Written for glee-kink-meme on livejournal. See my livejournal (linked on my profile page) for more details.
Kurt doesn't bother to unwrap his scarf as he comes into his apartment, frowning widely when he sees that Sebastian is lounging on their couch in just sweat pants. "Tell me you're already showered. We're supposed to go see Sugar and the new baby."
"The child is named Celestine. She's probably already sick of life," Sebastian responds. Kurt can immediately sense the moodiness underneath the words and he sighs, coming over to sit next to Sebastian. They sit in silence for just a moment before Sebastian turns to him, pressing his lips to Kurt's. Knowing exactly what Sebastian's game is, Kurt slips his arms around Sebastian's neck, kissing him back just as deeply, pretending that he is that easily distracted. Sebastian's breath is warm against his lips when they pull away. "Let's just stay here and head to the bedroom."
Kurt shakes his head, nipping Sebastian's lip and tugging at it playfully. "Nope," he whispers, pecking Sebastian's lower lip before pushing him away and leaning back against the opposite arm of the couch, crossing his arms.
There's more silence before Sebastian turns to Kurt, looking grumpy. "You're not going to let me out of this are you?"
Kurt shakes his head and Sebastian groans, all but stomping into their bedroom. From the couch, Kurt lets out a small sigh, taking out his phone to text Rachel that they'd be a bit late and to let Sugar know. He can hear Sebastian as he takes a quick shower and the banging around in the bathroom as he gets ready. Kurt doesn't know what Sebastian's problem is but it could be anything. Sebastian will tell him when he is ready and not a second sooner. Kurt has learned that from experience.
"Fine. Let's go," Sebastian says when he comes out. He holds out his hand so Kurt at least knows that Sebastian isn't angry at him and he's holding the present that Kurt had so carefully wrapped.
They get a taxi, neither one feeling like driving and the ride is short. Sebastian plays with Kurt's fingers, keeping Kurt's hand in his lap and Kurt answers emails on his phone, wondering why he has two assistants if they can't handle anything by themselves. When they arrive, Kurt pays for the cab and Sebastian opens the door for him, looking as if he'd rather be anywhere but there. "Did you have a fight with your parents?" Kurt asks softly, stepping closer as Sebastian snakes an arm around his waist. Sebastian shakes his head and Kurt leans up to kiss Sebastian's jaw. "You can tell me all about what's bothering you later."
"Nothing to tell," Sebastian responds immediately, pasting a smile onto his lips as Kurt knocks on the door.
Sugar answers it with a squeal, pulling Kurt into a tight hug. She has at least three nannies in her employ, Kurt knows, and that must be why the mother of only a few weeks is looking so energized. "I'm so glad you guys could come. Celeste is loving all the visitors."
Kurt throws Sebastian a sharp glare to keep him from making any snappy comments, especially about the baby's name. Sebastian rolls his eyes in Kurt's direction and hands Sugar the gift. "From us," he says with a polite smile.
"Oh, thank you! Come in. Rachel has Celeste in the living room. You might have to tear Celeste away from her. If you'll excuse me, I was actually in a call. Sugar Sells doesn't run itself. I'll be down in just a moment."
Before they can respond, she's gone and Kurt almost drags Sebastian into the living room. Rachel grins when they come in, playfully holding the baby away. "No, I haven't had a chance to hold her enough yet. She's so precious."
Kurt rolls his eyes, continuing the joke as he creeps forward as if he would try to pull the baby away. "Come on, Rachel. Go have your own baby and leave the holding of friends' babies to the gays," Kurt says in a teasing tone.
Rachel rolls her eyes dramatically back but hands the baby over. Kurt looks down at the baby, letting out a slow breath and feeling the sting of tears behind his eyes. There's something about the still so small baby, the way she blinks her eyes and opens and closes her fist in the air that makes Kurt feel emotional. He's just a sap. That's all it is. He glances over, smiling as he sees Sebastian looking at him, not paying attention to Rachel talking to him. Sebastian raises an eyebrow and Kurt just inclines his head as he sits down on the couch opposite of where Sebastian and Rachel sat, letting him know that he's okay.
"So when are you and our precious Bas going to start the process? Rachel said her and the hubby have been discussing it already." Sugar plops down next to Kurt, an arm flinging over Kurt's shoulder.
If Kurt was looking in Sebastian's direction, he would've seen the way that the other boy stiffens but he just looks over at Sugar, shrugging. He doesn't bother trying to get Sugar to stop using the nickname that he hates. It's no use at this point. "When we're ready, I suppose," he says softly, one finger coming up to trace across Celestine's cheek. "She's adorable."
"She is. She looks just like me already."
They both glance over as Sebastian lets out a muffled snort but he clears his throat, shaking his head in their direction. "Sorry."
"She does," Kurt agrees even though Celestine looks about like every other newborn baby that he has ever seen. He doubts that Sugar wants to hear that though.
Sugar nods, clearing her throat and leaning in closer to Kurt, lowering her voice as if it's a big secret. "So when do you think you're going to be ready?"
Kurt just smiles at the baby, fingers still exploring the soft skin. "We haven't talked about it, Sugar. We didn't all get married when we were 18."
"We also didn't all find the loves of our lives," Sugar responds easily. Kurt rolls his eyes. It's common knowledge that Sugar's marriage is one of convenience. Her husband gives her children, a nice house and freedom to run her own business and the financial backing for it. She gives him some arm candy and a picture perfect family. It works out for them and Sugar's happy so they're all happy for her.
Before Kurt can answer, Rachel is in front of him, clearing her throat and holding out his arms for the baby. "Okay, you've had your turn. Mine now."
Kurt hands the baby over without fuss, not wanting to continue the conversation of having children with Sebastian. Of course they will someday, or so he assumes. They're just in no rush. They're in their mid-twenties. Still plenty of time to have a family, once they're both more settled into their careers and hopefully married. Sugar starts in on Rachel about when Rachel's going to have another baby and Kurt goes to sit next to Sebastian, cuddling against him as Sebastian slides an arm over his shoulders. "Oh, Sebastian, do you want to hold her?" Rachel asks abruptly and Kurt can tell that she doesn't want to talk baby plans with Sugar any more than Kurt had.
Immediately, Kurt can feel Sebastian stiffen and he looks over at him, reaching up to slide his fingers through Sebastian's where Sebastian's hand is hanging over his shoulder. "No, Rachel. Wouldn't want to tear her away from you," he says after a beat and Kurt is amazed at just how well Sebastian can hold in his thoughts. He's sure that neither of the girls can tell just how tense he is.
They stay for a while longer, passing the baby between Kurt and Rachel. Sebastian glances over at the baby once when Kurt is holding it and Kurt swears that he hears him swallow hard when he turns away. He tries not to let it bother him, though, and, when Sugar asks if they'd like to see some of the outfits that she's bought for the baby, he nearly dumps the baby in Sebastian's arms. Through reflex, Sebastian reaches up to take her, supporting her head carefully, just as Kurt knew that he would. "Be right back," Kurt murmurs, leaning in to peck Sebastian's lips.
Kurt and Rachel ooh and ahh over the outfits and give compliments and critiques on what they think go together and what doesn't. Eventually, when they've gone through at least every article of clothing twice, Kurt and Rachel convince Sugar to go back downstairs. Kurt is somewhat worried as he comes downstairs, hoping that leaving the newborn with Sebastian wasn't a bad idea. His worries were unfounded though and he gives a sigh of relief, stopping for a moment to just smile at Sebastian holding the now sleeping baby. "Wow," Sugar murmurs next to him and Kurt knows why.
"I'm bored. Can we go?" Sebastian asks, a carefully concealed irritation in his voice that Kurt knows only he recognizes. Kurt gives a nod and Sugar takes the baby from Sebastian as Sebastian calls a cab for them. They say their goodbyes and all agree that they'll all see each other soon. The whole time, Kurt can feel just how almost angry Sebastian is next to him.
Kurt gives Celestine one more kiss on the forehead, pulling away abruptly so that he won't ask to hold her just once more before they go. Each door that Sebastian opens, he slams from the taxi door to their front door and when they get inside, he heads straight for the bedroom. "Okay, you didn't talk to me the whole cab ride and now you're going into the room. What's-" Kurt is cut off by the sound of their bedroom door shutting hard and he groans, shaking his head.
Knowing that Sebastian wouldn't be willing to talk if he isn't in the mood, Kurt sighs, grabbing his laptop and deciding that he can get some work done. He loves his work, he does, but sometimes it's a bit overwhelming and he would much prefer to keep on top of it. It's something that he and Sebastian argue about and Kurt just points out that Sebastian is working nearly as much as he does. After a while, Sebastian comes out, flopping down on the couch next to Kurt. He has his own laptop and a folder full of paperwork.
Kurt loves this even though it's tense right now. He loves how they can sit together in comfortable silence, both of them working. Sebastian is still edgy, he can feel, and sometimes he puts down a piece of paper a bit too hard but he's calming down. "I didn't ruin your visit, did I?" he finally asks.
"No. I got to hold the baby just fine and Sugar probably didn't even notice anything wrong," Kurt responds after a moment, trying to figure out whether he would be able to fit in two meetings before lunch the next morning. "Ready to talk to me now?"
When Sebastian doesn't respond, Kurt turns to him, surprised to see what looks a bit like sadness on his face. He puts his laptop down, reaching out to take Sebastian's laptop and putting it on the coffee table as well. "It's nothing, Kurt," Sebastian says, sounding choked.
Kurt sighs, reaching out to take Sebastian's hands, tangling their fingers and squeezing gently. "What is it, Sebastian? It's me. Talk to me or else I'm going to assume you're mad at me and you know how much that hurts my feelings."
Sebastian groans only half-playfully because he hates when Kurt pulls that card. Sebastian has always been one to keep his feelings in and Kurt has always been one to assume the very worst so it doesn't always work well for them. The threat of hurting Kurt's feelings is always a way to get honesty out of him. "You're going to want kids someday and every time I see you with a baby, Tina's, Sugar's… when you helped Blaine look up how to start the adoption process with his husband I just remember how much you're going to want that."
"Sebastian, I've been working about eighty hours a week. Kids are not even in my mind right now," Kurt says tentatively, not sure that he's really understanding Sebastian's problem. It can't just be that Kurt is supposed to want kids is it? Does Sebastian not want kids that badly?
Sighing, Sebastian turns to face him, looking down at their connected hands. He can't look up at Kurt's face and Kurt doesn't press him. It's enough that he's getting honesty. He knows how hard it is for Sebastian. "Kurt… I know that I'm an asshole to you most of the time and we have problems and we fight a lot but… I really do love you and I don't want this relationship to end."
Kurt's hands loosen around Sebastian's for a moment before he tightens his hold enough that Sebastian winces. He doesn't let go. "What are you talking about? Are you going to break up with me?"
"No," Sebastian says, somewhat incredulously. He has a look of disbelief on his face, as if he really doesn't know why Kurt can't understand what he's saying. Kurt stares back, confused but not quite as bordering on hysterical since Sebastian said he wouldn't break up with him. "Kurt, you're going to break up with me. As soon as you're ready to have kids. I mean, kids need… somebody stable, not somebody who still has trouble telling their boyfriend they love them every day. You're not go- going to want kids with me."
In the middle of Sebastian's statement, Kurt starts to look offended. When he's finished, he drops Sebastian's hand to hit him hard on the shoulder before grabbing his hand again. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he asks, leaning in to brush his lips across Sebastian's and he can see Sebastian's amazement over being hit one moment and kissed the next. Kurt has about a million emotions running through him and it's hard to even communicate. "Seb, I love you. You're… You underestimate yourself. Yes, maybe you don't tell me you love me every night but I know that you do and you're working on it. You're not your dad, honey. You wouldn't do that if we had a child."
"You certainly don't beat around the bush," Sebastian says, letting out a slow breath. Kurt watches the emotions slide across his face and he waits as Sebastian composes his own thoughts. "I'm not... I mean, yeah, my dad but just me. I don't think that I'd be a good father. This is me we're talking about. I threw a rock salt slushie at you because I thought it would be funny to ruin your clothes and Blaine had to have surgery because of it. I-"
Kurt shakes his head, not letting Sebastian say another word. "Sebastian, you were a teenager. Yes, you did bad things and I'm not saying that you didn't but what? Do you think that you're going to throw a slushie in our child's face? You've learned your lesson. You've changed your entire life. You're not the same person that you were. I wouldn't be with you if you were, love."
Sebastian sighs as he leans his forehead against Kurt's shoulder, untangling his fingers from Kurt's so that he can wrap his arms around Kurt. Kurt gives the comfort that Sebastian needs, pulling Sebastian closer. Sebastian so rarely needs comfort, so rarely lets Kurt see that he's anything but confident and happy with himself. It breaks Kurt's heart and he holds on tighter. "Sebastian, how did you make Celeste fall asleep earlier?"
"Sang to her," Sebastian whispers, pressing his face into Kurt's neck. His breath is warm and Kurt twitches as it tickles him but he would never push him away.
"Sugar's been talking about how hard it is to get her to fall asleep," Kurt responds softly, gripping the back of Sebastian's shirt and tugging it up, pulling it out of his pants so that he can slide his fingers up the warm skin of Sebastian's back. "Sleeping is something that all of the nannies have trouble getting her to do. She only falls asleep in Sugar's arms. You should've heard Sugar's 'wow' when she saw that she was asleep on you."
When Sebastian looks up at him, Kurt swears that he sees tears in Sebastian's eyes. Kurt has only seen Sebastian cry once and Sebastian had been too drunk to remember it. Sebastian knows that it happened but he doesn't know exactly what he had said. That night, Kurt had learned all about Sebastian's family life and it makes sense why Sebastian wouldn't want to have kids if he thinks that he'll turn out like his father. It also makes it much more clear why Sebastian has a hard time saying 'I love you' considering he heard it only a few times during his childhood.
"Just because I can sing a kid asleep doesn't mean that I'll be a good dad. Don't you want to have kids with somebody who's stable?"
"Stop saying that you're not stable, Seb. You are. We are stable. We come home every night to each other and, no matter if we're fighting or not then we curl up in each other's arms. We both have well-paying jobs that we greatly enjoy. We have a home and friends and a life that people dream about. I hate to break it to you, honey, but we live a pretty domestic life."
Kurt smiles as he runs his fingers slowly through Sebastian's hair, feeling Sebastian curl up closer to him. For a while they're quiet, just content being with each other. "You'd…" Sebastian takes a deep breath, obviously working up to it and Kurt makes a humming noise under his breath, letting him know that he's listening seriously. "You'd really want a family with me?"
He knows that it's not the appropriate response but Kurt can't help but let out a quiet laugh as he looks into Sebastian's eyes. "I wouldn't want a family with anybody but you. You're stuck with me, love," he whispers, meaning the words with all of his heart. There is no doubt in his mind that Sebastian is his forever. "I don't need kids to be happy with you but if you want them then I know we'll be great parents. I always just kind of assumed we'd be parents someday. Not really soon. I mean, we're both too busy right now. Within the next few years maybe start the process was what I thought. But Seb, if you don't want kids we don't have to have any. Or we can discuss it. Or adopt old-"
Sebastian rolls his eyes, leaning forward to capture Kurt's lips in a deep kiss to get him to stop talking. "I want a baby with you," he mumbles, chuckling under his breath as Kurt surges forward, crawling into his lap.
The kiss is almost desperate, rough but loving and Sebastian picks Kurt up, not breaking the kiss as he takes them to their bedroom. Kurt just wraps himself around Sebastian, wanting to never let go. "I love you," Kurt whispers over and over as Sebastian lays Kurt down and slides onto bed next to him. "God, I love you so much."
Sebastian removes their clothes slowly, fingers lingering on Kurt's skin, making the other man shiver with need and want and love. When they're laying together, naked, Kurt presses close to Sebastian, skin touching from toes to lips, fingers tangling as their lips slide easily together. "I want you forever. I've never wanted anything like I want you. I've never wanted to make love until I met you," Sebastian murmurs, not even sure what he's saying, making it a point to look into Kurt's eyes as he babbles.
Kurt smiles softly back, pecking Sebastian's lips before letting his lips slide slowly across Sebastian's cheek, kissing his ear and then back. "I love you. I love you, Sebastian. So much. I hate to break it to you but we're forever, okay? You're stuck with me. Forever."
There's no need for a response and Sebastian leans over Kurt to grab the lube. They want to be close to each other and so Sebastian pours some lube onto his hand, slipping a leg between Kurt's and pressing forward so that their cocks are pressed together. Kurt lets out a hiss, closing his eyes tightly as Sebastian wraps his hand around both of them, stroking slowly.
It's intimate in a way that even the most sexual acts isn't. Their chests are pressed together, Kurt's fingers sliding through Sebastian's hair and Sebastian's fingers splayed across Kurt's back. Most of the time they have rougher sex, tearing at clothes, hickeys and bruises but this is special to them. This is so special and Kurt moves his hips slowly along with Sebastian's hand movement.
Kurt and Sebastian kiss lazily, Sebastian's hand picking up the pace slowly and Kurt is almost shocked when he comes, biting his lower lip hard and eyes not leaving Sebastian's. Perhaps he was waiting for him or perhaps it's the look in his eyes that makes Sebastian come immediately after.
A whine leaves Kurt's throat as Sebastian gets up but he just goes to grab a washcloth to clean them up, returning to Kurt's arms as soon as he can. Kurt presses his lips to Sebastian's neck, leg thrown across Sebastian's hip. "I can't believe you thought I'd break up with you. Even if we don't have kids I can't imagine my life with anybody but you."
"You want a perfect life, Kurt. The entire world knows that. You planned it down to the letter with Blaine," Sebastian says softly, tracing slow hearts across Kurt's back. "I'm just afraid of being a disappointment for you."
Knowing how hard those words are, and knowing that Sebastian probably wouldn't have been saying it if they hadn't both just come, Kurt kisses Sebastian's throat before pulling up to look at him. "Life with Blaine would've been boring and we both admit it. I'm glad I'm with you, Sebastian. You give me life. I could never be disappointed that we won't have the picture perfect life with two kids and a dog and a white picket fence. You're… everything. Everything I could want. Kids or not, I want to be with you. But if we have kids, I know that you'll be great and I know that together we'll be great."
Sebastian makes a noise and Kurt isn't sure whether Sebastian believes him or not but his next words makes Kurt's eyes fill with tears. "I've pictured having a baby with you. I've pictured decorating a nursery and putting together a crib and arguing with you over names and whose turn it is to wake up for him or her. It's my deepest, darkest secret. Nobody would believe just how… picture perfect with the white picket fence I want my life to be with you."
"I'd like a baby," Kurt whispers, clearing his throat and trying not to let the tears fall. As Sebastian tries to lower his eyes, Kurt shakes his head, fingers gentle on Sebastian's chin to make sure he isn't looking away. "I just want a life with you. A family. A baby if that's what you want. It's what I want."
As Kurt's words trail off, Sebastian chuckles, shaking his head. "Not tomorrow, Kurt. I do want that. I swear that I do and I am so glad that you want it with me but not tomorrow. I mean… I'm still… I'd like to maybe practice some more. Babysit Sugar's baby some more."
"Maybe we can get a cat. Just for practice," Kurt murmurs, maneuvering as Sebastian lays on his back to laugh, half draped across Sebastian's body. Sebastian cuts off his laughter, leaning in to kiss Kurt lightly. They're going to be okay.