Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Nothing at all! Except, of course, this post-it pad, but I had to steal that! But anyways, the characters, Hogwarts, and the general setting I don't own. No copyright infringement is intended. Basically saying: Don't sue me! I didn't do it on purpose!
Rating: I dunno.. PG-13 to be safe.
Category: Humour/Parody (parody of all the stereotyped fics out there)(those bother me.)
Author's note: I was on a serious sugar trip when I wrote this. That and immense boredom stuffed together made this... thing. I'm not quite sure what it is. Anyway, I have no beta reader, no spell-checker, and no spelling abilities. I also have horrible grammar, no sense of humour, a bad sense of reality and I'm going insane. Basically, this shouldn't be taken seriously.
Once upon a time there were a bunch of people who pretty much everyone knows about already. They're the folks who go to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Yeah, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, etc. You get the idea.
So, anyway, one day Hermione was walking down the hall. In a stereotypical story, I would probably say how sexy her walk was, and how she was using magic on her hair to make it look all shiny, and how she had grown many a womanly curve during the summer, and how pretty she was an all. But that's not how it goes. As Hermione walked down the hall, one would see her with very fat, frizzy brown hair, that was rather straw-like from going into one chlorine pool too many, she looked like she was walking with two big blocks of wood on her feet, her facial expression told one that she had some BIG cactus up her backside, and she had actually grown to look something of a hunchback because of all the heavy books she carried around. As for womanly curves... yes, she did grow them, at least. Very nice ones. A couple extra ones, too. There was actually another right in the middle...
Because of this, she was made fun of a lot...
"Hey, if it isn't the Mudblood and her library! .... and her, erm, third..." speak of the devil, no? She had just run into none other than Draco Malfoy...
In a stereotypical story, once again, she would have come back with some witty remark, and send Draco running. But this isn't a stereotypical story. This is the real thing...
"Waaaaaaaahhh! Maaalfoy, why do you have to be so meeeeaaaan?" and she commenced blubbering.
"Errrmmm..." [is thrown by her incredible wimpy-ness]
"Why [heaving sob] can't you [heaving sob] see?! [heeeeaving sob] I have [heaving sob] such an incredible [heaving sob] CRUSH [heaving sob] on you!! [heaving sob] Because [heaving sob] you're so [heaving sob] seeexy!!!!" [author's note: NO, I do not think Malfoy, in any shape or form, is sexy. I just couldn't resist!]
"E-eeermmmm..." [is suddenly considering suicide]
And, of course, then comes her night in shining armour, running down the hall to save her...
"Malfoy! Leave her alone!"
"Hullo, Weasel."
Yes, t'was Ron Weasley.
Now I shall describe him. He was, in general, just as ugly as Hermione. Just because. But his hair was more curly!! [author's note: I like curly hair.] And he was a geek and had no social skills because his family had corrupted him over the years. Especially Fred 'n' George. [author's note: I wonder how that came to be...]
"Yes, it is I, RON! And, because of your evil evilness towards Hermione that made her CRY, I challenge you to a duel!" [because he feels like it.]
At this, there was a collective gasp from the assembled crowd that was also gawking at Hermione. Because they all knew that Ron sucked at anything that had anything to do with magic. One could hear shouts of "Oh, my GOD! Somebody call for a mortician! RON's trying to do MAGIC!"
But Ron was being all brave and crap, and he decided, despite that nagging voice in the back of your head... what do you call it.... right, common sense, that he was going to face Malfoy anyway.
Malfoy, in reality, wasn't that great at magic either. But he was a lot better than Ron. It was hard not to be.
So they faced each other, and they were just about to commence, when.... CRUNCH! A big meteor came through the roof and landed right on top of Malfoy, crushing him under a meteor the size of a bull elephant in a crater in the hall, leaving Ron the winner of the duel, because he was the last standing.
"Hey..." realization dawns. "I won the duel! Yippee!" [massive, collective groan from everyone else.][and no, nobody cared that Malfoy was gone. Not even Crabbe and Goyle. You see, they had been under his evil, not so powerful wrath for the past couple of years, and now they were free. So they started dancing, while no one else felt anything at all.]
"Ooooh, Ron won..." Hermione was impressed. So she and Ron go off to snog passionately in the broom closet, conveniently placed approximately five feet from where they were standing.
It was at this moment that Harry Potter walked into the hallway.
"What'd I miss? And what's with the meteor? And the shaking broom closet?"
Just to let the reader know, Harry wasn't the brightest bulb in the box.
"Ron was trying to duel." a random person in the crowd says.
"And?"
"Doesn't that say something to you?"
"Not really."
"Well, I don't feel like explaining. Tootles." And everybody quickly exits the hallway, because nobody likes explaining things to Harry Potter, The Boy Who's Scar Really DID Scramble Their Brains, After All.
THE GLORIOUS END
Rating: I dunno.. PG-13 to be safe.
Category: Humour/Parody (parody of all the stereotyped fics out there)(those bother me.)
Author's note: I was on a serious sugar trip when I wrote this. That and immense boredom stuffed together made this... thing. I'm not quite sure what it is. Anyway, I have no beta reader, no spell-checker, and no spelling abilities. I also have horrible grammar, no sense of humour, a bad sense of reality and I'm going insane. Basically, this shouldn't be taken seriously.
Once upon a time there were a bunch of people who pretty much everyone knows about already. They're the folks who go to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Yeah, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, etc. You get the idea.
So, anyway, one day Hermione was walking down the hall. In a stereotypical story, I would probably say how sexy her walk was, and how she was using magic on her hair to make it look all shiny, and how she had grown many a womanly curve during the summer, and how pretty she was an all. But that's not how it goes. As Hermione walked down the hall, one would see her with very fat, frizzy brown hair, that was rather straw-like from going into one chlorine pool too many, she looked like she was walking with two big blocks of wood on her feet, her facial expression told one that she had some BIG cactus up her backside, and she had actually grown to look something of a hunchback because of all the heavy books she carried around. As for womanly curves... yes, she did grow them, at least. Very nice ones. A couple extra ones, too. There was actually another right in the middle...
Because of this, she was made fun of a lot...
"Hey, if it isn't the Mudblood and her library! .... and her, erm, third..." speak of the devil, no? She had just run into none other than Draco Malfoy...
In a stereotypical story, once again, she would have come back with some witty remark, and send Draco running. But this isn't a stereotypical story. This is the real thing...
"Waaaaaaaahhh! Maaalfoy, why do you have to be so meeeeaaaan?" and she commenced blubbering.
"Errrmmm..." [is thrown by her incredible wimpy-ness]
"Why [heaving sob] can't you [heaving sob] see?! [heeeeaving sob] I have [heaving sob] such an incredible [heaving sob] CRUSH [heaving sob] on you!! [heaving sob] Because [heaving sob] you're so [heaving sob] seeexy!!!!" [author's note: NO, I do not think Malfoy, in any shape or form, is sexy. I just couldn't resist!]
"E-eeermmmm..." [is suddenly considering suicide]
And, of course, then comes her night in shining armour, running down the hall to save her...
"Malfoy! Leave her alone!"
"Hullo, Weasel."
Yes, t'was Ron Weasley.
Now I shall describe him. He was, in general, just as ugly as Hermione. Just because. But his hair was more curly!! [author's note: I like curly hair.] And he was a geek and had no social skills because his family had corrupted him over the years. Especially Fred 'n' George. [author's note: I wonder how that came to be...]
"Yes, it is I, RON! And, because of your evil evilness towards Hermione that made her CRY, I challenge you to a duel!" [because he feels like it.]
At this, there was a collective gasp from the assembled crowd that was also gawking at Hermione. Because they all knew that Ron sucked at anything that had anything to do with magic. One could hear shouts of "Oh, my GOD! Somebody call for a mortician! RON's trying to do MAGIC!"
But Ron was being all brave and crap, and he decided, despite that nagging voice in the back of your head... what do you call it.... right, common sense, that he was going to face Malfoy anyway.
Malfoy, in reality, wasn't that great at magic either. But he was a lot better than Ron. It was hard not to be.
So they faced each other, and they were just about to commence, when.... CRUNCH! A big meteor came through the roof and landed right on top of Malfoy, crushing him under a meteor the size of a bull elephant in a crater in the hall, leaving Ron the winner of the duel, because he was the last standing.
"Hey..." realization dawns. "I won the duel! Yippee!" [massive, collective groan from everyone else.][and no, nobody cared that Malfoy was gone. Not even Crabbe and Goyle. You see, they had been under his evil, not so powerful wrath for the past couple of years, and now they were free. So they started dancing, while no one else felt anything at all.]
"Ooooh, Ron won..." Hermione was impressed. So she and Ron go off to snog passionately in the broom closet, conveniently placed approximately five feet from where they were standing.
It was at this moment that Harry Potter walked into the hallway.
"What'd I miss? And what's with the meteor? And the shaking broom closet?"
Just to let the reader know, Harry wasn't the brightest bulb in the box.
"Ron was trying to duel." a random person in the crowd says.
"And?"
"Doesn't that say something to you?"
"Not really."
"Well, I don't feel like explaining. Tootles." And everybody quickly exits the hallway, because nobody likes explaining things to Harry Potter, The Boy Who's Scar Really DID Scramble Their Brains, After All.
THE GLORIOUS END