is to fake cancer? Doesn't he see how that cheapens the reality of having cancer for all my patients?" Wilson exclaimed, exasperated. "No, of course he doesn't, he's House. It's all about getting what he wants. It's all about pushing it until it breaks." Wilson collapsed into one of Cuddy's chairs, exhausted and deflated.

"How could he possibly have gotten away with this?" Cuddy demanded.

"He used someone else's file. And he just doesn't care. He has no sensitivity, no sympathy. He doesn't get the reality of cancer. He doesn't get the reality of how lucky he is, how many people care. Sometimes I just want to strangle him until he does." Wilson sighed deeply, thinking about all the similar stunts House had pulled over the years.

"So let's do that," Cuddy said. Wilson stared at her, puzzled.

"You're kidding, right? Because as much as I'd love to at times, it would look very bad for the hospital if the world's best diagnostician disappeared and we got indicted."

"That's not what I meant," Cuddy elaborated."You're in the pediatric clinic all day tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah," said Wilson. "I'm mostly seeing brain tumor patients tomorrow. But what does that-"

"We're going to strangle House with a little reality," Cuddy said with a sly smile. Wilson was puzzled for a minute, then her plan became clear. He shook his head in disbelief.

"Are you crazy? That'll never work. Remember what happened the last time we tried to teach him a lesson? And besides, how are you going to get him in there? You know he'd rather give up drugs than spend a day with the cancer kids."

"It'll work," Cuddy assured him, "Remember how well he did with the rape victim? This is just like that. We're not teaching, just exposing him to the right things. And as for getting him in there, we'll just have to make spending the day with you his only option." She smiled at Wilson conspiratorially

"I like the way you think." Wilson said, a smile creeping across his face. Drawing a chair up to Cuddy's desk, they bent their heads together and began to form a plan.