Another one! What now! A co-authoration (that's now a word) with ginniirox, my son as of four weeks ago I believe. He's awesome (you should already know this)! So, so, so, so…erm let's move on. This is a sequel to 'Things I Can't Bear'. Blame the terrible summery on me, I am terrible about these things.
Dedication: For CatatonicVanity, who brought up the idea of a sequel and also for ginniirox, who gave me the plot idea.
WARNING: Rape, violence, blood, prostitution, an abused Matt, and a pissed Mello.
Disclaimer: I nor ginniirox own, co-own, or have any association to Death Note outside of being fans… so yeah, don't sue us.
What I Bear For You
…
I jumped up from the couch as Mello stumbled into the apartment clutching the side of his head after slamming the door open. Not bothering to pause my game I was at his side in an instant.
What happened?" I all but shouted and he winced while giving me a weak glare.
"Do you have to fucking yell Matt? I'm right fucking here." Mello said before falling onto the couch. I stood uselessly on the side of the couch, not sure what to do. I settled for apologizing and he just rolled his eyes.
"Matt?" he asked after a moment and I looked at him questioningly.
"Yeah Mello?"
"Turn off the game! Jesus my head hurts enough without that shit blaring in my ear." He snapped and threw his arm over his eyes. I fished around in the pile of empty chip bags on the coffee table until I found the remote and turned the TV off. Mello sighed before rolling over on the couch.
"Get me a bag of ice, a bar of dark chocolate and my laptop Matt." He said and I hurried to do as he requested, relieved to have orders. It wasn't that I was slow or couldn't do things on my own. I was just so used to Mello ordering me around that it was strange when he didn't.
I handed bag of ice to him and he placed it against the bruise forming at his temple and hissed.
"It's fucking cold." He grumbled and snatched the chocolate from me as well. When he had a good sized chunk he smiled and it morphed into a humorless laugh. Soon he was clutching his sides and wincing at the pain his laughter seemed to cause him. "I really fucked up. I really, really fucked up. Shit, are concussions supposed to hurt?"
My eyes widened and I snatched the bag of ice off his head. He sat up and scowled at me.
"What the hell Matt? Give it back." He snapped reaching out for it but I ignored him, taking my shirt off and wrapping the ice in it. I handed it back to him and he gave me a 'what the hell' look.
"When you have a concussion you're not supposed let the ice touch your skin directly Mello." I told him and kneeled in front of him to look his head over. He had a pretty good sized bump on his temple but it didn't look too serious. Going to the bathroom for a towel, I wet it and returned to Mello. He bit his lip as I gently wiped the blood away and avoided looking me in the eye.
"Mells, what happened?" I asked and he seemed shocked by the question…or the fact that I used his nickname. I hadn't called him Mells since we were fifteen.
Grabbing his chin I looked him in the eye and kissed him lightly. I was still unsure about his feelings toward me so it wasn't impossible that he'd punch me in the face for kissing him. Instead he gave a small smile before frowning, his eyes darkening.
"I lost FO." He said and I….what? FO…Fall-Out…lost? My eyes widened as it clicked. He lost FO.
I opened my mouth and then closed it, choking on the words. The disk. The computer chip I had sold my body for was gone? The multi-billion dollar, top-secret government techno-terrorist weapon was gone?
For a long moment I couldn't speak, fighting the urge to cry or throw up or both.
Happy that my goggles were hiding the true emotions in my eyes I smiled a little and combed my fingers through his hair gently. "Don't worry we can get another one." I told him and turned to the laptop, ready to look up Namikawa again.
Suddenly Mello's off the couch and pinning me to the coffee table, eyes spitting fire as the laptop crashes to the floor. "Don't you fucking dare!" he yells in my face, nails digging into the palms of my hands.
"I'll get it back." He continues quietly as he sits in my lap, releasing me from his grip to run a frustrated hand through golden strands of hair. "Just stay out of it Matt."
I nod silently and he seems surprised, if not satisfied, that I had given in so quickly. He gets up and picks up his fallen laptop and I head to the room with a lie about going to bed.
Fetching my laptop from the dresser I shove it into a backpack along with a change of clothes and sneak out onto the fire-escape. There's no way Mello would let me leave. Going against his orders was sure to get me punished but for once I wasn't doing what Mello wanted.
Holding my boots in my hand I freeze when the fire-escape groans under my weight and make my way as quietly down the ladder as I can, holding onto the last rung and dropping to the ground. Walking from the alley, I jog toward the garage of the apartment complex and hop in my car. It revs to life and I smile, stroking the steering wheel before putting it into gear and leaving.
…
"What can I get for ya' darling?" a voice asks and I look up to see a ginger-haired woman with a note pad waiting to take my order. She smiles at me and I glance at the menu before pointing to the hot-fudge sundae on the dessert page.
She wrote it down. "I'll bring it out in a bit, Hun." She said and disappeared behind the diner's counter. Turning back to the laptop I dialed the number listed on the screen and stepped outside for a moment. He picks up on the fourth ring.
"Namikawa speaking." Reiji said and I lit a cigarette.
"Hi it's Matt, I believe we've met before. Red-head with amber eyes." I told him and he made a sound of recognition.
"What can I do for you Matt?" he asks and I felt relief wash through me.
"When you created FO did you place a tracker in it to monitor it's movements during the testing phase?" I asked him.
"Of course, we always do that in case it's stolen." He replied, sounding confused as to why I'm asking.
"Good, now did the prototype you gave Mello still have the tracker in place?"
"I don't see why—" he began but I cut him off.
"Just answer the question. Does it have the tracker in, yes or no?"
"Yes it does, although I deactivated it when I gave it to him." He conceded with a sigh and I let a true smile slip onto my features.
"I need you to activate it and give me the tracking codes." I told him.
"Why?" He sounded alarmed under the professional tone he tried to keep.
"Mello's lost possession of it and I plan to get it back." I gave him the number of a disposable cell phone that I kept in my car and told him to send me the codes as soon as possible.
….
When I got back inside the waitress was sitting at the table with my sundae. Sitting down across from her I dipped the spoon in it and took a small bite then left it alone.
"Sundae not doing it for ya'?" she asked and I shook my head. "Well then…it's my break. How about we go out front and have a smoke, my treat." She offered and stood up before holding out my backpack and laptop. When we get out front she lit two cancer sticks and handed one to me.
"So what's up? You look down." She said after a few silent drags.
"I got something really special for my friend and he lost it, so I'm trying to get it back." I told her and she nodded.
"That's a drag. Well I hope you happy hunting Sweetie but I gotta' get back to work before Danny fires me. Five minute breaks are a crime. Hope ya' find what you're looking for." She said and rubbed her cig out against the wall. She walked back inside and I finished my own cigarette and crushed it under my boot.
…
Getting dressed in the diner's bathroom, I'm back in my contacts and wearing black, form-fitting clothes, not a stripe in sight. I shoved my goggles in my backpack and slipped on knee-high wedge boots.
I normally didn't wear heels but these were special. They came with a matching necklace that had a button on the back. If I needed it, I could kick an attacker and push the button, sending out an electric current from the heel of the boot. It only had two charges however, one for each foot.
I had bought them; thinking that they were cool but had never thought I'd need them. Well, not until now. Packing up my back-pack again I leave the diner. I retrieved my cell from the car and memorize the tracking directions. Laying my laptop out on the passenger seat I plug in the numbers and set the tracker. Starting up my car I look over and curse.
The chip was located somewhere on Farwell Street and from what I remembered from when Mello and I were kids, Farwell was lined with warehouses and rundown apartment complexes. The whole street was a kill zone pretty much. Luckily it was also prostitute lane so I could definitely work from that angle. Shutting down the laptop after rechecking the address, I shove it under the backseat and leave my car in the diner's parking lot. No way was I bringing my baby anywhere near Farwell.
…
When I step off the bus, I spot her immediately. She has the same bird's nest of purple, black and green hair that she did as kids, but now she's wearing clothes that match. She walks up and takes me by the arm, leading me toward a back alley, crowded with other women going in and out.
"First time you talk to me in three years and it's to get an audience with one of my top buyers. What ever happened to you and Mells?" Raven grumbles as she leads me upstairs toward the room where the man that stole FO was waiting.
I had called Raven and asked her if she had heard anything floating around about a stolen computer chip and she had shocked me by telling me that she had seen a computer chip the shape and size of a DVD on the nightstand of one of her regulars.
His name was Stephan and he ran an underground crime syndicate from what I had gathered. Small enough to stay out of the attention of any authorizes but still powerful in the crime world. It wouldn't surprise me if Mello knew of him.
When I get in the room I recognize the chip immediately. A man with cropped brown hair is holding it delicately, turning it over as he inspects it. When we enter the room he eyes Raven and I up silently before beckoning us forward.
"What is it Raven? I'm about to conduct business." He asks and gestures towards the other men in the room. Suddenly I'm scared. I can't just walk up and ask for Fall-Out. They'd kill me.
What would Mello do? Right after the thought I have to hold in a laugh. He'd come in, guns blazing, in his tight leather pants and steal the chip…
That's it.
Plastering on a seductive smile I introduced myself and then looked over at Raven for assistance, as if I was too shy to continue.
"Well Stephen," she begins, perching in his lap with a seductive smile to match my own. "I've always treated you good and a little birdie told me you'd be having some guests over, so I decide to provide some entertainment. Mattie here is my protégé and I decided why not teach him a couple things while I was at it." She reaches out and wraps an arm around my waist.
I felt eyes on me and did my best to look innocent yet sexy. It wasn't that hard since in all actuality I'm only eighteen. With my red hair and amber eyes I am exotic. Raven introducing me as her protégé just amped up my appeal. I was fresh meat in the prostituting world.
Stephen looked me up and down before pulling Raven closer and placing kisses along her exposed shoulder. His eyes never left me though, as if he was trying to place me. I stared him down and cocked a hip out.
"How about we take your protégé for a couple of rounds before getting down to business? I'm sure you all wouldn't mind." He said, addressing the other men in the room. They shake their heads and he grins. Standing up he plops Raven down in his chair and approaches me. His fingers tangle in my hair pulling it back so that I'm looking up into his eyes.
"Watch him Raven, kay? See how he does." He tells Raven and releases he to go over to a closet in the right wall. The closet opens to reveal a fold down bed and I look over at Raven before pulling her up and down the hall. When we're in the bathroom I lock it and look deep in her eyes, making sure I have her full attention.
"Ray, I need you to grab the chip and run, okay? As soon as you have an opportunity I need you to take it and leave, find Mello. My car is in the Sally's Diner parking lot on Seventh Avenue. Our apartment's on Twelfth." She nods, eyes going wide as she realizes that I plan to stay here. She opens her mouth to speak then closes it and pulls me into a tight hug.
"Be safe Mattie, I'll tell Mells where you are as soon as I see him, promise."
…
When we get back to the main room Stephan looks Raven and I over. Raven plasters on an innocent expression and explains that I'm nervous, earning a few chuckles from the various men.
I try to calm my pulse as best as possible as I strip off my boots, socks and gloves. I know why I'm scared, I know very well. This isn't the first time I've used my body for Mello's gain but this is definitely the first time Mello wasn't here with me, watching me to make sure I was safe.
I know that he watched because he was worried about his bartering chip being hurt but his presence always gave me a sense of comfort, even if its sincerity was debatable.
I continue to strip until I'm only in my boxers and lay out on the bed. I beckon toward Stephen and the other's making sure I have their full attention as Raven reaches out toward the DVD shaped weapon on the coffee table. Her fingers are inches away from the prize when I pull Stephan into a kiss and feel fingers tugging at my clothes. I moan and gasp at all the right times, working them into a frenzy and keep my eyes away from my friend.
As they get more exited I feel a cold blast of air and I know that the door is open. I look over in time to see a blur of black, purple and green disappear out the door before I'm up scrambling in front of the men as they try to run after her. Grabbing up my discarded boots, I throw one at a tall strawberry blonde man and press the button on my necklace. He yelps, falling to the ground as electric currents set his nerve endings on fire.
The other boot is thrown at the man nearest to me and I press the button again just as another tackles me to the ground. Pain shoots through me as my head meets the corner of the coffee table and my leg is stepped on. Kicking out as my vision blacks out for a moment, I feel my heel connect with flesh and inwardly smile at the grunt of pain that follows. My victory is short lived though as I'm flipped on to my front and my arm is twisted behind my back. I try kicking out again but my arm is bent until I hear a pop and my whole shoulder screams in agony. I scream along with it before cutting off with a whimper as knees press into my back
My vision goes out once more as I slip into unconsciousness.
…
When I wake up I handcuffed to a bed and my shoulder is throbbing. I'm in a different room as well, the paint peeling off the walls around me and the distinct scent of sex in the air. Blowing at my bangs I try to get them out of my eyes but they're plastered to my face with sweat.
Bringing my legs up to my chest with a blaze of pain from my shoulder as the movement jostles it I narrow my eyes at Stephen as he comes in.
He sits down on the bed where my legs used to be and looks me in the eye. I hold his gaze giving him my best glare. Suddenly he smiles, startling me although I try my best not to show it.
"How'd you know I had the chip and where did Raven take it?" he asks and I continue to glare my lips sealed tight. There was no way I'd betray Mello, even if I was tortured. Even if Mello was the one torturing me, I'd never be able to hurt him in any way. That's why I'd forgiven him for all the pain he'd ever cause me and why I was currently cuffed to a bed.
The smile slips from Stephens face and he sighs. "Keeping quiet isn't going to help you."
Neither is talking, I think but I've made up my mind not to open my mouth. He lets out another sigh and pulls something from his pocket. It's the key to the handcuffs. He holds it up in front of my face and my eyes involuntarily follow it as it's placed on the night table before snapping back to him as he pulls out a pocket knife.
I know what he's doing. He's giving me two options; answer his questions and go free or endure the pain to come until I break. What he doesn't know is that I've already chosen.
…
When the knife bit into my flesh the first time my fingers clenched into fist. The cut was long but not deep. Blood welled up along my thigh making me want to pull them back up to my chest but that's not an option since they've been bound to the bed like my wrists.
The knife is set down and another question is asked. After a long moment of silence the cold blade is back and I receive my punishment for my stubborn silence.
This continued for what felt like hours but I had lost all sense of time long ago. My nails had left bloody crescents in my palms and cuts litter my skin by the time Stephan ran out of questions to ask. Some of the wounds were deep while others were shallow, long while others were short but they all hurt and blood was staining the sheets beneath me.
Going limp when my ankles were untied I screamed in surprise and anguish as I was flipped, wrist crossed. The movement sent pain blazing through my entire body and my vision went white like it did when Mello pleasured me.
But this wasn't pleasure and Mello wasn't here.
I kick out when I feel fingers yanking at the hem of my boxers but Stephan grabs my foot before the blow connects and pins it to the side, effectively spreading my legs. Before I can move again the knife's blade is buried in my dislocated shoulder.
A broken, sob laden scream rips from my throat and I feel bile rise up before I empty the meager contents of my stomach onto the bed. Stephan makes a disgusted sound as he undoes his pants, baring himself.
Mello would be ashamed of me tears but at least I won't beg to be set free. I'd never beg.
I scream for a third time and arch my back when he enters me. I've only felt this agony twice before and it's still unbearable. I try to hold in my sounds of pain like I did with Mello, if only to recover some of my dignity, but fail as he sets a brutal pace, each movement causing more anguish to flare up.
My nails are digging into my palms again, tearing into the flesh, leaving my hands bloody and numb and I'm gasping for breath. Fingers dig into my hips dragging me back as he pounds into me.
His thrust become erratic and when he cums it stings my insides. My breath catches and I gag when he pulls out, his seed and my blood trailing down my inner thighs. My arms are shaking but I'm determined to stay upright and not fall into my own filth.
Mello will be here soon and then I'll be safe. That's all I can think as I stare at the scratched up headboard.
…
I'm shifting in and out of consciousness when I hear them. The gunshots.
The room I'm in is empty and cold. I'm still cuffed to the bed and my arms have locked up in their positions holding me up. Dragging myself up with a whimper until I'm kneeling I listen intently as everything goes quiet.
That's when I hear it. Someone is calling my name… no, not someone. Mello is calling my name. I open my mouth to call out but the only sound I manage is a small squeak of raspy air.
"Mello?" I whisper and frown. My voice won't go any higher. Bracing my good arm against the headboard I jerk the other one as hard as I can and the affect is instantaneous. My scream hurts my ears and I slump forward with a whimper. My vision swims as fresh tears make their way down my face.
Oh God Mello, save me.
My prayers are answered as the door to the room slams open to reveal a pissed looking Mello. He looks ready to murder someone (I have no doubt that he has already) but his expression quickly changes to one of horror when he sees me and I want to cry.
Belatedly I realize that I already am as Mello crosses the room in two large steps. He seems to hesitate, looking at my wounds with uncertainty. This uncertainty scares me.
"Mells, please…" I think of asking to be uncuffed but there's still a knife in my shoulder. "Mello, take out the knife." I tell him. My voice is too weak, I hate it. Biting my lip as he takes a hold of the knife I bite it nearly in two as he pulls it fee in one clean, fluid movement, blood filling my mouth. My arms give out but he catches me, his arm snaking around my waist and keeping me up.
He must have seen the key on the night table because next my wrists are released, one at a time and Mello pulls me to him. I want to hug him close but I'm filthy and refrain. He pets my hair before looking around for something clean to wrap around my naked form. When I have a blanket wrapped tightly around me I take two steps forward and my legs give out.
My whole body hurts and I'm barely aware when Mello picks me up and carries me from the building. I hear a familiar voice and vaguely recall Mello telling it to shut up. It's female but I can't place it.
I smell the familiar leather and smoke scent of the inside of my car and sigh. I was safe.
Mello is holding me tightly and I'm sitting in his lap. He doesn't seem to care that I'm ruining his pants and I can't bring myself to tell him that the position is hurting me. I just shift and rest my head on his shoulder. His fingers comb through my hair, the pressure of his fingers varying in a soothing rhythm that they used to do when we were kids and he was trying to comfort me. It was rare but some of the nicest memories I have.
Before I realize it, I'm falling asleep and luckily I'm too tired to dream.
…
When I wake up I'm alone and for a terrifying moment I think I'm still bound to the bed, about to be tortured for information. My pulse races and I think I'm about to have a panic attack when I spot a familiar pair of orange tinted lenses. Reaching out with my good arm I grasp my beloved eyewear and pull them on as best I can. My world is once more bathed in refreshing orange.
My other arm is in a cast and as I shift I can feel the gauze covering my wounds. I'm about to pull the blanket back to look at my injuries when the door opens and Mello walks in holding a jumbo chocolate bar. He only gets those when he's really upset but I don't have long to ponder this as his precious chocolate falls to the ground and I'm pulled into a tight hug. I can feel Mello trembling and I feel scared.
What was wrong? I wasn't going to die, was I? I feel panic stir up. I don't want to die. Soon I'm shaking along with him, silent tears falling down my cheeks as worry and panic rises. The tears are stupid but I can't help it.
After a moment Mello pulls back and starts to pepper my tear stained face with kisses and to say I'm shocked is an understatement. I smile though because it's a happy surprise and tilt my head to capture his lips with mine.
My fingers brush through blond strands of silk and I sigh contentedly as Mello continues to kiss me softly.
"I love you." I murmur and as I look into his startled blue eyes I know that it's true. I've always loved Mello, that's why I've been with him for so long. He's not an easy person to get along with but I do it because I can't stand not to.
I look up at Mello's seemingly shell-shocked expression feel fear crawl through me. I know he doesn't return my feelings (I'm just a tool to him) but suddenly I'm inexplicably scared that he'll shun me.
I look down at my lap but fingers grab my chin lightly and I'm looking into Mello's baby blue yes again before he leans forward and whispers against my lips. The words are said softly, his lips brushing mine like a butterflies wings but I feel warmth fill me before he kisses me breathless.
He had told me he loved me and I felt perfect for once in my life.
…
I don't like the way I wrote the ending but hopefully you all do. This was a lot longer than I thought it would be but tell me if the ending seems rushed.
Reviews are much appreciated.