This has season two spoilers.

Read carefully.

"You're not the leader of this team Lance!"

"What, and you are? Red chose you, not Black. Shiro can't just hand over the Black Lion to you, that's not how the bonds work!"

"I don't want the Black Lion! I want Shiro!"

Lance felt like he couldn't breathe, waiting for Keith's signal. He shouldn't have given in too his boyfriend's demands. He was hurt, and jealous, and scared. Lance had missed Shiro just as much as the others in the year they had been searching. It was no secret that Keith had taken it a lot harder than the others. Lance had found him completely passed out in the training room to many times to count on both his hands. He cried at night, body racking sobs that Lance could only soothe half of the time. Without Shiro there was no way that they could form Voltron. Allura had tried to pilot Black, but she couldn't get him to move at all. Keith had tried, and to everyone's surprise he had been able to do it, for about twenty minutes that is until he had a break down. It had made sense to Lance, a bittersweet acknowledgement that Keith and Shiro had an extremely close bond, so why wouldn't Black respect him enough to let him pilot him?

"We all want Shiro! Keith we can't just storm in there! We don't even know if he's alive!"

"...I'm going. With, or without you guys,"

He should have strapped Keith down to a bed with chains and let him hate him. Allura had tried to take control of the arguing, telling Keith to wait until they could scope everything out. Keith had threatened to rip Red's hanger open or melt it down. The others could already sense the uneasiness of their own lions as Red picked up on Keith's emotions, projecting her own as well and it unsettled the others, just as Keith's had unsettled the paladins.

"Lance," Lance's lip twitched as Pidge's voice came through the com.

"Yeah?" He asked, keeping his voice low. Despite everything, Keith had been able to stay put long enough for them to make a haste plan. Pidge had managed to loop the prisons video feed, allowing Lance and Keith to fly down in Red and Blue. The prison was massive, about three times bigger than the castle, so they had landed in a corner, Lance staying with the lions while Keith had gone in with more or less a remade Rover. Pidge had grabbed one on a small mission, re programming it and then downloading Rover's saved memory from a hard drive.

"You gotta calm down, I can taste how salty you are right now and we all need to suck it up and focus on keeping Keith's head clear," they said over the com and Lance gritted his teeth. Sometimes he hated his mind being connected to the others.

"You're right, sorry Pidge," he said, his voice straining.

"The Blade said that they had been told that Shiro is in there. Why do you all hesitate!?"

"Keith. We need to stay calm and think this through. We need to consider the options. Patience yields fo-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence Allura...I'm not the one in the wrong here. Shiro is my family. You don't just leave your family!"

"What would you know about family? You were perfectly fine ditching your family on Earth,"

Lance knew he shouldn't have said that milliseconds after the words left his mouth. The room had become dead silent, a pin could have dropped on the other side of the castle and it would have echoed and rang in their ears. Lance was suddenly overly aware of how loud the blood rushing through his veins and ears were, he felt like he could hear everyone's heart individually as Keith stared at him in complete rage. Lance had seen that face on Keith before. But it had never been directed at him. It had been directed at Iverson, seconds before Keith had pounced on the tall man, punching, kicking, even biting, leaving Iverson with his infamous lazy eye.

Lance took a deep breath, trying to calm down. He knew his boyfriend was the best hand to hand fighter on the team, with only Shiro being on the same level. But over the past two months on small missions Kith had grown into the habit of throwing himself into the thickest part of the fray, over exerting himself before slinking off to the healing pod while Coran and Allura lectured his ears off. Usually the others just made their way to their own rooms or to their lions hanger.

Lance didn't like feeling jealous, especially over something like this, but he couldn't help but to wonder what Keith would do if he disappeared. If they had had found Blue crumpled on the ground, Lance nowhere to be found. Would Keith have the same reaction? Would he fight the team like he had to go get him? Would he have disobeyed even Shiro if the Black paladin had told him to wait before rescuing Lance? He didn't like the fact that he had always been jealous of Shiro and Keith's closeness. At first it was because of the blatant favoritism his hero had shown toward Keith. Then slowly, slowly, it was because Keith never smiled at Lance the way he smiled at Shiro. His jealousy had become about the way Keith relaxed around Shrio and trusted him and confided in him. Lance wanted to be that person to Keith.

The change was slow going at first, and then all at once. They had had good moments here and there, a shared joke once or twice, a conversion that didn't end in aggravation here or there. Then suddenly it was what would be the equivalent of three in the morning on Earth, they were in Lances room cry laughing as anxiety, fear and nerves overwhelmed them, laughing about how about a year ago, Keith was a dropout and Lance was barely scraping by at the garrison and considered a failure.

"I just, this happens in books and movies ya know? Good for nothing kid ends up being specially chosen by the universe and is supposed to save the galaxy as he falls hopelessly head over heels for a teammate," Lance had cackled and Keith snorted.

"I didn't even realize you were serious about liking Allura dude," Keith had said, wiping at the tears in his eyes. Lance had stared at him for a long moment before tilting his head back again, laughing once more before resting his head on the edge of his bed.

"Not the Princess. The Red Paladin," Lance said, oddly enough not feeling nervous or awkward about it. I mean, why should he be? There was a good chance he'd die in about 48 hours when they finally faced Zarkon. Keith's laughter had stopped and Lance closed his eyes, opening them again in surprise when he felt Keith settle on his lap, straddling him.

"Lance, how come it takes me almost certain death to get the courage to not run from your words?" He had whispered, slowly cupping the cubans face. Lance grinned.

"You know, if this follows those cliche movies...if we kiss right now that means we'll both make it out alive and save the day," he had said. They both leaned in.

"Oh my God," Lance jumped slightly at Keith's voice. They hadn't spoke since last night, and Lance was understandably startled to hear his voice in the com.

"Keith? Keith are you okay?!" Lance asked quickly and the line was silent for a long moment. "Keith!" Lance exclaimed, panic and anxiety rising in his chest.

"I'm here, Lance," Keith whispered, as if he was hiding from something.

"What's going on? Did you find Shiro? Do you need back up-" Lance rattled off, pausing when he heard Keith grunt, metal clashing then a sickening crunch.

"I found Shiro. He's out but I can grab him. He doesn't have any surface wounds that need immediate attention. One of his ribs might be broken though," Keith said and relief and joy spread throughout him. Keith was okay, Shiro would be okay.

"Thank God, grab him and get out of there, it's only a matter of time before someone finds out the video is looped or a patrol comes around the bend here," Lance said quickly.

There was another long pause before, "Matt is here too." Lance froze, his eyes narrowing as he turned his head, as if he hadn'theard right.

"Like...Pidge's Matt? Matt Holt? Kerbous mission Matt?" Lance asked and a hiss from Keith gave him his answer.

"I can't carry them both out, Matt is in...really bad condition. I can only carry one," Keith's voice had clear heartbreak in it, conflicted.

"Stay where you are, I'm coming," Lance said into the com before starting to head toward where Keith had slipped inside.

"No , don't. People are starting to wake up, I think workers are making their rounds, they'll be here soon," Lance bristled at the idea of Keith being caught by the Galra.

"Hold tight...give me a second," Lance said, his brain running a million miles an hour. This planet was infested with Galra soldiers and druids, if they pulled anything drastic it was very possible that they would go down, or come out in more than one piece. However...they still had the element of surprise. He reached up, switching his com to reach the rest of the team.

"Guys," he addressed and there were answering calls, questions and concerns. He shook his head even though he knew they couldn't see him.

"Keith found Shiro," here was silence on all lines, as if everyone could sense that there was more. Lance took a deep breath. "And Matt. Like, Pidge's brother Matt. They're not in great shape, he can't carry them both out and I can't go in, workers are going on their morning rounds I think," Lance said, his vice tense. A small squeak sounded on the com and Lance knew it was from Pidge.

"Lance, tell Keith to retreat. We know they're there. We can pull back and plan a coordinated attack later," Allura's voice said and Lance shifted.

"Allura...you know damn well Keith isn't going to do that," he said and there was a long pause.

"Convince him," was her reply. Lance switched his com to a private line with Keith.

"Don't tell me, they want me to retreat... you want me to retreat…" Keith's voice sounded before Lance could even say anything He could hear the scowl in Keith's voice and he took a deep breath.

"Keith, we know they're here. They're alive. We can get them when it's safer for everyone," Lance started and there was a strangled gasp from Keith. Lance's heart ripped in two at the sound. Keith made that noise at night when he was trying to hide his sobs and panic attacks.

"Lance…" the red paladin's voice didn't sound like his. It sounded broken, tired, desperate. "Lance please help me save them...f...family comes first. You were right. I was okay ditching any family I had on Earth, because what was there wasn't a family. Just shared blood...you guys...Voltron, Allura and Coran are my family...Shiro…" Lance could physically feel the ache in his chest that Keith was feeling. He wanted to rip his heart out from under his armor, skin and bones just to get the pain to stop. "And Matt is Pidge's family, which means he's mine too. If I can't take them both...I'm staying," Keith was breathless as he said it and Lance felt like dying. "Please don't let me stay here Lance," he whispered.

"I've got an idea, make sure no one gets to you or them, kill anyone or anything that gets in your way," Lance said quickly, his own voice raw with emotion. There was a sniffle and Lance knew he had nodded. He closed the line before opening the other one.

"Allura, be ready to open a wormhole on my signal. We're getting them both," Lance said.

"Lance this isn't a debate," Allura said firmly and Lance let a grim look come over his face.

"You're right. It's not. The paladin code states that I put the other members of Voltron lives above my own. That i lend a helping hand to all those in need. Keith is my teammate, he asked for my help. Shiro is the leader of Voltron and he needs our help. Matt is Pidge's brother, so that means he's just as important to the strength of the team. So you're right, this isn't up for debate," Lance replied and there was a moment of silence before Hunk spoke.

"Welcome back Lance," Hunk said softly. Lance's heart fluttered with gratitude and appreciation, a certain confidence filling him that had left him long ago. When Voltron had been formed, Lance's position as the team leader had been ripped from him and he had been shoved into the back of the pack, dismissed and disregarded. For a long time he had questioned his place on the team.

"If anyone can come up with a plan, it's you Lance. What do you need us to do?" Pidge asked, their voice raw and trusting. Lance took a deep breath, smiling the smallest bit to himself.

"Alright. Hunk, Pidge. Be ready to cover us when we leave the atmosphere. I feel like we'll have a good amount of ships on our tail. Allura, be ready to open a wormhole on my mark, we're going to come in hot. I'm going to start blasting this wall and set off the alarm systems here, since Keith is on the far side. Red will sense the danger and find Keith. He should have enough time to get them both into Red and then we're high tailing it out of here," Lance said and Hunk and Pidge confirmed.

"I'll be waiting for your mark," Allura said, clear tension and annoyance in her voice. Lance ignored it. She could get over it.

"Lance! I could use a plan right now!" Keith's voice suddenly cut in and alarm ran through him. There was metal clashing in the background.

"I'm coming buddy! I'm going to start blasting at this end, call out to Red and have her come to you so you can get them bored. Once everyone's in we're gonna hightail it. Hunk and Pidge will give us cover.

"Sounds like a plan, Sharpshooter," Keith said and Lance took a breath of relief. Keith had forgiven him from the fight, had forgiven him for his awful words. Lance knew he'd have a lot of making up to do still, but for now that would have to wait. Lance practically launched himself into Blue, leaping away from Red before turning and aiming his tail gun directly at the wall.

"Let's get Shiro back," he said and Blue purred in his head. He fired three shots into the wall, bricks falling and crumpling. Seconds later a loud alarm went off, red lights flashing. Red sprung to life, looking frantic as she jumped up, staying grounded but sprinting off around the side of prison. Lance spared her one look before he fired off three more shots. Patrols swarmed the top of the prison. Guilt and disgust ran through him as he saw actual Garla soldiers along with the damn robots they used. When he had agreed to become part of Voltron and save the universe, he hadn't really understood at the time how many lives they wouldn't be able to save, and how many lives he would end up having to take himself. How many Galra soldiers had he taken out without a thought. How many families had he torn apart? When the destroyed the huge ships, they were also destroying someone's son, husband or father. What if Keith had been raised as a Galra soldier? Would he just become another casualty? Would he go down in hand to hand combat or in one of the ships we ripped through? Sure, it as easy in the heat of the moment, kill or be killed. But after the adrenalyn left...there was always the unanimously unspoken question of "how many people did we just kill?"

Lance took aim, Blue letting out a loud roar before spewing ice along the wall, knocking some off while others were either frozen or crushed by rocks. "Keith how we doing?" Lance asked, distracting himself from the screams of the soldiers as he fired another blast.

"I'm carrying in Matt now, Red blasted through the wall," Keith said. Lance quickly had Blue jump into the air as canons and guns were shot at him, quickly taking them out with his ice power. He watched the soldiers scream, some jumping off the wall, some trying to go out in glory against Lance. The cuban boy tried to ignore the tears that flowed gently from his face.

He was a teenager. He was an nineteen year old boy who had seen more messed up shit than anyone ever had on Earth. He had killed so many Galra...it had been easy to dehumanize them in the beginning, they never saw their faces when the ships went down, they never heard about the devastation the families felt when they were told their father wasn't coming home. He hadn't heard the lovers cry out in anguish, or seen the mothers sob. What would his own mother say if she saw him now? Would she even recognize him?

"Lance I've got them! Let's go!" Keith's voice rang through his ears.

"Pidge, Hunk, over us!" Lance yelled, watching fighter ships jump into the air and startfiring. Lance and Keith turned tail, quickly gaining altitude as they retreated, Pidge and Hunk swooping down and staying even with one of them, firing and taking out the ships. Lance said nothing. A while ago on a mission he had been sent to gather Intel from a computer in a Galra occupied base. Turns out, the ships they had originally thought were drones, were piloted.

I've gathered so many scars, there's only so much a healing pod can do... He thought, wondering back to the thought of his mothers reaction. What would she do if she saw her sweet baby boy, the energetic, loud, always smiling and lighting up the room son she had raised with everything she had, how he was now? His skin which had been flawless before was now littered in scars, some were small nicks on his hands, arms and legs from training or from working on Blue. Others were from battle, a long stripe going down the side of his face, from the top of his ear to his jaw, a straight line that had been inflicted by a commander of the Galra who were apparently gathering under the new command of Prince Lotor and Haggar. He had a large circular scar from where he had thrown himself on top of Pidge right before a plasma blast had hit them. He had a small cut on his left brow and had given up hope the hair would grow across the scar. His eyes no longer held the innocent gleam, there was no longer an excited, awe struck look on his face at the thought of exploring the depths of the universe, wondering if aliens were really out there. The people on Earth don't know anything at all... No. He had seen enough of space to last him twenty lifetimes. He had met enough aliens to where the interest and curiosity had left him.

"Lance we need you!" He flinched from Hunk's call for help. No. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want any of this anymore. I don't want to be in space, or saving the Galaxy. I want to be in my bed, in my mothers house. I want to sleep in and wake up to the smell of bacon and pancakes. I want to hear my mother yelling at me to do chores, I want to bicker with my siblings. I want to see my father make disgusting googly eyes at my mother. I want to hear the meaningless drama between my sisters and their friends, I want to braid my siblings hair, and play with the stupid cat that hates me. I don't want to be needed. I don't want to be special or chosen. I don't want the praise.

Lance swung around quickly, letting out a loud grunt as he slammed himself forward, throwing a powerful blast towards Hunk. The six ships around the yellow lion froze for a few seconds, long enough for Hunk to barrel his way through, seconds after he got clear the ships exploded. In the two years they had been apart of Voltron, Lance had gone from lanky and delicate to being filled out, his jaw becoming a bit more pronounced, still having the slightest soft curve to it, revealing he wasn't fully grown yet, but his arms had swelled to about half the size that Shiro's had been, his legs becoming muscular while his stomach had gone from firm with a touch of squish to armoured with a six pack, his chest had become broader and his shoulders had filled out quite a bit, even gaining an extra inch or two in height. Although, they had all grown in height, chalking it up to the different gravity levels. Pidge had grown at least a full foot though with the help with growth spurts. Lance turned again, quickly bolting after the Red lion. Pidge and Hunk followed him, staying close.

"Allura open it up! Take us out of here!" Lance yelled.

"To where?!" She called back and Lance thought for only a second.

"Take us to Arus." He said. There was a few seconds of silence, the entire team having heard what he said. That's where everything had started. It was the closest planet they had been on that resembled Earth and had a blue ocean. A wormhole opened up and the the castle went through, the lions rocketing in beside it. It closed around them and loud sighs of relief came from everyone. They were safe.

Lance landed Blue in her hanger numbly. He didn't run out to the others, didn't crowd around the healing pods or hover around the two rescued prisoners. He just sat in Blue, staring at the wall of the hanger blankly. He could hear Blue in his head, purring softly and trying to comfort him.

You did so well Lance, the team is proud of you, I'm proud of you, you're strong.

Lance took a deep, shaky breath, looking at his reflection on the glass of Blue's eyes for a long moment before tears swelled in his eyes. He shook his head, pulling his helmet off quickly and buried his head in his hands.

He use to worry about the test we had in the morning, he used to worry about if the girls thought he looked good, or about Iverson's approval. He used to worry about if he had homework or not. He used to worry about how many followers he had on instagram or if that girl he had met would text him back. Now he had to worry about dying, he had to worry about other people's lives, about his closest friends lives. He use to worry about glory and praise...now he had to worry about if they'll live through the next battle.

"Fuck!" Lance yelled, throwing his helmet against the wall of Blue who tried comforting him once more with purrs.

Think about all the families you've saved Lance…

What about all the families I ripped apart? What about them? What about those who begged for mercy? Only to be cut down. I'm so tired...tired of killing. His thoughts swarmed him and he felt like he was drowning.

What would happen if they actually won? If they won this damned war and secured peace for the Galaxy? Would they return home? Would they go and tell Earth about the existence of Voltron and the aliens. Would they tell them that four teenagers that the world never cared about, and a pilot who had been believed to crash his ship had saved the entire universe with the help of a Princess and advisor from a destroyed planet? No. The people of Earth wouldn't be able to handle it, they'd just try and take Voltron for themselves, they'd end up launching their own raids against planets for resources.

Lance let out a bitter laugh at the thought of ending one war with the Galra, then having to fight against his own species.

If they got out of this war alive...would they get to see their families? And if they did...what would Lance even say? What would he tell his mother when she looked at her oldest son, grown, muscular and scared. What would he say when his father realized Lance had lost his refreshing supply of optimism. How would he explain to his siblings why he couldn't stand to lay the video games where they flew through space and killed man eating aliens? How would he tell them that he hadn't died in the desert, but he had been able to go home if he had really wanted too, they had been given the choice. But instead, he decided to stay in space and fight a war that wasn't his, in hopes that it wouldn't become theirs. When his parents cried and held him, asking where he had been and what had become of their outgoing, joyful son...when their hearts broke because they can see that he had been through different levels of hell and had come out bearing new scars. What would he say?

Lance was sobbing now, his body shaking hard, his shoulders rolling as he gasped for air, hiccuping and making heaving noises, desperate to breathe. He was faintly aware of Keith's presence, as if he had sensed his lover's despair. When Keith pulled him from the pilot's seat and leaned against the wall, cradling the taller boy and Lance simply clung to him and cried harder, burying his face into the Red paladin's shoulder while Keith held him as tight as he could, running his hand through lance's overgrown hair.

When his mother cried upon seeing her baby boy...what would he say? He would tell her the truth. He'd look her in the eyes, fighting off tears he'd hold her shoulders tightly. "Momma...I'm a war hero," he'd tell her. Because that's what he was now. He was the Blue Paladin of Voltron, Defender of the Universe. He was a savior, a freedom fighter...he was a war hero.

Hokay...so I know what you guys are thinking. 1) this isn't fairy tail. Which is weird because it's my first published fic that isn't in ft.

2) Good lord there is some angst in here

3)Why must I hurt all of my children?

Lol, I've been wanting to write a voltron fic for a while now and I've been down for inspiration on writing AAC and Rivals and I felt angsty so...Viola. here is a thing. This is going to stay a one shot though, I am planning on writing a full length fic in Voltron soon though so keep your eyes peeled. I wanted to write this though bc if you think about it, theres no way that the team isn't fucked up at least a little. None of them (except maybe keith) ever had to kill anyone or take a life, and then suddenly it's pretty much routine for them. They're lil babies. I just wanted to write something where one of them was having a break down about everything and having them come to terms with how ugly war is I guess.

Anyway, please leave a comment and tell me what you guys think! I'd love to hear some feed back on this!