She's Left Me
Kate had been home long enough to take a shower and get ready for bed. Flopping down on the sofa, she grabbed the remote to see what was on television. She had no intention of going to bed right away….too many things on her mind: the weird case, Alexis and Pi and Castle, disturbingly matching coffee stains… When she heard the knock at the door, she got back up and looked through the peep hole and saw Castle. Too soon. This didn't bode well.
Taking a deep breath and releasing it, knowing he was probably hurting, she opened the door. "Hi. Come on in." She could see it in his eyes. He was barely holding it together. Things had obviously not gone well with Alexis. "You look like you could use a hug."
He reached for her immediately, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a loving kiss and then pulling his head to her shoulder; she could feel the moisture of tears against her neck. He held her tightly, as if she were a lifeline, and her heart ached for what he was going through.
"Tell me what I can do."
"What you're doing. Knowing I can come to you makes anything better."
"Always, Rick. You know that."
"She's left me, Kate. She didn't even hug me before she walked out the door."
"I'm sorry. I know that hurt. Do you want to sit down and tell me what happened?"
"Can we have a minute or two of this first?"
"As much as you want," she answered, drawing him closer...carding her fingers through his hair and gently massaging the back of his neck.
She stood and held him until he kissed her neck and turned them toward the sofa to sit down together. When they there, he pulled her into his lap, seeming to need to maintain the closeness from before; so she snuggled in and let him wrap her in his embrace.
From where his head rested on hers, he told her, "I tried to talk to her today, but she had her arguments ready: I was living with my girlfriend when I was nineteen, it's her life, I always told her she was the smart one in the family, she knows what she's doing, she's going to be fine. She didn't even put her things down and hug me, Kate…just left. I think she's making a big mistake…and I feel like I've failed her."
"Did you try to talk to her?"
"Yes, but I didn't try hard enough."
"If things don't go well with Pi, will you welcome her back without too much 'I told you so?'"
"Of course I will."
"Then you haven't failed her. She knows you're always going to be a constant in her life. She knows that if something goes wrong, she can always come home. She loves you, Rick. She always will, but she wants to grow up, too. At least she didn't bring you a grunge biker. My poor father. Whatever else Pi is, he does look clean."
Castle finally gave her a tiny little smile. "You haven't talked to her about your wild phase, have you?"
"No," she answered with a little smirk that he could hear in her voice, even if he couldn't see it.
"Good. Don't. Okay?"
"Okay."
"My little girl is probably in bed with that unholy fruitarian by now. How do I deal with that?"
"I don't know. I'm having a little trouble dealing with it myself. She says he's brilliant. Maybe he'll turn out to be someone way more imposing than the impression we have of him."
"That's a bit of a stretch for me right now. He just stole my little girl."
"It would be a bit of a stretch even if he didn't just steal your little girl," she admitted. "I haven't figured out what she sees in him.
"Me either."
"Maybe we'll see it eventually?"
"Maybe I don't want to," Castle answered grudgingly. "He stole my little girl."
"You had admirable patience with him."
"And what did I get for it? He stole my little girl."
"Are you going to end every sentence with that from now on?"
"Maybe." He paused for a moment and added for Kate's benefit, "He stole my little girl."
"You've been a great dad, Castle. You should have no doubts that you've done your best for her."
"It doesn't feel like it right now." He paused and kissed the top of her head. "But, if Doyle is right, I'll have three more chances to do better, Senator Beckett."
"Now, see? Right there. That tells me he was wrong."
"Why is that?"
"Because, except at the precinct, I intend to be Kate Castle. So it would have to be Senator Castle. He's wrong."
"Are you saying we won't have three little Castles?" he asked, showing a small hint of his sense of humor.
"It means we get to decide if we want three little Castles. He doesn't get to tell us."
"Would you want three little Castles?"
"Can we start with considering just one…maybe? Break me in easy? Do you really want to start all over again with diapers and middle of the night feedings and the terrible twos?"
"I like being a dad. If you decide that's what you want, I'd love it."
"Not right now, but probably…at least one. Let's be married for a little while first...and see how things play out with Alexis. She's had a lot of things to deal with lately, and I don't want her to feel like we're trying to replace her...or that I'm trying to push her out. She might be feeling like I stole her father."
"I thought she was happy for me…but then again, I never expected a Pi in her life; so what do I know? I don't understand any of this."
"Didn't you rebel against your mother's rules when you were her age?"
"You've met my mother," he answered drily. "How many rules do you think were there to rebel against? Besides, she was working on Broadway and at the peak of her career when I was in high school and college. I know she loved me, but she was content to let the headmaster at the boarding school try to rein me in during the school year."
"But Alexis always followed your rules, didn't she?"
"Most of the time. I didn't have to punish her too often. By the time I knew I needed to punish her, she'd already beat up on herself enough for both of us. It's more than that, though. It's been the two of us looking out for each other, almost since she was born. Her mother was there for a while, but I did the work. She didn't want to deal with anything but the easy parts. I hardly remember not having Alexis with me. You'd think having her living on campus this year would make this easier, but it doesn't. She's always been there...with me...and now she isn't."
"Because he stole your little girl?" she asked sympathetically.
"Exactly." He drew in a long breath and released it slowly in what appeared to be resignation. "I do know she went willingly. I just…hate knowing it."
Kate sat up, took his face in her hands and gave him a long, loving kiss. "I know. There's no way I can make it better. I'll just be here to love you while you come to terms with it."
"That's all I can ask." He leaned his forehead on her shoulder and sighed dejectedly before asking, sounding minimally brighter, "Did I just hear you say you intend to use my name when we're married?"
"You did. Detective Beckett, but Kate Castle. Is that okay?"
He lifted his head to look at her, his eyes appearing a little less daunted. "It's way more than okay. I'll be so proud to call you Mrs. Castle."
"Don't get your hopes up about a senator in the family, though. Can you really see me in politics? I hate dealing with politicians. I don't even want to deal with Albany, and I've definitely seen enough of DC."
"That's okay. I think I'm too old to deal with all those little Castles on my own while you're off campaigning anyway."
She laughed. "Come with me. You're here. I think I can settle down now."
"I make that much of a difference?" he questioned.
"You know you do," she answered indulgently, standing and taking his hand. "You just like to hear me say it."
"I do like that," he admitted with the best smile he had managed since he arrived at her apartment, and he stood to follow her wherever she led him.
"Let's go cuddle each other to sleep. You've had a long, difficult day."
As they lay in bed, snuggled into a comforting tangle of limbs, Kate heard a sleepy mumble that sounded like, "You make a big difference, too."