"Fuck my life!" I screamed as loud as I could. I had gone on an innocent stroll and had ended up in God knows where. I should've been happy because it looked so happy and peaceful, but I was really in the mood to read some fanfiction, and I couldn't do that in a fucking meadow!
I cursed out loud again, beginning to walk back the way I came, or so I thought. I was still fuming mad when I reached a small little town, but for some reason it looked familiar. The little houses were built underground almost, like little tunnels, and green grass covered them prettily. Where the fuck had I seen these before?
"Jesus Christ," I whispered. "I'm on the set of the Hobbit," I said as it finally clicked.
"Excuse me miss, but what did you say?" I heard a small voice. I shrieked and turned to see a very short man carrying what looked to be carrots.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"Badger Pipdragon," he smiled, bowing to me.
"What kind of name is that?" I asked, my eyebrows rising.
"A name my mother gave to me, so it must be good," he smiled again. "Would you do the grace of telling me your name?" He inquired.
"Um, my name is…" I didn't want to give him my real name, seeing as he could call Peter and sue me for fucking up their movie, so instead I blurted what first came to me.
"Winn Dixie, but my friends call me Dixie."
"Well, what a strange name indeed," he tsked, turning away.
"Wait! Could you tell me how to get off the set, like is there a phone I could borrow?" I asked, making wild hand gestures.
"Set? What's a phone?" he asked again, turning around to face me.
"Oh for the love of God, please don't play stupid! I know this is the cast of the Hobbit, hence the little Hobbit holes, and you're probably an extra, because you look like one, a hobbit, I mean, and I need a phone because it's dark and I don't want to be stuck out here and die in New Zealand," I whined. Plus, if this was the cast of the hobbit, knowing my luck, I'd probably run into a major character and choke up and throw up my intestines all over them.
"I don't know if you were smoking a bit too much pipe weed miss, or if you're sick, but I do not know what you mean by calling me an extra, New Zealand, or a phone," he said again, turning around again, this time a little faster.
"Don't leave! I have to know where the fucking phone is!" I ran to grab his arm, but the little man shrieked in fright and raced away.
"God dammit," I growled, racing after him.
(Thorin's POV)
I watched in amusement as the Hobbit was being snapped at by Gandalf. I hoped he wouldn't join, seeing as he looked rather skimpy and hardly burglar material. I was about to discuss this with Balin, when the door was suddenly rapped on very hard and frantically. My brows rose. Surely Gandalf hadn't gotten a 15th member as well.
"Master Bilbo! Master Bilbo! Help me, please!" came a quick muffled reply. Bilbo's eyes widened and he raced to the door.
"Badger, what on earth is the matter?" he asked as the other Hobbit quickly ran inside.
"A girl is following me," he breathed. I watched Gandalf as he smiled.
"About time," chuckled Bilbo. Fili and Kili laughed, but this Badger hobbit seemed to be truly frightened.
"No! She's nuts, bickering about phones and sets and a New Zealand. I haven't a clue what she means, but she tried to grab me!" The Hobbit wheezed. I glanced at Gandalf, who had an amused look. Not two breaths later, another rapping on the door came and the Hobbit, Badger, shrieked and dove behind Bilbo. Gandalf went to answer the door, and when he did, I was shocked.
She was very beautiful. That was my first impression. Not beautiful enough to be an elf, but for that I was happy. At first I was very pleased to see the woman in the doorway, but that was before she opened her mouth.
"Badger Pipdragon! I need a fucking…" she was cut off very suddenly when she spotted us.
"Holy. Fucking. Jesus." She breathed. "Sorry, I'll be on my way!" She cried out as she turned abruptly, but not before Gandalf gripped the back of her shirt suddenly and yanked her back.
"Oh Christ, lord have mercy, please don't tell Peter, I'll leave, can I just borrow a phone!" She whimpered her eyes wide and scared.
"Gandalf, let her go," I demanded. Her eyes widened when she saw me, and her knees seemed to buckle, before she sprinted away from Gandalf and tried to go to the door, but a quick trip and she smacked into the floor. She rolled over and tried to get up again but Kili had notched an arrow.
"Please don't kill me!" she cried, and I noticed a tear run down her cheek.
"Kili! Lay down your arms," I growled.
"Kee-Ki-Kili? You called him Kili, and you called him Gandalf!" she said, her eyes widening. Her hands began to shake rapidly.
"Are you alright, miss? I'm sorry about earlier," smiled Badger, reassuringly.
"If you're Kili, and you're Gandalf," she whispered, pointing to them. "Then that means…fuck," she whimpered, before she slumped on the ground and fainted.
"At least I'm not the only one," grumbled Bilbo.
Author's note: So this is a new story, and I don't really know where it's going to go from now, but all I know is that it is with strong language, (you have been warned), and a failed attempt at humor. So this is going to be from mainly the point of Dixie, but with some other views, such as our majestic King and Bilbo. I don't know if I want to include Badger in all the other chapters, so please let me know or not if you like him, he's an OC as well. Feel free to review, the more reviews the quicker I write, and maybe the story might really take off. It's all because of Winn Dixie…see what I did there? Ha ha, failed attempt at humor again, I'll stop. Enjoy!