by crystal tiara
Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors; Koei does.
You've just turned eighteen, and life is just beginning. You've blossomed into a lovely and exquisite young lady, the epitome of beauty and grace. At this time, you're supposed to be finding your place in the world, or thinking about your future- who you'll be marrying, where you belong and what you'll be doing. Or maybe those can wait. Maybe you're supposed to be enjoying your youth. After all, you're going to grow up someday, so you might as well live young for as long as you can.
That's how things are supposed to be.
But that's not how things are for you.
You're working as a handmaid for a powerful man, who also happens to be the Interior Minister. And he makes you a part of his grand plan. You're only eighteen, and now the fate of the Han dynasty lies on your shoulders. At least, that's what he says, and you're not so sure you believe in that. But you love him as a father, and you want to do anything to repay his kindness, and so you agree to help him.
It sounds kind of simple, compared to those strategies and tactics of warfare. All you have to do is seduce these two men, and cause discord between them. Given your looks and charms, it won't be such a difficult task. Maybe.
But then again, you're working to destroy two of the most powerful men in the land. If they find out about your scheme... you could end up dead. Or probably even worse.
Still, you promised to help your "father". There's no backing out. You've always wanted to do something and prove your worth, and to go beyond the simple, mediocre, idyllic life you lead. So all of a sudden, you're not such a young girl anymore. You're thrust into an entirely different situation now, where things don't just revolve around silly things like singing, dancing and romance. And you're ready to give all those up, and more. You convince yourself to be strong, despite your anxieties. You're going to take this challenge, not only to help your father but also to save the land from chaos.
You begin your mission at once, and it definitely isn't a piece of cake. You don't really like what you're doing, because it makes you feel dirty and gives people the impression that you're a promiscuous woman, but you can't do anything except to just grin and bear it. All you want to do is get it over with. Once the two end up cutting ties with each other, or even killing each other, you'll be free. You'll go home to your father, knowing that you finally did something out of the ordinary.
As expected, the two seem to take quite a liking to you. One of them is a fat, lecherous pig who does nothing but leer at you from head to toe, who indulges you in anything you want but always makes advances to you. You hate him; you think he's the most vile and disgusting person that ever lived, and you definitely can't wait for someone or something---even just a sign of deliverance from this repulsive man.
Perhaps your deliverance might just be the other man.
His name is Lu Bu, and he strikes fear even in the mightiest of warriors. He seems like a brute, an impulsive person who's all brawns and no brain. He appears to be intimidating and tough, and so you try not to interact with him that often. But strangely enough, he treats you well. In fact, he is quite nice with you. He never yells at you or gives you that intimidating glare of his, nor has he ever raised his hand at you. You think it's entertaining how such a strong, tough man like him can act like a lovestruck young boy when he's around you.
Yet you told yourself that falling in love was out of the question. You promised yourself that love wouldn't get in the way of what you had to do.
That was what you said before you actually met him.
But now you like him, you really do. So maybe people think of him as a brutish rogue. And maybe he really is one. But you're beginning to see him as more than just that. You admire his skill, courage and confidence, although you're still a bit scared of him. You believe in him, even though most people seem to think of him as a despicable traitor. You feel sorry for him, because you tricked him into falling in love with you. But you're tired of this charade. You're not giving up on your mission, but you don't want to deceive him any longer. You want to be true to him, to love him and actually mean it, instead of just playing a game of pretend.
Since he loves you so much, he kills his stepfather just for you--- exactly what you wanted. Your mission ends here; you're feeling moderately happy at your victory. But you aren't fully rejoicing because you don't know where the road leads from here. In fact, at the very least, you think of it as a hollow victory for you.
"Where do you want to go now?" he asks.
"I don't know," you say, the uncertainty showing in your voice. You think for a moment and shrug. "Home?"
"And where do you live?"
"I don't know. I don't know if I still do have a home."
"Then... what will you be doing? Where will you go?"
You hesitate, but manage to say it. "I don't have to turn back and go home, so I shall stay with you, then. Home is too dreary and distant a place."
He lets you stay with him, and you swear he's pleased to know that you won't be leaving. Your "father" is gone now; Lu Bu is the only one you have left. And you're going to stay by his side, even though a part of you still longs for home, for that simple life you once led. But a part of you says that it's not that easy to turn back, that it's easier to just move forward. So you do just that, and you devote yourself to him. The more you see him, the more you think you love him, although you can't quite be sure if you'll love him forever. Everything seems all right and pleasant and just so... wonderful. Too wonderful that perhaps it's almost too good to be true.
Things don't end there, though.
There's this comrade of his named Zhang Liao. He's as courageous as Lu Bu, but not as reckless or impulsive. He's calm, but nevertheless bold and intimidating on the battlefield. And he's quite intelligent. You talk to him sometimes, when you happen to see him in the hallways, but your conversations mostly consist of "Hello"s, "How are you"s, and "Goodbye"s. Nothing out of the ordinary, just conversational talk.
But you always, always happen to see him, and it's eerie how you two constantly bump into each other by coincidence. You talk about things... lots of things. More than the usual "hello"s and "goodbye"s you exchange. You talk about yourselves, the war, and anything else you can come up with. And you think of him as a friend. A good friend. But your heart still belongs to Lu Bu...
...doesn't it?
One night you're taking a stroll and you see him leaning against a tree, with a calm look on his face, as if he's been contemplating. "How are you doing?" he asks.
"Fine as always. And you? What are you doing?"
"Thinking."
"You're always thinking about something anyway."
"Well, this time, I was thinking of you."
All of a sudden, it's as if you've been hit by a major revelation right then and there. So he's infatuated with you. Or possibly even in love. And who knows how long he's been that way? Has he realized his feelings only recently, or ever since the time you two first talked? So many questions are rushing through your mind all at the same time, and you don't know what to think, nor do you know what would be the most appropriate reply.
And so you try not to think about it. You assure yourself that you love Lu Bu, that Zhang Liao is just a friend. But you don't know if you believe in that, because deep in your heart, you're slowly falling in love with Zhang Liao too. You think that he understands you perfectly, that he's a true gentleman---someone Lu Bu is not. The confusing thing is, you really, really do love Lu Bu. You still think of him as your hero. He still makes you feel special and loved and happy.
Everyone always talks about that "one true love". But you wonder why you can't have two. Because you really love the both of them. Equally. And you can't do anything about it. You can't even choose between the both of them... because you honestly do not know who you like better. There's Lu Bu, who, in spite of his seemingly rough exterior, actually does love you and look out for you. And on the other hand, there's Zhang Liao, who's the very personification of a knight in shining armor. You wonder if it's possible to love two men at the same time, and if doing such a thing is wrong. But it isn't your fault; neither is it Lu Bu's or Zhang Liao's. You never chose things to be this way.
"Diao Chan," Lu Bu says, "There are many things in life worth fighting for." "Is that so, my Lord?" He nods. "Like you. Someone like you... is definitely worth fighting for." "My Lord?" It's all you can say. "Because... it is a man's duty to protect the woman he loves. So Diao Chan, you need not fear. I shall protect you for as long as I live." You smile. "I shall always remember those words."
And to this day, you still keep his promises in your heart, because you believe in them. Sometimes, you feel guilty and confused. It's a flurry of emotions and you can't describe how you feel about the both of them. You don't want to tell Lu Bu that you love Zhang Liao as well because he was surely the type who wanted his significant other to love him and him alone. And what are you going to do now? Never in your entire life have you felt like such a lost and confused child.
"Do you still love him?" Zhang Liao asks. "I would be lying if I said I didn't. But... I don't want to break your heart either." "So why do you love him, then?" "Because." "Because what?" "I don't know. I honestly don't know. I think, sometimes, people fall in love for no reasons. Or maybe for the wrong reasons. It's hard to explain; it's all too convoluted." "I see." Silence. "And you, Zhang Liao? Why do you love me?" "Same reason as you. Because." You giggle. "You're funny." But then his voice grows serious. "I wonder how things would have turned out if I met you first. If I captivated you before he did. If we could run away together, or something like that. It's strange, isn't it?" You smile at him. "I didn't know you could be such a romantic." "Sometimes, I think it's wrong to do this. It feels as if I'm stealing you away from my friend. I feel guilty for betraying him, but somehow... I can't help it." You whisper, "When you're in love, there's no right or wrong."
"You stay out of trouble, m'dear," Zhang Liao says, jokingly bowing in front of you. "I can take care of myself," you answer. "And I don't go looking for trouble. Somehow, it finds me one way or another."
And it couldn't have been more true. Even now you're in a quandary, and it's about love, of all things! That's just one problem you can't seem to take care of. You're afraid to break both their hearts, because in the first place, you don't intend to do so. And you think that you must be sounding quite ignorant- you've been answering "I don't know" to their questions an awful lot of times. But in reality, you just can't decide. You still think everything's complicated. When you were young, you always thought that love was easy; love was perfect. Now you're all grown up and you realize that people never have it easy in love, and that it's far from perfect.
"I always thought love was a magical thing," you say, a sigh escaping your lips. "But now, the magic is gone."
"And why is that?" he asks.
"Because I wished I could be happy, and I thought I was. I mean, for a while, I was. It was like a fantasy. But it was just that. Now I'm torn between two men, whom I both love. Now I'm confused. I'm just confused."
Author's Notes: My second attempt at a second-person fic, and this time, with a non-canonical pairing (Diao Chan/Zhang Liao) AND a love triangle! I was first introduced to the Diao Chan/Zhang Liao pairing by Jianus from "Way of Musou", a DW forum. I suppose it grew on me, but since I also liked Lu Bu/Diao Chan, I decided to combine the two pairings and merge them into one love triangle. I hope you like this one-shot fic, as I honestly, honestly had apprehensions about uploading this fic at first, for fear that it would receive lukewarm reception among DW fans, or none at all. So please do review; comments are VERY much appreciated. I would like to know how much I've improved as a writer, or if I've even improved at all.