AN: This may have been slightly been slightly inspired by those interviews with Sir Ian McKellen and Sir Patrick Stewart doing questions back and forth. I always had this image in my mind's eye of Kurt and Rachel playing like such and being perfect before they were romantically involved. So those interviews helped me format it better, I think.
"Ugh, there's nothing on," said Kurt as he flipped through the channels in his and Rachel's shared apartment. It was a lazy day and neither he nor Rachel had anything to do out in the city. So they decided just to stay in and catch up on things like cleaning and focusing on schoolwork. But after cleaning was through, they both had headed for the couch instead of hitting the books or scripts. However, nothing on Netflix looked interesting and they had already gone through all their movies.
"Game Show Network?" suggested Rachel, pointing at the station in the list. Kurt shrugged.
"Might as well." He flipped on the channel. "At least we can make light of our fellow man's fashion choices."
"Oh look, The Newlywed Game is on next!" exclaimed Rachel, who was smiling. "I hope to play this with my future husband someday. We'd totally mop the floor with the competition and win the vacation or what have you."
"Only you Rachel Berry," smirked Kurt. "I mean really, can you know a person that well? It has to be staged."
"Seriously? I can't believe you just said that Kurt," said Rachel. "I would hope whoever I marry would know everything about me that he wouldn't have a doubt about any of my answers."
"A pizza says you will never know a person that well enough."
"Like you didn't know every detail about Blaine Anderson," said Rachel, giving him a look after crossing her arms. Kurt ducked his head. Rachel sighed.
"Sorry Kurt. I know it's still a touchy issue."
He waved his hand. "It'll always be a sore spot I suppose."
"But I'll take that bet," said Rachel, shaking her finger at him. "One condition though: we'll play as husband and wife."
Kurt looked at her like she was insane. "Rachel, like I'd ever marry you."
Rachel scoffed. "I am a fine catch, Kurt Hummel. I'd make a wonderful imaginary wife."
He sighed, turning the remote over in his hands. "Fine, but only because I'm going to prove to you that you can't know a person that well, even if you've known them for years. Those questions and answers are done by screenwriters."
"Fine," said Rachel. She reached over to the chair beside them on the couch and pulled out a notebook from her bag.
"What are you doing?"
"Well we have to answer the questions," said the brunette. "Pen and paper. No changing your answers."
Kurt rolled his eyes and went into his bedroom area and got a notebook out of his own belongings. He couldn't believe he was about to do this. Playing fake married to Rachel to win a bet. He was going to guess his ass off just to make sure he didn't have any right answers. He didn't mind paying for that pizza just to prove Rachel wrong.
"So let's play!" said the TV game show host as Kurt came back into the room. He settled back down on the couch as she was introducing the male guests.
"You're up first," said Rachel. "Good luck my husband."
A flash of irritation crossed Kurt's face at her words. Although in the back of his mind he wondered if they had been born at another time, would he have been married to Rachel? He knew a lot of gay men took wives in the past just so they would remain accepted by society, but would he have done the same? Rachel wouldn't have been a bad choice. He could definitely think of others that would have proved to be nightmarish. He shuddered at the thought.
His brain was trying to rationalize being fake married to Rachel. The horror this game was turning out to be already.
"So our first question for the husbands is… 'What will your wife say was the last thing that happened that made the two of you laugh out loud?'"
"That one is easy," said Rachel, scribbling down in her notebook.
"What makes you so sure?" asked Kurt.
"Shhh…" said Rachel. "Next question."
Kurt rolled his eyes and answered, thinking back. It would have to have been yesterday… He wrote down something quickly as they were already moving on.
"Our second question is: 'If you had to get rid of one thing that she owns, what would it be?'"
"Now that one is easy," smirked Kurt. He wrote down an answer in his notebook. Rachel tried to peek over his shoulder. He swatted at her and pointed at the TV.
"It had better not be anything I love with all of my heart," she said with a pout.
"You'll just have to wait and see," he chided. Rachel quickly wrote down an answer as the last husband responded.
"In two words," said the host. "How will your wife describe her exact feeling after your honeymoon?"
"Oh god," groaned Kurt. Rachel laughed out loud at that.
"Depends on how well my husband performs his husbandly duties," the brunette teased.
Kurt glared at his roommate. "There will be no performing of husbandly duties, real or imaginative."
"Just figure out an answer," she said, writing something down. Kurt frowned as he felt himself blushing. He tried to picture a honeymoon with Rachel and although he wanted to gag, he imagined Paris and a romantic dinner and wrote down something before moving quickly to imagining puppies and kittens and chocolate ice cream. Anything to get the imagery out of his head before it moved on to the bedroom.
"Next, what was the first argument about after you were married?"
Rachel frowned at that, looking over to Kurt.
"What?" he shrugged. "What wouldn't we fight about?"
She smiled at that and wrote something down on her page. Kurt thought of the one thing he wished he could change about the routine in their apartment and wrote it down.
"And now for our bonus question," said the show host. "Husbands, when it comes to body language, will your wife say you communicate best with: Your eyes, your mouth, or your hands?"
Rachel seemed in thought for a moment. Kurt arched an eyebrow at that.
"What are you thinking?"
"Trying to decide between two," said Rachel. "Because you do both."
Kurt wrote down an answer as the host said they'd bring back the wives shortly and the show went to commercial break.
"I do two?" asked Kurt. "Which two?"
"Not telling until it's time to answer," said Rachel loftily. "I want my pizza."
The show came back on after a minute or two of commercials, and introduced the wives to the audience. Kurt suddenly felt nervous. Did he know his best friend that well? She had secrets to be sure, but…
"Kurt, they're asking the first question."
"What was the last thing that happened that made the two of you laugh out loud?"
"You first," said Kurt, gesturing to the notebook.
"Artie's film," said Rachel. "And you can't deny that. Artie parodying Mr. Schue was funny."
Kurt held up his own notebook. He had written down Artie.
Rachel looked smug.
"That was easy," said Kurt. "We nearly spilled the popcorn all over the rug from laughing so hard."
She nodded as the host asked the second question: "If your husband could get rid of one thing that you own, what would it be?"
Rachel gasped as she read Kurt's answer.
"You wouldn't."
"I sowould."
She whimpered.
Kurt looked at her suspiciously. "So what did you answer?"
She held up her notebook. Kurt's jaw dropped. He looked between his answer and hers.
"I can't believe you'd get rid of my straight iron!" said Rachel, tossing her hair back over her shoulder.
"You always leave it on!" said Kurt. "You don't know how many times I've nearly burned myself, especially when I'm in a hurry." He paused. "So why did you'd answer that?"
"Because you always complain about it," Rachel frowned.
"Well, at least you pretend to care," said Kurt, rolling his eyes. Rachel groaned and sat back on the couch.
"I have been getting better."
"And I thank you," said Kurt. "Next question."
"In two words wives," said the host. "How would you describe the exact feeling you had after your honeymoon?"
Rachel chuckled as Kurt sighed quite audibly. She turned around her notebook.
"You said rested and relaxed?" said Kurt, surprised.
"Well, a honeymoon is essentially a vacation," said Rachel with a shrug. "I would hope whoever my future husband would be and I would stop and enjoy the scenery."
"Paris," mumbled Kurt.
"Hmm?" said Rachel as she looked back at the TV.
"Nothing," said Kurt.
"So what did you answer?" asked Rachel.
Kurt turned around his notebook cautiously.
"Relaxed and content?" said Rachel, looking at Kurt.
"Even if I'm marrying you," Kurt said. "I'd hope I would be happy getting married."
"Well," said Rachel, looking away. "I think we're three for three so far."
They both listened as the host asked the fourth question.
"So what did you answer for our first married argument?" asked Rachel.
Kurt pointed to the notebook page. Rachel scoffed, but nodded.
"I'd hope our future imaginary apartment would have two bathrooms, but—" She showed her own notebook page where she had written: Waiting to use the bathroom.
"Four for four," frowned Kurt. "We have been living together for too long."
"So bonus question," said Rachel. "What did you answer?"
"I…" he shrugged. He held up his notebook. "Mercedes said I was always more expressive with my eyes. Said the blue or green… whatever stood out more than when I gestured with my hands."
"Well, Mercedes is right," said Rachel, holding up her notebook. "Your eyes express your emotions more than anything else. I can always tell when you're lying about something because you won't look at me."
"Five for five," said Kurt. "So we'd have 25 points?"
Rachel nodded. "Maybe we should go on this show and pretend to be married."
"Uh no," said Kurt. "I think that would be against the rules."
Rachel smiled at that as the show went to commercial.
"I think I want some water. You want anything?"
"Some juice?"
She nodded and went to the kitchen. He pulled on the sleeves of his long sleeved shirt. If they got any questions right together on the next round, Kurt would have to buy Rachel that pizza. He needed to sabotage this.
He frowned at the thought. He didn't want to prove Rachel right, but he didn't want to be wrong either.
Rachel came back with a couple of bottles and they silently watched the commercial break.
"Do you think I would be a good wife?" asked Rachel. "I mean I'm not a good cook, but I can clean fairly well. I think maybe I could run a household…"
"None of that really matters these days Rachel," said Kurt automatically. "You work together and play to your strengths. Like… I can cook and you do laundry. Even it out so it's not a burden."
"And I bear the children?" said Rachel with an amused smile.
"Just because we have an imaginary marriage for thirty minutes doesn't mean we have imaginary children," said Kurt.
"Show's back on," said Rachel. "Guess it's my turn now."
"I'm going to just guess," teased Kurt, crossing his arms.
"And then you're still buying the pizza," said Rachel. "Because I know you threw the bet."
"So ladies," said the host. "If your husband went out of town on a business trip, the first thing you would do is…"
"Celebrate," said Rachel with a laugh as she wrote down something on her paper. Kurt tried to peer over her shoulder. She turned her notebook over and stuck her tongue out at him.
"You have to wait, just like I did. And don't forget to answer." Kurt sighed and jotted something down on a new notebook page.
"What is your husband's most prized possession?" said the TV.
Kurt looked over to Rachel, whose hand was poised over the paper, but she seemed to be hesitating.
"It can't be that hard," said Kurt.
"I'm debating whether to go monetary or sentimental," said Rachel with a frown. "In high school, I would have said your vehicle, no question." She wrote down an answer and looked up at the TV as the announcer asked the next question.
"What color does your husband say he thinks looks best on you?"
"That one should be easy," said Kurt pointedly.
"Yes, and I am sure you probably would have used it for my wedding dress if I had let you pick it out," said Rachel, rolling her eyes.
"I'd still better be picking out your wedding dress," said Kurt, giving her a look.
"Not if you're marrying me," smirked Rachel. "You'll just have to wait till our wedding day."
"Next question please," said an exasperated Kurt to the TV as the host was waiting for the audience laughter to die down after the last wife's response.
"Ladies, what will your husband say he would be more upset about if he lost: His hair or his job?"
Rachel smirked as she put down her answer.
"Why do you get the simple questions?" asked Kurt, narrowing his eyes at the TV.
"Because our husbands will forget all the hard stuff," said Rachel. "By this point."
Kurt sighed and shook his head. "Men aren't that bad Rachel."
"Bright lights, cameras, studio audience. They've sat in makeup chairs and have been told they need to smile a lot. I doubt by that point that the 'common man' as you like to put it are too nervous to think beyond the most simplest of answers. That's why you'd need to rehearse." She paused. "I'd say that for the women too. You ever notice how easily things are forgotten? It's stage fright Kurt."
"I suppose you're right," he said with a nod after taking a sip of his drink. "Do they rehearse for the show?"
Rachel gave a half-shrug. "I'd imagine they would have to have some sort of dry-run so the people would know where to go at least."
The announcer started speaking again and gave the final question.
"Other than you, what will your husband say was the name of the very first person he told of his definite plans to marry you?"
"Ooh, that one is actually kind of hard," said Rachel. "If you were marrying someone else, we would have had lengthy discussion by now about apartments, moving in with your significant other, wedding themes, and the futures of your potential children…" She closed her eyes for a moment, concentrating. Her facial lines eased after a moment and wrote down an answer. Rachel smiled brightly, closing the notebook.
"I'm done. We just have to wait for it to come back from commercial break. You can even use my phone to call for pizza."
"And I can divorce my imaginary wife," mused Kurt, giving her a smug look.
"As long as we go 50/50 on the pizza toppings, I am starving," said Rachel.
The show returned from the break and the husbands were back.
"Alright, first question. So husbands, we asked your wives if you went out of town on a business trip, the first thing your wife would do is…"
"Claim all the pillows in the apartment and take a nap," said Kurt, showing her his notebook. "I'm so buying you that double full body pillow. You like to snuggle too much."
"That huge blue and pink monstrosity you showed me in a catalog the other day?" scoffed Rachel. "That thing would eat me alive."
"At leastIwouldn't have to wake up and find you cuddled against my chest."
"You're so much better than the boyfriend pillow," pouted Rachel as she turned around her answer. As Kurt had expected, she had written down Nap.
"Second question," said the host. "What did your wife say is your most prized possession?"
"I know what I consider my most valuable thing," said Kurt. "But what did…"
Rachel turned around her notebook. Perfume bottle was written down.
He sighed. "Top drawer of my desk. I think it's wrapped in one of my scarves." He turned around his notebook, which he had written down My Mother's perfume.
"You let me smell it one day," said Rachel. "She wore a beautiful scent."
"I can still smell it even now," Kurt said in fondness. "It smelled so different on her than the bottle itself."
"She was your mom. Moms are always special."
Kurt gave Rachel a sideways smile.
"You'll be a good mom someday."
Rachel returned the gesture and they both waited on the next question.
"What color, husbands, do you think looks best on your wife?"
"I don't even have to look at your answer. I've told you for years you look your best in red. That dress you got for Thanksgiving our first year here was one of the best pieces you ever bought."
"And to think I wasted it on Brody," groaned Rachel as she turned her notebook around. "But I should wear it again sometime. I did like the dress."
"It fitted your form perfectly," said Kurt.
"I do like red," said Rachel. "I'm just not sure it's an everyday color for me."
"It should be," answered Kurt as he looked at the TV.
"Thank you," said Rachel quietly.
"Gentlemen, what did your wives say you would be more upset over: if you lost your hair or your job?"
"Your hair," teased Rachel as she went to touch it. "I know how appalled you are at the thought of being bald like Burt."
"My Uncle Andy is the same way," Kurt muttered, moving away from Rachel's hand. "That is my future, and I don't want to think about it."
"Your dad is still handsome," said Rachel. "There are a lot of great looking men who are bald in theatre."
Kurt whined. "I likemy hair."
Rachel grinned and managed to get her hand into Kurt's locks. He muttered as she teased her fingers through it. He sighed and she patted his cheek.
"Don't worry Kurt. I'll still love you when you're bald."
Kurt made a noise that sounded more like an animal growl than human and Rachel gave him a sad face.
He sighed. "One more question." He gestured to the TV.
"Our final question. Other than your spouse, what is the name of the very first person he told of his definite plans to marry you?"
Rachel looked expectantly at Kurt.
"Not like you don't know the answer," he said, glowering at her.
"Humor me."
"My dad," said Kurt. "But you knew that. I just… I value his opinion."
Rachel turned around her notebook with a small smile and showed Kurt where she had written down Burt.
"Alright, you win," sighed Kurt. "I guess you can know a person."
"You know me and I know you," said Rachel. "It's kind of hard not to after living together."
"You do know a lot about me," Kurt nodded. "More than I realized. I think we need to start seeing other people Rachel. This sham of a marriage has gone on long enough."
"Are you going to run away with the pizza boy?" she teased.
"If he's cute," said Kurt. "I still can't believe we would have had a perfect score."
Rachel dialed their favorite pizza place on her cell and handed it to Kurt.
"Vegan special?"
"Of course," smiled Rachel. "And obviously you want ham, pineapple, and green olives on your half." She made a face.
"Hey that is good pizza," he said in his defense. "How did you know what I was going to order?"
Rachel shook her head in disbelief. "Kurt, you order the same thing every time when you don't have to share with anyone else, you weird… pizza topping ordering person."
"Okay, that's it. I'm moving out," said Kurt. "Next thing you're going to be telling me what I want to wear tomorrow."
"Oh that's easy," said Rachel, waving her hand. "You have dance, and there's that really cute boy you've been staring at for weeks so you'll be wearing those really tight grey sweatpants and that black and grey striped top…"
Rachel had to duck to avoid the throw pillow being thrown violently in her direction.
22 years later…
Rachel followed her husband out onstage. They were out in L.A. for all the interviews for the premiere and the opening night itself for the movie he had just filmed. She couldn't wait for everyone to see it. Kurt was starring in a big budget picture as a spy on the run and he was absolutely over the moon at being able to do something a little different than the moody, emotional type on stage and in films. Not that he was complaining much about those parts, one of them had earned him an Oscar.
And at the moment, they were about to film an interview with the both of them for some cable gossip show before the premiere. They had been instructed to sit in some black director's chairs and a sound guy came up and was testing the mic packs as the interviewer was speaking and checking his own. An audience was there in front of them and a handler was keeping them quiet, but they couldn't stop the waves, grins, and signs. It always gave Rachel a thrill even to this day to see people cheering and being supportive for her and Kurt.
Which at the moment, her husband of twenty years was fiddling with his phone. Rachel knew what he was doing. She rolled her eyes and leaned into him.
"Abby and Ana are fine. They have two sets of grandparents in Lima. How much trouble could they possibly get into?"
"Emptying all three of their grandpa's wallets," muttered Kurt.
"You spoil them too," she said pointedly.
"Like I'm the only indulgent one."
Rachel sighed, knowing he was right about that. She was just as bad as he was. Her dads were even worse than the two of them put together. They had told Ana that they'd buy her a car for her 16thbirthday. They never bought hera car when she had turned 16.
"Ana and Abby both have schoolwork to keep them busy, and Ana had better be learning her lines if she's going to Baton Rouge in a couple of weeks to do that short film. She is not getting on that plane unless she knows the script backwards and forwards."
"Like you ever learned a full script," said Kurt, giving Rachel a skeptical look. She knew he'd call her on that. But then, he knew she was right too. They just wanted their oldest child to succeed if this was to be her dream.
The interviewer leaned over to Kurt, who was sitting next to them. "You two ready?"
"As we'll ever be," he responded.
"Excellent," he said. He motioned to the director, who gave the cameraman some direction and started a countdown.
"Welcome back to the show! As you know, I'm Chris James, host for The Scoop and we're live tonight on the carpet before the movie premiere we've all been waiting for: the summer's blockbuster hit Raging Fire. And we've got the star of said blockbuster tonight with us right now, Kurt Hummel."
The audience began to cheer, and Rachel had to do all she could to hold back a laugh. Kurt was like a little kid in a candy store and being told that it was all his. He was practically glowing.
"And believe me my viewing audience," said the interviewer as he gestured to the crowd. "This was a hard man to catch up with and pin down. Between the interviews and all those social events, you've been everywhere this week, haven't you?"
"I think I now have been in every sort of media available," said Kurt. "It was impossible to even look at a TV, computer, magazine, or newspaper without seeing my face. And believe me, I see my face enough. I have to look in the mirror every morning."
The audience laughed at that and Rachel chuckled quietly herself. She decided to break in.
"But I don't get to see it enough. We both stay too busy," said Rachel. She leaned over and kissed Kurt's cheek. The crowd let out an "Awww" and Chris James did a sweeping motion with his hand towards Rachel.
"Which that cute little moment of affection leads me to introduce our other guest, who many of you probably know already as Rachel Berry from her many roles on Broadway and more than a few movie appearances. You also did that short lived TV show that in my opinion was cancelled way way too soon."
"I did," said Rachel. "And yes, I totally agree. But we're not here to talk about me. Tonight's Kurt's big night." She took his hand and they shared a quick smile. She loved seeing him happy like this because of his work.
"We'll get back to the movie soon, but since I have you both here… I found out something about the two of you. Today of all days is your 20th wedding anniversary. Congratulations!"
The crowd clapped politely as the host looked at them with a smug smile. "I bet you thought our researchers wouldn't find out."
"I was pretty sure that was a trade secret," said Kurt. Rachel did her best not to roll her eyes. Their publicist had released a statement on their social websites.
"It's hard to believe you've been married for 20 years and you're both performers. How do you do it?" asked the interviewer.
"Our kids keep us grounded," said Rachel, using one of her usual rehearsed answers. "You can film a movie or come home from practice for a stage show and one of our girls will be like: 'When's dinner?' or 'Do you know where my soccer jersey is?' and it reminds you that at the end of the day, you're still a working adult and a parent like anyone else."
"Except one of your daughters is breaking into the business themselves, isn't that right?"
"She is," said Kurt. "She's been doing a little bit of stage work and advertising. She did her first TV commercial last year. We're very proud of her."
"It sounds like you've got a great family life," said the host. "But let's get back to the movie right quick. I know everyone's familiar with Kurt being the main character Vincent Bryce, but I've heard that although we'll never see your face, we'll get to hear your lovely voice Rachel?"
Rachel laughed. "That's right. I play, well, voice his character's handler. She's always in his ear, warning him of things she sees and hears. She's following him throughout the movie."
"Interesting," said Chris James. "And how did you get to come by this role?"
"Sheer luck," said Kurt sarcastically, which made the audience laugh.
The brunette nodded, although she'd get him later for saying it like that. "Kurt's right. I had come to visit him on set one day and I think I was telling him a story about one of the girls and the director heard me and decided at the last minute to make a change of plans. They were going to have Ariana Grande or Mila Kunis to voice the role, I can't remember who, but he was so excited about how loving and nagging I sounded at the same time that he begged me to voice the role. So I did."
"Did you two get to spend any time together in doing that?"
"We spent a lot of time together in the sound booth," said Kurt. "Having to redub scenes. I think we spent more time making the sound guys laugh then we did actually recording lines."
"Maybe we'll get to see some of that on the blooper reel on the video release," said the host with a smile. "But for now we have something fun for you two that will hopefully keep our audience happy until then."
"Should we be scared?" asked Rachel.
Chris James laughed. "I promise there are no mud wrestling pits."
"Oh good," she said in relief. She pointed to Kurt. "Because he would kill me if I mess up this dress. It's Dior and he's been begging my team to make me wear red more often."
"You do look good in red," nodded Kurt. A few catcalls came from the audience, along with a few whistles.
"You do work for Vogue as well, don't you Kurt?" asked the interviewer. "I don't think many of our viewing audience realize that's where you got your start."
"Fashion has always been one of my loves," answered Kurt. "I'm mainly just a guest columnist at the magazine for the moment. I think it amuses my friend and former boss to let me write for them still. Apparently I bring them luck and more magazine downloads."
"So in honor of your anniversary," began the interviewer, changing the subject. "We've come up with a little game just for fun to see how well you still know each other after 20 years. It's Celebrity Gossip's own version of the Newlywed Game just for the two of you."
"Oh god," said Kurt. Rachel just laughed out loud and squeezed Kurt's hand.
"You'll have to forgive him," said Rachel to the host. "It's a long standing joke."
"Do tell," said the host, eyeing Kurt.
"I'd rather not," said Kurt, putting his hand over his face. He looked up towards the host and the camera, shaking his head with a soft laugh. "Let's just say that I lost a bet and I've been losing ever since."
"So shall we begin?" said Chris. "I'm going to start off with a couple of easy questions and then we'll move onto the harder ones." Kurt and Rachel both nodded. "So question number one: What television show did you two watch together last?"
"I know," said Rachel. "You made me binge watch Bewitched with you."
"We did do that before all this traveling," nodded Kurt, scratching the side of his cheek. "But I'm thinking it was Hoarders. You were making fun of it till I pointed out the fact that our spare bedroom looked like the contents of their house."
"Oh you're right," said Rachel with a nod, leaning her head towards him. "We were in Paris at the airport last weekend. Your tablet always comes in handy."
"Alright then, second question: What was the last secret you told your husband?"
Rachel laughed as she and Kurt shared an amused look. "The one I told him this morning. Our youngest daughter told me in the strictest confidence that she didn't like her daddy's baked oven fries with rosemary anymore. But she did really like the way her granddaddy does them which is fried with lots of cheddar cheese and crispy bacon. She knows she can't have it in our home, and she didn't want me to tell Kurt because he's the one who cooks the most. She didn't want to hurt his feelings. We do try to teach our kids to eat healthy."
"But everything's better with bacon," said the host as the audience laughed. "Now we've got a couple of white boards for you. They're on the side tables there. We want to see how well your answers match. So question number three, and this one came from a fan online: Rachel, when would your husband say he realized for the first time that he was seriously in love with you?"
"Oh wow," said Rachel. "I'm going to have to think about that a sec." She picked up her board and marker. Kurt was side-eying her board. She held it closer to her and moved away so he couldn't see. He leaned further over and she smacked him in the shoulder, amusing everyone nearby.
"I just want to see if you're thinking what I'm thinking."
"And the point of this is to see if Imatch you," said Rachel. She closed her eyes for a moment and wrote something down. Kurt wrote down something after she had finished.
"You two ready to answer?" asked the interviewer. Both of them nodded.
"So Kurt, what was your response?" He held up the board.
Lima, Summer of 2014, Babygate #2.
Rachel laughed out loud, putting the board in front of her face to hide her giggles.
"I'm assuming there's a story behind that," asked the host.
"There is," said Kurt. "Our friends are going to kill us, but we have a close knit group that we made in high school. I know that sounds weird, but we went through a lot together back then and we all still keep touch. We even fly across country to help each other and take vacations together when we can. It's like a really big family. Well, one of our friends got pregnant. The baby's father wasn't her fiancé, but rather her best friend since 10th grade. It was a little tense there for a while."
Rachel nodded. "And I can't believe you just said all of that. She's going to kill you."
"Well… wait. So what was your answer?" asked Kurt.
Rachel held up her board. She had written down: New York, 2014, Valentine's Day.
"Really? Valentine's Day Rachel? We were fighting on Valentine's Day."
"You fight for those you love," said the brunette. "Kurt, we also kissed that day. We both just went for it. It was… an amazing moment."
"Ma—maybe," agreed Kurt. "Although to me… that day when we were all in the coffee shop and were trying to console… well you know. You went up to the considerate, always gentle… fiancé and yelled at him for 20 minutes about what an idiot he was being and I wanted to hug and kiss you for that right there in front of everyone, but that would have made for an even bigger scandal. And we still had to fix that one."
Rachel smiled at that. "I still think that you knew you loved me on Valentine's Day. I could see it in your eyes."
The chorus of "Awwww" from the audience even made the host laugh.
"I think you two should write a book," he said amused. "It sounds like your life together is an interesting story."
"It is definitely never boring," smiled Rachel at Kurt. "I personally would love to see on the big screen the time when Kurt had to tell his step-brother and my former fiancé that he was dating me and we were going to get married. He um, was picking tomatoes in his mother's garden and had a bit of a blowup at the news. I had to help pick tomato seeds out of Kurt's hair later than evening from having to duck a few flying tomatoes. He finally forgave Kurt after a couple of weeks."
"Really?" asked the host. Rachel nodded as Kurt put a hand over his eyes with a moan. "I'd love to see that too."
"It'd be a waste of good tomato," said Kurt. "Although I did learn that tomatoes are good for removing product residue in your hair. It can also make it shinier and stronger."
"Maybe I need to start using some when I make spaghetti," said the host. "Alright this is the final question we have time for us two. I think the audience will like this one. It's very classic Newlywed Game. If the airlines awarded a thousand miles for every time you two made love this past week, how far around the planet would say you two would get? And you can answer in numbers if you can't come think of a city or country."
"This is the wrong time to be asking that question," murmured Kurt.
"Too many promotional events?" asked the host as Rachel wrote something down on her board.
"Too much time together in hotels," she said with a smile that almost seemed smug. "With no kids." She adjusted her hair back over her shoulder. "It is a bit of a rare occurrence that we get to spend that much time in each other's company when we're not filming or in the studio…. There's always something to keep us busy."
"Then it sounds like you two have had a most pleasurable week," chuckled Chris James. "So what did you answer?"
Rachel nudged Kurt's side, who groaned.
"I can't believe I'm answering this question on national television." He held up the board and hid behind it.
"So 2,000?" asked the host, squinting at the board.
"12,000," corrected Rachel. "I think." She looked again at Kurt's white board before turning hers over. "Just 12 though Kurt? I was thinking 15. She had written down Bangkok.
"Wow," said Chris James looking impressed. Someone let out a whistle over the murmurs from the crowd. "Are you sure you two aren't newlyweds?"
Kurt leaned into his wife. "Like Rachel said, we've both been a little busy with stage work and she just finished shooting a film with a friend of ours who is a director. So we haven't been home at the same time much the last couple of months. So the past two weeks of promoting the film together have been… refreshing. It is nice to actually get to wake up next to the love of my life."
The sound of all the people sighing in jealousy in the audience made Rachel grab Kurt's arm and hold onto it. "Sorry, he's still all mine."
After the audience had died down, the interviewer turned the questioning back towards Kurt's role in the movie. Rachel pretended to be interested, but she kept thinking about the difference between the two games, and it made her laugh softly. Back then they had been so in-sync that it had actually taken her by surprise at how well she had known Kurt and how well he had known her. But now that time had passed and they had formed a happy and healthy family, it didn't matter if their answers were completely the same. She still knew her husband better than anyone.
The audience was clapping as the host of the show was sending it to commercial break. One of the cameramen came over and was taking their mic packs back.
"I think I owe you a pizza," said Rachel in a tease. Kurt laughed at that.
"Maybe later when you're not wearing half a million in jewels," he said with a smile. "And a thirty-five thousand dollar dress."
"Think we've now embarrassed Ana and Abby enough?"
"Probably," said Kurt. He looked at his phone with a sigh. "Do we have to walk the red carpet?"
"Kurt, seriously. This is your big movie."
The director came over and shook their hands and soon they were being herded off to their next location, which was another interview.
"Think Santana and Brittany will be here?" asked Rachel.
"They'd better," said Kurt. "And they promised to have Quinn in tow. You know those three can't resist a chance to get dressed up even though they do it pretty regularly."
The thought of seeing the girls again made Rachel's heart flutter happily. Now that everyone was doing their own thing, they were all stretched out across the world.
"Maybe we can invite them back over to the hotel tomorrow. I think after all the promotional things and parties I'm going to need a very long nap."
"Just as long as they don't mind watching either M*A*S*H or Gilligan's Island," said Kurt. "I'm not leaving the bed for nothing since it is our last day on the road. I want to relax."
Rachel laughed as they had come to a stop where the next interviewer was getting set up for the next interviewee. She tucked her purse under her arm and tried to ignore the flashing cameras as she adjusted Kurt's white velvet bow tie. It stood out against the dark red dress shirt he was wearing under his tuxedo. It didn't even really need it, but it was just a calming moment for the both of them. They were becoming veterans at the whole celebrity thing, though at times they were still the scared teenagers in the middle of Ohio who worried that they were never going to achieve their dreams.
"I don't think they'll mind," smiled Rachel. "Since Brittany is so clearly the Professor."
"And let me guess," Kurt said with a laugh. "You're Mary Ann and Quinn's Ginger."
"I think Santana would get us both if we tell her she's the Skipper though," mused Rachel. She looked over passed the police barricades to the waiting crowd.
"I'm glad it's been you all these years. I don't think there's any one else I'd rather have spent my life with. This is what we wanted Kurt."
"Oh don't go getting all sappy on me," he said after acknowledging the two minutes to go signal he got from the camera man. He held out his hand to Rachel as they climbed the three steps to the interview area. "We have five years before everyone will start asking if we want to renew our vows."
Rachel rolled her eyes and nudged his side.
"I have a better idea. I propose we have a large party with pizza and get everyone else to play the game instead."
"And still renew our vows."
"And still renew our vows," repeated Rachel with a smile as the interviewer started speaking to Kurt. She made a mental note to herself to remember to tell Finn when they did have the party to bring some fresh tomatoes from his garden.