The Scent of a Man
By FoxRayne
"You're disgusting!" Starbuck shrieked.
Apollo laughed, pulling a chair next to her.
"Who's disgusting?" Helo asked, entering the room.
Starbuck nodded towards Apollo who was smiling smugly.
"Oh Gods!" Helo gagged, covering his nose.
That caused Starbuck to break out in a fit of loud guffaws.
"It's the beer sharts!" he told them , shrugging.
Starbuck stomped her feet, clutching her stomach as she laughed uncontrollably.
"What the frak is that smell?" Kat asked, pulling up a chair.
"Beer….Shar...ttsss…HAHAHAHAHA" Starbuck wailed.
"How is it that we all get off at the same time and I rush over here but these two are always smashed well before me?" Kat asked Helo who was eyeing the two in amusement.
"Hey, hey, less play a game," Apollo suggests, knocking on the table with his knuckles.
"The …Knock …Knock Game?" Kara asked between laughs.
"Wha are you talkin about..I dunno a knock-knock game," he said shaking his head as if she were an idiot.
"I think I need a drink…" Kat says, raising her eyebrows.
Apollo slides her the pitcher and gives her his empty glass.
"Thanks, thanks," she says, pouring herself a healthy glass.
"WOOOOOOO" he hoots as Kat chugs her glass down.
"Geez it's loud tonight," Hotdog says as he enters and takes a seat at their table.
"Ask Apollo about his panties," Helo tells him.
"Uh…Apollo, how goes them panties?" he asks, only to indulge.
Apollo starts to answer but Starbuck swats at him and leans over to 'whisper' loudly, "Beer Sharts, Hotdog…Beer Sharts. I feel bad for whoever is gonna wash those.
"You're gonna wash em!" Apollo jabs Hotdog in the ribs.
"I think whoever loses the game has to wash them," Helo offers.
"YES!!" Starbuck agrees, loving wagers.
"Oh man…I feel sorry too cause I…have….uhhhhh…" Apollo let out another wet one.
"Sick!" Kat yells.
Starbuck broke out in fresh peels of laughter, waving her hand in front of her nose.
"So what game? And we aren't playing Triad…Starbuck will win," Helo adds.
Gaeta walked into the room and asked, "Has anyone seen my drinking jacket?", referring to his leather jacket he wore each time he drank with the crew.
"First one to find his jacket picks the person who washes away the beer sharts from Apollo's panties!!" Kat yells.
They all leapt up and rushed out of the room, whooping and clapping..leaving Gaeta looking around in confusion.
Starbuck and Apollo ran in one direction while Helo, Hotdog and Kat ran another.
"Slow it down," Colonel Tigh snarled as Starbuck rammed into his shoulder…"And what's that smell?"
"Sorry sir, that's my panties," Apollo told him, giving him a sloppy salute before running after Starbuck who was busting some dance moves at the end of the hall while waiting for him.
"Where should we go first?" She asked, breathless.
"Where does Gaeta wear that jacket?" he asked…tapping his chin thoughtfully.
"I've only seen it while he's been drinking. He was wearing it the other night. The showers?" she pondered.
"Yeah, he puked on himself so he headed to the showers after that last round of shots," Apollo recalled.
"Yes!! 3-2-1…JUMP!"
And they took off running towards the shower. Once they arrived they were surprised to find Hotdog, Helo and Kat just leaving….jacket in hand.
"What the frak!!" Starbuck exclaimed.
"HA HA!! I knew where it was all along Starbuck!" Kat said in a sing-song voice.
"Ohhhh you dirty,dirty nugget."
"We'll leave you two alone to get to cleaning! We've got a pitcher with our name on it," Helo chuckled, thrusting some stain remover into Starbucks hands.
"Mother frakkers," Starbuck mumbled to their retreating figures.
"Sorry, but I really gotta do this…" Apollo said apologetically.
"Do what?" she asked, facing him.
His face got tense and with a grunt he let out a final shart. Half juice half puff.
"I'm gonna kill you," she said through clenched teeth.
He pulled his pants down, revealing his usual boxers. He peeled them off and tried handing them to her, smiling.
"Oh, yeah right, like I'm really going to. They aren't in here to see if I do or don't," she scoffed, taking a step away from his outreached hand and the boxers dangling from them.
He looked in the boxers and said, "Well, I didn't really stain them anyway. They just sound wet."
That earned him a loud Starbuck-esque laugh and he grinned back.
"Maybe you should put something on though…"she reminded him, nodding towards his nude lower half.
"Yeah, can you get me a new pair from my locker?" he asked, putting his sharted boxers in Hotdog's bed.
She handed him a fresh pair which he pulled on and then flopped on his bed. She flopped next to him, sighing.
"I'm so not even drunk anymore," Starbuck complained.
"Yeah, I'm barely. All that running…"
"And sharting," she added.
"Yeah, and that."
He grabbed her hand in his and brought her knuckles to his lips. She eyed him with a smirk.
"What?" he asked all innocent.
"You're still drunk," she stated, removing her hand from his and flicking his nose with her finger.
"Maybe a little," he admitted, treating her to a lopsided grin.
"You're always trying to get in my pants when you're drunk," she said as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"Well…you look attractive when I'm drunk!"
"Jerk," she muttered, elbowing him.
"Kidding, kidding. You know you're attractive," he said, flopping over onto his side to face her.
She rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile at his sincerity.
"The hottest viper pilot. Ever," he went on.
She burst out laughing and smacked his chest with the back of her hand. He grabbed it and pulled her to him, planting a kiss on her barely parted lips. She froze as he wedged his lower lip in between her parted lips.
"You can kiss back you know," he murmured against her lips, sending a jolt down her middle.
She smiled and brushed her tongue along his upper lip and then bit down gently. He let out an appreciative growl and suckled on her bottom lip as she worked his upper one.
"HEY! You aren't cleaning panties!" Hotdog yelled, "and what the frak is in my bed!...UGH!!"
FIN