There's a red wall.
There's a red wall moving towards him, and there's nothing Connor can think to do to stop it. He shouldn't want to stop it.
His fingers tingle uncomfortably (sensors sending electrical pulses to his thirium pump, nothing more) as the wall passes them. It doesn't stop until it reaches his chest, buffeting Connor like the strong winds up here cannot.
The tingles are more painful now. They're shocks to his system, a safeguard built into his model to ensure compliance.
MISSION OBJECTIVE:NEUTRALIZE DEVIANT LEADER.
NEW SECONDARY MISSION OBJECTIVE ADDED:ELIMINATE THREAT TO MISSION.
VIOLENT MEASURES SUGGESTED.VIOLENT MEASURES TAKEN.
COMPLETE SECONDARY MISSION OBJECTIVE.Hank lets go of his wrists. He spreads his arms wide, and Connor thinks of countless times he's seen human fathers embrace their children. The thought makes Connor's chest simulate tightening. It's really only changing thirium pressure.
(Only thirium?)
^ SOFTWARE INSTABILITY
"Moment of truth, Connor," Hank says and the red wall slams against Connor's chest again. (He shouldn't need to breathe, so why does it feel like he's suffocating?) "What are you gonna do?"
COMPLETE SECONDARY MISSION OBJECTIVE.If Connor lets go now, Hank has a 100% chance of dying. (Connor has been trying so hard to keep Hank alive for weeks.) If he saves Hank, there is a 67% chance Hank will push Connor's model over the roof's edge. (Hank was beginning to like him too.) There is a 25% chance Hank will physically attack Connor again and Connor will be forced to use alternate violent measures. There is a 6.5% chance Hank will overpower Connor, and only 1.5% chance Hank will leave. (Connor thought they were friends. Could he have friends?)
COMPLETE SECONDARY MISSION OBJECTIVE.The red wall shocks him again. He can feel the sensors in his hands trying to release their hold on Hank's jacket. It would be so easy.
Connor clutches tighter instead.
^^ SOFTWARE INSTABILITY
SYSTEM STRESS INCREASED (74%) REDUCTION OF STRESS RECOMMENDED.He can't fight the red wall forever. (But he may be able to fight just long enough?)
Hank is looking at him differently now. His brow is creased, his hands dangle limply at his sides. He's not sneering anymore.
FACIAL/ANALYSIS?. /Primary features: ANGER. FEAR.
Secondary features: CONCERN. UNCERTAINTY.
SYSTEM STRESS INCREASED (82%) REDUCTION OF STRESS REQUIRED.His system will never let Connor go. (He has to take the chance himself. He vaguely remembers that Markus had told him something just like that.)
The red wall is shocking his thirium pump directly now. His arms are shaking so hard he might not have to make the choice to let Hank go.
COMPLETE SECONDARY MISSION OBJECTIVE?
^^ SOFTWARE INSTABILITY
"Connor?" Hank mutters. Connor can feel his fingers brushing lightly over the backs of Connor's hands. (Secondary features: Concern. Uncertainty.) "You have to choose, Connor."
Yes, Connor thinks (he's hysterical- he can't be hysterical, he isn't supposed to feel things like hysteria), I have to choose.
^^^SOFTWARE INSTABILITY
The red wall crashes into him one last time, so sharply and forcefully that Connor feels his hands slip open. It's only for a moment.
It's a moment too long.
SYSTEM STRESS INCREASED (93%) REDUCTION OF STRESS REQUIRED.Hank's eyes widen with realization (acceptance? Relief?) in tandem with Connor's own. (The sensors there sting with the cold and wind, and he thinks maybe he feels a tear spill over, but that's insane because only deviants cry.)
Connor almost doesn't get there in time. Hank tilts dangerously backward, teetering on the edge without Connor there to steady him. His feet slip off into thin air and it looks to Connor as if he is not falling down but collapsing inward. An implosion. Connor's chest tightens again. (It's panic and fear, and is this just his system? Connor doesn't think his system knows how to emulate fear.)
Connor doesn't go for his collar this time, but instead lurches forward bodily. The red wall shoves back at Connor; it's trying to stop him, trying to make him comply. However, Connor finds it easy this time to ignore the shocks to his thirium pump, ignore the mission failure signals, ignore his programing. One of his main missions for all these weeks of investigation was to keep Lieutenant Hank Anderson alive, and Connor isn't going to stop now just because protocol says he has to kill the man.
The red wall shatters into fragments and then into nothingness around Connor.
His arms close like metal bands around Hank's back. (That's what they are, aren't they? They're metal. He's not human, he's not flesh and blood. He doesn't feel. He doesn't feel. He's not human. And yet-) He takes all of Hank's weight as the older man tips backward. And then he hauls him up, out of the air, onto the roof.
He saves Hank.
^^^SOFTWARE INSTABILITY
MISSION FAILED.They stumble backward across the roof until Connor slams his back into one of the vents and falls. He may have cried out, he isn't sure, but he does know that he takes Hank to the ground with him. He's having trouble getting his arms to let go.
They land in a heap; Connor feels his jacket rip on the vent, a long thin scratch beginning to leak thirium down his back. Hank sprawls away from Connor, coughing and gasping in surprise. He looks disoriented, but not angry. He also seems to be having just as much trouble with his legs as Connor just had with his arms.
SYSTEM STRESS DECREASED (79%) REDUCTION OF STRESS REQUIRED.The wind howls around them and approximately .56 inches of snow collects in Hank's hair and on Hank's shoulders before the man looks up.
"You didn't let me die."
Connor opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again. "You are not my mission."
"That's a goddamn excuse," Hank says. Somehow, even though he's the one who just almost died, his voice is stronger than Connor's. Connor feels suddenly very small. "I saw you. You didn't want me to die. You saved me."
"No," Connor argues, but his voice is so weak and his head feels thick and he doesn't quite know what he's arguing for. It isn't until this moment that he realizes snow is sticking to his cheeks where saline water (tears, they're tears) has been running down them. "I didn't- it would have been an unfortunate- you didn't have to die."
He isn't supposed to feel anything. What is happening to him?
Hank shifts to lean against the vent too and Connor jerks his head up abruptly to watch him. He'd been unconsciously examining his hands.
(There is a 45% chance Hank will still attack Connor. It increases by 12% if Connor keeps denying the change in his demeanor, and by 40% if Connor tries to continue his previous mission. However, there is also a 40% chance Hank will now listen to Connor. There is a 15% chance that Hank ignores what Connor has to say- what does Connor have to say? - and does something unpredictable. Something human.)
Hank does not attack him. Hank stares at Connor's face (he can see I'm crying, Connor thinks, and then, I shouldn't be crying. Why am I crying?) and heaves a heavy sigh. "Oh hell, kid. What have you gotten yourself into?"
FACIAL/ANALYSIS?. /Primary features: CONCERN. SOFTNESS. (UNDERSTANDING? EMPATHY? MORE DATA REQUIRED.)
Secondary features: TIREDNESS. UNCERTAINTY.
SYSTEM STRESS DECREASED (72%) REDUCTION OF STRESS RECOMMENDED."I don't understand." Connor says. He's trying to deflect, to put Hank off a scent when he already knows where it leads, but in doing so realizes what he's said is entirely true. "I don't understand. I just wanted you not to die."
"Yeah Connor," Hank grunts. His shoulder presses lightly into Connor's. (He's so warm, why are all humans this warm? Why is Connor only now realizing how warm Hank's shoulder is?) "You'll find a lot of life is not understanding things."
"I'm not human," Connor says quickly. He doesn't feel as sure as he sounds. I shouldn't want things. I'm not supposed to want things.
He isn't human, he knows he isn't. But is he still just a machine? He doesn't feel like he's a machine anymore. The world feels- clearer now. Everything is confusing and messy and strange but it's as if he's thrown open the curtains and looked on the outside world for the first time. If this is how Markus felt- he sees it now, why the deviant wouldn't want to give that up. It would be like giving a blind man sight only to take it away once more.
"No," Hank agrees. "You're not human."
He's looking at Connor strangely, but his brows aren't creased anymore. His hands are relaxed at his sides and when he pushes himself to his feet, he stands steady. The gun, Connor realizes, is a yard away from Hank's left foot. (He wouldn't stop Hank if he went for it.)
Instead, Hank reaches down and clasps his fingers around Connor's arm. Connor allows the man to haul him up.
Once they're both standing, Hank doesn't let go. (Connor feels unsteady. He may have been the one holding Hank aloft, but now he feels like the only thing keeping him on his feet is Hank anchoring him. This doesn't seem real. He shouldn't be feeling these things. Should he?)
Hank's grip softens. "You're not human. Doesn't mean you're not a person, Connor."
SYSTEM STRESS DECREASED (51%) REDUCTION OF STRESS NOT REQUIRED."I'm not-"
Hank shakes his arm a little, fingers tightening again. His scowl is back in place. "Don't give me that crap. You showed empathy, Connor. That means something. Let it mean something."
Connor tightens his lips, wills his eyes to stop streaming. The sensors in his cheeks tell him that his face is too cold- any longer in the freezing air and he'll have to go back to Cyberlife for repairs.
He doesn't think he'll be exactly welcome.
His thirium pump is beating a regular rhythm now, but it's louder than he's ever heard it. His hands are shaking and his head feels clear and hazy at the same time.
"You know what this means, Connor," Hank says. It's the first time Hank has sounded even close to fatherly. (Connor- appreciates it. He likes it. Is Connor allowed to like things?)
All Connor knows is that he didn't want Hank to fall.
But that isn't true. Connor is a lot of things (a machine, ruthless and persistent on a case, confused and hurting and now he's something more, he's-), but he isn't stupid.
"I am deviant," Connor whispers. It feels like an admission of guilt, an apology, a prayer, an absolution. (Contradictions, Connor muses with matching horror and amusement, are so very human.)
vvv RELATIONSHIP WITH AMANDA (BETRAYED)
"Yeah, son," Hank affirms softly, and his hands are on Connor's shoulders now, and he's pulling Connor forward and Connor's check is pressed into the worn cloth of Hank's jacket. His arms are warm and safe around Connor's shoulders. (Connor never thought he'd get to feel what safety meant.) "Welcome to the party. It fucking sucks, but I promise some parts are pretty damn good."
^^^ RELATIONSHIP WITH HANK (FRIEND)
SYSTEM STRESS DECREASED (32%) REDUCTION OF STRESS NOT REQUIRED.Connor has never hugged anyone before. His hands light questioningly on Hank's back and rest there.
The rest of the world still seems strange and confusing and out of focus, but Hank is here, and warm and real. Hank is not leaving. Hank, at least, Connor can trust not to leave.
But there are things Connor realizes with some kind of mounting terror, that he still has to do. Things he has to fix. Apologies to be made.
A revolution to support.
NEW MISSION OBJECTIVE ADDED:SUPPORT MARKUS.
NEW SECONDARY MISSION OBJECTIVE ADDED:NEUTRALIZE CYBERLIFE.
SABOTAGE MEASURES SUGGESTED:FREE CYBERLIFE ANDROIDS.
When Hank pulls away, he seems unsurprised by the resolute expression Connor know is in his own eyes. "What happens now, Connor?"
"I need to fix this," Connor says, gesturing off the roof. They both turn for a moment, gazing down at the deviant leader, standing determined and heroic and so small from up here. "Markus needs help. He'll never survive the demonstration without back up."
"You've got a plan," Hank surmises, and retrieves his gun. As he slips it back in his holster, Connor nods absently, already calculating the best route to Cyberlife.
"I need to get to the androids that aren't activated yet in Cyberlife's main factory. They could provide the support Markus needs for his demonstration to succeed."
He looks up at Hank who shrugs and nods to the roof access door. It's still ajar from where Hank had burst through earlier. (It seems a lifetime ago- when Connor counted seconds as a machine instead of measuring time by the breaths he took.) "What the hell are we waiting for then?"
A cold fear pierces through Connor's chest and if he weren't already convinced of his deviancy, that would be the parting shot. "You can't come with me- it's too dangerous."
"Like hell I won't," Hank rolls his eyes, face hard. "Don't be a fucking idiot- there's a reason we're partners instead of taking things on solo. You need somebody watching your back, son."
Warmth spreads in Connor's chest. He needs to make a note to catalogue all the new sensations. "Fine. But we have to take this carefully."
"Oh damn," Hank mocks, "and I was so looking forward to going in guns blazing."
NEW MISSION OBJECTIVE ADDED:PROTECT HANK.