She is the Sunlight
by: itsamatterofperception
Disclaimer: I don't own Pitch Perfect, and by default I don't own Beca and Chloe, and I most certainly don't own this song, She is the Sunlight, by Trading Yesterday.
A/N: The idea came to me after reading Poison & Wine by thesecretsociety (and listening to the song), so kudos to you, and well, here goes. (And, seriously, people, go check out Poison & Wine.)
…
She wasn't heartless, she wasn't unfeeling, she wasn't numb.
She wasn't cold, she wasn't immune to emotion. Far from it, actually.
She was just another college kid. Granted, a college kid in love with one of the most effervescent and beautiful people ever to grace Barden University's campus.
And probably the most unattainable person, in her eyes.
When they first met, it was her vibrant red hair that caught her attention, but it was her startling blue eyes that kept it. She had a weakness for eyes, but only for one particular person's eyes.
And if all the flowers faded away
And if all the storm clouds decided to stay
Then you would find me
Each hour the same
Cause she is tomorrow
And I am today.
It must've been her eyes, her beautiful personality, her addicting presence that made her fall in love. Stupidly, she fell in love.
As she glanced up from her laptop in the middle of the quad, she caught a glimpse of red hair. And as her eyes followed that streak of red (not as vibrant and beautiful as hers), she remembered.
She remembered lying on the couch, with her cuddled into her side. Run, her mind said, run before she leaves you like everyone else. She's not everyone else, she argued back. She's Chloe. She wouldn't run from me. That's what you think, her mind sneered back at her, but you don't have the greatest track record, do you?
Cause if right is leaving
I'd rather be wrong
Cause she is the sunlight
The sun is gone.
She remembered sitting in the exact same spot on the quad, watching her run to him, and stretched up on her toes to kiss him. She remembered the way her heart shattered. She remembered how she turned up the volume of her mix, and she remembered how she felt bass line reverberating through her body. She remembered how she struggled to keep a neutral face as Chloe saw her. She remembered how she fought back the tears.
Chloe had come over to her dorm later that day. They had watched some stupid TV show that she had promptly forgotten about. She remembered holding Chloe in her arms as she cried over some stupid character and their stupid broken heart. Why isn't she crying about your broken heart, her mind asked her, Why doesn't she care? Shut up, she snarled back in her head. I'll never tell her, she doesn't need the guilt. She doesn't need to know.
And if loving her is
Is heartache for me
And if holding her means
That I have to bleed
Then I am the martyr
Love is to blame
Cause she is the healing
And I am the pain.
They had coffee the next day. Her eyes were bright and happy as she chattered on about how Tom had met her after her class, how he carried her bags for her, how he was such a gentleman. She listened and nodded and "mhmm'd" at the right places, but all she could focus on was how her heart was breaking a little bit more, and tried not to rub her chest. She listened as Chloe rambled about grad school at Boston because she was following Tom.
She's leaving you, her mind whispered, just like every other person.
She waited until she got back into her dorm to let the tears fall. She had been proven wrong again. It was a good thing Kimmy Jin was out with her Korean friends. Beca didn't want her to see her broken like this.
She lives in a daydream
(She lives in a daydream)
Where I don't belong
Cause she is the sunlight
And the sun is gone.
She's just a junior in college, robbed of her love of music. She's just one Beca Mitchell still hopelessly in love with one Chloe Beale. When she moved to Boston, she took her love of music and her heart with her. You're an idiot, her mind whispered.
I know.
I know.
How could I forget? I gave her everything, even if she didn't realize. I gave her what little of my heart I had left. She trampled on it.
I should've told her.
Maybe she wouldn't have left. Maybe she wouldn't have left me for some frat boy.
Musings, her mind said. Just forget about her.
I can't, her traitorous heart replied. I can't.
And it will take this life of regret
For my heart to learn to forget
Tomorrow will be as it always has been
And I will fall to her again
For I know I have come too close
She remembered long nights of coffee and pizza and vodka. She remembered the secrets she spilled, ones that would have never seen the light of day, or rather, of night, had she been sober. She remembered waking up with the redhead's arm thrown over her waist. She remembered the pounding headache signaling the massive hangover. But most of all, under the too bright sunlight, and the overload of sensation, she remembered the thrill. She remembered the thrill of waking up to seeing her beautiful face, watching the blue eyes, first confused then panicked then shifting to happiness.
Run, her mind said. Run.
I can't, her heart replied back. I love her. I always will.
That's why you're an idiot, Mitchell, her mind hissed. She's going to leave and you'll be stuck in a pool of regret and longing and heartbreak.
Cause if right is leaving
I'd rather be wrong
Cause she is the sunlight
And the sun is gone
She should have listened. Because now Chloe's in Boston and she's in Atlanta and Chloe's with Tom, and she's just alone.
She should've listened.
She should've run when she had the chance.
She should've protected her heart.
She should've known that Chloe would have left her.
Left like everyone else.
And now Chloe's gone, and she's just empty.
She is the sunlight
And the sun is gone.
fin.
…
A/N: This was not where I was originally taking this story. And I ship Bechloe and probably won't usually write angst-y stuff. I like when Beca and Chloe have their happy endings and such and such and such.
But alas, I will not stop my Muse.
Much love,
itsamatterofperception.