Title: The Malice Series; Suspicion of Malice
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: R
Pairing: SasuNaru
Warnings: Yaoi, angst
Note: I know this used to be a one shot, but someone mentioned that it should be a series, since the ensuing stories really cannot stand on their own. So, here it is, the Malice Series.
Summary: Sasuke came back to Konoha for Naruto, but the honeymoon is over, and Naruto wonders if Sasuke is cheating on him.
Suspicion of MaliceNaruto stood on the covered railing leading to the door of his apartment, a cup of hot cocoa in his hands. He was looking up, staring wistfully into the velvety night sky above, the twinkle of a few stars intrepid enough shine through the haze of light that Konoha in early night put out. He missed the vast canopy of stars overhead in the field; when on a mission and far from the lights of any city or town. When the land was so dark that the skies above blazed with the celestial light of a million stars, turning the inky landscape into an almost effervescent glow.
Be that as it may, any city, especially Konoha, was just as lovely with its twinkling blanket of lamps and windows dotting the hills of the land, and glimmering between the leaves of trees like living jewels.
Both scenes moved the blonde unbearably, incomparably lovely; the icy stars of the far off fields of the wilds, and the warm and friendly glow of hearth and home. How he loved them both.
If only Sasuke were here to watch this with him, and marvel at the simple beauty that so many took for granted but that Naruto never did.
Naruto's fingers trembled on his cup for a brief moment. Because Sasuke wasn't there, and so seldom was anymore. Where was his errant lover? Was he… could he be…
But no. The blonde's fingers firmed on the warmed porcelain as his lips thinned. He would not go there. Of course Sasuke wasn't out galavanting around with another; after all, the Uchiha had braved a return to Konoha, risked being imprisoned, or worse, for the high treason of abandoning Konoha for the Snake Sannin's teachings. He'd done what he had to, and returned, bringing both the heads of Itachi Uchiha, and Orochimaru's as well. And because of this, returning of his own free will and under his own power, bearing such trophies, the raven had gotten off relatively lightly. He'd only had to suffer a quick trial, and a year's house arrest and community service.
And why?
To be with him.
Naruto gave a trembling smile. This was why, no matter how often Sasuke's eyes slid away from his, no matter how many excuses he gave for their declining intimacy, no matter how many promises the Uchiha broke, or important dates he'd missed with little or no explanation… Sasuke had returned to Konoha, to be with Naruto. To kiss him and love him, and abandon his dreams of reviving his clan. Sasuke had returned, to be with him.
Sasuke's kisses had burned him to his very soul, and the Uchiha's lovemaking had scorched his very being. The passion, the pleasure the raven had pulled from his unsuspecting body had completely overwhelmed him. In the smoking aftermath of this, Naruto had slowly come to finally understand his own obsession with Uchiha Sasuke. Why he'd spent so many years chasing after him, why he'd set aside his own dreams and aspirations with such ease, why he always forgave the dark headed and even darker souled man for any and all trespasses against his body and heart.
He loved Sasuke; always had, always would. Sasuke was the darkness to his light, the chill to his warmth, the moon to his sun. Sasuke was his other half, without which he'd been incomplete and lost for so long. After all, one could more truly appreciate the power and beauty of a solar flare when paired with the icy grace of a lunar eclipse.
Shaking his head at his fanciful thoughts, Naruto drank the last of his cocoa and turned to enter his apartment. It didn't matter how pitying his friends looked at him, each time Sasuke stood him up, or declined him. It didn't matter that everyone that knew of them were convinced that the dark man was indeed cheating on the only person that loved what truly lay behind that aristocratic and exquisite façade. It didn't matter how obvious the raven's behavior was, how glaringly cliché all the Uchiha's excuses were. Sasuke was far too complex a person to stoop to such activity and behavior.
Thus fortifying the scared and traitorous heart that wept silently at the idea that Sasuke could lie to him so, that the other could betray him yet again, and in such a heartbreaking way, Naruto stepped into his apartment. The red eyes that suddenly appeared before him, tomoes wheeling wildly, and the ensuing oblivion that followed were just as unremarked when Naruto woke the next morning, having healed fully from the unremembered night's activities, as they had been in the past few months.
************************
The following week, Naruto returned from a simple mission; escort the visiting Kazekage, there on trade negotiations with Konoha, back to Suna. And for the first time since Naruto met the other Jinchuuriki, he was glad to see the last of his friend, and hurry home once more. Gaara had stared at him with such knowing eyes; making blunt references to the Uchiha's apparent behavior. Naruto, of course, had defended his lover; citing to the redhead the same arguments he used on himself in his moments of bleak doubt. But Gaara had simply given him another pitying look, and oh how he hated those, and told him once more, he was always welcome in Suna, no matter what.
Throughout the day it took him to rush home, Naruto entertained his worst fears and doubts, finding his own reasons more increasingly shaky. And finally delivering his report, he went to Sasuke's house, only to find the raven once more, not at home.
Naruto swallowed the lump in his throat, as the made his way back to his own home. It had been a very long time since he'd spent an evening with Sasuke in the Uchiha's own home, and the last time had felt so uncomfortable, he'd wept that particular night in his bed. Sasuke had known of his mission, and knew Naruto would be back on this day, and fairly close to this time. Naruto could barely remember the last time Sasuke had been on hand to greet him on his return from a mission. Once more, Naruto came home to a lonely, Sasukeless return. Oh, surely, Sakura had been there, smiling painfully, as had been Neji and Kiba and Shikamaru. He'd been hailed on his journey from gates to Hokage's office, to Uchiha district, and back home by Ino and Chouji, Lee and Gai, and so many of his other friends. Iruka had given him a warm hug, and accepted Naruto's raincheck for ramen at Ichiraku's. And he'd tried to ignore the sympathetic and pitying looks from each and every one of them. Iruka had been saddened at Naruto's uncharacteristic decline of lunch at Ichiraku's. And each look from his friends, from his mentor, from the person as close to a father to him as possible, his heart and resolve weakened just a little bit more.
And when he spotted Sasuke, not five minutes after leaving Iruka's company, his lover's lackluster greeting sent his spirits plummeting even more. And once more, Sasuke's eyes slid away from his as the other boy softly refused to spend the night with Naruto, citing a mission in the early hours.
A silent crack appeared in Naruto's heart. Sasuke was lying to him. Tsunade herself, eyes unreadable, had told Naruto herself that not only did Naruto have the next couple of days free and clear, so did Sasuke. She'd urged the blonde to spend a little time 'straightening out' his little emotional tangle.
"Are you tired of me already, Sasuke?" Naruto's voice because just as soft, and uncharacteristically bitter. "Is that why you've distanced yourself from me? Why we don't make love anymore? Why you're lying to me now?"
That changed the Uchiha's halfhearted attention to the blonde with a vengeance.
"It's… personal, Naruto," Sasuke said evasively. "I have a personal mission to fulfill. You're overreacting as usual. You're making mountains out of molehills. You always have." There was a dismissive note in the Uchiha's voice, and already he was turning away.
"I see. Whatever. Enjoy your life, Uchiha, since I'm not a part of it anymore." The soft venom suddenly faded away, and Naruto felt unspeakably weary. "Just… be happy, Sasuke, with whoever you've chosen now."
He just wanted to get away from his lover, or rather, the man that used to be his lover, and weep away the pain and heartache. Weep away the knowledge that he was once more not enough. Not good enough, not good looking enough, not smart enough, not anything enough to hold anyone's attention. Most of all he wanted to get away so that he wouldn't humiliate himself by bursting into tears in front of Sasuke. It suddenly struck him that Sasuke hadn't called him dobe in forever. He'd used to long for his lover to stop calling him a loser, and now that Sasuke had, Naruto suddenly missed his uncomplimentary, but once a sincerely meant endearment. He turned away.
Suddenly Sasuke was there, with words of passion, and proclamations of fidelity and love, and he took Naruto home, and they made love once more. At first, the blonde was delirious, happy, and ecstatic. Oh, the pleasure Sasuke could make him feel. But… there was a distance now. It was almost as if a veil had dropped between them in their most intimate and open moment, and Naruto had the horrible sensation that all of this was just by rote. That Sasuke wasn't seeing him below the dark haired boy's body. That it wasn't Naruto to whom Sasuke was saying such erotic words, that it wasn't Naruto's body that Sasuke was making love to. Naruto felt suddenly like an imposter.
And as the blonde hovered on the edge of sleep, vague and dissatisfactorily sated, he heard something as he sank into an exhausted slumber, as if part of a dream.
"He suspects, Sa-su-ke," the voice was soft and vague and filled with mirth.
"Tch, he's too stupid to suspect."Sasuke's scornful response was glacial and reeked of arrogance.
I'll show you… was the last that Naruto heard before he slipped away, and the vicious glee in the last would have made the blonde shiver, had he still been awake to do so.When Naruto awoke the next morning, he was alone in his bed, with not even vestigial warmth to prove that Sasuke had laid with him last night. Heart aching, Naruto closed burning eyes. What had he heard last night, just before sleep had claimed him? Surely Sasuke hadn't…
No, Sasuke couldn't have. It was just the previous day's fear and doubt clouding his judgment, and filling his dreams with lies. Even if Sasuke was having an affair, which Naruto was beginning to painfully admit was not only possible, but probable, even the Uchiha wouldn't be cold enough to have his 'other' lover in the same room with them as they had sex. Surely, Sasuke wouldn't have hidden another man in Naruto's own bedroom.
The blonde gave a soft and derisive laugh. Yeah, he was really starting to lose it. Besides, if Sasuke was having an affair, Naruto gave him an out yesterday. Sasuke could have walked away, scot free of any romantic entanglements with the blonde. Naruto would have let him go without fuss. Sasuke chose to remain Naruto's lover. The raven had chosen to come into Naruto's house last night, into Naruto's bed, and into Naruto's body.
That had to mean something, right?
Naruto brightened, firmly telling himself once more that Sasuke did love him. That this was all just some terrible misunderstanding. After all, the Uchiha had told him he had a personal matter that he was wrestling with. Oh, if only Sasuke wouldn't shut him out! If only Sasuke would confide in him. Surely together, they could get through whatever it was.
Naruto drew in a fortifying breath. Yes. That had to be it. Naruto was just overreacting, as Sasuke had said. He firmly shoved his doubts and fears into the deepest and darkest corner of his mind. Sasuke came back to Konoha for Naruto. For him! Sasuke took his hand, yesterday. Made love to him. It had to be a misunderstanding.
And Naruto got out of bed, took a shower, and stepped into his kitchen, towel on his dripping hair, and once more, didn't see the whirling, hell red eyes, filled with disdain and dark anticipation.
********************************
Naruto came out of oblivion mid thrust. Red eyes dissolved into shocked blue as he looked down at a writhing, lust ridden Uchiha, whose eyes were dark but filled with red sparks. Shocked, Naruto froze.
Sasuke had never let him top before, no matter how he argued, debated, pled, and finally begged. Sasuke would never, ever relinquish control. Yet, here the other boy was, below Naruto's body, which had been plunging almost violently into the paler body. And Sasuke was obviously loving it. He was crying out in pleasure, almost screaming with ecstasy. Shit, Sasuke barely moaned when he fucked Naruto.
Cheeks crimson with passion, Sasuke grabbed Naruto's hair and gave a hard and painful yank. "Don't stop, asshole. Fuck me harder!"
Naruto might not be the brightest crayon in the box, but he was far from stupid, no matter what Sasuke had ever said. Coming out of unknowingness, it was a classic sign of Kyuubi taking over his body. And Naruto felt sick. How could this have happened? Sasuke would have a fit if he found out that it had been the demon fox, and not the boy. Sasuke would kill him…
Sasuke's body had stilled in its wild bucking, but was still wracked with pleasurable shudders. He yanked again on Naruto's blonde hair, and looked into horrified blue eyes.
Sasuke's legs tightened around Naruto's waist as he thrust up violently, shoving Naruto's cock even deeper within his own body.
"Don't even start with this game again, Kyuubi. Don't even try to pretend that Naruto's back. That dobe couldn't fuck his way out of a paper bag."
Now that Naruto heard Sasuke call him by his much missed nickname, he realized it wasn't at all the endearment it once was. Sasuke truly thought of him as a dead last.
And… and Sasuke had known he was being fucked by the demon. Sasuke had known it wasn't Naruto on top of and inside of him.
That's why Naruto felt like an imposter last night… Because he had been an imposter. He'd been right. It hadn't been him Sasuke was seeing, Sasuke was speaking to and touching so erotically. It wasn't Naruto that Sasuke wanted…
Sasuke was cheating on him… with Kyuubi!
While all of these painful realizations were flooding his numbed brain, the Uchiha gave a bored snort, and shoved Naruto off him.
"Tch, you're obviously as stupid as he is. Why the hell you'd think I'd find you pretending to be that blonde moron exciting or amusing is ridiculous. If I wanted to fuck Naruto, I would be. Now stop acting like that damn imbecile and fuck me, dammit! I had to screw him last night, as you well know, and you promised to make me forget that distasteful event. What are you waiting for?"
Those cold and cruel words split the crack in Naruto's heart wide open, shattering that tender and hopeful organ into a million fragments.
If he had wanted Naruto… had to screw him… distasteful event…Naruto's paralysis broke suddenly, and he scrambled away from the Uchiha, eyes wide and filled with painful tears. His trembling hand fisted the elaborate medallion around his neck, where once he wore his gift from Tsunade, but had set aside in favor of an ornate Uchiwa, which Sasuke had insisted he wear.
Giving a choked gasp, he wrenched the horrible thing from around his neck and flung it right in Sasuke's face.
The Uchiha barely ducked in time, the necklace hitting the headboard behind with a sharp thwock.
"What the hell?" Sasuke snarled, face growing red with rage. "This isn't funny, Kyuubi. Stop this, right now!"
Naruto himself was waxing pale and flushing crimson by turns. "You… you bastard!" Naruto's term was no endearment either, but drug from his dry and cracking throat with rage and nausea.
Suddenly Sasuke's eyes flushed red, tomoes spinning. "Oh, shit…"
Naruto backed away, feeling the wet evidence of their shared intimacy upon his crotch like some vile substance. Sasuke… Sasuke hadn't come back for him. The Uchiha had come back for Kyuubi. It wasn't Naruto that Sasuke had wanted at all, but the damned demon fox!
Had Sasuke ever loved him, Naruto, at all?
He was going to be sick…
"Get out." Naruto's voice was a strangled whisper.
"Naruto…" Sasuke took a step forward, dismay filling his fine, now once more dark eyes.
"Get out!" Unable to stay a moment longer, Naruto whirled around and locked himself into his bathroom, violently ill, and unable to rise until he'd vomited over and over and over again, until nothing was left, and the blonde dimly wondered if he'd simply spew up his own innards.
Several times, the Uchiha had called out to him, knocking at first tentatively on the door, then more aggressively, but Naruto had ignored him, and finally there was silence on the other side of the door.
Turning on the hot water full blast, Naruto stepped into the scalding stream, not even feeling the pain as he scrubbed all the evidence of what had just occurred from his body, scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing until his flesh bled. When the water finally turned ice cold, his hand reached up, not of its own volition, and turned the water off.
Naruto huddled on the bottom of his bathtub, hugging his knees and rocking back and forth as the tears finally came, filled with choked cries of misery, and sobs of despair.
"Why?" He finally gasped, barely able to speak through his grief and rage. "Why, Kyuubi?"
The demon fox was silent inside him for a moment.
"I thought… I thought we'd come to terms with each other," Naruto hiccupped, desperately trying to understand. Over the years, he and Kyuubi had become…friends, or so he thought. Surely, the demon fox was just as vengeful and blood thirsty as ever, but it had actually confessed, about a year before Sasuke returned to Konoha, that Naruto was one of the few humans that Kyuubi actually gave a shit about.
To be betrayed once more by the man he'd loved forever, aided and abetted in the worst possible way by the only person that had been with him all along, the one creature Naruto had begun to look upon like an older, if rather archaic and unpredictable and wildly volatile brother…
Naruto was really, truly alone. Always had been, always would be. Love, friendship, loyalty and devotion… all lies…
Naruto would never be accepted, never be… loved… never…
Ever…
Stop that! Kyuubi snarled, but the mental voice was weakened by hesitation. Naruto wouldn't even begin to entertain the notion it might be remorse. I tried to tell you from the beginning that the Uchiha brat was not to be trusted, that you shouldn't place your heart in his black hands. But you wouldn't listen.
Naruto felt the subtle tugging on his psyche, signs that Kyuubi wanted him to come inside so that they could talk. Felt it and ignored it.
"I… I loved him, Kyu…" Naruto sobbed bewilderedly. "I've always loved him! You knew this. You knew… But you… and he… and me…" Coldness crept in from the blonde's extremities, as relentless and remorseless as winter.
Naruto… Kyuubi's alarmed tone did nothing to stem the tide of ice that began to freeze Naruto's soul solid.
"And… I trusted you… Kyu… I… the brother… I never had… Never be loved. Never be loved…."
Naruto's sobbing died down, and his butterscotch voice turned arctic cold, and firmed.
"Love is a lie. I am done with lies."
Naruto!The seal around Naruto's navel, which had been fading over time, sudden blazed to black and vivid life once more, more elaborate markings that had apparently been lost suddenly as sharp and clear as the day the seal was made.
And Kyuubi's voice, filled with sudden fear and worry, was silenced completely, as it had been in the early days, before Naruto's knowledge of what lay within his own body, and his naturally friendly and gregarious nature had began forming tenuous bonds to the alien life force trapped within him.
Naruto was no ignorant twelve-year-old now. He was a man, albeit a rather young one. And he was done with bonds, and he was done with friendship, and he was done with lies and with love. If he had to have this damnable creature locked within his body, so be it. But never again would he reach out to it as he had before. No. He would use the demon for all it was worth, and nothing more.
Naruto was done with the softer side of humanity. He was a shinobi. It was time he acted like one.
Standing slowly, eyes cold as ice, he drug chakra from his prisoner, to heal the scalds and burns on his body.
"I will hate you both, forever."
Naruto spoke in a clear and concise voice, now fully aware that Sasuke had never left. His words were for the human on the other side of the door. The feelings coursing through his body would inform the creature inside of his sentiments.
He unlocked and thrust the door open, walking out unashamedly naked.
Sasuke stood there, ready to argue, ready to speak false words of even falser sentiments, but one look from Naruto stopped him in his tracks.
The man that came out of the bathroom was not the same man that had gone in, trembling and weak and ill. Naruto stood tall, a palpable aura of power and authority spilling from his body. He stood before Sasuke, who felt a frisson of shock race up his spine. Naruto's friendly face was closed and severe. His large blue eyes, once so warm and giving, were cold and chill.
"You will never see your demon lover again." Naruto's rich and husky voice was quiet and frightening in its glacial tone. "Now get out of my house, and never come back."
At one time, Naruto would have been pleased to have so cowed Sasuke that the raven actually swallowed audibly. But not now. And never again.
"Naruto… Dobe…" Once more, Sasuke's term was filled with trembling emotion, as he reached out to touch Naruto's hand.
Naruto didn't move an inch, but a wave of intense chakra flowed out, preventing the Uchiha from moving any closer. "You will never touch me again, and rest assured, I will never touch you again. You will treat me as a fellow shinobi; no more, no less. Now get out, Uchiha, before I throw you out."
When Sasuke would have protested, the same unbelievable chakra literally forced him out of the apartment door, which slammed shut with a resounding slam, locks clicking into place, and the unmistakable feel of high powered traps weaving about every opening into Naruto's lonely domain.
And Sasuke stood there, shocked and dismayed by what had happened.
Owari
Argh! This is the longest, driest, most persistent case of writer's block ever. I've tried updating my other stories, but it's just no go. I'm throwing this out there to try and break the cycle. My other stories are not discontinued, and I hope to be back writing like I used to again. Unbeta'd, as usual, and to my thinking, this story reeks. But I offer it any way in the hopes it will be the catalyst that breaks my block camel's back. It was written with blood and sweat and I know it is not up to my usual standards. Dunno if I'll even add a sequel, especially since I'm obviously unreliable about them. Forgive me.
Huh, looks like I'm a real sucker for angst. I guess I'm just hopeless that way too, lol.