Warm sunrays shine on your face and you can't help but feel like they contradict how cold it is outside. It's only brief, though, because as soon as the clouds move, your cheeks freeze over again.

It isn't even that cold outside, not really. It's fifty-six degrees today, a lot warmer than it has been for the last few days.

But still, you feel like a snowman. You can't move. Your face is pale white, and your arms are stray branches given to you with no real purpose (or maybe so you can feel more whole), because you couldn't lift them if you tried. And just like the cold you're built with, you're frozen to your very core.

You can feel the hairs on your nape stand, a cold shiver clawing up your spine. You can feel it at the end of your toes to your fingertips. You can't hear anything, a sharp, constant ringing the only sound coming through in a never-ending string. If you zone out completely, that's all you can hear. But you're starting to come back to reality, and somewhere in between you begin to hear the fast pounding of your heart.

One thought lingers for a bit too long in the back of your mind, fighting for full attention at the front of your brain. It's your fault.

Panic swells in those three little words. You push them away, teeth grinding and buckets filling behind your eyes, and you're about to topple them over.

Suddenly, reality swings back, throwing you off balance as the sound of someone — within very close proximity — speaking to you. You didn't even know they were there, and your not noticing startles you more than anything else. Your vision unblurs to see Yuki standing in front of you.

His face is sullen, a confusing mix of anger and sadness registering. His arms are crossing over his dark blue sweater and he can't won't isn't looking at you. (It's your fault and he knows. He knows he knows.)

He looks like shattered glass, broken into tiny pieces.

"What?" You think you ask.

"Are you coming to the hospital or not, Kyo?" He sighs, and more of the anger than sadness comes through in his voice. How long did he talk to you before you noticed?

Wait. The hospital? When did they load her onto the gurney? When did the ambulance leave with her dying in the back time needs to slow down. OptionsOptionsOptions what are you going to dosaythinkKyo.

You turn in the other direction, away from Yuki, away from Shigure, away from his car and the hospital and Tohru on a stretcher — and you run away.

Isn't that what you do best?

You don't cry.

At least not at first. Yuki and Shigure get home at midnight, and Shigure drops his keys on the table before going to his room.

Neither of them say a word to you.

Yuki slides into the floor before laying his head on folded arms while you watch from the living room. He's sobbing. [No.]

When he tells you, not lifting his head and barely choking out the words between terrifying, agonized crying, you just stand still. You stare blankly at him, the information like a virus trying to reach you, just trying to get past your ears to your brain, but you don't want it there because that makes it real.

Only this is worse than any sickness.

She's dead.

No. No. Nonononononono. She's not. She can't be. She's not dead she's not she's not she's not.

Your breathing becomes frantic and you feel like you just might fall aprt when you hear a click. Yuki doesn't hear it and no one else could hear it either, because the sharp snap of something coming together is in your head. It's in your brain, it's there, it's infected your every thought and you know it's fact but you can't accept it.

That's when it first starts. The beginning of the cruel twisting and pulling and aching your heart does. You feel like pressing your hand against your chest and stopping it right there when it's just starting to form, because it's a feeling you've had before and you don't want it. You need to shut it out.

Suddenly you hear your father's voice screaming it's your fault, it's your fault at your mother's funeral after she jumped in front of a train. You see her fake smile.

But overclouding everything, it's her.

You tighten your hands into painful fists and press them hard against your chest, right where your heart is (oh, but that's assuming you have one.). [worthless]

You lean over, trying to rid the stinging out of your heart and you close your eyes tightly. It hurts to squeeze your eyes closed so viciously, but maybe this is all just a dream conjured up by your cruel mind and when you open your eyelids again she'll be here and not under a white sheet sleeping in a cold drawer at the morgue like she probably is right now because you yelled at her and you made her run away.

(It's your fault.)

A/N: Um. Yeah. Hi.

That was awkward.

If you don't get some of the things happening so far, I'll fill you in.

This takes place after chapters 120+ when Tohru falls off a cliff after a confrontation with Akito. I'm taking it in a different direction than what already happened. See, in the beginning of this chapter (since it's not quite clear) we start off outside where Tohru fell off the cliff. The ambulance has taken her to the hospital. Kyo is dazed and not sure what's happening. And she dies instead of surviving. (Happy, right? I know you all want to kill me right now.)

Kyo starts to blame himself. And that's basically the gist of what's going on.

So now your awkward writer will ask for reviews because she's deprived of them and isn't quite sure why she's talking in third person.