The first version of this wasn't getting to the point, so I changed it, I think it introduces the character and situation in a more interesting way.
A full sentence in bold marks a change in scene, remember that or you'll get lost.
The bustle of the Paper Lantern drowned out the quiet conversation of two people in the back, both of them wearing stained aprons. One was a tiny Asian woman speaking in a clipped Chinese accent, the other a tall and awkward teenage girl, hunched slightly to look the woman in the eye.
"I really have to run, Lily." The girl muttered, looking slightly guilty.
"But we are so busy!" Lily snapped, running a hand through her graying black hair. "Can you not stay just another half hour, Lee?"
"I really, really can't. I'm sorry. I'll work late tomorrow, promise, but tonight I have to go." The girl, Lee, snapped back. Her expression changed from guilt to frustration, she had warned Lily that she would have to leave early that night days ago and still she was having issues. "I've got an appointment to keep."
"Alright, go. But you're staying until closing tomorrow, got it?" Lily demanded. Lee nodded and turned away as Lily stormed off, already yelling at somebody else in Chinese.
She retreated into the kitchen, which was, if it was possible, noisier than the dining room she'd come from. Taking off her apron she hurriedly exchanged it for a denim jacket far too big for her thin frame and left the kitchen, calling goodbyes to the other staff on her way out.
"Where are you headed?" A tall, dark haired boy asked as they brushed past each other. Him on his way into the kitchen, her on the way out.
Lee glanced around to make sure no one else was listening before leaning in close to his ear, which required her to stand on her toes despite her considerable height for a woman, and whispered, "Maxville Supers Prison." The man's face darkened and he brushed past her harshly. "Warren, it's not so bad!" She snapped, but he ignored her.
With a frustrated sigh she turned and left. While she would have liked to stay and demand to know why he looked so angry at her, though she had her suspicions, she would be late if she didn't leave immediately. Warren Peace looked angry most of the time, and it wasn't her job to find out the cause and try to fix it every time, no matter how much she would like to.
Stepping out of the stuffy restaurant into the cool air of the evening was a relief, and she drew in a deep breath of smog-filled fresh city air. Even though the air still held the warmth of summer and it was only late August Lee was dressed for winter, covered head to toe in brightly colored and mismatched clothes, including a scarf with every color of the rainbow in it tied tightly around her neck and mismatched fingerless gloves on her sweating hands.
Cars rushed by, their headlights making Lee squint as she looked for her own beat up old truck. She couldn't remember where she had parked, though she did remember grumbling to herself about having to walk so far, so she started wandering aimlessly down the street. There, at the end just before the corner, where the street dead ended into a rundown old apartment building, was her truck.
The dents in the passenger side door and the chips in the paint and the warped bumper didn't matter to Lee, because it had AC and radio and it drove over sixty miles an hour, and that was all that mattered. She pulled open the scratched door and jumped into the driver's seat, settling back against the worn down and stained upholstery as she started the engine. It grumbled noisily and refused to start for a moment, but eventually it roared to life and she pulled out onto the road.
Every few minutes she checked the clock, cursing under her breath because there was no doubt at that point that she was going to be late no matter what she did. The prison was all the way across town from the little Chinese restaurant, and it was just barely after rush hour so there would no doubt still be some traffic. At best she was looking at a half hour drive, and she was supposed to have been there in twenty minutes.
Almost exactly a half hour later Lee finally entered the Supers Prison. It was painfully white, or it would have been to anyone else, not to someone who was used to seeing in black-and-white and glowing energy, it was hardly any change at all for Lee.
A frail looking woman led her through the structure, which was entirely underground and very large and complicated, with al too many twists and turns to find their way through. Along the way there were several security checks, the last of which the woman leading Lee stopped outside of. "You're going to go through here, and we'll have to neutralize your powers at the end before we can let you in to see her. After that, you have half an hour for your visit and then guard will come to retrieve you. Your visit will be observed at all times on the security cameras, and there will be five guards station outside the door just in case anything goes wrong, all you have to do is knock and they'll let you out."
Lee nodded; it was exactly what she had been told every time she came before. She stepped away from the woman and up to the guard. The last check aw also exactly as it had been every time before, several kinds of scanners were run over her, she was patted down, and then a power neutralizing bracelet was snapped to her wrist.
As soon as the heavy metal bracelet closed around her wrist she blinked, her vision went from black-and-white to fully colored so quickly it was nauseating, and with no warning other than the cold metal against her skin. She felt empty, almost weak, but it was a sensation she had gotten used to over the past few years of visits. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to feel like that all the time though, like the prisoners.
Once she was through a moderately young, slightly nervous looking guard led her down another of the white hallways to a large, thick steel door. "Right in here, ma'am."
"Lee." She corrected him as she stepped through the door he held open for her.
Inside were four more guards and a thin, worn looking woman sitting in a metal chair. Lee sat down in the chair opposite her, a slightly larger and more comfortable one that lacked chains to restrain her. "You can go now." She told the guards, though her gaze was fixed on the woman in front of her.
She heard them move away and the door start to swing shut, "Remember, you just call if anything goes wrong." And it closed with a slam.
"Hello, dear." The woman said, straightening up as far as possible in her chair in what might have been an attempt to look threatening.
Lee shook her head in disgust, it was like looking at a pale, gaunt, older version of herself and it was almost terrifying, but in no way threatening. "Look at you, you used to be beautiful."
The woman laughed, a cold and strained sound that made Lee wince. "This is what prison does to people like us, my dear, especially people with powers like ours. We fade, because we can't get what we need." She did look faded, worn around the edges. It was hard to focus on her, to see her form clearly even under the bright lights, as if one's eyes just wanted to slide right off to look at something else just over her shoulder. It was the same for Lee, though she was much clearer and easier to focus on, possibly because of the eye catching clothes she wore, which was the entire reason she wore them.
"You did this to yourself, you know. Prison was your choice, you should have just died." Lee snapped.
"Life is all there is my dear, and when you're as old as me you'll understand why I did everything to keep it. Now let's not have this argument again, we always have it. Tell me about your life; tell me about the world outside." She looked hopefully at Lee, wanting any news she could get. Being cut off from the outside world without any idea what was going on was what she hated most about being in prison, that and not having her powers.
"School starts back up tomorrow." Lee said, as it had been on her mind all day and was the first thing she thought of to talk about. "I'm a Senior this year, I'll be getting a sidekick assigned to me this week. And after the end of the year I'm free to do whatever I want, I'm applying to colleges like Greg did, he got accepted to a UC you know."
"Frankly, I don't really care about your silly brother." The woman snapped, "I'm disappointed in you girl, not going into the family business? Even being a hero is better than trying, and failing because I have no doubt you will, to be a flatscan."
"You have no right to be disappointed in me LeAnne, none at all." Lee snapped, standing quickly and pacing around the table. "I'm making the smart choice, because I know that I'll turn out exactly like you if I stay in this world of idiotic heroes, and I am not going to be the clone of you they say I am."
LeAnne laughed again, her hands tightening on the arms of her chairs so hard that one of her nails broke as her body shook. "You are exactly that, and you know it. You're just like Baron Battle's boy, both of you are going to end up exactly what you hate because of that hate, and you don't realize it."
"Not Warren." Lee shook her head, "Maybe me but not Warren, he's in with the heroes now, he's changed. Last year I would have agreed, definitely, but not now."
"Oh you don't understand, little girl, you don't understand." LeAnne hadn't stopped laughing, couldn't stop laughing. "If anything he's more likely to become exactly like his father than you are, because he doesn't face his hate and his fears. He bottles it up, at least you come and yell and argue with me once a month."
Lee frowned and bit her bottom lip, what LeAnne was saying made sense to her in a way she didn't want to it. "Oh, you see it, you see I'm right." The woman cackled, her once beautiful face contorting in horrid pleasure at the confusion on Lee's face.
"Shut up, bitch!" Lee yelled, slapping the other woman across the face. Her head jerked back, hitting the chair, and she groaned.
A moment later the guards rushed in and grabbed Lee before she could raise her hand against LeAnne again. They pulled her arms behind her back, wrestling her away even as she swore at LeAnne, who only laughed louder. She had won, because she had made Lee doubt Warren, doubt the security and balance he had seemed to find in the last year with his hero friends. That was all she ever wanted to do when her daughter visited, make her doubt herself, because as long as she was off balance she would question everything around her, question the 'heroes' and the 'villains' and if they really had it right.
Review please. Anyone who read the first two chapters of this (which might not be many people, as they've only been up for a few days) I would like your opinions on whether or not this is better or worse than the last version, and why.