Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries- neither the stories, the settings nor the characters. I don't even know if I own a Bible anymore, and I'm definitely not Catholic, so buckle in folks, because I'm learning as I go.
"So I know we are starting to run out of ideas here with all of these Klaus issues. There is one thing we haven't tried yet. Now, it might sound crazy but… hear me out."
"What could we have missed?" Elena cocked her head, looking a bit confused. "We have researched for so long, I feel like there isn't one page of lore we could have missed."
"Yes brother, enlighten us." Damon scowled, hastily pouring himself a glass of bourbon to prepare him for whatever insane idea Stefan had just come up with.
"Ah, well, funny word choice there Damon." Now everyone in the room was incredibly confused. "I know that we are working so hard around this doppelganger fate, vampire curse, werewolf curse etc. But there is one thing we haven't considered. If the doppelganger situation is fated, and- remember- it was an existing fated thing before Esther exploited it for the Sun and Moon curse- then couldn't other types of fate exist?"
"You're starting to lose me here." Alaric retorted flatly.
"Yeah Stefan, come on, get to the point. I know I'm already dead, but I will die again before you finish this statement." Caroline tossed her blonde curls restlessly.
"No, I'm getting there. I promise. Ok now what is the most common type of fate that most people believe in?" He was met with a room full of blank stares. "God. Most people believe in some sort of greater power. Now, interestingly there a lot of aspects of traditional Catholicism that actually are cover-ups for pagan events, holidays, practices and deities."
"So are you suggesting that we go to… church?" Damon's voice couldn't hide how ridiculous he thought this statement was. "Come on, Steffie, I thought we were one of those slacker American families that only goes on Christmas and Easter."
"Damon, we don't-"
"Sarcasm brother. Really? Sometimes I am still amazed by how socially inept you are." Damon poured another glass of bourbon, this time twice as full. He was going to have some fun with where this conversation would inevitably go, already running through an arsenal of terrible church jokes and innuendos he can fire on command.
"Anyway, for those of you who are actually listening." Stefan glared at Damon. "I have read up on some ways that church and witchcraft overlap, and I think that it might be good to at least dabble in some of the protections and benefits that it might offer us. There's… " He was cut off by Bonnie.
"Seraphim magic, Enochian spells, methods of utilizing holy oil, incense and holy water- just to name a few."
Stefan continued.
"I think we should cover all of our bases, as ridiculous as it sounds. There are a few small spells that Bonnie can do during service or confessionals that can at least offer some protection, not to mention… it can't hurt to get any higher beings that exist on our side."
"So you want us to just start believing in a higher power. You do know that faith doesn't work like that, right?" Alaric's teacher voice started to come out, a reflection of everyone's skepticism.
"I'm not saying you have to. I'm just saying it might be good for all of us to go once a week while Bonnie does a few protection spells."
"Coconut bon-bon: Is there any truth in this?" Damon threw his gaze over to Bonnie, sipping his bourbon as he rolled his eyes.
"Even if half of the new spells we found don't work, there are a few surefire things that we can do on consecrated ground that we can't do elsewhere. You can each cleanse weapons or crystals, I can channel the spiritual energy to do anti-magic protection spells. I'll go into more detail if we decide to do it, but it sums up to the fact that there is strong communal energy in a church that I can leverage, and if we all are there, with all the other people, I can really do some, well, magic."
"Communal energy, like how you channel the energy from where the witches burned?" Alaric made a connection that he was hoping everyone would understand. Despite some speculation, he was on board with this plan. He trusted Bonnie with his life, but he needed others on board too.
"Just like that, yes, but with fewer dead people, and a much larger number of alive people." Bonnie bit her lip, waiting for someone to tear down her idea.
Everyone shifted awkwardly. They had been secretly hoping that Bonnie's argument wouldn't be quite as solid, nobody jumping at the idea to participate in this plan.
"Look, guys we would only have to try it for a few weeks until we see if anything really works out. Can we at least give it a shot?" Stefan's eyes were nervous, searching for approval.
"I'm in. Stefan is right. At this point we need all the help we can get. I'm willing to try anything to keep everyone I love safe." Elena's hazelnut doe-eyes looked distant and sad.
"Ugh, gross. Elena, always the martyr. Typical." Damon crossed his arms square against his chest, narrowing his celestine-blue eyes.
"Martyr? What is she sacrificing here? I'm asking if we can go to church Damon, not prison." Stefan's tone began to raise, his brow furrowed, and his underlying anger at Damon flared.
"She's sacrificing fun. Sleeping in Sunday mornings. She's young, she should be up late Saturday nights." He winked in Elena's general direction.
"Exactly how much fun are we having here? Last time I checked today is… " Alaric sarcastically checked his watch. "Oh look, it's Saturday night. I know I'm getting old, but back in my day this group huddle we are having about supernatural doom would not constitute as fun." Damon kept talking directly to Stefan, ignoring Alaric's rebuttal.
"Another plus baby bro, in the words of the downright prophetic Billy Joel, Only the Good Die Young." Everyone audibly groaned in unison at his terrible joke, but nobody was surprised. They were lucky that they made it this far in the conversation without hearing it. "See, by that logic, making Elena, hell, making any of us go to church would be an outright death sentence." He sauntered back over to his bottle of bourbon, pouring another glass.
"Well Damon, some of us need more than the church of Jack Daniels." He took a pregnant pause. "I think it's a good idea. I've read some of the general lore Stefan and Bonnie are referring to, and if Elena is in, then sign me up." The gravel in Alaric's voice as he smacked Damon with his criticism transitioned into smooth, wise words, carrying a logos that could only be pulled off by a professor.
"Caroline? I haven't really heard your opinion yet." Bonnie cautiously looked at Caroline.
"Honestly, shocker right there, blondie is always full of opinions." Damon took a dramatic swig from his drink before pointing his finger in Caroline's general direction. "I think that right there warrants an investigation." He finished off the last drops of alcohol in his glass, pouring his third helping. At this point, he just held onto the bottle with his other hand, pouring at will.
"Damon, do you really need to be drunk right now?" Alaric's voice bellowed, and Damon slowly put back down the decanter, holding up both of his hands and taking a step back before sheepishly grabbing his glass to take more nonchalant sips.
"It is Saturday night…." He smirked, but nobody was paying attention to his antics.
"I'm still skeptical," Caroline's bright, perky voice chimed in. "But, that being said if everyone else is on board, I agree with Stefan. I don't see what it could hurt. Plus, it's a great excuse to wear some of my fancy dresses." A glint flashed in her eyes.
"Ooh, Barbie gets to dress up in the clothes from the back of her dream house wardrobe. I'm sure that will help us out. Actually, wait!" Damon mock gasped. "It totally could help us. We all know how much Klaus likes to see you all dressed up."
Caroline, prone to emotional swings, flared to anger, the veins wrinkling around her eyes before she took a breath and calmed down. Everyone else was still just ignoring Damon, even Elena. He was secretly a bit upset that she was missing all of his great jokes.
Stefan stood in the middle of the living room, looking a bit victorious that everyone had agreed to something for once.
"It's decided then. I'll let Bonnie figure out what things she wants to try tomorrow, but for now, all the rest of us need to do is show up. See you bright and early for mass tomorrow at 9:00 am."
"Wait, why the 9:00 mass?" Elena chimed in, clearly dreading waking up that early. Caroline whined in agreement.
"Well, I looked into it, and that is actually the busiest mass of the morning. I need as much energy to channel as possible, and with more people there is also a bigger chance for us to blend in if I do some more… distracting spells."
"Well, 9:00 it is then." Elena's voice was low.
"Actually, we need to meet up around 8:30 if we want to get there on time, since the nearest Catholic church is about a half hour outside of town." Stefan, always the responsible one, had already done his homework. "Let's meet up here at the boarding house."
Like a team finishing up a pre-game huddle, everyone got up and started to meander out of the living room. Damon stayed behind, rolling his eyes. As stupid as he thought this plan was, he couldn't deny that he was excited to see Elena all dressed up and proper. He would most certainly dress to kill to match.
Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.
Elena couldn't remember the last time she went to church for something that wasn't a funeral. If she was completely honest, she didn't quite know how you should dress for mass- after all, she wasn't Catholic. The only thing to come to mind were images of stained glass, rosary beads, and formal communions. At Bonnie's insistence, however, they were going to drive about a half hour out of town to St. Christina's.
"As in St. Christina the Astonishing?" Alaric had raised an eyebrow, questioning Bonnie.
What a bizarre name for a saint. Elena thought as she opened the french doors of her closet. It was full to the brim of every type of clothing she could ever need for any scenario. The entire left side was a line of gorgeous dresses made of silk, satin, lace and taffeta. 'Thank God Mystic Falls has so many formal parties.'
Elena fanned through her closet, pushing through various knee-length bright colored dresses. For some reason, she was drawn to the darker more sultry colors that she hid in the back of her closet for more formal occasions. Something about a jewel tone made even the simplest dress seem incredibly fancy. Her hand paused on a garment made of thick, high-quality lace. Its emerald shade reminded her of the deepest parts of the evergreen forest that wrapped around the western edge of Mystic Falls. Usually she would have passed by it without a thought, reserving the color for holidays, but something about it felt right. Adding points in its favor, the a-line skater dress would sit just below the knee, appropriate and conservative enough for church.
After slipping into a pair of pantyhose and sliding the dress over her lithe frame, she stood in the middle of her room in the throws of battle with a most heinous adversary: the back zipper. Thankfully, she wasn't in her heels yet; they would have made dancing around in circles with her hand behind her back that much harder.
A sudden gust of air flooded her room, coming from the direction of her window. The pane was agape, the curtains fluttering in the breeze.
Woosh.
The air rushed behind her, sending her whipping back around to find the source. Just as she expected, it was Damon.
"Need some help with that, princess?" He raised his eyebrows, a tight smirk stretching across his face.
"Damon, how many times do I have to tell you not to do this? Especially not when I'm getting dressed." She folded her arms across her chest, throwing him her best scowl.
"Fine then." He raised his hands in surrender, turning back toward the window. Before jumping back out, he turned around and threw her a taunting glance. "But you won't ever finish getting dressed if you can't zip your dress, now can you?"
Elena pursed her lips, narrowed her eyes, and tried to find a comeback. She couldn't. Admitting defeat, she let out a huge breath and rolled her eyes.
"Alright. You can zip up my dress, but then you're going straight back from where you came, and you can wait with everyone else at the boarding house until we leave to go to the church."
"Damon Salvatore doesn't take demands. I offered, you refused. Now, if you want me to help, you'll have to ask nicely." He walked toward her slowly, invading her personal bubble. He didn't stop until she could feel his cool breath on her face. Her entire field of vision was consumed by his glacial eyes, their frigid depths freezing her in place. Her breath hitched, and she suddenly felt very flustered.
"Come on, just say please…" He drew out his words, whispering them into her ear. Elena knew that she shouldn't let him act like this, all seduction and no decorum. This was Damon Salvatore, and while he might cassanova every other woman he meets, she shouldn't let him do the same to her. But she was powerless- something about him was inviting, tempting. She closed her eyes tight, biting the inside of her cheek as she tried to pull herself back down to reality. She spoke with her eyes still closed, her tone even and a bit annoyed.
"Damon- will you please help me zip my dress." She couldn't wait for this interaction to be over.
"Your wish is my command, cara mia." His voice purred over the last word as he lightly touched her shoulders, spinning her around. Her molten chocolate hair covered her back. He couldn't help but notice how she lightly shivered as he traced his finger around her neck to brush it out of the way.
The zipper started on her lower back. He pressed his hand to her side to add a bit of traction, gliding the zipper up with ease. They stood there like that in the middle of her bedroom for a lingering second. He stood only inches behind her, their warmth mingling together and breath falling in line. They might have stayed like that for an eternity, except for the fact that they were interrupted by a quick rapping at the door.
"Elena, I hope you don't mind I let myself in!" Bonnie's voice called from downstairs, cheerful and bright. "I needed to borrow a pair of stockings, and I figured you might have some extra!" The stairs creaked as she climbed up to Elena's room. "Plus I miss us getting ready and doing our makeup together like we used to for cheer-"
Elena's door swung open, and just as quickly, Damon sped out the window. He should have heard Bonnie the second she entered the Gilbert home, but he let himself to get too distracted. Emotions were clouding his senses, allowing him to be caught off guard.
This might prove problematic.
Everyone managed to get there on time, even Jeremy.
"Can someone tell me whose idea it was to invite Baby Gilbert?" Damon glared at Jeremy.
"I did." Bonnie retorted. "He's a good hunter, and obviously not supernatural. His energy won't pollute any crystals I need cleansed. Plus, he's much better at blending in than all of you."
"I agree with her, he could be a good asset." Stefan replied.
"Or a huge liability!" Damon huffed. The last thing they needed to worry about was protecting Elena's little brother.
Elena was torn herself. For his protection, Jeremy had been spending the night with Matt or Tyler most of the time. She didn't even know Jeremy was coming, and it caught her by surprise. She decided to give Jeremy the benefit of the doubt; her only condition was making sure this was his decision.
"Is this really what you want, Jer?" Elena held her breath as she waited for a response.
"We aren't even going to be in danger." Jeremy responded coolly. "I've trained too hard to be left out of things. I've been doing research. If we are going to have all hands on deck, I'm going to be a part of it." He straightened his jacket, doing his best to seem tough.
"And the Ken doll is here because… ?" Damon glanced at Matt before settling his fiery gaze on the real culprit, Caroline.
"It makes more sense if we are all coupled." Caroline stated, matter-of-factly. "Bonnie with Jeremy, Stefan with Elena, and me with Matt."
"What about me?" Damon looked confused.
"Wait- Damon actually has a point for once." Alaric stepped forward, crossing his arms. "That leaves me without anyone too. Isn't it a bit suspicious for two single men to go into church alone? If our plan is to walk in together, separately, as couples, that won't exactly work for Damon and I."
"You and Damon could always pretend to be..." Caroline trailed.
"I don't exactly think the Catholic church is progressive enough for that, Caroline." Alaric cut that idea off in its tracks. "I vote that Matt and Jeremy stand down on this one. That way we only have three couples to worry about. The fewer new faces show up, the less attention we draw to ourselves anyway."
"Come on, Jer. If they're going to make this weird, I don't want any part in this. It's not worth giving up our brunch shifts at The Grill over." Matt knew when he wasn't wanted, and he wasn't going to go down that road with anything related to Elena again.
"Matt, we can't just give up so easily!" Jeremy fought.
"We can, we will, and we are. Plus, this gives me a chance to rematch you on Madden today." He patted Jeremy on the back before dragging him out of the boarding house and into his beat up pickup truck. With a weak rumble, they were gone.
Within a few minutes they had all filed into cars. Caroline and Bonnie had both refused to couple with Damon, each for obvious historical reasons, making the couplings a bit unorthodox. Bonnie looked older than Caroline, so she paired up with Alaric to make it more believable. In Stefan's antique car, Caroline and Stefan made their way to the church together, their style enigmatic of 1950's Americana. That left Elena with Damon, tearing down the road in his baby blue Camaro. Stefan wasn't happy about this, but Elena, sensing the girls' reluctance, volunteered to take one for the team.
Elena knew that Damon was thrilled about the pairing, so she wanted to do everything within her power to not feed into his ego more. After what happened between them this morning, she wanted to pull herself back from getting too close to him anyway. She knew that her body was just responding on instinct, that the butterflies in her stomach and the goosebumps on her skin were just a reflex. Any explanation aside, it was still awkward for her.
They listened to music in silence, Damon tapping his fingers on the leather steering wheel along with the beat. Usually, he would sing along. But sensing Elena's trepidation, he didn't want to push her buttons any further.
What Elena didn't realize was that Damon was feeling just as uncomfortable as he was. It wasn't like him to be caught by surprise like he had been with Bonnie this morning. Always the agile hunter, his instincts were usually sharp and deadly. Honed over a century and a half of life as a vampire, his skills made him the ultimate predator. Somehow, a brunette, brown eyed, human girl named Elena unraveled everything he had worked so hard for. When he was alone with her, he was completely enraptured. For him, it was incredibly inconvenient.
They filed into church couple by couple, conveniently settling into the same pew. When Damon and Elena walked in, the other four were already seated. They might draw a bit of suspicion, six newcomers, but Bonnie had been right about how crowded the mass would be. The church was on the outskirts of Richmond, in an area more densely populated than Mystic Falls. Taking inventory of the room Damon estimated that at least 200 humans were in the towering cathedral. That would make it much easier to blend in.
As Damon walked in, he grabbed Elena by the hand, linking fingers. She tilted her head, beginning to narrow her eyes, before her annoyance was cut off by Damon's explanation. He leaned over, whispering into her ear.
"We are supposed to be a couple, remember? To remove any suspicion that we are here in a giant ruse to have our witchy friend do spells?" He smiled at her warmly. To anyone else, it would look like he had been whispering sweet nothings to her.
Elena smiled back, talking through her teeth. "Fine, but don't get any other ideas about this."
"Wouldn't dream of it, sweetheart." He winked.
A vessel of holy water stood just inside the doorway, catching Damon's eye. He lightly dipped his fingers in, tracing the sign of the cross from his face and tapping both shoulders.
"That always makes me smile." He smirked as Elena did her best to not roll her eyes.
Stefan had been discreetly looking around, surveying the crowd but more importantly keeping an eye out for Elena and Damon. When he noticed them holding hands, his heart sank. It was hard to focus his hearing over the mumbling of the crowd, but he was able to catch the sassy quips between the two, quieting his jealousy and making him chuckle. Elena wasn't going to make this easy for Damon, and that made Stefan very happy.
Seconds after they took a seat, music started to play louder on the organ, transitioning from quiet background music to signal the beginning of service. A priest walked in, waving incense around, making his way to the front of the sanctuary. He mumbled some things that nobody paid attention to, welcoming everyone to the service. When he said "May the Lord be with you." everyone mumbled along "And with your spirit". Damon, Alaric and Stefan however had confidently chimed "And also with you", now making them stick out like sore thumbs.
Growing up in Boston, Alaric was raised Catholic. Damon and Stefan in their years as vampires spent a few years, separately, in Italy diving into their Italian heritage. Mystic Falls hadn't been welcoming to Catholics, so their father, upon moving there, converted the Salvatore family to Southern Methodist, attending Fell's Church with the rest of the town.
"Now, turn to page 164 in your hymnals…"
As the choir began to sing, even fewer of the gang could play along. Alaric never paid attention to singing in church, so he was useless. Caroline, Elena and Bonnie had no idea what was going on, just pretending to mouth the words as they followed along, their heads buried in the books. Stefan could sight read music, however he drew the line at singing. Dancing was bad enough, but singing- he was objectively terrible at it. Everyone continued to pretend, resisting the urge to turn, mouths agape, to stare at the miracle at the end of the pew.
Damon knew every word, only occasionally glancing at the weathered pages of the hymnal. His voice was smooth and sultry, somehow making the pious, religious lyrics seem sinful. He wasn't even wearing his signature smirk- instead presenting himself as the model churchgoer.
"Is there something you'd like to tell us, Damon?" Elena whispered so quietly no human could hear. She kept her face down in the hymnal, being as discreet as possible. She glanced at Damon, waiting for some kind of response. All he gave her in return was a small smirk and a quick raise of his eyebrows.
When the singing was over, the priest continued service with the reading of the gospel. Toward the end, everyone in the church- Damon included- pulled down the kneeler at the bottom of the pew and got down to pray. The rest of the group followed suit, closing their eyes and doing their best to keep up the illusion. Soon they were back up, watching the congregation exit their pews row by row, lining up in the front of the church to take communion.
Elena, always a rule-follower, started to get nervous.
"Damon, aren't you not supposed to take communion if you're not Catholic?"
"It would be far more suspicious if we didn't." He gave her a quick, reassuring look. "Look, just hold out your pretty little hands, take the wafer, and then step to the side and drink the wine. You'll fit right in." It was their turn to walk out in file, Elena following at Damon's heels down the center aisle.
Damon stepped up first.
"The body of Christ" The priest said solemnly.
"Amen." Damon responded, about to take the wafer. But instead of holding out his hands, he stuck out his tongue and opened his mouth wide, looking cheeky as ever. As he stepped to the side to take the wine, Elena took her turn walking in front of the priest. He threw her a quick wink before she got on with it, almost too fast to see. She quickly went through the motions, trying to ignore his attention seeking behavior.
Elena didn't follow Damon in taking the wine- the only people who seemed to be were the older church members. Even if it was communion wine, Damon would never pass up the opportunity to drink alcohol. Damon took a few seconds longer than Elena, so as they walked in line back to their seats, he followed behind her.
"You should see what else I can do with that mouth." He leaned forward, whispering in her ear. Elena wanted to slap him, but she couldn't. He had a completely captive audience.
"The view from back here is amazing by the way. You should really take a look for yourself sometime."
Elena's cheeks flared to a crimson blush. If it wasn't for Bonnie, Elena would have turned around right then and punched him in the face.
Everyone went through with the illusion, finishing up the mass and leaving couple by couple, separately. During the mass, Bonnie had been able to do a few simple magic rituals, doing her best to hide it as doodling, fidgeting, or restlessness. At one point, she had gotten up to go to the bathroom- innocent enough to any outsider. But it had all gone off without a hitch, and they were heading back to the boarding house to debrief.
Everyone was anxious for this ruse to be over and to get on with their day, so as the group sat around once more in the living room at the boarding house, it was easy to see how nobody wanted to be there. It was barely noon, the light golden as it flooded into the expansive room.
"Ok guys, let's keep this short and sweet." Bonnie clasped her hands together. "Overall, this was a complete success. I was able to cleanse almost all of my crystals, so if you could hand over the ones I gave to all of you as well, I can test them to see if it worked."
Everyone reached into their jacket pockets and purses, fishing out small pouches of stones. Bonnie walked around, gathering all of them and putting them into a larger bag.
"So what else did you do there today, exactly?" Alaric questioned.
"If we were all there to just cleanse some stupid stones, couldn't you have done that by yourself?" Damon walked to his bar cart, pouring three fingers of bourbon.
"The bags each had a specific collection of crystals, if you really want to know." Bonnie delivered dryly. "Also, the other rituals I did- blessed sigil creation, spirit channeling, protection spells- if you want them to apply to you, you have to be there with me while I do them. Next week, since I have a better idea of how little attention people pay to us, I can be a bit more bold."
"We really have to go again next week?" Caroline whined.
"I didn't think it was so bad, having a gorgeous woman on my arm, getting to show off my fantastic singing skills…" Damon smirked, leaning over the back of the couch, hovering over Elena.
Stefan threw him a knowing look, one step shy of yelling 'Watch yourself Damon.'
"Speaking of which… how do you know so much about Catholic church, Damon?" Elena raised one eyebrow, craning her neck around to look at him.
"Yeah, brother. Care to explain yourself?" Stefan cocked his head to the side, his forehead furrowing into a deep line.
"I thought it was Bennetts' job to be judgy." Damon pushed off the back of the couch, walking to the other side of the room and kicking back into a winged armchair. "But if you absolutely must know, I've… dabbled in religion once or twice. Church is a great place to pick up ladies. They're so eager to be corrupted. I'm great at turning saints into sinners."
"Seems like a bit thorough if your schtick was just to get women." Alaric pried. "Are you sure you weren't maybe-"
He was cut off by the jarring sound of retching. Damon was clutching his stomach, his face scrunched in pain.
"Really Damon? Trying to dodge the question? Very mature." Stefan chided.
"No- guys- something's -wrong" He barely choked out the words.
"Sure it is, Damon. The only thing that's wrong is that you were caught in a lie." Caroline narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms across her church dress. She wasn't impressed by Damon's dramatic display.
He tried to stand up, but the attempt was futile, instead landing on the carpet on all fours. Before anyone could say anything else, Elena was retching next, leaning over the arm of the couch. Bonnie, Alaric, Caroline and Stefan followed next one by one until they were all retching and gagging.
When it all stopped, they realized something was indeed very wrong.
"Guys…" Stefan started, picking up something off the floor.
"Oh my god what is this-" Caroline spoke quickly, her eyes wide with terror as she shifted into a kneeling position.
"It's the communion wafer." Elena picked hers up, staring into her palms.
"It's still whole." Bonnie stared in amazement, turning it over gingerly.
"This cannot possibly be good." Alaric looked up, pulling himself to his feet.
"Seems like someone upstairs is very upset with us." Damon scowled, leaning over to pick up the glass of bourbon that had fallen from his hand. "And whoever it is, they owe me a drink."