Summary: … I don't believe this requires a summary.

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates, I don't own the world (though a good friend of mine does), and I don't own a …. actually, I do.

The Landlubber's Nautical Dictionary

Ever felt left out of nautical conversations? Unfamiliar with seafaring jargon? Completely confused with anything ocean-like? Well, this is the book for you! Spelled with easy landlubber's lingo, this Easy-to-Read dictionary will have you speaking like a seafaring swashbuckler in no time. Please consult your physician and/or voodoo lady to see if The Landlubber's Nautical Dictionary is right for you.

WARNING: Side effects may include headaches, eyeaches, temporary blindness, vomiting, drowsiness, cravings for peanut butter, complete soul loss, and sudden death. If your right index finger begins to turn green, see your physician immediately as this is a sign of a rare but serious side effect.

The Landlubber's Nautical Dictionary… get it. It will help you fit in.

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Thank you for purchasing The Landlubber's Nautical Dictionary. For additional information, call 1-800-555-KNOT or see our website for more details. If anyone else can beat our advertised prices then YOUR MATTRESS IS FREE!!!!

ah[a [French: ah a distinguishatory word of moderate surprise or agreement.

apple[ap-pl [German: von appil a crunchy fruit used to make juice, pies, and cobblers. Also makes certain pirates very happy.

arrgh[arrgh [English: arrgh arrgh!

arm[arm [No derivation any gunpowder using weapon.

belaying pin[bee-LAY-ing pin [Pig Latin: elayingbay inpay a handy weapon. Secondary function: looks pretty.

bow[bOW [Old English: bowe opposite of stern.

Brace the Foreyard[BrACE-the-for-yARD [Italian: brace te forraciyad means absolutely nothing.

crow's nest[crohw's nest [No derivation a place where crow's hang out.

Davy Jones[Davy- Jones [No derivation an octopus with a cardiac problem

dog[dog [English: dog not a cat.

ecumenically[ek-Cue-min-ih-cal-ly [No derivation the state of being ecumenical

hands[hands [French: handes appendages at the end of an arm.

hat[hat [Latin: hattus hattus rhymes with that, bat, cat, and splat. That bat went splat on the cat in that hat.

I'm Disinclined to Acquiest Your Request….means no.

oar[OR [English: or conjunction often used with either.

pirate[PIE-RAT [Greek: pi the state where the rate of 3.14 changes dramatically into the proactive redistribution of wealth.

Pokey Nokey:[Poke-EE-NOKE-EE [Disney: Pinocchio way of saying Pinocchio if you are three.

port[pORt [Latin: Portia not as good as rum

rum[rum [Latin: rummus rummus rhymes with dumb, sum, bum, tum, and plum. When combined with Elizabeth and fire it equals: glum.

sea[C [Portugese: c the big wobbly blue thing that has mermaids in it.

seagull[C-gull [No derivation Don't you see the gull?

Splice the Main Brace: Jack Sparrow + Rum

snake[sNAK [Lunch: snak not a radish.

stern[stern [No derivation opposite of bow.

A-rubber-chicken-with-a-pulley-in-the-middle[I am NOT going to spell this out for you [No Derivation… well… not that I know of How the h should I know? I'm just a dictionary writer!

Thus ends your very first (and probably last) installment of The Landlubber's Nautical Dictionary by ALCORE MORTIS. I hoped you enjoyed our show.

Author's Note: I'm not stupid… just insane.