TV OR NOT TV
A/N: This idea came to me after watching the new Hawaii Five 0 series. I thought about doing a crossover—just a short one—featuring the characters and the 11th Doctor.
Just let me go on record as saying that I LIKE both the new and the old series; however, there were some things about the old series that my friends used to have a chuckle about, so this fic is about those things we used to talk to each other about. If that offends anyone, simply don't read this fic. If, however, you don't mind ribbing the old or new series just a little, then read on.
Reviews are love, and no flames, please.
Disclaimer: Now for the boring...I don't own any part of DW (including the prop cited in this story), the old or the new Hawaii Five 0/O series. If I did, I would leave my boring gov't job in a heartbeat! (Kidding, folks.) Also, about Kono, I did look on the websites, and it is spelled "K-O-N-A" for her character, so I am using that spelling.
Synopsis: Buying any appliance to please your child can be challenging..and amusing, particularly when a Time Lord gets involved.
CHAPTER ONE
"I think it's over there!" Kona Kalakaua's voice rang out as she went over to the Five 0 team's intended target.
The leader of the four of them, Steve McGarrett, replied, "No, I think this is the right one."
Chin Ho Kelly checked the information on his laptop and said, "You're both wrong. This isn't what he's looking for." He started making his way to the back of the store they were in.
Detective Danny Williams sighed inwardly. He told himself over and over that he should've just looked for the item by himself. Danny, who Steve sometimes called "Danno", had not wanted to involve his teammates for this particular assignment, but he wanted no mistakes, and instinct told the cop that eight eyes were better than one.
Steve came up behind him, saying, "I think I found one." They walked to the corner on the left side of the shop.
"Right here, Danno," the former Navy Seal officer said proudly. Danny shook his blond head.
"Not it," he told Steve as he pulled out a small white piece of paper. "We've got to find a TV set that matches this."
Steve mumbled something unintelligible that sounded something like a curse word.
"What was that?" Danny asked, giving the taller cop a look. Hoping to diffuse the fire that would soon start, Kona came up between them.
"I'm sure whatever we pick out will be more than okay," she tried to soothe, "because it came from you. It's the thought that counts."
"Yeah," Steve agreed. "Besides, we've been in Murray's TV Shack on the Big Island for three hours now! Don't you think we should get back and see if the governor has any cases for us to solve?"
Danny regarded his friend for a long moment. It was true, they had been searching for a television set to replace the broken one his daughter had in time for her tenth birthday, but Ohana was Ohana, and he wasn't giving up.
Never one to pull his punches, Danno said to Steve, "If you ever have a child one day, I hope I'm there to see it. I also hope you'll be pulling your"—the blond cop had started saying 'hair' until he saw Steve's buzz cut—"shirt out looking for a present for your kid."
"Don't get me wrong...I love the little rug rat, I really do, but the next set you buy her will probably be broken within a month," Steve commented. Danny wanted to strangle him; sometimes, Steve could be really abrasive without necessarily meaning to be.
They made their way over to where Chin was staring at some 20 inch screens as Danny cleared the air. "The truth is: Grace didn't break it, I did," he confessed. Kona's ears picked up on that while she scanned the sets hanging on the wall.
"I smell a story cooking here," she said.
"Yeah, well, none of you are gonna hear it," Danny told them. "Suffice it to say that the set was broken while I was performing my duty."
He looked all around and saw no sets even matching the one his daughter, looking up with her big, soft eyes, had asked for. Danny would stay all night, or at least until the store closed, if he had to, but he'd get this set for his little pumpkin in time for her to watch it with her newfound friends in Hawaii.
"Looks like we won't find it here," Steve said flatly. "And how did you find this place, anyway?"
"I asked Chin to do a background check of some of the best shops on the islands with the least expensive prices," Danno answered. "This one got the most hits."
Steve ran his fingers along his short, dark hair as Danny commented, "There was a Murray's in New Jersey. They had everything a person could want, and the prices were...well, let's just say you could buy a set for a little girl and get another one for yourself at the same time."
"And they'd probably be out of business next week trying to constantly replace their stock," Steve muttered. "At least this store has been here forever."
"Forever?" Danny said, raising a brow.
"Well, since 1962, anyway," Steve replied. "It was on the sign out front."
"Even with practically no stock, these shops still are in business!" Danny cried frustrated. "Another thing about paradise that I can't stand. How is that humanly possible?"
"You know, we could go somewhere else..." Kona suggested.
"Or," Chin picked up the slack, "you could go online and buy one."
"Thanks, but I'd rather see it in a store and check the audio and video inputs and outputs and stuff, so we'll keep searching," Danny said, looking at the right side of the store.
Steve sighed. He knew they'd be here forever by Danny's calculations if he didn't get things moving. The dark haired leader motioned for everyone to come toward him. When they did, he issued his latest order.
"The only way we're gonna find it is to treat this like any other situation," he instructed. "So, we split up and keep in constant communication. When someone finds something we give a shout out, okay?"
Pleased with that idea, Kona said, "Okay." She moved to one side of the store. Chin Ho nodded and took another area. Steve went to a third section in the middle of the shop, and Danny went toward the back next to where the store room was.
About fifteen minutes later, Steve was ready to call it quits, or at least see if there was anything in the storage room. Danno had not found anything to his liking, and the leader of Five 0 could not take any more. Motioning to a fat man eating a turkey leg with barbecue sauce in the front of the store, Steve tugged his Hawaiian shirt sleeve so that the man came by to see what he wanted.
"Aloha," the man greeted between bites. "You looking for a TV?" Steve flashed his badge.
"I'm looking for a way into that room right there," he indicated the storage room. Seeing the man's name tag, which told the detective that he'd located Murray Manakaua, Steve gave him a determined look.
"Open up, now," the leader of Five 0 said, his look telling the fearful man he'd better not protest.
Murray opened the door quickly, asking, "What's the trouble?"
"Something valuable may be behind there," Steve said. "We just want to make sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands."
Murray looked skeptical, but he complied. After he opened the door, Steve strolled in, followed by an annoyed Danno. The cop in charge told Murray that it would be best if he and Danno looked alone. Eager to finish his lunch, Murray agreed, telling Steve to call him if they needed him.
When they were totally alone, Danny said, "Okay, it's official: you're stark, raving nuts!"
"Why?" Steve asked. "We got in a part of the store you haven't seen, didn't we?"
Danny protested as he looked amongst some television sets, "You know you're abusing your authority."
Steve routed through some storage boxes, looking for the stock number Danny's ex had written on them. "How?" he asked.
"You told him there was something valuable in here," Danny recapped. "That's fraud, since there are only TV sets in here. It's not like being in a Maui Diver's store, or something!" He saw a small, television set with a light blue border. Steve pulled out a smaller set, only to be met with a shake of his friend's head.
"There is something valuable in here, Danno," Steve quipped. "The set's valuable to your little girl, isn't it?"
Danny nodded.
"Okay," Steve responded. "So, we don't want someone else getting their hands on it, do we?"
He looked at some more boxes and reminded his fellow officer, "Besides, need I remind you that I have total autonomy?"
Danny turned from his obviously mentally unbalanced teammate and saw something he hadn't noticed before. A small set, done in a rich brown, was sitting on the shelf. Though it was not pink like the set Grace had wanted, it was the right size and it had the speakers attached. The detective thought about involving Steve to get his opinion, but Danny's friend had left the storage room and gone further out into the shop.
The blond cop looked at the set, its wooden base having been recently polished. Danny frowned as he discovered that the television didn't have any buttons below for power and sound. The only thing it had on its front was a dial with numbers which looked more like years than channels.
What the...? Danny thought as he fiddled around with it.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Meanwhile, Steve, Kona, and Chin Ho were comparing notes. "Boss," Chin said, "I think I've found one, and right in Oahu!" He started to show Steve the information on his laptop when he and the others heard laughing: Danno's. They opened the door to the older cop, who was giggling as he watched the funny looking television set without the usual buttons. His arms were crossed behind his head.
"Hey, guys!" Danny exclaimed. "You gotta check this out!"
He showed them four figures in suits with ties running through the streets of Oahu. The leader of the four had slicked back brown hair and a lantern jaw. He also was tall and had absolute authority etched in his intense blue eyes. The team watched as the man who was the governor of Hawaii invited the man into his office.
"Please, Steve, you've got to take this case," the governor Paul Jameson was saying.
"Need I remind you, sir, that this isn't in my jurisdiction, at least not totally," the man said. The governor walked over to where the man stood.
"Steve, this is important! I'll get you whatever you need on this. Do it as a personal favor to me," Jameson told him.
"All right," the television Steve said.
"The governor is male, and kow tows to him?" Kona asked. "No fricking way!"
"Way," Danny said. "You've gotta see the rest of this! It's hilarious."
The four of them looked at a heavy built cop enter the office in the Iolani Palace along with a young, blond cop and an older cop.
"All right," the television Steve McGarrett ordered, "we play this by the numbers...".
"Us?" Danny repeated. "You never did anything by the numbers in your life!" Next to him, Steve crossed his arms.
"What the h- is this?" he asked. "Since when do we wear suits without protection?"
"Since when do we wear suits 24-7, boss?" Chin Ho asked with a smile.
On the screen, the television Steve was saying, "Kono, see what your contacts have on this perpetrator." As the image of Kono hurried to do the television Steve's bidding, Kona frowned.
"So, according to this, I'm a man, and I'm fat! Who put together this...spoof of us?" she asked.
"I know what you mean," Danny said; then, when Kona gave him a look, he corrected himself saying, "well, actually, no, I don't but what I find hilarious is the fact that I'm younger, and apparently I'm nuts about Hawaii. Oh! And my personal favorite: I as well as Steve order the Honolulu police force around like a couple of flunkies!"
The four stared transfixed as they looked at the television Steve saying something about the islands being his territory.
"His islands?" Steve repeated. "That must come as a great surprise to the governor!"
Danny, Chin and Kona snickered. Only Steve was quietly staring. Whoever the leader was on the television, he was the spitting image of John McGarrett, Steve's recently deceased father. His dead parent was a very sensitive area, and Steve hated being reminded of how John had died at the hands of the villainous Hess.
"Hey, come on, turn that stuff off!" Steve shouted. He reached for the dial, but Danny's hand shot out.
"Wait, here comes another good bit," Danny said as they saw the television's version of Chin Ho Kelly enter the room and provide some information.
"Get all of the inhabitants out of there, including your wife and kids, Chin," Steve's television image was saying.
"Wouldn't my character have thought of that before he had to say it?" Chin Ho asked. Danny was trying not to laugh at the sheer stupidity of the other cops in relation to the television image of Steve.
A thought occurred to Chin as he said, "Wait a minute: wife and kids? I'm not married, and I'm definitely not that old-as-Methusula guy!"
"Apparently you are," Danny reported, "with six kids."
"Six kids?" Chin was shouting. "On my cops salary?"
"Throw in an understanding boss," Danny commented, scrutinizing Steve (who wasn't the most understanding leader at times), "a house in the rich section of Maui, a dog and a housekeeper and you've got the Brady Bunch."
"Danno, is this the set you want, already?" Steve asked.
Danny thought about it. Sure, it wasn't exactly what he was looking for, but he was dying to see more about the four comedians onscreen. He thought about what price he should bandy about to haggle with Murray.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
The Doctor, Amy and Rory walked along the streets of the Big Island, in the town of Captain Cook.
"You sure it's here, Doctor?" Amy asked, her red hair sticking to her face. It was a particularly hot day on the island, and she felt as though she was melting away.
The Time Lord held up his sonic screwdriver, pointing it way in front of him, his pink bow tie a little bit crooked.
"Yes, I'm sure this time," he said, abruptly changing direction.
Rory followed him first, Amy coming up behind her fiancé. "Just like you were right the other nine times?" the red headed boy asked sarcastically. The Doctor glared at him.
"I made some adjustments to the 'screwdriver. It should work correctly and reveal the precise location of my property," he assured the pair.
"And, once we find it, we can have a nip in the park?" Amy asked.
The Gallifreyan was too caught up in his search to respond. Studying his instrument, he went toward a group of small shops in the center of town.
"Why's this television so important, anyway?" Rory wanted to know.
The Doctor zig zagged his way through the streets as they started up a small mountain pass. "Because, it can tell the past, present and future of any universe, including the one we're in!" the Doctor replied. "Time Lords have them to focus on an event in the past or in the future."
He scrutinized his companions, guessing what their next question would be. "I managed to fix it so that the future would not be revealed to anyone who accidentally turned the dial and started watching," the Gallifreyan said. Amy and Rory thought the same thing: crap!
Amy decided to focus on something else about the Time Lord's telly. "How was it lost, Doctor?" She wondered aloud.
"The answer's obvious, Amy Pond," the Time Lord responded. "One of you left it where it was not supposed to be when we chased the Granitivans through the sulfurous crater on this island."
"No, we didn't," Rory sprang to Amy's and his defense. "We didn't even have it when we were running toward those rocky things!"
"That's right, Doctor," Amy put in. "We just held the wand thing and you blasted them, or sent them back through the dimensional door to their home planet."
"I did no such..." the Doctor started defending, then he stopped as he remembered something. "Oh, so I did!" He tapped his forehead, muttering, "There's my memory again. Starts happening around 800 years of age."
They didn't gang up on the Doctor for not apologizing. "Oh, come on, Doctor," Amy tried reassuring him. "You're the youngest 906-year-old I've ever known!"
The Doctor smiled, inquiring with a gleam in his eyes, "And just how many have you known?" He didn't wait for Amy's response as he walked to a shop entitled Murray's TV Shack and then stopped.
"Here we are! Time to search," the Doctor told both companions. He gave them two 'screwdrivers and turned each one to the appropriate setting. The three headed inside the shop.