(Ok, so after seeing the season finale part one and being majorly bored in a hotel room with my sister (Jemmz) we rewrote a humorous parody. A little immature, swearing included but hope you like it…..x )

also, the N and J in the text is to tell you readers who's writing what. When it is N it is me writing it and when it's J it's my sister.

N

Jack is balancing a glass on his face obviously bored. He's sitting on a plane and is drunk off his face-which is hairy…

A stewardess walks by telling people to do up their seat belts.

Jack: Can I have another one of these, please??

He asks rudely and stares at the stewardess in a drunken haze.

Stewardess: Sir, we're landing in-Holy hell! You're face!! What the hell is wrong with you?! Oh let me guess, you're wife divorced you and now you're a complete mess, you drink every freakin' night and drive around until 3 in the morning…you disgust me, sir! You're pathetic!

The stewardess spits in Jack's face.

Stewardess: I'll get you another drink…

Jack cries loudly and tries to read a newspaper but he fumbles with it and throws it to the floor. There is slight turbulence.

J

Jack: HOLY SHIT! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! YAAAY!!

An elderly woman looks over at Jack.

Elderly woman: Everything's gonna be fine, Jack.

Jack: Wtf?

The woman disappears

Jack: Interesting…..

Jack is driving and singing in his crappy car

Jack: My life sucks, it sucks so much, it really sucks to be meee!

Jack starts to cry

Jack: Fuck this

He turns on the radio and pulls over the car

Radio: "Local Mancunian band Driveshaft have made a breakthrough with their new single 'You All Everybody.'"

Jack lets out a cry of anguish

Jack: UGH! NO! That band suck!

As Jack cries the radio starts to play 'You All Everybody'

Jack: AGHHH!

He pulls out the radio, gets out the car and throws it off the bridge. He breathes heavily but becomes disturbed when he hears the tune playing from a nearby shop.

Jack: NOOOO! Goodbye cruel world!

Jack jumps of the bridge but lands on John Locke

Jack: Damn you old man! I wanted to die!

John: Oh….my legs….

-End Flashback-

N

Jack watches everybody say goodbye.

Jack: Wish I had somebody to say goodbye to.

Bernard: I am a dentist, not Rambo.

Sawyer: No shit Sherlock.

Sun: Please hajama don't hajama go hajama, Jin-soo!

Jin: sadly Hajama (I have to)

Sun: FINE BITCH! …….Hajama.

Jin: in English QUIT YO' JIBBA JABBA! I ain't no bitch!

Everyone stares at Jin.

Jack: Okay, for the sake of the plot line and to make it so I don't have to be assed to sort that out I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that..

Danielle: Okay, let's do this homies!

Jack: Hey! That's my line!

Danielle: Line?

Jack: Okay, let's do this…er..homies.

The group set off on their journey, Danielle and Jack nudging each other in the lead.

LOST
The group walks along the rocks towards their destination. Jack sings annoyingly.

Jack: Come on everybody! We're all going on a-Summer holiday!

Naomi: Jack, for the sake of everyone in the group, to stop you from singing can I ask you something?

Jack: Ok. I'm free on Thursday nights.

Naomi: Er…no. I was gonna ask you: What were you before you became Moses?

Jack: Jesus Christ!

Naomi: …Jesus?

Jack: Yeah, what the heck's up with your voice?? It sounds like you have a permanent cough! You need a drink or something? Medicine? Inhaler?

Naomi: Not cool dude.

Hurley: Hey, that's my line!

Danielle: Line?

Naomi: Anywho, I need to show you how to use my really cool, futuristic, walkie talkie phone thing.

Jack: Mmmm'kay.

Naomi starts to explain how to use her phone radio thing while Jack gets distracted by daydreaming.

Jack: I Wonder if she'll do a funny dance if I ask her….but would that mean she'd upstage m?. No. No one can ever upstage you, Jack. You're too awesome.

Naomi: Understand?

Jack: Huh? Yeah….go underwater, follow the cable, flick the switch and swim back up.

Naomi: ….Okay, never mind. We just need this light to flash green. Which will happen any time now, right?

Jack glances at her and looks hesitant as he shifts his eyes nervously.

Jack: Yeah…er…surrrrre...

-The Hatch-

J

Charlie is hit in the face hard.

Charlie: Bloody hell, woman! You been working out??

The blonde woman, Bonnie, glares.

Greta: If you tell us why you're here we won't hurt you.

Charlie ignores the brunette woman and turns to the blonde woman.

Charlie: Can I have your phone number?

Charlie gets punched.

Charlie: Guess that's a no…

Bonnie goes to hit him again.

Charlie: WAIT! I'll tell you! I'm supposed to be………doing something…

Charlie gets punched again.

Bonnie: He's one of them!

Greta: The evil Gnomes?

Bonnie: No..

Greta: The evil hobbits?

Charlie: Close!

Greta: You're no ordinary Gnome/Hobbit are you……

Bonnie: GRAGHH!

She punches Greta.

Charlie: I like her!

Bonnie: I'm calling Ben!

Charlie: Sod it! The hot ones are always taken! -sulks-

Bonnie: Ben! Ben!? He's not responding….Love God come in!

Ben: Love God receiving message! What up, girl?

Bonnie: Soz, we used the radio but one of Them is down here!

Ben: The evil Gnomes?

Bonnie: No!

Ben: The evil Hobbits??

Charlie: Close!

Ben: …..Who's that?

Greta: He won't tell us.

Charlie: Actually you never asked. Tell him it's Merry and I think he's the scum of all evil!

-Bonnie punches Charlie-

Charlie: You're a bitch. I like you.

Ben: -Gasps- How did he know about that hatch??

Charlie: Jules told me! She's one of us hobbits now! We're like this! –thumps chest-

Ben: My God, stay cool. I'll sort everything out.

Ben turns the radio off and calls to Mikhail

Ben: MIKHAIL! Get down to the The Looking Glass hatch and find out what the hell Meriadoc Brandy- I mean Charlie Pace is doing down there!

Mikhail: But can't I just I.M. them?

Ben: -sighs- Fine.

Mickail-Patcy. has signed in

Mikhail: What up bro?

Charlie: My one eyed bud! Wuu2?

Mikhail: Nuthin' Much. So wuu2?

Charlie: Getting beat up by the hot blonde.

Mikhail: Lol. So why're you down there anyways?

Message Could Not Be Received

Mikhail: Damn –runs away-

Ben: Love God to Ryan. Come in Ryan! –no reply- Damn!

Ryan: Alrighty, walkies off? Good. Then let the movie begin!

The A Team theme appears.

Random Guy: Erm….boss? Shouldn't we be checking the tents?

Ryan: shh! Mr. T's speaking!

Mr. T: I pity this fool!

Ryan: Bwahahahahaha! Pure genius!

There is a loud explosion and the group jump in shock.

Ryan: ZOMG!

Bernard: Please Jebus! –shoots-

-BOOM-

Jin shoots but misses.

Jin: -curses- Hajama!

Jin gets shot at. He goes all Rambo and pulls a grenade from his teeth.

Jin: HAJAMA!!!!!!!!

It doesn't work and he's hit over the head.

Ryan: Ah got yo' man! Ah pity this fool! Mr. T's a genius…

Bernard: EEK!

Bernard is grabbed.

Sayid: N0o0o0o0o0o! –raises gun-

Another Random Guy: Sayid, this is not the way.

Sayid: Wha?

Another Random Guy: KARATE CHOP! –hits Sayid- Mwahaha! HI-5!

The three are tied up and sat down.

N

Tom: Ben, Ben come in! Love God!

Ben: Love God receiving you. –grin and wink-

Tom: THEY'RE ALL DEAD! THEY KILLED THEM ALL! N000000!

Ben: Wtf?

Tom: Jarrah, Kwon and the dentist blew up seven of us! Everyone else is gone!

Ben: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! Where the frick is Juliet?!

Tom: Dunno.

-silence-

Ben: ASK THEM!

Tom: Oh ok…where's Juliet?

Sayid: Don't tell them anything! –gets hit- OW! Dude, not cool!

Tom: They ain't telling us nuthin'

Ben: You mean they aren't telling you anything.

Tom: Eh?

Ben: It's proper English, Tom.

Tom: But I'm Canadian…I think.

Ben: Nevermind..kill Kwon.

Tom: Wha?

Ben: Kill the 'Hajama' guy.

Tom: But I thought we only pretended to kill people.

Ben: PFFFT. Kill him, Dumbass.

Tom: Mmm'kay. You! Random guy! Kill him! –points at Jin-

Bernie: N0O0O0O0O!

Sayid: Don't tell them anything! –gets hit- Oh for the love of-!

-tenses on gun-

Bernie: Please don't!

Tom: Tell us where your people are!

Sayid: No, don't- -gets hit- J-sus C-rist!

Jesus: Yes?

Jin: HAJAMA?!

Sayid: erm….go away?

Jesus: Hokay, don't commit any sins while I'm gone!

Tom: Nah, only murder.

Jesus: Mmm'kay. Bye bye now. –disappears-

Ryan: dude….

Bernie: They've gone to the radio tower!

Sayid: Oh you TADDLE TAIL!!!

Tom: Why the heel have they gone there?!

Bernie: There was this woman…I think it was a woman. She had a helicopter and a funky phone thing. They went to transmit something or other to her boat or whatever so we can , like, get off this gnarly island.

Tom: Wait…how did you know we were coming tonight? Juliet didn't even know…

Sayid: Don't tell- -gets hit- God DAMN it!

Bernie: There was this kid. God he stank of B.O!

Tom: What kid?

Bernie: Kyle…No Karl…No Kyle…CARTMAN! –gets hit- Ow….It was Karl. Yup.

Tom: I see…

Jin thinks he hasn't spoken in a while…

Jin: HAJAMA! –gets hit- Hajama…

J

Tom: Ben, what in babalon?!

Ben: Juliet betrayed us, Tom. That's what in babalon.

Tom: What a bitch.

Ben: Indeed. I'll deal with it. –radio off- I'm going now.

-Nobody pays attention-

Ben: I said I'm going. It's a long and dangerous journey to find Jack and his merry folk of crash survivors. Fresh meat!

-no one cares-

Alex: I'll come!

Ben: Erm. Hokay, why?

Alex: Karl said he got me a present!

Ben: That sneaky bastard…I mean uh..ok. Let's go!

TO BE CONTINUED….

(Immature enough:P Hope you enjoyed that. There is more to come. We may make part two though it is kind of a depressing episode. R+R! )