Reaching out
A Kaworu/Shinji fic
Disclaimer: Evangelion belongs to its owners, which doesn't include me.
He was running, running away. He couldn't stop. He let his footsteps guide him. They are true. They won't betray him. They will lead him to the one he loves, the one he longs for.
He feels that all too familiar red string tightening around his neck. He feels the arms of his brothers and sisters. They pull him back, tying him all up in bandages. Taking from him this chance again. They always caught up to him, but he will always run. He couldn't resist.
Even if it breaks him again.
He couldn't speak, the silence and grief having stolen his voice. He couldn't touch him, even when he sees him just there. He couldn't put his arms around that fragile human, couldn't piece together that broken heart. Couldn't let him sob into his arms, release his tears into his embrace.
All he could do was watch. Watch as his love fall into sadness, losing himself. Listen to him murmur to himself again, why, why, and why? Then scream into the sky, why do you betray me? Why make me kill you? His own heart breaks again and again, seeing him suffer. The fault was all his. But he couldn't walk away, couldn't leave behind the boy.
From the distance, he saw him. Shinji stood at the edge, on the head of the broken statue that was his beacon into this world. He was leaning forward, and it was in that moment he realised what he was going to do.
"Kaworu-kun…" he was whispering. "I'm sorry. You won't forgive me, will you? It was all my fault. I will end it now. You were wrong. I don't deserve it. You didn't love me really, did you? If you did, you wouldn't have forced me to kill you…"
He toppled forward.
"No!" He found his voice. "Shinji-kun, I love you! Don't go!" He shatters the barrier between the world of the living and the dead. His silent footsteps sped as he ran forward. The string on his neck snaps, as he breaks the invisible wall, his hand, pale and perfect reaches out, his soul and spirit the only thing glowing in the darkness.
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ENDING 1
His hand caught Shinji's. Tight. The cold of the Angel over the warmth of the human. The boy turns his head, his expression one of joy and amazement. Tears trickled down his cheeks, as he caresses the face of the young boy.
"This can't be… Kaworu-kun? So you were waiting for me all along!"
He shows him a smile.
"Shinji…" he simply holds the boy in a tight embrace. His wings, white and feathered manifests, hovering over the two of them.
"I have forgiven you. I'm sorry I had made you do it. I won't leave you now. Trust me, I love you."
There were no more words needed. The two of them were held by love only, freed from the bonds of the world. Their spirits soared to a free world, of all they had ever dreamed of. In that eternal bliss, one could almost hear a choir singing Ode to Joy.
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ENIDING 2
His hand wasn't fast enough.
The chance slipped, just like that from his fingers. The young boy falls into the lake, leaving endless ripples spreading out, like that guilt and despair in his spirit. He feels them drag him away. He doesn't care anymore. He had no voice to scream, no tears to cry, no song to sing.
It was all gone.
They take him, and he doesn't run anymore. He was eternally parted from the one he loves. The feathers fall from his wings, as they trap him within that heaven that was a hell. Paradise… he blinks. A paradise of hearts of glass. The fragile soul he loves will never get the chance, never find this perfect world.
Pain
Sorrow.
It was all wrong.
There was nothing left to hold onto. He let them do whatever they want. Nothing, nothing in that world can save his soul. His heart had broke beyond repair. It was all he dreamed of, that he would care about him, but now… words cannot speak the meaning, the feeling the scars cut on his face shows.
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